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Chapter 14

Sirius' POV

I was really annoyed when that healer told everyone I needed to rest. I felt fine. And so of course I was sound asleep five minutes after everyone had left.

I woke up a few hours later when my door opened. Dumbledore and Lily walked in. Odd combo. And they both looked upset. Lily looked close to tears.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Lily bit her lower lip. What could she…blast it all. What else would she be this upset about? There was news of James, and apparently not good.

"There was poison in James' arm," Dumbledore said. I took a deep breath and waited for him to continue. "The healers have done all they can, but it's up to James now."

And James probably doesn't even know that we're not in the Hell Hole anymore. Meaning he won't try and wake up. Meaning he'll just let himself die.

"No, no, no no no no no no," was all I could say out loud. Tears started to form in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. Lily covered her mouth and walked back out of the room. She understood everything too.

Dumbledore sat down in one of the chairs. My mind was on Lily though, because that was the easiest thing to think of right now.

"Why did Lily of all people come save us?" I asked. My voice was tight, strained from keeping myself together.

"My best guess is that Ms Evans had a change of heart towards you boys. Perhaps you've rubbed off on her more than you think," Dumbledore said. I tilted my head a little. I hadn't thought we'd rubbed off on Little Miss Perfect at all.

I stayed silent. There really was nothing to talk about. Dumbledore didn't push for conversation either, for which I was grateful. I wasn't sure I could keep myself together if I started talking.

Remus walked in. Only because I know him so well could I make out that he'd been crying. There weren't any marks per say, it was just the way his eyes looked. Not red or puffy, but that certain downcast was in them. He took a seat on the other side of the bed, opposite Dumbledore.

"How you holding up?" he asked me. I shrugged.

"About as well as I can be in the circumstances," I said. Dumbledore stood up and walked out, giving us some privacy. I was grateful for that. I wasn't afraid to cry in front of Remus. He's seen me cry before. I let the tears fall.

"He'll…He has to pull through," Remus said. Whether he was trying to convince me or himself, I wasn't sure.

"I don't think he's even aware that we've been rescued," I said quietly. Tears started falling down Remus' face again.

"But still…he…he wouldn't go down without a fight like this…" Remus said. I shook my head; the tears started falling faster.

"It was our plan," I admitted. I had left this out earlier because I hadn't wanted to admit to them that we'd resigned ourselves to death. It seemed cowardly. "He knew he wouldn't be able to last even a few more days with his arm like that. And once he…died…I would piss off Bellatrix and Raston enough to get myself killed. We just wanted it all to end."

I closed my eyes in an effort to dam the tears. It didn't help. Remus didn't say anything for a long time.

"It must have been very bad, if you wanted to die," he said quietly. I nodded.

"We didn't know when they would call us up. Sometimes they'd go days without acknowledging us, sometimes it would be daily. Sometimes it would be really painful, sometimes it would be just a few bruises." I was admitting to him how scared we'd been, how much we had hated it there. If it weren't Remus, I don't think I would have been able to. Remus just has the sort of personality that you can trust with your darkest secrets, because you know he'll understand.

"We should have gotten there sooner…I should have realized something was wrong when neither of you wrote all break…"

Unbelievable. He's blaming himself for what happened to us. I don't even understand how that's possible.

"Remus, this isn't your fault. There is no possible way that this is your fault," I said. He looked up at me. I must have been quite a sight, with tear trails down my cheeks and stern look in my eyes. "You didn't kidnap us, you didn't torture us. There is no possible reason for you to blame yourself."

He wiped his hand over his face and laughed. "I'm being ridiculous, aren't I?" he asked. I nodded. We both started laughing. It felt good to be able to do that without feeling pain in my side.

"Well, we know how my break was," I said. "How was yours?"

"Quiet without you and James around. I actually managed to finish a few books," he said. He talked about his break, doing his best to distract us both from the sepulchral thoughts plaguing our minds right now. I kept looking to the door, a plan that would surely anger a few healers forming in my mind.

When he had exhausted his tales of winter break, I pushed the covers off of me. He raised a brow. "Sirius, what are you doing?" I threw my legs over the side of the bed.

"I need to see for myself how James is," I said. I was wearing one of those patient robes. They are not comfortable and I really don't understand why patients wear them. Remus sighed and pulled out his wand. A set of fresh clothes appeared on the bed. "Thanks," I said, pulling on the fresh clothes.

He led the way, which surprised me. I would have thought he'd have been against my 'escaping'. Then again, I did it often enough at Hogwarts he probably gave up a long time ago.

Just as I was walking into James' room, I saw a man leaning against the wall down the hallway. He wore dark robes and a black fedora pulled down low over his face. I could just make out black hair under the hat, and a pink scar on his cheek, obviously still fresh.

I quickly shut the door behind me.

Charlie and Annie were sleeping, their heads on either side of James. James himself looked so peaceful, I almost didn't want him to have to wake-up. I took the last empty chair. Remus leaned against the wall at the foot of James' bed.

James looked better than he had in the Hell Hole. If only he could wake-up. And wait until he found out Lily was our savior. That will light up his world.

"C'mon James. Wake-up," I said. "We're out of there. We're in St. Mungos. You're safe now. You can wake-up." Why was I talking to him? Because it seemed right. Because it seemed like maybe if I told him enough that we're safe now, maybe he'll realize it and wake-up. "You're going to be just fine. You can wake-up. Please. Wake-up James. You can't die, not now. We still need you here. You have to wake-up."

I only succeeded in waking up his parents.

End Chapter

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