Saturday morning, Evan experiences his first hangover. At first, he doesn't know why his head is pounding and why his mouth tastes a lot grosser than normal but when the memories of the previous night come back it all makes sense.
As much as he'd said his mom might congratulate him getting drunk, he's grateful that she's working a morning shift.
It's not so bad though, recovering in bed when he feels so light, so happy. It looks like everything's finally working out. He and Jared are friends again, Zoe and Alana found each other and he and Connor…things are just good. Really good. He's never had as much fun as he had at the party. Sure, remembering the whole dancing thing kind of makes him want to hide under the covers but, for once, it's a pleasant kind of embarrassment.
It helps that he can still recall Connor's face from when he'd sat back down.
Speak of the devil, Evan's phone chimes with a message and though the bright light in his dim room makes his headache spike, he still grins when he sees Connor's name flash up.
How're you feeling lightweight?
Even with no one else around, Evan finds himself burrowing his flushed face under the pillow.
My head's a bit sore. How are you? Is your eye okay?
Instead of a text, Connor sends a picture and Evan opens it to see Connor's shut eye, the skin around it mottled purple and red and swollen slightly just beneath his lower lashes.
Looks worse than it is. Should've seen my mom's reaction.
Evan dares to ask the question.
Are they mad?
The triple dot symbol taunts Evan as he waits for the reply.
Not once Zoe explained. Larry was even alright, told me he was 'proud of me' and some shit. Probably the only time I'm gonna get congratulated for fighting.
The tense breath Evan had been holding in slowly relaxes at the words. It looks like things might be looking up for Connor too.
Monday lunchtime, Evan sits with the largest group of people who actually liked him since…well, forever. He hadn't even been expecting it; he'd just assumed things would be similar to how they'd been before but when he and Connor reached their spot it was to find Alana and Zoe already sitting there, Jared turning up five minutes later. At first it's kind of awkward without the alcohol to act as a buffer, their group is a mismatch of people who by all accounts shouldn't (and with Connor and Jared, definitely don't always) get along, but it quickly becomes a good kind of imperfection.
After that, it ends up becoming a thing of theirs, almost. Sometimes, the girls and Jared will join Evan and Connor outside and with the weather getting colder, they even occasionally venture into the cafeteria, claiming a table all of their own (not that it's an easy feat to get Connor in there). They don't always sit together, there are times where Alana is busy or will sit with Zoe and her friends, other times Evan and Connor just want to spend a lunch in peaceful silence. Jared even hangs out with the people he met at the party (much to Alana's smugness). But even so, it's nice knowing he has other friends to fall back on, nice not to feel so alone anymore, to have eyes he can catch in the corridor without him flinching away. His anxiety is that much better for it meaning his sessions with Miss Daniels have become less daunting. He no longer has to try and come up with sensible, rational reasons for why he would spend every day alone and weekends shut away in his house.
The week after the party, they're all outside taking advantage of one of last sunny days before the icy chill properly sets in. Zoe and Alana are huddled together resting against the same tree, Jared is sprawled out like a cat on the one sunny patch and Evan and Connor fill the remaining space to form a tiny circle. Alana's telling them something about how she's trying to get the kitchen staff to provide more vegan options and while Evan's really trying to listen about the problems of secret dairy, his attention is stuck on watching how her and Zoe interact. It's barely been more than a week and already Alana has been introduced to the Murphy's ('Please make them stop giggling', Connor had texted) and Zoe is going to go around Alana's that weekend for her own introduction. They have in-jokes, casual touches, and even now, their hands are so close together that they're an inch away from touching. Despite knowing that it isn't like this for all soulmates, that for a majority of them it takes much longer for them to really get to know each other and feel comfortable, he can't help the pang of…jealousy? Longing? Evan isn't sure what it is; only that it's starting to keep him up at night.
He likes Connor, that's a given, but he's beginning to think that he doesn't just like Connor but he…he like likes him and he knows how lame it sounds, like he's a pre-schooler, but it's becoming a real issue. Connor had told him at the start that this wasn't going to be a typical soulmate romance and that had been fine with Evan; in fact he'd wanted the same. But now, after getting to know Connor, everything's changed. He can't ignore the little things that makes Evan think that maybe Connor likes him…more too but this whole thing is so new to them, so new to the both of them, that Evan has to wonder if he's not just making things up, reading into things more than he should. Anyway, they'd struggled enough being friends, why should Evan even consider ruining that?
