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Beckett's smile and the lingering warmth from their embrace faded in unison as she walked down the hall to her apartment. She missed him already, and for what? An anomalous fear that manifested mostly in the form of a mild anxiety of presenting herself to his daughter.

Silly.

Juvenile.

Beckett bit her lip and fished her phone out of her bag as she shouldered her way through her door. It took four rings but just as she was getting ready to end the call, it was answered.

"Lanie," she sighed, letting out a big breath of relief.

"Kate! You've been MIA since you and Castle snuck out of the Christmas party. Please tell me you've been holed up with that writer of yours."

Beckett's chuckle was as much of an admission as her friend needed, which led Lanie to let out a squeal that was loud enough that Beckett had to hold the phone away from her ear, wincing. While Lanie celebrated, Beckett made her way through her apartment, dropping her bag on an end table and shrugging out of her coat. Then she heard Lanie's voice, muffled as if she had a hand over the receiver.

"She was with Castle!"

"Hey, what? Lanie who are you talking to?"

There was no direct response, Lanie had clearly forgotten how to uphold her side of a conversation, and then Beckett heard the low baritone of a man's voice.

"Lanie! Are you with Esposito?" No response. "Lanie!"

"What?" Finally Lanie came back.

"All that squeaking about me and Castle and you've got Esposito at your place?"

Lanie laughed. "Actually, I'm at his. But I already know all about that. I want to know about you guys. So you two finally..."

"Yeah. We finally." Beckett couldn't keep the little grin from playing across her lips, and her eyes wandered over to the messy palate of her bedroom with amusement. They definitely had.

"Oh where, your place? Bed or couch? Kitchen? I always kind of thought that if the two of you got together he'd be so wound up that he'd be dragging the clothes off of you wh-"

She was interrupted by a distinctly disgruntled male voice in the background.

"Esposito doesn't want to hear it," she concluded. "But you tell me details, girl. Right now."

"Well," Beckett teased. "Yes. Bed, couch, kitchen. And other places."

"Ooo, girl, I'm so happy for you! So why are you calling me instead of finding other places to christen?"

Beckett sighed, and absently tugged her comforter into a more respectable location. When she didn't answer, Lanie's voice softened. "Did something happen?"

"I sort of sent him home." Holding up a hand as if Lanie could see her, Beckett continued quickly, "He asked me to go with him. But he has a mother there, and a daughter. I've dealt with mothers, sure, though they usually leave to go home at the end of the night. But a daughter? He has a daughter, Lanie."

"A daughter who respects and looks up to you. She likes you. So what's the problem?"

Sitting in her bedroom, alone for the first time in days, she couldn't think of one. "Huh," she muttered. She plucked at the comforter. "I already miss him," she said wistfully.

"Kate Beckett, if you do not go over there right now, I will leave my sexy detective just to come over to your place and drive you myself, but I don't want to do that. Don't make me. We've been having the kind of fun I don't want to miss."

.

...

.

Half an hour later, Beckett was standing on Castle's doorstep with a duffle bag full of her things and her phone in her hand, unsure if she should call or knock. She should have called before she made it this far, but her mind had been in a million places at once and none of those places had been common sense. She had just sent him a text, Are you home? when the ding of the elevator had her glancing over her shoulder.

Well, shi-

"Kate!" Martha's voice rang out merrily across the hallway. "Darling, what are you doing here?"

She and Alexis were laden down with shopping bags, wearing matching Santa-themed scarves, and they tumbled together off of the elevator in a flurry of red hair and lingering cool air. They made it all the way to the door before Martha noticed the bag Beckett was carrying and raised an eyebrow with a knowing wink.

"Oh, you're staying with us. Wonderful!"

She gave a red-faced Beckett a kiss on each cheek big hug and opened the door. Beckett let her go in first, and then Alexis, who's face was just as red as Beckett's, gave her a small but sincere enough smile as she slipped through the door. She followed, and found herself in a winter wonderland, an ode to Christmas and all things bright and shiny. She blinked, looking around dumbly, until Martha's shrill voice distracted her from her surroundings.

"Richard! Look who we found."

Castle came out of his study distracted, a tablet in one hand and a whiskey glass in the other. He had changed into jeans and a sweater that, Beckett noticed, showed off his arms. "What, now?" He asked without looking up.

"Darling," Martha lowered her voice. "Beckett's here."

Castle actually dropped his tablet, looking up with a stunned expression. Beckett grimaced when the tablet cracked against the ground before smiling sheepishly at him with a one-shouldered shrug.

