A/N: This chapter comes with a beard warning. I know that doesn't thrill some of you, but what fun is Rizzles with no build up?
Jane could not have imagined anything more perfect than waking up in Maura's arms. Her eyelids fluttered open, the heaviness of dried tears still apparent around her eyes. She felt the warmth of Maura's body pressed up against her, and she snuggled deeper into her embrace, fighting the moment when she'd have to hold herself together.
Jane knew this was not normal. Best friends did not hold each other quite this way. Best friends did not nap together, pressed into the curves of each other's bodies. Actions such as these were reserved for a much more intimate connection, but Jane pushed these thoughts into the back of her mind, still frightened of prospect of what they ultimately meant. In the back of her mind, she remembered her mother telling her that love happened between a man and a woman. Warnings about sin and eternal damnation, repeated in Father Tom's mantra, slipped into her thoughts. Catholic induced guilt had played a dominant role in Jane's upbringing, but even as these thoughts assaulted her, she realized they were not the greatest of her worries.
What Jane feared most was the Maura did not feel the same way in return. She had her assumptions, but they were outweighed by her insecurities. Maura was far too beautiful, far too experienced to have wanted to do anything with Jane and her scrawny boyish body, if indeed she should feel inclined to show interest in a girl. Jane felt silly every time she entertained the idea of Maura wanting more, realizing just how ridiculous the notion seemed when she thought about the logistics.
Maura stirred, her own eyes cracking open. She nestled her chin against Jane's shoulder, making no effort to move away from her friend. Jane's heart pounded, and it was moments like this that she could fool herself into thinking her speculating wasn't far off.
"Are you feeling better?" Maura asked, her breath hot against Jane's neck.
"Yes," Jane answered, perhaps a bit too quickly, acutely aware as Maura's hand trailed down her hip as she shifted her position. Jane pulled away, immediately regretting the chilly absence of Maura's body, but that strange, throbbing sensation had begun to pulse between her thighs again, and she was certainly not equipped to handle that right now.
"Are you okay, Jane?" Maura's brow furrowed in response to Jane's retreat.
"Uh, yeah," Jane gulped, noticing how Maura's sleep-tousled hair framed her face perfectly. Jane had always been aware of just how beautiful Maura was, but to be so consciously aware and try her best to not make her attraction evident was proving to be a difficult task.
Maura smiled softly, the silence building between them. Jane shifted, finding Maura's eyes, unsure of what she should say next. But it was Maura who finally broke the silence, her face apologetic as she spoke. "Ian Faulkner asked me to the dance today."
Jane's head jerked up, her words hurting more than she wanted them too. Every insecurity she had about Maura's feelings toward their relationship hit with a sudden dread. "What did you say?" she muttered, feeling slightly betrayed as she turned away from Maura.
"I told him I wasn't even sure if I planned to attend," Maura admitted truthfully.
Jane's fear alleviated slightly. "Do you wanna go?"
"I'm not sure yet. I wanted to see what your thoughts were first - I didn't want to make a decision that would hurt you," Maura spoke, and Jane managed to focus her gaze on her again.
It was perhaps some of the most selfless, sincere words someone had ever uttered to her, and Jane felt horrible for the selfish anger she was harboring. "You should go," she finally spoke with difficulty. "Go have fun - I'd probably go if someone asked me," she admitted with a shrug.
This seemed to ease Maura's reservations. "Oh, Jane, I'm sure that there is someone who'd be interested in going with you." At this comment, Jane scoffed, and Maura offered her a sympathetic smile. "But are you sure? I really don't want to make you upset."
"You're not upsetting me," Jane lied, forcing herself to handle this as maturely as she could manage. "Tell him yes - go have fun with him. I'm not that friend who's gonna go stop you. What kind of friendship would this be if we were always putting limitations on each other?"
Maura smiled appreciatively. "You're a great friend, Jane. I hope you know that."
XXX
Gym class was horrendous the following morning. Had Ian always looked at Maura this way, eyeing her curves, flashing her dazzling smiles? Jane and Maura had certainly created their own little corner amongst their testosterone filled gym class that Jane had neglected to see the way the all boys gazed at Maura's appealing form, but Ian Faulkner was by far the worst.