It's hard though. It's hard when Connor suddenly decides to keep wearing eyeliner, the thin layer of black just unnoticeable enough that the teachers don't bother to call him out on it. It's hard when it frames blue eyes that reveal all the emotions Connor tries to lock away. It's hard when that small, content smile of his starts making more of an appearance. Connor may not say he's doing better but the signs are there, in how his hair is always clean and brushed, how his nails are going through a rainbow of colours, how he and Jared can have conversations without one of them threatening bodily damage.
How he and Zoe can now tease each other, even if the hesitancy is still there.
He wants to hold onto Connor's hand, just like Zoe does with Alana's when she finally crosses that short distance, wants their eyes to catch, for there to be that almost visible connection between them, that spark. Evan's never really thought of himself as greedy, or particularly selfish, but he must be now because he's no longer content keeping that bridge between them. He finds himself wondering what it would be like to kiss Connor. Would he like it? Would he do it wrong? It shouldn't be difficult, just placing his lips on Connor's, but he hears all the time about how you have to get the right angle otherwise you just bump noses and what if he forgets to breathe and ends up accidently hyperventilating? Then there's the issue of his hands. Would he put them on Connor's hips or would one go in his hair? Connor's hair looks so soft now that sometimes, Evan gets the urge to run his fingers through it, to see if he's right.
God, he's so weird.
"Hey, earth to Hansen. For a guy who's into nature you've sure mutilated that poor innocent flower."
Evan jolts, dropping the now petal-less flower to the ground. At least Jared caught him doing that and not staring at Connor.
"Sorry. Um, lost in thought."
"That's okay Evan," Alana says patiently. "I was just wondering if you were going to the school concert? It's two weeks on Friday and the tickets cost $4. I'm helping organise it and Zoe's playing and…," she ducks her head shyly. "I thought it would be nice if we were all there."
A plan with friends? How could Evan turn that down?
"I'll come," he replies.
"Great!" Alana clasps her hands. "I can get you all tickets tomorrow if you'd like. I think they've printed them out but if not I can always push things along...oh, speaking of; I should really see if the schedule has been sorted out yet. I'll go check now."
In official 'planning' mode, Alana distractedly heads off and Zoe grins, getting up as well. "I should probably go and make sure she doesn't terrorise some poor teacher. See you guys."
"What do you think the bets are of Alana bagging us some free food?" Jared wonders once she's gone and Connor snorts.
"You? None."
Jared slaps a hand to his chest. "Ouch. Rude, dude. Just for that, I'm not inviting you to my house this afternoon. Evan, you up for it? My mom misses you."
No longer feeling insecure, Evan decides to tease Jared when he says, "I guess she's threatening your insurance again?"
"What? No!" Jared's scandalised look makes Evan laugh and his friend's face falls into a mock unimpressed look as he lightly thumps Evan's shoulder. "You're clearly hanging around Murphy too much. He's a bad influence. It's just…," he turns a bit more series. "It's just been a while and I miss playing games with you man."
Connor raises an eyebrow. "From what I heard you don't even let him play."
"Hey, Evan likes watching me play, isn't that right?"
"It's true," Evan admits shyly. He's never been that great at video games, difficult levels and boss battles making him far too anxious, so he's always preferred watching Jared show him how it's supposed to be done.
"There." Jared sticks his tongue out at Connor. "You're extra uninvited now."
"Oh no," says Connor dryly. "Whatever will I do?"
"I don't know how Evan puts up with you."
"Ditto."
Evan rolls his eyes. For all that it's like watching a pair of toddlers, Evan's pretty sure there's some friendship there somewhere. It's just their own unique version of it and really, it would be weirder if they did start being nice to each other.
"So, what do you say Ev? You coming?"
"Yeah, I'll be there," he answers and though he pretends to ignore the triumphant grin Jared shoots Connor, he can't help the quiet laugh.
Yeah, this is definitely the best kind of imperfection.
Mrs Kleinman envelopes him in a warm hug when he enters Jared's house and the warm scent of cinnamon surrounding her brings him back to afternoons spent sampling her famous home-made apple pie. He melts into the hug, only realising then how much he's missed the other woman who, at one point in his life, he'd almost considered a second mom.
"Evan, it's been too long! How's school? Oh, look at that smile, things must be going well."