"Surprise," she said softly. When he didn't move, she dropped her bag and walked over to retrieve his tablet from the floor. Standing back up, she handed it back to him. "Doesn't look broken."

"Alexis, dear, let's go see if we have anything for dinner. I suspect we're going to have to order out tonight." Martha took the girl by the shoulders and tugged her away toward the kitchen.

Castle's jaw had dropped a little, the barest hint of a smile showing now, but he was still just staring at her. Beckett ducked her head and looked up at him through her lashes. "This is the part where you say you're happy I came, and that you are happy you don't have to spend the night alone, and where you save me from making small talk with your family."

There was another small beat of time, just long enough for her to begin to wonder if she really should have called first, and then his face broke out in a beaming smile. "You're here," he said in wonder. Setting the tablet down on the nearest flat surface, he gathered her up in a one-armed hug and buried his smile in her hair. "Of course I'm happy! Merry Christmas to me," he grinned.

"This isn't what you're getting for Christmas," Beckett countered.

He leaned back and held her out at arms length, his lips quirking in a pleased grin. "You got me something for Christmas?"

"Of course," she murmured. "But it's not exactly the kind of thing that you unwrap, so don't feel like you have to get me anything else."

Castle laughed. "Of course you're going to get something on Christmas." He held up his whiskey glass. "Want a drink? You're going to need one to deal with my mother. She's going to be formidable now that you showed up here with an overnight bag."

"I'm more worried about Alexis," Beckett confessed, "but I'll definitely take a drink."

.

...

.

When Beckett's alarm woke them early the next morning, Castle groaned in protest. "Shhhh," he hissed, rolling over and pulling a pillow over his head. Beckett silenced her alarm, grinning sleepily.

"Baby," she murmured, sidling over to spoon him from behind, pressing her lips to his shoulder blade and dragging her toes up his calf.

"Hmm, no." He rolled over onto his back so he could look at her with half opened eyes. "'Babe' s'okay. 'Baby', not so much."

"Not a pet name," she giggled where she was tucked against his chest now. "A description. Come on, baby, it's time to get up."

"Nope." He turned and locked his arms around her and rested his cheek on her head. "Still asleep."

Beckett considered her options. Wrestle him and show him she's boss, dragging them both out of bed. Or giving in, snuggling a little closer, letting his body keep her warm from the ambient air. She let her eyes call closed again. It was barely even a question. It was two days to Christmas, she thought, it's not like anyone was going to write her up for being a little late.

"M'kay. Five more minutes."

But despite relaxing back into him, she couldn't stop her mind from working. "Last night went well," she whispered.

"Hmm? Mmhmm."

Beckett was learning that Castle was a very heavy sleeper. Rock like. And it took a long time for him to come all the way out of it. Which meant, among other things, that she could sometimes mess with him a little while he was only half awake. She trailed the tip of her index finger down his chest.

"Your mother made some valid points about marriage."

That did it. Castle snorted himself awake and his eyes popped open until white showed around the edges. She could literally feel his heartbeat pick up.

"Easy, Castle. I'm kidding." She smoothed her hand back up his chest to rest over his heart, waiting until the rhythm slowed again. "But I was serious that it went well. She was exactly as over the top and over the line as I expected."

"She was actually pretty subdued, for her. She didn't talk wedding night or babies or ask you to do any errands for her. She likes you." That made them both grin, and he kissed her forehead. "So does Alexis."

Beckett was quiet at that, rubbing her nose over his skin. She didn't disagree, exactly, but she felt it might take a little time to get to know her. The girl had been friendly, but polite. That was okay, though, there was plenty of time for more. "Come on Castle. Our five minutes are up."

.

...

.

The day at the precinct was slow. Almost everybody was spending the downtime eating the cookies in the break room or talking Christmas plans. Castle and Beckett had studiously avoided the question of Christmas plans for the greater part of the day. After taking a ribbing about their newly consummated status from Espo and Ryan, and then turning the tables on Esposito, they had settled into something that resembled their usual routine.

If they were spending more time talking with their heads close together, no one commented. Esposito and Ryan definitely noticed, but displayed unusual restraint. For the most part. There was the one time Beckett looked up and Ryan mimed the word 'baby' at her with air quotes, laughing. She hadn't even realized she'd said it.

Castle would kill her if he noticed, so she sent Ryan the kind of glare she normally saves for the interrogation room. He swiveled his chair around with a smirk.

