Who the hell does she think she is? I don't give a damn if she is the Queen of Charming. She sticks her nose in my business like that one more time; me and her are going to have some SERIOUS fucking problems. Marissa was fuming as she drove home. She didn't recall "revealing all your deep dark secrets" as a requirement when she agreed to move to Charming. She was going to have to have a serious talk with Tara to make sure her best friend had been keeping her mouth shut about certain shit. Marissa was so busy lost in her thoughts that when she noticed the bloodied mess leaning on her front door, she almost screamed out loud.
"Oh my God! What the hell happened? Are you okay?"
"You got a band-aid?" Tig asked as he struggled to stay standing.
"You need a hell of a lot more than a band-aid. Come on; let's get you cleaned up." Marissa sat Tig down at the kitchen table and she hurried to grab the first aid kit from under the sink. Every since Gemma's attack Marissa had stocked up on medical supplies just in case.
The bruises on Tig's face were nothing compared to the look in his eyes. He looked haunted….tortured. "Do you wanna talk about it?" When Tig didn't respond, Marissa went about the task of trying to clean him up as best she could. She worked in silence before Tig forcefully grabbed her wrist and forced her to sit down.
"Why don't I scare you?" Tig asked looking wildly at her. Marissa sat shocked, almost unsure of how to respond.
"Are you supposed to scare me?"
"I am a dangerous man, Rissa. Everything I touch turns to shit. Do you know how the guys joke around that I'm a psychotic, sick fuck? It's not a joke. It's the goddamn truth. I have two daughters who only call me when they need money. Most women are terrified of me when I'm not fucking them. So why aren't you scared of me? Why don't you run away from me? I'm a bad fucking guy Marissa, so why do you even associate yourself with me?" Marissa put her hand over his as she tried to soothe his outburst. All thoughts of her fight with Gemma were erased at this point in time.
"You have been nothing but good to me Tigger. From the second I got on the back of your bike to right now, you have never done anything to make me run from you. Besides Tara, you are the one I'm closest to. You have helped me out, watched my back, and made me laugh. Why would I want to run from you? Nothing you could have done would make me think less of you."
"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE?" Tig roared as he stood up kicking the chair behind him. Marissa watched as he paced the kitchen floor with his head down. When he finally looked at her, he had tears streaming down his face. "I….I…I killed Donna. I fucking killed Opie's wife. I put a stream of bullets in the back of her head. I didn't know it was her at the time but I did it." Tig all but collapsed on the floor muttering the words "I'm sorry" over and over again.
Marissa sat stunned at the revelation. She was assuming that the bruises came from Opie. Gemma's confession was causing others to reveal their demons and confront them head on. Marissa wondered what other secrets were going to start coming out. She kneeled down and pulled Tig to her chest. She held him like a baby, allowing him the time to cry and get himself together. When he was composed, she grabbed the sides of his face and forced Tig to look her in the eye.
"I'm going to ask you something and you better be honest with me. Did you mean to kill Donna?" Tig shook his head no in Marissa's hands. "Then it was an accident. It was horrible and horrific but it was an accident Tig. You have got to let go baby and learn to forgive yourself."
"How the fuck do I do that? I took a mother away from her children and a wife from her husband."
"You can't change what you did but you can try like hell to make things right with those that are here. Reach out to Opie, spend time with his kids, become fun Uncle Tig instead of that scary guy in the corner. The fact that you told him….the fact that you are here in this kitchen feeling remorse proves to me that you are NOT a bad man. You did a bad thing but that does not make you a bad man." Marissa kissed Tig's forehead before pulling him close again.
Marissa watched from her kitchen window as Tig pulled out of the driveway. She had finally got him calm and while she didn't know if her talk had done any good, she prayed that he took her advice to heart. Marissa gripped the kitchen sink so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She felt a rush of dizziness hit her and she struggled to breath. It was all becoming too much for her. It was all taking her back to a time in her life that she had tried desperately to forget about.
Marissa stumbled to the bathroom, ripping her clothes off in the process. She turned the water on as hot as it could get while still being bearable before stepping in the shower. She let the water flow over her as if trying to wash away her sins. She put her head down and placed her hand on the tiled wall in front of her to steady herself. She felt the beginnings of a panic attack as memories, old and new, flooded her mind. Marissa slid down the shower wall and for the first time in over two years, she cried.
