CHAPTER FOURTEEN

When Derek's surgery was over, he went into the surgeon's lounge, hoping to find Meredith there. When he didn't see her, he stretched his neck and sat down on the couch, giving his body a rest from hours of standing still in the same position.

"You look like crap," Bailey said as she entered the surgeon's lounge and went over to the coffee machine.

"Thanks," Derek said sarcastically, yawning. "I didn't get much sleep last night." Bailey didn't say anything. She didn't want to go there again. Derek did though. "Have you seen Meredith?" he asked.

"Do you ever learn?" Bailey asked.

"I just want to see her," Derek said. "I'm not gonna be pushy or-"

"With all due respect, I really don't have time for this, Doctor Shepherd," Bailey said, taking her coffee and leaving.

&&&

After she had left the gallery, Meredith had been tracked down by Sydney for a peer counseling session. As much as Meredith hated every second of it, she forced herself to participate. Then she had gone to her appointment with her psychiatrist where she had been forced to talk in detail about the disturbing flashbacks that she had been experiencing. Now that Meredith was back at the hospital, emotionally drained, all she wanted to do was find a quiet corner and distract herself with something surgical.

"Doctor Grey." Meredith heard Callie's voice from down the hall. Meredith stopped as Callie approached her. "Are you free?"

"I… uh…" Meredith stammered, not knowing if Callie knew that she was on probation, although she assumed that she did since word had spread like wildfire. "Well are you?" Callie asked. "I'm about to snap some guy's nose back into alignment in the pit. Wanna come?"

"I'm not allowed to interact with patients at the moment," Meredith said, truthfully. "Chief's orders."

"I'm not gonna go running to the Chief," Callie said, starting to walk away. "Last chance." Meredith shook her head, even though she would have loved to get in on a consult. It was time for her to start doing the right thing, she had decided.

"Thanks anyway," Meredith said to Callie. Meredith kept walking until she reached the surgical library. She pulled a book off of the shelf and sat down at a desk with her notes from Derek's craniotomy. Meredith welcomed the distraction and became engrossed in her study.

Twenty minutes later, Meredith didn't even hear the footsteps approaching her. It wasn't until Richard leaned over her shoulder and spoke that she realized that someone was there.

"You missed a step," Richard said, observing her notes.

Meredith jumped, startled by his voice.

"It's just me," Richard said, resting his hands on her shoulders. "You're jumpy today."

"Don't sneak up on me like that," Meredith said, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," Richard said, concerned. "How are you doing?"

"I don't even know how to answer that," Meredith said honestly, yet cryptically. She sounded emotional and irritated.

"Have you had lunch?" Richard asked in a fatherly tone. Meredith shook her head.

"Come and have lunch with me in the cafeteria," Richard said.

"I have to study," Meredith said, turning back to her work. She felt Richard watching her as she tried to concentrate. "Fine," she sighed, packing up her things, secretly happy that he had come looking for her.

"Can we just stop by the ER?" Richard asked as they walked through the hospital. "I just have to sign off on some paperwork." Meredith nodded. She wasn't in any hurry.

When they reached the ER, Meredith stood at the nurses' station and saw Callie talking to Alex outside a patient's cubicle. Callie pulled back the curtain and Meredith froze. It was only for a second and he hadn't seen her but she felt four years old again. Her father was only metres away. Suddenly Meredith heard her father yell out in pain as Callie and Alex realigned his nose. She felt as though a bolt of lightning had gone through her.

"Okay, ready to go?" Richard asked, returning to the nurses' station, but Meredith was no where to be seen.

&&&

Ellis had been home for a couple of weeks now and things had slowly gone back to what little Meredith had come to know as 'normal.' At first Thatcher had cried and begged Ellis to forgive him for what he'd done. He hadn't had anything to drink for a few days and Meredith wondered if he had changed. She soon realized that he hadn't. Soon enough she could smell bourbon again and would hide under her bed, terrified, as her mother cried out. One night when Thatcher has driven away to find more alcohol, Meredith crept through the hall and stood outside of her mother's room. Her mother was on the phone to the police.

"What do you mean that you can't guarantee my safety?" she asked. "No… well that's not good enough… you don't know what my husband's like. He's a jealous man. He will track us down." She listened for a while longer before slamming the phone down in frustration. Ellis suddenly spotted Meredith standing in the doorway.

"I'm not setting a very good example for you," she said to her frightened daughter. "I don't want to stay here with daddy."

"Me neither," Meredith said.

"But, I want him to be the one to leave," Ellis explained, knowing that her little girl wouldn't understand. She was trying to justify her decision to herself by saying it out loud. "If daddy leaves, he'll leave us alone because he has control. If we leave, it's only a matter of time before he finds us." Meredith had started to cry. She didn't understand why they couldn't just find somewhere else to live and why Richard couldn't be her daddy.

"Please don't cry," Ellis begged. "Meredith, I can't stand it when you cry." Meredith ran back into her bedroom and hid under the bed again, knowing that it was only a matter of time before her father came back. Now she was angry at both of her parents.

Meredith ran out of the hospital. All she knew was that she didn't feel safe anywhere anymore. Her house reminded her of all the pain associated with living there as her child and now her father and her memories had turned up at her hospital. Meredith went to her car, opened the door and got in. She broke down crying and hit her head against the steering wheel in sheer frustration. She hardly ever allowed herself to cry like that but she couldn't control it. The door to the car opened and someone reached out for her. All Meredith could see was Thatcher and she lashed out, hitting the person as hard as she could across the chest. Then Meredith realized that it was Derek who had seen her in the car and rushed over.

Derek had no idea what had upset Meredith so much, almost to the point of hysteria. He wrapped his arms around her tiny frame in the hope that it would settle her.

"It's okay, you're okay," he whispered repeatedly. Meredith leant against Derek's chest and her breathing started to slow down. Her sobs turned into soft whimpers as she listened to his heartbeat. Meredith hugged Derek and felt safer than she had in a long time.