She reminded herself that her jealousy was petty and futile, but as he stopped Maura short before they returned to the locker rooms to change at the end of class, Jane found herself fuming as she threw open the door, in a huff as she changed, waiting for Maura. It was a good five minutes before she appeared, a smile on her face as she opened her locker.
"Did you tell him yes?" Jane barreled straight to the point.
Maura looked a bit hesitant to answer, but she nodded. "He also asked me if I were free to go out with him tonight," she admitted, her face looking slightly worried and it took Jane a moment to realize it was in response to her expression. She fought to relax her facial muscles, reminding herself that her jealously was absurd.
"Well, I'm happy for you," Jane forced the words out, knowing they sounded too harsh even though her intent was genuine.
"Are you, Jane?" Maura snapped back, her eyes flashing with irritation for a moment, but her expression softened quickly as well. "I apologize. I'm sorry that this is all happening so fast, Jane...it's all startling for me too. But I don't want you to worry."
Jane opened her mouth to speak, but the bell rang, cutting them off. Maura gave her a pleading look before exiting the locker room. Once she had gone, Jane kicked the base of the locker in frustration, knowing that worrying would be all she'd be doing.
XXX
"There, that should be the last box," Ian smiled, flattening the packaging tape on the cardboard box. He stacked it next to the pile of others, dusting off his hands as he scooted closer to Maura. "I'm sorry that this turned out to be completely un-romantic – I assure you I did have a dinner and movie planned," he laughed lightly, the sound echoing off the walls of the warehouse. "Thanks for helping me out, though."
"Of course," Maura dutifully replied, pulling her knees to her chest as she smiled in return. "I'm always glad to help – what organization did you say your father works for again?" she asked, gesturing toward the boxes of medical supplies they had just spent the last hour packing. Upon picking her up, Ian had received an urgent text from his father, resulting in a change of plans.
"Well…I didn't," Ian admitted, seeming a bit reluctant to exemplify. "Let's just say my father doesn't really work through any of the recognizable non-profits," he ended with a forced chuckle.
Maura processed his words, taking a moment to register them before her eyes widened slightly. "Oh, you mean to say that his distribution of supplies is…?" she trailed off, not wanting to pry where she was not welcome.
"Illegal, yes," he provided the word for her, much more quickly than she anticipated. "It does only seem fair that I'm honest with you after whisking you away from our planned date," he further exemplified, catching sight of her slightly worried gaze.
"Do you help your father often?" Maura questioned, intrigued by the nature of their relationship. If her father had been conducting business illegally, Maura was certain she'd be left in the dark.
He nodded, though it took him a minute to speak. She knew he as reluctant to expose too many details, but she could tell he was also relieved to have found someone he felt comfortable enough to share with. "It's always been this way, just me and my dad. My mum left when I barely even three, and I don't really remember her. My dad was never really much of a dad to me – he loves me, don't get me wrong, but he's not the fatherly type. I always viewed him more as my best friend than as the father he really was," here, he paused, as if remembering the initial question Maura had asked. "My dad's a very compassionate guy – he's the kind of guy who will fix someone's car for him, free of charge, whether he's his mate or not. More than once, I remember him inviting a homeless man in for dinner, right off the streets. My dad just cares, though he doesn't have a lot of patience for the legal system," Ian chuckled slightly, and Maura smiled faintly in return. "Charity organizations have so many conditions, long waiting periods, and though they help people in need, they often ignore the people who need it the most – the un-reachables, if you will," Ian further explained. "And that's the kind of people my dad wants to help the most. He has basic medical training, and a boatload of connections from all the people he's helped in his life, so I guess you can say he's started his own Robin Hood-esque underground missionary movement to help people get the supplies and medical treatment they wouldn't have gotten otherwise."
"That's quite noble of him," Maura noted. Perhaps she didn't exactly approve of his methods, but there was a certain honor that accompanied the work he was completing.
"I've always thought so," Ian agreed, looking relieved that Maura did not view the situation with disdain. "I'm glad to help him out, though he's made a restless person out of me," Ian added. "We're always on the go, and I've grown accustomed to that – even grown to crave it. I can't imagine anything but a nomadic lifestyle," he admitted. "But at the same time, sometimes I wonder what would happen if I stuck around someplace long enough to make a meaningful connection with someone – you know, made some actual friends," he trailed off with a sigh.