Happy pulled his Harley behind Marissa's car and took a deep breath. He was hoping that she would be home. After church and the announcement of Gemma's attack, everyone seemed to be lost. The thought that some bastards could do this to any woman, especially one that they all loved so much, made every man in that room sick to their stomachs.
Happy was leaning against a car when Opie attacked Tig. He watched as Tig didn't even fight back, just allowed Opie to continue to hit him. It was as if Tig was silently begging Opie to kill him. Happy had known the reason behind Opie's rage. Tig and Happy were as close to best friends as two stone-cold killers could possible be. One night they had been drinking together when Tig admitted his part in Donna's death. Happy didn't offer any words of wisdom; instead just allowing his brother to burden his soul, both knowing that the information would never leave the room.
Happy couldn't think at the garage. His mind kept racing back to Marissa. What if it had been her that was hurt? Somehow he didn't think that he would have been able to be as calm as Clay and Jax. The Latina had invaded Happy's thoughts more than he would have cared to admit. The crow eaters that he fucked now were no longer doing it for him. Their skin wasn't soft enough, their scent wasn't intoxicating, and their hair wasn't silky enough. He would go to sleep with those big hazel eyes playing in his mind. Her wide smile haunted him as he would push his bike to the limit when driving from Tacoma back down to Charming. Before he could stop himself, he had jumped on his bike and made it to her front door.
He knocked on her front door and there was no answer. Her car was there so she had to be home. He tried the knob and was pissed that it was unlocked. How many times did he have to tell this girl to lock her damn door? He glanced towards the kitchen and saw a chair overturned and bloody pieces of gauze on the table. Happy felt his heart skip a beat as he pulled out his gun. He turned towards the hallway and saw Marissa's clothes spread all over the place. As he got closer, he could hear the shower running. He opened the bathroom door wider and that's when he heard her.
Her cries were loud and she seemed to be struggling to breathe even though he couldn't see her. Happy placed his gun back in the holster before grabbing her towel from the rack. He pulled the shower curtain back and watched with wide eyes as Marissa was hugging her knees, rocking back and forth as her sobs seemed to wreck through her entire body. He reached over and turned off the water. Marissa looked up but it was as if she was looking through him. He placed the towel gently around her body and picked her up from the tub floor. He carried her in his arms towards her bedroom.
He sat her down on the bed and then took a step back, unsure of what to do next. Marissa struggled to calm herself down, as if embarrassed that anyone had found her like this. She closed her eyes and placed her head on her knees as she willed herself to stop crying. Happy just stood there silently as she slowly got herself together. When she finally looked at him with questioning eyes, Happy finally spoke.
"Get dressed. Let's get out of here for awhile."
The entire two hour ride Marissa had placed her head on Happy's back with her eyes closed. She felt safe and feeling his muscles around her was like a blanket. When he finally turned off the bike, Marissa opened her eyes and realized that they were at some sort of private beach. He helped her off the bike and the pair walked in silence next to each other.
Happy stood back as Marissa took off her socks and shoes before walking down to the water. He watched as she walked in to her knees and just stood there. Her body was facing him but her head was titled up towards the sun. She had no make up on her face and her hair was flying wildly in the wind, but Happy had never seen a more beautiful sight. He thought back to a conversation he had with his mother the last time he had went to see her after getting out of jail.
"What's her name?" Miriam Lohman asked while sitting on the back porch having lunch with her son. Happy looked up from his sandwich to stare at his mother.
"What are you talking about, Ma?"
"You know, it's not polite to lie to your mother. What's her name? Who is the girl that you have been thinking about since you got here?" Happy had been staying at his mother's for the past two days. Every time he went to jail or something had gone wrong, he always felt the need to see his mom. Even if he didn't tell her why he was there, he got comfort in his mother's love. After all, she was the only that knew the real him. She knew Michael, not Happy. Although he always got a kick out of it when she would refer to him as Happy in front of some of the brothers that she had met.
"Ma, I seriously don't know what you are talking about." Miriam sighed as she looked at her son. He was as stubborn as a mule sometimes. She cleared her throat as she used her slender hand to grab the cordless phone that was sitting between them on the table,
"Alright. If you are not going to tell me, then maybe I'll call Gemma and get all caught up on the latest gossip." Happy grabbed the phone from his mother's grasp. He was really beginning to resent introducing his mother to Gemma. The two of them bonded instantly and Gemma had promised Miriam that she would look after Happy. He could only imagine the conversations that took place between the two women.