"They are Mandy," Evan just manages to get out before Jared's dragging him away by his arm.
"While I bet we'd all really love a nice catch up we've got important stuff to do, right Evan? See you for dinner mom!"
Mandy shakes her head, an exasperated sigh leaving her lips. "You have fun boys."
"You're welcome," Jared says as he pushes his door shut. "You know my mom, we woulda been in that hallway until dinner, which would've been at midnight by the time she finished grilling you."
"I don't mind talking to your mom Jared," Evan replies amusedly.
"Which is weird and something I am not willing to analyse. No," he grins sharply, "I wanna analyse you and Connor."
Evan freezes. "W-What do you mean. There's nothing to analyse," he hastily replies.
His beetroot face contradicts him.
"So you just happen to be looking at Connor like a love-sick puppy when I glance over. It's just coincidence that your face lights up like a Christmas tree every time someone says the guy's name. C'mon, you guys are totally boning, right?"
If Jared continues, the blood is going to explode out of his head.
"We're just friends!"
"Uh-huh and I'm…," Jared trails off, a thoughtful expression forming on his face. "You're telling the truth, aren't you? You haven't done the dirty deed? Not even a teeny weenie kiss?"
"Just friends," Evan repeats forcefully.
"Huh…and you're cool with that?" He asks and Evan nods, lying through his teeth when he replies with a firm, "yes."
Unfortunately, he's not a very good liar and Jared's more perceptive than he lets on.
"You're not," he breathes. "Dude, don't worry. Secret's totally safe with me this time. Scouts honour."
"You were never in the scouts," Evan points out and Jared waves a hand.
"Technicalities. Point is; I got your back bro. Now. What do you want to do about it?"
"What-what do you mean?"
"Well, do you want to kiss that douche or do you just want to keep on secretly pining?"
"I don't, I-," Evan huffs. "When we started hanging out we had…conditions."
Jared raises an eyebrow. "What, did you guys make a contract or something?"
"Not exactly. It's just…at the beginning Connor said we weren't going to be together, you know, like that so obviously there's no chance of it even happening. Connor doesn't even like me that way, it's not like there's that much to like anyway so-"
"I'm gonna hold you there Ev," Jared interrupts. "Ignoring your pity party, because you're a great guy and Connor's lucky to have you, that dude is definitely into you. I don't care what he said way back whenever because these eyes," he whips a finger to and fro in front of his glasses," see everything. Trust me; if you're not looking at Connor then he's looking your way, though he's more subtle about it. You could learn a thing or two."
"You're wrong," Evan says because if anyone's always acutely aware of other people, it's Evan himself. He knows the moment someone enters the room, notices their mannerisms, their tone of voice. In some ways it's a burden, in others, a safety mechanism. It allows him to keep an eye on the situation, know if people are just humouring him, how they really feel about him. He'd know if Connor felt the same way about him, wouldn't he? Sure, there were hints he did but…it was probably just Evan's wishful thinking, nothing more. Right?
"You don't sound so sure about that," Jared comments.
"I don't-it's just…he said himself that he's not ready for that sort of thing. I should just be grateful we're friends."
"Now, are you saying that because Connor's not ready or because you're not?"
Was he ready for a relationship? Evan's never been one to watch romantic films, never looked past the cover of the 'steamy' books his mom likes. He knows, in theory, what a relationship is supposed to be like but he's never really factored himself into the equation. He doesn't know how he'd fit in it, what dates with him involved would be like. And the unknown is one of the scariest things with Evan. Could he get over it enough to be with Connor? Connor who never sets out to make Evan feel bad about himself, who already knows about his anxiety, most of his problems.
There would be a steep learning curve but Evan thinks maybe, just maybe, he could get through it with his soulmate.
Not that he should even be entertaining these kinds of thoughts.
"I don't know but it doesn't matter. Can we just play your game?"
Jared's face droops. "Sure we can. Just remember dude, I'm here for you and if you do decide you wanna do something about this then I'll help you out with my infinite wisdom and experience. I'll be the wingiest wingman to ever wing."
That draws a smile out of Evan. "Not to be mean but, um, what experience do you have?"
Jared smirks. "You remember Kelly Gram?"
"Uh, from second grade? Didn't she move?"
