Chapter 14
She had finally stopped crying and he took that as a good thing. She was sitting quietly with her knees drawn up on the window seat looking out at the ocean.
He cleared his throat as he stood up from the bed. "I'm gonna take a shower." She just nodded in his direction as he spoke. He had never seen her like this. Except when it had to do with Brandon and he had to wonder if last night, what he had said, had sparked some kind of memory and some kind of post traumatic stress that her mind was not ready to deal with. He wasn't about to ask, but the thought that he could have caused her this pain was about to do him in. Every time she started crying last night, every single time had felt like someone ripping his heart from his chest. It was how he felt now. Just gutted. Over whatever was hurting her. Because if Beth hurt, he hurt. It was just the way it was now. The way it had always been if he was going to admit it.
He showered as quickly as he could and thought about how he could fix this but hell this seemed a lot bigger than him. Must be bigger than her too. Because Beth Greene always knew her way in a situation. She was the one with the answers when the chips were down. But now? All they were both left with was questions between the two of them. His heart fell to the floor when he walked out of the room and she wasn't in there.
There was only one other time she had ever been this despondent and that was when her mama died. He had tried to get there in time. He had tried. But she'd broken that mirror in her bathroom and taken that sliver of glass to her wrists. In the end, she'd decided she wanted to live. But he'd been pissed at her for a long time. How in the world she could have thought to leave him here without her. She was his best friend. After that she was quiet too.
His heart set to beating in his chest keeping time with his thoughts racing through his head. She wouldn't do that. He calmed his breathing. No, she wouldn't kill herself. But she'd leave his stupid ass. He dressed a little more slowly after that not quite wanting to find out if she had just up and left. Deserted him. Just like everyone else. He looked in the closet and was relieved to find her suitcase her belongings neatly packed. So unlike him.
She had to have gone for a walk. He debated on whether or not to follow her but decided against it. She needed space. He was going to give it to her. Even if it killed him.
Beth toed the sand at the water line, the water cool but refreshing on her tired feet. She had been walking awhile. It was an overcast day which suited her just fine. It matched the bleakness in her heart perfectly. The wind was blowing quite a bit today and she wrapped her arms around herself wishing she had brought a jacket. Or Daryl. He would make her warm. He could likely snap her out of this mood. But she had to tell him. She had to tell him all of it so he would understand.
The fact that she thought of Daryl as her source of immediate comfort started her for a minute and she looked out at the ocean again. Timeless as the tide, Daryl had been the constant in her life. He'd been there when her mama died. He'd been there when she'd cut her wrist. He'd been there for everything except for the horror that was Brandon and even that had been her own stubborn fault. For letting her jealousy over Jenna, to be truthful that's what it had been, get in her way of keeping Daryl in her life. If he had been there, she knew he would have put a stop to all the shit Brandon had put her through.
She paused for a moment, thinking that she might have never had gotten pregnant. It was a bittersweet moment having that thought. If she had never lost that baby, would she ever know how important something like that became to her? How she had identified herself with becoming a mother to that child? She knew the answer and all at once she couldn't wait to get back to Daryl. She had thought she had been afraid of being a mother. Of feeling that pain again. She had never wanted to feel that helpless again. To open herself to that kind of hurt. But what her real fear was and what she had not realized until now was her fear of being alone. Having that baby in some way made it so she'd never have to be alone again. There would always be someone there that would love her, need her. When she lost that baby, that precious piece of herself, she'd never felt more alone and she just walled herself off after that. Knowing that being alone was the only way for her.
But the thing was, it was too late to hold back that part of herself. She already loved Daryl. She was in love with him and now that she knew this and could admit this to herself she felt free. Daryl wasn't just her present. He was her past and he was her future too. Suddenly she had to let him know that and hopefully it wasn't too late.
The longer he waited, the more he worried and the more he worried he began to fear he'd wear a hole on the deck pacing back and forth. He had found a pack of cigarettes in the refrigerator and he swore he'd replace whoever they belonged to but he was desperate. He had smoked half the pack and he wasn't sure if the knot in his gut was from nicotine overload or from worry about Beth's state of mind and how she was feeling about them. Finally he could stand it no longer and he turned to set off down the path to the beach to find her. He didn't know which direction she'd gone in but maybe he could figure it out. Tide was out so maybe she'd left footprints.
He made his way out to the beach and down to the water glancing in each direction. The path north was completely clear but the path to the south had more ruts in the sand above the water line where maybe someone had walked. It wasn't much but it was something. He began walking in that direction, fishing his lighter out of his pocket and then thinking twice when he realized there was no way he'd keep a smoke lit out here with the wind whipping about.
