Chapter 14: I Still Love You
Disclaimer: Any character you recognize I do not own.
AN: Unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine.
But there's no use in dying
Things between us, you can't hide
A stranger's hand weighs upon your mind
I can't stand the pain assume your love
I still love you
The fact still remains, time will tell
I still love you
You can't see him
But he's there – inside
I Still Love You (Prince of Persia OST), Stuart Chatwood / Inon Zur
"Hey!" Danny greets her when she opens the door to him.
"Hey." She greets back as she moves to let him in and walks towards the kitchen. "Want anything to drink?" she asks as she makes her way to the ref.
"Soda if you have it." He answers as he sits down.
"Here." She offers as she too sits across from him, a glass of water in her hand.
They don't say anything for a while, until finally, "You've heard about Catherine?" he asks.
She freezes and tries to regulate her breathing so her inner turmoil doesn't show on her face. She tries to answer but no words come so she just nods. She feels rather than sees Danny's intense scrutiny of her as she avoids his gaze and focus on the glass on her hand instead.
"That's it?" He asks, frustration evident in his voice. "That's your reaction? Just a f*cking nod in acknowledgment?"
She finally looks at him. "How should I react then?" she asks.
"For f*cks's sake Kono!" He shouts.
And suddenly it is too much for her. "What the hell do you want from me Danny?"
"I want you to f*cking show some emotion!" He tells her. "Because if you think acting like some pod person who doesn't care about anything anymore is healthy, I am telling you that it's not!"
"You want emotion?" She finally shouts at him. "I'll show you emotion!" she screams as she stands up and throws her glass on the wall. "You think I want to be this person? You think it's fun for me to be this way?" She rants. "It's not! But it's all I can do because if I don't…" She is seething with anger and frustration. "If I don't…"
And then she has to stop because suddenly he's there and he's wrapping his arms around her and she thinks this whole thing should feel awkward as hell given the disparity in their statures but she's suddenly too tired to hold herself together and before she knows it her knees are buckling and he has somehow managed to half drag, half carry her towards the sofa. And then she's breaking down and she's crying on his shoulder. "I don't know how to be normal anymore…" she whimpers as his arms tighten around her.
"Shhh…" he whispers to her as he lets her cry. "Just let it all out."
She doesn't know how long she cries but finally…eventually…the tears stop falling. "You want to know the f*cked up part?" She asks.
"What?" He asks, unmindful of the wetness seeping through his shirt from all her crying.
"It's not even the…" she stops because she can't quite say the word. "What happened when we were taken…" she continues.
"He didn't want to…" he tries to defend Steve.
"No, you don't understand…" she cuts him off. "That's not what's messed me up…"
He pulls away to look at her. "What do you mean?"
"Before we got taken…we…" She begins to explain but stops when she realizes what that look on his face means. "You know?"
"Chin and I figured it out…" Danny answers reluctantly.
"When he went to see me he told me that he broke it off because he was trying to protect me and that it was never about Catherine. That he's always loved me. That he still loves me." She laughs as she says this. "Can you believe that?"
"Kono…"
"I was hurt and so angry at him that I sent him away." She continues. "And I told myself I didn't love him anymore."
"Kono…"
"But the joke's on me because the minute he went missing I act like a sorry lovesick fool and fly back here. And I've spent every minute of every day regretting my decision to send him away because after everything that's happened I realized that I still love him. How crazy is that?"
"What do you want Steve?" Chin asks when he sees him at his doorstep but stops the other man from answering immediately by signaling for them to move outside and then gently closing the door behind him.
He doesn't answer until they're both standing by his car. "I just wanted to talk."
"If this is about Catherine…"
"It's not." He cuts him off.
Chin sighs at this. "Look Steve, I'm sorry I went off on you about this. You're the Team Leader and I respect that and if you feel that she's the best one for the job then…"
"We both know she's not. But…just so you know. I really had no idea that she's gone to the Governor to ask for a spot on the team."
"So she asked?" The older man frowns as he says this.
He nods. "But since we're not together anymore, I couldn't really say no and I guess I owe it to her too to give her a chance…"
Chin looks surprised at this.
"If it's any consolation, it won't be permanent until after an evaluation." He offers.
"Ok."
There is silence for a while as they both stare at some spot on the horizon.
"How is she?" He finally gets around to asking what he came here for.
Chin doesn't say anything.
"I know I have no right to ask after everything that's happened…" He tries to rush through his explanation before the older man thinks to cut him off. "And I know you probably wouldn't believe me but I do love her. I'm still in love with her."
"He does love you, you know." Danny tells her.
She laughs without humor. "But he loves Catherine more. I get it."
He wants to say otherwise but he's not entirely sure anymore, given the other woman's presence in the island. Still, the memory of Steve's face when he admitted to him about their relationship when he was convincing him not to quit H50 gives him a reason to insist. "You don't know that."
"She's here isn't she?"
"Maybe it's only 'cause he doesn't know you're here too."
She doesn't say anything for a while.