When the clock ticked past five, Castle and Beckett were sitting side by side in the break room, munching on a tin of fudge they had confiscated as their own. Beckett caught herself just in time to prevent herself from brushing crumbs away from his chin and laughed at herself.

"What's funny?" he mumbled around a mouthful.

She touched her own chin and nodded at him.

"Oh, sorry. S'good," he grinned, and she laughed again.

"Yup, it's good." Her voice was low and intimate, and she leaned her shoulder against his. Castle swallowed and smiled, looking down at her there.

"Not just the fudge, hmm?"

"Nope. Not just the fudge."

He interlocked their fingers and brought their joined hands to his lap. "Look at us. Couple of saps."

They laughed together, but neither one pretended to deny it. "So," Beckett hummed, wiping her hands on a napkin.

"So," Castle agreed. "Ready to head home? "

Beckett raised an eyebrow archly. "Home?" she echoed.

"No, the loft. I said the loft," Castle backpedaled, eyebrows climbing up his forehead. "I know it's not... that's not... It's just a saying."

Beckett smiled but leaned away. "Actually, I'm going to go back to my apartment tonight."

Castle narrowed his eyes at her. "So you can surprise me by showing up again?"

"Not this time." Beckett sighed and grimaced at him, apologetic, her fingers curling around his knee. "I have an errand to run tonight, and tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I'm working, and you'll be home with your family. I don't think I should stay at the loft just to leave in the morning."

Castle nodded, but couldn't prevent himself from slinging an arm around her shoulders and trying one more time. "I know I've already asked more than once, but isn't there any way I can change your mind about Christmas? We'd love to have you."

The indecision she'd been feeling all day was pulling at Beckett's gut, and she wanted to tell him so. To tell him that she wasn't sure, that she wanted to be there and still be here. That he was the reason for that. But there were other factors that kept her on the fence, and it didn't seem right to keep him there too, constantly waiting for her to decide when the evidence suggested that her pattern would remain the same as it had for Christmases past.

"Thank you, Castle, really. But I don't think that can happen. It's my tradition," she said slowly, forming words around an idea that she had never expressed aloud before. "To be here for the victims. To give a little bit of myself that they might be a little less broken. To find them justice, which is the only gift that you could give them that might mean anything at all."

She broke off when her voice caught in her throat, face down turned to hide the tears that threatened to fall.

"Because you know better than anyone what they need," Castle finished for her, and she nodded. "But you could still come for dinner, or-"

"No." Beckett disentangled herself from him and stood up. Despite the stiffness of her stance, she cupped a hand at his cheek to soften her words before crossing her arms over her chest. "It's something else, too. It's that my dad and I, we never had Christmas again. We don't speak on the day, we don't discuss it. We don't talk until the end of January. Because when my mom died..." she paused here, and took a shaky breath. "It was January 9th and we hadn't even taken the tree down. That's the last time I had Christmas. It wouldn't feel right to have a real Christmas if I knew Dad was still alone somewhere, just slogging through it. I can't have Christmas without him."

Castle smiled, a reaction that Beckett couldn't begin to understand, and nodded. "Okay," he said simply. There was a light in his eyes and a strange sense of relief about him that made her narrow her eyes, but a quick flick of her eyes at the wall clock reminded her that she had to go if she was going to get her Christmassy errands done.

She leaned in and kissed him, mumbling an apology and a goodnight against his lips, and she turned and left.

Castle watched her go. Part of his heart was breaking; no matter how much progress she had made since Thanksgiving, it had still only been a month of working on her feelings toward the holiday and there was still so much grief in her. But the other part of his heart, the optimistic part that was so often where he turned for guidance, knew what she couldn't know yet. That it was going to be okay this year.

"Hey bro."

Esposito and Ryan walked in casually after she left, both with their hands in their pockets and glancing over their shoulders to make sure she was really gone.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah," Castle said. "Everything's going according to plan. You guys are still in, right?"

"Yeah."

"Of course, bro. It's not like you signed us up for something terrible. And even if you had, it's Beckett. Of course we're in."

"Definitely," Ryan echoed.

"Good," Castle grinned. "She's going to be so surprised."

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A/N: Two more chapters! (For realsies this time.) And an epilogue that is a non-holiday situation, that I'm considering making just a stand-alone one-shot that exists in my A/U, because the mood is quite different from this main story. Not sure about that yet.

Thanks for reading!