Jared's glasses get dipped down his nose. "And what a farewell it was. I still have the candy ring she gave me. And then there was Alice from a holiday in Canada, Randalf when we went to visit dear old Grandpa…I've been around the block."
Considering how much Jared likes to boast, he's surprised that this is the first he's heard about any of this. Also surprisingly, Evan's pretty sure Jared's not making them up.
"But you never dated any of them?"
Jared shrugs. "Me and Alice did a few activities together," realising what he said, he wiggles his eyebrows before continuing, "But otherwise, there wasn't really the time. Different states and countries and all that. Also, I'm not gonna limit myself to a LDR. I gotta…keep my options open."
"You mean find your soulmate?"
"No," Jared instantly fires back. "Well, not exactly. I just don't wanna be tied down. I'm young, I've got this hot bo-day. I shouldn't deny myself simple pleasures. Anyway, point is I have some experience of getting with people that I am more than willing to impart to you my young padawan. Just listen to wise old Obi Wan."
Evan bites his lip. "…Can I get back to you on that?"
Jared shrugs. "Whatever you want. Now, do you wanna watch me play Skyrim or Legend of Zelda?"
Evan picks Zelda (he likes the story and the recently turned bright colours) and it's while Jared's in the middle of being brutally attacked (Evan's really glad he's not the one playing), he asks, "If I did decide to, I don't know, hint to Connor that I, uh, liked him more than, you know. Um. H-how exactly would I do that?"
"Stupid. Fucking. Hang on Evan, I gotta, no stop blocking, don't you dare you creepy motherfucking pervert, don't you dare. Shit."
The Game Over screen flashes up and Jared glares at the TV briefly before giving Evan his undivided attention. Evan suddenly wishes Jared would keep playing while they had this conversation.
"So, say again?"
"How would I, um, get Connor to, you know…notice that I like him, like that, and not uh, scare him off or anything?"
Jared folds his legs under him and faces Evan, thumb and index finger rubbing against his chin. "Well, previous behaviour has shown that your soulmate has a thing for running away so it's gotta be done delicately. You guys go over to each other's houses, right?"
"A couple of times, yeah."
"And you what, ate food and watched TV?"
Evan nods.
"Hm, we could work with that."
"Wh-what do you mean?"
"Can you cook?" Jared asks unexpectedly and Evan flushes.
"I can cook frozen food?" His mom once bought him a cookbook for his birthday, in the hope he'd feed himself better when she was working but the one time Evan had tried, he'd been so paranoid that his chicken would be undercooked that it was burnt by the time he went back to it. The book was probably still gathering dust on the top shelf.
"Well, I know how to make bolognese but hm, no, everyone knows you don't eat that on a date so what about…fajitas."
"Date? Fajitas? What?"
"It's not too difficult. You just need to stir fry some veg, bit of whatever meat you've got lying around, buy some salsa, gauc, wraps and hey presto, you just impressed Connor Murphy with your super awesome cooking skills."
"What do you mean by date?"
Jared blinks. "Well, why else would you cook him food? Listen, I'm not saying this is gonna happen straight away, it shouldn't. You've got to be like the ocean, creeping up, enticing him, then pulling back, creeping up a little more, go back and then BAM." Evan jumps as Jared pounds a fist into his palm. "You get him right where it hurts. Or doesn't hurt. You know what I mean. So, you've got to give hints of your own, see how receptive he is and then, once all that sexual tension has built up, you plan a date. But, you don't tell him it's a date, so then if things aren't looking so hot you can keep things normal. If it does go well, then hey, you do what feels right. You stare at each other over those steaming hot plates of fajitas and then go in for a steaming hot kiss."
Evan shakes his head. "Ignoring…ignoring everything else, I don't know how to cook fajitas."
"Well, you're looking at your new cooking master. In fact, I'm not Obi Wan, I'm Gordon Ramsey." He places his hands on Evan's ears. "I promise I will not make you an idiot sandwich."
Evan laughs, shaking Jared off him. "You'd really help?"
Sighing, Jared says, "God, this is the last of the mush I have in me, okay? Yes I will help you because goddamn it we need some more happiness going around, especially after everything I put you through. I'm your bro and I help you show just what your soulmate's missing out on. Now, sit back, listen and learn."
Man, I thought Connor was fun to write? Jared is even better – all the references! (Also, I'm curious, does anyone know which boss Jared was fighting against? :P)
I'd love to know your thoughts! :)