Maura reached for his hand, gently resting hers atop of his, remembering a time when she worried that she'd never have a friend in the world, but it was something she could no longer relate to. Perhaps her friends were still few and far between, but she no longer felt that insecurity or longing when she thought of the role Jane filled her in her life.
Ian's eyes trailed down to her hand, and the two sat in silence for a moment, the heat of their skin apparent as Ian scooted even closer to her. With his free hand, he reached to cup her cheek, stroking the skin softly with his thumb. As she watched his eyes close, his head inclining toward hers even so slightly, she knew what came next, and for a split second, her heart dropped to her stomach, and she contemplated pulling away.
But Ian's lips found hers before she had the chance to reconsider. His lips were soft and experienced, and she let out a soft moan as she leaned into the kiss, letting his skilled tongue explore. It was nice kissing Ian, and as he pulled away, she was left with a warm feeling in her belly, but nothing more.
"I suppose I should be getting you home soon," Ian spoke regretfully. "And I'm going to need to help my dad load these boxes, and I think I've already required enough physical labor from you for one night," he laughed, rising from the concrete floor. He extended his hand, helping Maura to her feet.
The drive home was filled with small snippets of polite conversation, but for the majority of the ride, Maura was silent, contemplating their budding relationship. The word she pinned to it was the same word she had used to describe their kiss. It was nice – a bland word, but a pleasant one. Perhaps it was still too early on to tell, but she couldn't help wondering if she were missing something more. A few years old than Maura, Ian was charming and experienced, and she had immediately fallen for those attributes, but she was not entirely sure what she was looking for.
As he pulled into her driveway, they spent a few more minutes kissing before she bid him farewell.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Ian grinned, swooping in for a final kiss.
Maura smiled as she stepped out of the car, watching him disappear around the bend before she stepped inside, greeted by Jeremy's warm smile and the empty silence of her immense house.
"Did you have a nice date, Miss Isles?" Jeremy asked politely as she stepped into the main foyer.
"Yes, it was nice," Maura spoke, letting Jeremy's word choice accurately describe it. "He's a—" She was cut off by the shrill ringing of her cell phone, and as she retrieved it from her purse, she immediately recognized Jane's home number. She mouthed a 'sorry' to Jeremy as she scrambled up the stairs, her face feeling a little hot as she answered her phone.
"Jane," she answered. "Is everything alright?" She and Jane were certainly not the typical high school friends who spent hours on the phone together, so Jane's phone call automatically stirred some concern.
"Uh, yeah," Jane answered, her voice a bit gruff. "Everything's fine…I, uh, I just wanted to make sure you date went okay," she trailed off, her voice a bit soft as she squeaked out the tail end of her sentence.
Maura was taken slightly aback by Jane's inquiry. She had remembered only briefly mentioning her date with Ian, knowing that the topic did not thrill Jane. She had not expected Jane to be the friend who called, asking for the details of her night out, so she swallowed heavily, wondering what was appropriate to share. "It was nice," she spoke the simple phrase yet again. "Ian was quite the gentleman," she assured her friend.
"Good," Jane's voice was still rough, and Maura wished she could decipher the emotion behind it. "So you had a nice time?"
It was a redundant question, and Maura still felt uncertain about Jane's motives, but she answered dutifully, regardless. "Yes, we had a nice time."
Jane was silent for a moment. Maura tried to picture her, perhaps twirling a dark curl around her finger in the tension filled silence, her facial expression hard and tough, but laced with the gentle concern she always seemed to have for Maura.
"Did he kiss you?" the question tumbled out, and Maura could hear Jane's heavy breathing on the opposite line, and Maura had to wonder why she suddenly felt so guilty.
"Yes," she answered finally, her voice catching slightly on the simple word.
She was greeted by unbearable silence, and once again, she tried to picture Jane's expression. She licked her lips, wondering if she should say more, but Jane promptly answered. "Oh, okay. Sorry that I bothered you. I'm glad you had a nice time. 'Night."
And with that, the line went dead, leaving Maura with her phone pressed up against her ear. It took her a moment to regain her composure, but once she did so, she promptly hit the redial button, waiting for Jane to answer as she listened to the shrill ring.
"Hey," Jane answered, her voice softer this time.