It wasn't too long before he started to make her out. There were dark clouds gathering behind her and the white halo of her hair whipping about her as she approached him made her seem like some Greek goddess warrior or one of those female superheroes in those new Marvel movies. Like a beautiful badass. His Beth.
He saw the minute she spotted him and he felt a damn of relief release deep inside him at the expression on her face that split into a wide grin and he thought they didn't need the sun in the sky that day. This angel coming towards him was emanating more brightness than they'd ever need, lighting up his world as she always did.
Beth couldn't believe it when she saw him coming. She had been gone awhile and she figured he had given up on her. She broke into a trot in an effort to get to him faster and then he did too and he was smiling at her so bright and she just knew it was going to be okay. Words weren't even needed as she finally reached him and he pulled her up into his arms, his muscled biceps wrapping firmly around her middle and pressing her to him as he swung her around. She wrapped her legs around his waist and didn't waste time as she sealed her lips over his.
Her kiss was demanding, heated and needy and he nearly drowned though they were technically still on dry land. He was pleasantly drunk on her touch as her arms came to wrap around his neck and she molded herself to him and then finally slid to the ground and tucked her head under his chin, that perfect place that he figured God himself had created just for Beth Greene.
She finally pulled back to look up at him and she couldn't help the tears that spilled over her eyelids. She ducked her head and instantly felt his finger under her chin tipping her face up to his.
"Look at me." His voice was gruff but pleading.
She gazed up at him. "I should have told you, Daryl. I should have told you about what happened with Brandon."
He looked at her and nodded. "I figured it had something to do with that prick." Seemed like almost every bit of bad that ever happened to her was because of him. If he ever saw him again, he'd probably beat the hell out of him just for breathing the same air.
They settled down on the beach up where it was a little drier and Beth sat cross-legged beside him. She reached over and grabbed his hand and he laced their fingers together, just like he knew she liked, resting their joined hands in her lap. Truth be told he liked it too. He felt like he belonged somewhere when she held his hand like that.
"It happened a couple months before I left him for good. I got pregnant." Her gaze held his and she saw the compassion in his eyes. This man understood pain better than anyone else, she knew.
Daryl nodded, urging her to continue. He didn't have to say anything. His eyes said it all.
"I hid it from him for a long time. Weeks and weeks. I had just started to show when he figured it all out." She paused, her voice beginning to shake with the memory. Remembering that moment of horror when the realization had clicked into place on his stupid face. How he had flown into a rage. God she hated him.
"That's when I left. I lost the baby." Her voice broke and the tears came again. Her shoulders shook as she let go of her grief for what seemed like the twentieth time that day.
Daryl literally seethed with anger. "That was when he beat the hell out of you wasn't it?" He didn't know it was possible to feel that much rage. She looked at him, those cornflower blues drowning in a sorrow that sucked him under like a weight pulling him down. And he broke. He couldn't take her feeling that kind of pain. This wasn't about him and what revenge he could have. This was about her and how she was hurting. He'd do anything in his power to stop that from happening. She fell into his arms and cried against him again. It was a mirror image of how he'd held her in the bedroom hours before except this time he knew why. He knew; and he hated Brandon for it. He hated the bastard for doing this to her and he hated himself for not being there to stop it from happening.
It took a while but she finally spent her tears and after the sniffling subsided a few minutes later she looked at him, eyes swollen, nose red and she had never looked more beautiful to him. "You're so fuckin' gorgeous." He said. He meant it.
Beth laughed. "You're crazy."
"About you, you're damn right I am. I am so sorry that happened to you Beth." He knew he'd never get tired of looking at this girl. So beautiful and so mysterious. But she was to him just Beth. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers and sat back. He waited a pause before saying anything else. "So is that why my idiotic proposal freaked you out. Because of the baby?"
"It's hard to explain but yeah." Beth nodded. "I thought I needed to be alone so I wouldn't have to feel that kind of loss again. But then all this happened with us and I, Daryl, I don't know if I can ask you to not ever have kids. I don't know if I can ever go through that again, losing a baby. It was like losin' a piece of myself I can't ever get back."
"Is that what you thought? That I'd be givin' somethin' up?" He asked her and he could tell by her expression that he was right.
"Well yeah. I didn't want to ask you to give up anythin'. I don't want you to hate me later. It wouldn't be fair." She said and she took a deep breath.
Daryl's heart ached. Physically ached at her sincerity and knowing that she meant it. That she'd sacrifice her own happiness for his. No one had ever done that for him. No one had ever cared enough to.
