Entry 13
My father is dead.
Now let me assure you, I don't care. I don't care that my father is dead. Not on any emotional level, at least. I'm extremely annoyed that he caused us to lose Chalphy, but that's something different.
Still, though, when I received the news today, something strange came over me. A chilly feeling . . . but it flickered and was gone. I'll try to remember how it felt.
It was cold, cold and clammy. This sinking feeling in my gut. I sent my own father to his death without batting an eye, just as I did to the others
The guilt. The guilt! That's what this feeling is, it's guilt. I can't understand myself, I don't know how I was able to do it, it's like I really am two people instead of one and it HURTS knowing what I've done like KILLING MY FATHER I'm sorry I'M SORRY
I think I'm breaking apart I'm breaking apart
I want to scream but I can't
All right . . . I'm back.
I'm starting to question the worth of keeping these documents. I've told myself they'd be good insights into my mind, but almost every time I look back at them I merely confuse myself.
In other news, Manfroy's successfully recovered Julia's memories. I got to play with her for a while. Manfroy, though, insisted on keeping her alive after that, even though my father's gone. He says he has another use for her. He seems confident in his abilities, so I reluctantly gave him my permission, but if he fails and Julia runs free again, I swear I'll have that bastard's head on a stick.
[The following segment is written at an angle across the bottom portion of the page, clearly added later:]
Julia . . . seeing you again, after so long, and all I did was jeer at you. . . .
My heart is just AUGH I don't know
I think . . . I want you to live. This me wants you to live. Please. Don't let me kill you again help me I can't