"Marissa. Her name is Marissa." Happy groaned. It was bad enough he couldn't get the girl out his head, now he was going to have to confront his feelings head on while talking to his mother.
"So tell me about her." Miriam knew that she was going to have to pull all the information she could from her son because he was not going to willingly provide any.
"She's Jax's old lady's best friend. She just moved to Charming from Chicago."
"And? Come on, there has to be more to her than that for you to have that look in your eyes."
"Ma, it's nothing. She's has the worst taste in movies, she's always listening to some sort of music, the woman has no regards to her own safety because she never seems to lock her door, she has an attitude that is way too big for her tiny little body…."
"And you are smitten with her." Miriam stated with a smile on her face. "So tell me: are you actually courting this young lady or are you just fucking her?
"MA!" Happy yelled to which Miriam just rolled her eyes.
"Don't "Ma" me. I gave birth to you, I raised you, and I know how you are. This woman has obviously done what no one else has ever been able to do before: she has gotten under your skin. That alone makes her different from your normal habit, but if you continue to treat her like you do your random putas, you will lose her before she can even be yours Michael."
Happy sat back and sighed. "What are you talking about mom?"
Miriam sat her fork down and stared at her son with a look that Hap had come to realize was the look she gave when she was getting ready to school him. "You live a…interesting life and from what I have been able to understand, that leather vest you wear makes you a pretty big deal. There are going to be a million girls that are going to want Happy but it takes a special woman that is going to want Michael. That will be the woman that looks beyond the vest straight into your soul. She's the type of woman that will walk through hell with a smile on her face as long as she is by your side. That type of woman will also not wait around forever for you to get your head out of your ass."
"Ma, it's not that serious."
"You have listed 4 things about this woman in one breath. Tell me one thing about the last girl you slept with that wasn't her. Do you even remember half of their names? What color are their eyes? You like this Marissa girl, in a way that makes you unable to stop thinking about her and that means that you have to do something about it. You can not use your dick as a way to convey your feelings." Happy winced at his mother's words.
"So what should I do then?"
"You show her that you're worth it. I know that you aren't big on talking about your feelings but you have to try. For a woman that you really want, you make the effort to try. As long as you try; if she's the right woman; she will stand beside you. I know that you don't believe it but I am so proud of the man you have become. You are strong and loyal and when you love something or someone, you give it your all. I have prayed for years that a woman would come into your life that would get your love."
Miriam picked her fork back up as she knew her son was trying to wrap his head around everything that she had just said. She finished her salad before giving him one last piece of advice. "Keep in mind that women love very differently than men. Men love with caution, always keeping a hand on the brake, looking out for the bumps and curves in the road. Women love unconditionally and full throttle, constantly going 120 MPH without a helmet. If you find that kind of woman to love you, don't you EVER let her go."
By the time Happy was done replaying the conversation, Marissa had made her way back up the beach and took a seat next to where he stood. In a move that shocked both of them, Happy sat down behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. It was the most intimate embrace that the two had ever shared.
"Did you know?" Happy asked. Marissa leaned back into his embrace before answering.
"Yeah."
"Have you known the whole time?"
"Yup." Marissa took a deep breath. "I know that people might not understand it and I don't know if Clay and Jax hate me for not saying anything but….she asked me to keep quiet and it wasn't my secret to tell." Happy was impressed with her loyalty. She had only known these people for a short time and yet she was quick to protect them in anyway she could. They sat there in silence as the sun started to set over the water. Happy could feel the tension slowly leave Marissa's body.
"Thank you, Hap. I know that there was no way for you to have known this but the water has always calmed me. This was the perfect place for me right now." Happy moved her hair as he placed a kiss on her temple. Happy thought back to what his mother had said and knew that he had to try. He wasn't ready to jump into anything head first, but he would at least attempt to get his toes wet.
"This….shit with Zobelle could get rough. I need you to promise me, right here and right now, that if anyone EVER hurts you in ANYWAY, you will come and tell me. I don't care if you think that you are protecting me or the club, I will always need to know that you are okay." Marissa turned back to look at Happy and he placed his hand on the back of her neck before pulling her for a kiss. The kiss was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. This kiss was soft and gentle as if Happy was afraid of breaking her and trying to reassure that he wasn't going anywhere. Marissa didn't know if it was the aftermath of Gemma's confession or the calming effects of the water, but she knew from this night on: something had definitely changed between her and Happy.