"Look, all I know is when you sent him away, he went crazy enough to go after Wo Fat by himself."
"Maybe it's…"
"No, Kono. That's what I was trying to tell you before. I already knew he broke things off with you to protect you."
"What?"
"He told me when I stayed to look after him when he came back all injured."
"But Catherine…"
"I don't know how she figures in all of this. But believe me when I tell you that Steve does love you."
"No you don't understand…"
"But I do."
"No, you don't." She insists. "Catherine…she told me…"
"She what?"
"So why aren't you telling her that?" Chin asks him quietly.
"Because she hates my guts…"
"Do you honestly believe that?" The older man cuts him off.
"I…" He falters.
"Doesn't the fact that she came back the minute she heard you went off the grid tell you anything at all?"
"I hoped… but…I guess I needed to hear it from someone else too…"
"Look. I'm not your greatest fan right now. In fact, I'm still on the fence about hating your guts knowing everything that's happened to Kono because of you…but even I know that you're both miserable without each other."
"Chin…"
"No, listen. I love Kono and despite whatever I might feel about this whole thing, I think you two need each other. To heal, to move on or just simply be, I really don't know. If you're staying away from her because of me, I'm telling you right now that I won't be in the way."
"I…"
"I'm not done." The older man cuts him off and stares at him. "Look me in the eye and tell me Catherine is not an issue."
"Catherine is not an issue." He meets Chin's gaze without flinching for the longest time, until finally, the older man nods and hands him a piece of paper.
"That's where she's staying right now. She's normally by the beach until just before sunset so if you don't make too much of a noise with your car, she won't have time to leave before she realizes you're there."
"I..." He falters. "Thanks Chin." he finally manages.
"Just make her smile again and we'll call it even."
She breathes in the smell of salt water as she stands motionless with her toes in the water. She's been standing by the water's edge for some time as she tries to come to terms with her talk with Danny. She feels lighter for having been able to share her inner turmoil with someone else. That that someone else is Danny should probably feel weird but strangely enough, it isn't. She loves Chin dearly but she couldn't quite share such things with him. Maybe it's because he's more like an older brother or even a father figure than a cousin which makes it harder for her.
The truth is, she herself knows that Steve does love her. Despite her insistence to the contrary, she did feel it that night. But she'd still been smarting from his betrayal that she'd let her anger drive him away. That she still loves him is not something new. She knew the minute he left that she still did. That she still does love him. That she never really stopped. And when he'd gone missing, she told herself she'd tell him as soon as he came back.
Only…Catherine beat her to it.
"Maybe it's only 'cause he doesn't know you're here too." Danny's words come back to her.
It was true after all. He didn't know she'd come back. She'd sent him away and he probably thought she hated his guts. So why then shouldn't he take Catherine up on her offer? Maybe if she had gone to him…
She sighs loudly at the direction her thoughts are taking. Speculating about what might have been is pointless. The real question she needs to be asking herself is whether she's really prepared to just let him go and to allow Catherine to win. Can she really stand to see Catherine, not only take her place in the team, but also to take her place by Steve's side?
But before she can answer herself, she hears it.
Her name, whispered softly behind her by an achingly familiar voice.
"Kono…"
She slowly turns and sees…
…him.
She closes her eyes and opens them again slowly…because she's not entirely sure he's here and not conjured up by her imagination.
"Steve?"
AN: Back from the vacation (not entirely restful cause I got sick – thanks to the awful weather here) and had some time to write an update. I know I said it would be more upbeat but yeah…not quite…Still, I hope you like it (even if nothing much really happens) - I promise a longer chapter next time.
Lissazara – Lol. Got a huge smile when I read your comment because I had Catherine say that line specifically to help Steve realize that important fact.
Sidealee – As usual, I really appreciate your taking time out to read and comment on my fic(s). I'm happy that you think my writing isn't out of character for them and that you like my version of Catherine even if she's not exactly nice. LOL.
Jackyxoxo – here's more.
Lanteaddicted – thanks
TVFanatic97 – Ooh, I haven't really read any H50 spoilers yet so I didn't know P Lenkov had said she wouldn't be part of the team (but… yay!)
Guest 1 – Thanks for your wonderful comments and I hope you continue to be captivated (fingers crossed).
Fairgirl – Yeah, Catherine is something alright
Guest 2 – McKono reunion in the next chapter
Robinh – Glad you like my use of Catherine's character to move the story along. Thanks for taking time out to read and review
Titaundomiel – I'm happy to know that this is your favorite. Thank you!
Guest 3 – thanks for reviewing
Shani8 - At least, Cath's not in this chapter (well…not really, LOL)
Lydia – welcome back! Thought you'd had it with my fics, glad you're still reading
Francis2 – I'm sorry if the way I write POVs are sometimes confusing =( I'll try not to be in the future =)
Harleyzgirl – Glad you liked the ending of the last chapter. As for bringing them back – this chapter sets it up. Hope you continue reading.
Again, thanks to all who're reading, commenting, adding to favorite & following. Until next update. PS. Update to OUaK this weekend.