13. Imprint
There was a very long silence.
Why on earth had I said that! Why couldn't I have just kept my stupid mouth shut! Now nothing would ever be the same between us, and I had been the one to ruin our relationship.
What if I was wrong? He would be angry, and he would feel insulted.
I needed him to speak, to break the silence.
After what seemed like a billion years, Jacob spoke.
"Yes," he whispered.
The phrase 'Be careful what you wish for,' popped into my head. Him speaking hadn't made it any better; it had made it even more awkward.
"I'm so sorry." We both said at the same time.
What had he got to be sorry about? He couldn't have controlled what had happened, and I had been the one to bring it up.
The silence lived on.
"I am sorry," I said, and I meant it.
"You shouldn't be, I'm the one who made this mess," he said. I don't know why, but those words hurt me. I didn't want to think of our relationship – whatever it was now – as a mess.
I was suddenly almost grateful for the imprint. If he had never imprinted, we would never have been friends.
I realized at that moment that I couldn't imagine my life if Jacob wasn't in it.
"Don't be sorry," I said, and he almost looked angry.
"No," he said and there was pain and self-hate in his words, "why did I do this? How could I have done this?" he was looking angry now, not at me but himself. He had started shaking violently now.
"Don't," I said, and the truth was, for the first time in my life, I felt truly scared of Jacob.
His face twisted, this was really getting out of hand.
"Why am I so stupid? I put us in this mess," his frame was quivering.
"Jake," I said, I tried to make my voice steady.
"I can't think," he said, and tears ran down his face, 'I don't…"
I needed to tell him that I wasn't scared, that I understood and that I wasn't angry with him. I just couldn't find the words. I had to comfort him.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"YOU'RE SORRY?" he screamed.
His body started to convulse and suddenly he had four legs.
He launched himself at me, snarling. I felt a burning across my leg. I was almost blinded by the pain.
"Renesmee!" I heard my mother's voice, and I could hear seven sets of legs coming towards us.
I felt relief washing through me, but then fear. What would they do when they found out I knew? Would they fight? No, it wasn't Jacob's fault, I had asked and I had figured it out.
Jake turned his shaggy head to face them; he let out a snarl that was echoed by Dad.
"No!" I shouted, but they paid no attention to me.
"You stupid dog! What," he crouched, "Have," he tensed to spring, "You," he flew towards him, "Done!" there was a huge howl of pain as Dad sunk his nails into his back.
Jake threw Dad of his back and he went crashing through the window.
"DAD! JAKE! STOOOPPPP!" I cried.
Mum picked me up and tried to get me out of there, but I wouldn't' let her. I kicked and cried and I didn't know what to do.
I had no idea whose side I was on, but right now I could see that Jacob was losing. "Stop! Don't hurt him," I could barely make out what was happening through my tears.
I could feel Jacob's pain like it was my own. Pain at hurting me, pain from my Dad, pain from his own self-loathing. But most of all I could feel a sort of wildness, that made these other emotions seem fainter.
I could vaguely see the outline of a wolf getting nearer, nearer and nearer.
Then everything went black.