"Jane," Maura spoke softly. "I feel as though I've done something wrong by going out with Ian," she let the words spill from her mouth. "If you're not okay with this, then please, let me know."
Jane was silent for a long moment before she answered. "I want you to be happy."
Maura let a sigh of air escape through her teeth. Jane had hardly answered her question, but she reminded herself that her annoyance was not going to solve anything. "I am happy, Jane, but I want you to be happy too. And I want you to feel as though you can be honest with me."
She was greeted by silence yet again, waiting for Jane to consider her answer. "I guess," she began, pausing once more before she continued to speak. "I guess I'm just worried that if you have a boyfriend, you'll forget about me."
Maura's heart broke at just the mere suggestion, and she was quick to assure her the opposite, "Jane, our friendship is never going to change for the sake of a boy, I can assure you that," Maura promised fervently.
"I still can't help worrying a bit," Jane muttered, though Maura could sense that she had been reassured for the time being.
"Go get some sleep, Jane. And please don't worry," she practically begged her. "Nothing is going to change between us."
Jane was silent for a moment before she answered. "Thanks, Maur. G'night."
The phone line went dead again, and though they had ended on a good note, Maura wasn't entirely convinced that Jane had come to terms with all this. She sighed, falling back against her pillows, her head pounding heavily from the influx of emotions she had been saddled with today.
She heard a gentle knock on the door, and she lifted her head in surprise, wondering what Jeremy could want at this hour. "Come in."
But as the door creaked open, it was not Jeremy who entered. It was her mother, looking prim in her pantsuit she had worn to her exhibition, her bracelets jingling as the beads rustled together. Maura sat up abruptly, gazing at her mother inquisitively as she pondered to what she owed this sudden visit.
"Jeremy informed me that you went on a date tonight," her mother spoke, positing herself on the corner of Maura's bed, such a motherly gesture that Maura felt her stomach go soft. She noticed her mother held an envelope in her grasp, and she positioned it facedown on her lap, piquing Maura's curiosity.
"Yes," Maura clarified, bringing her train of thought back to the topic at hand. "He also asked me to accompany him to the homecoming dance."
"That sounds lovely," her mother responded, and Maura could not sense if she held any sincerity in her words. "I'm sorry I wasn't here tonight." Or, as Maura translated her apology, I'm sorry that I had to hear this from the butler.
"It's alright, Mother," Maura assured her, and her words were true. She had never known the support of her mother long enough to miss it.
"No, Maura, I do wish to be more involved in your life." This time, Maura could tell she meant this genuinely. "Every time I miss a milestone in your life, I remind myself that I can always make amends by being present for the next – but I'm running out of milestones, Maura. And I'm running out of time," she sighed, reaching for the envelope in her lap, handing it to Maura.
Maura flipped the envelope over, the familiar seal in the corner filling her with a wave of dread. She tore open the envelope, though she already knew what was concealed beneath the thick paper.
Félicitations, Madame Isles. Nous sommes heureux de vous informer qu'il ya une ouverture pour vous dans notre établissement, le Collège Stanislas de Paris…
Here eyes darted away from the paper as she found her mother's eyes, a knot of worry forming in her chest. She had waited so long for this letter – she had even sent away for the brochure for the esteemed French boarding school herself, but now, as it suddenly became a reality, she only felt a sense of dread.
Her mother raised an eyebrow, waiting for the official verdict. Maura's mouth was dry as she finally forced the words from her lips, "They have an opening for me."
A/N: I felt like I should talk about Maura and Ian for a minute, especially because I got a review that mentioned that Maura didn't seem that interested in Jane. I've always seen Maura as being very sexually aware, and while she may not be sexually active as the 14-year-old in my fic, I still have her embody that same trait. Maura likes boys for the physical reasons – she likes boys for that immediate attraction and the physical benefits she can get out of a relationship, but we have yet to see her really relate on an emotional level with a guy (Ian was the closest, but even then, they had a very physical relationship) Jane is someone she can relate emotionally to – perhaps the only person she can truly relate emotionally to, and of course, in due time, the physical element will fall into place. So I assure you that Maura is quite interested in Jane, but she's not as conscious or as uncomfortable about it as Jane is. And while Ian is somewhat of a romantic interest for her, he's hardly the real deal – Maura's just a girl who can appreciate an attractive guy who in turn expresses some interest in her, lol.