"Beth when are you gonna get it that I love you. I don't need any of that other shit. You could want to have 10 babies or zero babies and it wouldn't matter to me as long as I got you in the end. You are all I need, baby girl."
Beth felt tears brimming behind her eyelids again but beyond that a joy swelled up in her like she hadn't had in. Well, she didn't think she had ever felt this happy before. "10 babies?" She laughed. "But you're all I need too. I don't want to say I'll never want kids again. I might. When it doesn't hurt so much. But I need you Daryl. More than anything and I am so sorry that it took me this long to see it. I love you."
He looked at her for a long minute, speechless. She had been there all along. The love of his life and he had loved her for as long as he could remember and tried not to for probably even longer than that. A lifetime of holding back and now here it was and he could hardly believe his luck. Dixons just didn't have good luck. But being here with her he felt like the luckiest man alive and he'd be a bastard if he let any single moment of it go to waste. He reached out grasped her shoulders at the same time he scooted closer to her in the sand, leaning over and pressing his lips to hers. He flitted his tongue out, the flat of it teasing the seam of her lips open and she opened her mouth, giving him access and he his tongue laved at the corners of her mouth as his hands moved slowly down her arms on either side and back up over the forming gooseflesh and finally coming up to her neck and tangling in the hair at the nape, teasing the strands between his fingers as his tongue plundered her mouth.
He finally pulled away and looked at her breathless, panting, lips swollen and slightly parted and eyes most definitely dilated as fuck. "Do we get the make up sex like they do in all those movies ya like?"
Beth grinned at him impishly and wiggled her eyebrows. "You're damn right we do." She hopped up, her foot landing awkwardly in the sand and she winced. "Ouch!" Her ankle twisted again on her brisk movement to get up and he was at her side in an instant, his fingers gingerly touching her ankle.
"You okay?" He placed his fingers gently on her ankle and probed the joint. He gingerly wiggled it back and forth and she winced again. "You must have sprained it."
She nodded. "Let's go slow; it's a long walk back."
He offered his arm and she wrapped it around her shoulder to lean on his side, limping along so as not to put pressure on the tender joint. They were nearing the house when he finally stopped and leaned over and she stared at him.
"Stop looking at me like I grew horns and hop on." They'd get there a lot faster if he just gave her a piggyback ride.
Beth grinned at him and happily hoisted herself onto his back, wrapping her arms around his neck being sure to give him enough room to breathe. She leaned over and whispered in his ear. "My hero."
"Yeah, yeah, don't let that get around. I got a reputation and all that. Can't be ruining my bad boy image." Daryl grinned in spite of himself.
"You can be one of those heroes that fights crime like Batman. He was a bad boy I think." Beth said as he made their way up the beach.
They were both silent for a moment. "Ya know this ride would be so much more interestin' if you were carrying me on the front of you." She whispered in his ear as he made the turn to go up to the house.
"We'd never make it there if we did that." He laughed.
"I love you, Daryl." She said as he continued trudging his way, carrying her as if she wasn't a burden at all. That was how he made her feel. She wasn't a burden. She wasn't a liability. She was his equal in every way and it was like they were the yin and yang of the other, complementing, balancing.
"I love you too, Beth." He did. With all his heart, mind, soul and body. He'd be showing her just how much in just a few minutes. But it wasn't just about the sex. He'd come to know that. What they were now had started way back when. When she was just a little girl getting mad at him for treating her like a baby. When his mother had died and then hers. They'd been through so much together that it was hard to tell where Beth's path in life started and his ended. They all seemed to blend together.
How fitting was it then that as he glanced behind them, between the tracks she'd made on her way out and the ones he had made to come find her, there was now just one single set. His as he carried her piggyback style. He figured that was just as well. His life, his heart was as tangled up in Beth Greene as it could get and he couldn't be any happier. Not even if he tried. They were embarking on a new life together so it was just like a divine intervention that there was one path now.
They might have left on that walk down the beach separate, alone, and afraid for the future, but they had come back together, happy and hopeful for a new life. Together.
Okay, guys! I fixed it! Hope you like it. I am so sorry about the last chapter. And a half. Lol. Hopefully this went a long way to explain what happened. And no this one is not over. Not quite yet. I am getting ready to post another fic in a few minutes. It is the beginning of my Big Bang Fic the conclusion of which that will be out soon as soon as all the details for Big Bang are worked out. So let me know how you like this chapter and also be on the lookout for Trail of Memories, my newest Bethyl AU, a true Western. Until next time, xoxoxo