This chapter was a little easier for me to write, but I'm looking forward to some that I can pull away from the original plotline. (They always seem to be short chapters when I follow the episode too closely.) Read and review; if you have suggestions for future chapters, put them in your review or message me. Thank you and enjoy the next installment!
Chapter 13 Lamb among the Leopards
Every bump that we went over riding on Kettle the Trailmon seemed to get bigger and bigger as we continued hurtling down the tracks. His weight leaned back and forth, his metal body straining as he navigated turns. Somewhere a few thousand yards behind us was the place where Ryuu had vouched to stay behind…
How could I do this to him? How could I lose him when he was so close? On Karatsukinumemon Mountain there was no chance for me to rescue him, but today…why? What drove me to think that my actions were reasonable? What was his reasoning? Those Spirits are more important now than ever. We can't take on Cherubimon without him.
It was at this time that the voice brooded deeply into the matter; the sting made me flinch. What makes you think that the dragon matters? He does nothing but hinder you; he's almost as bad as the Warrior of Light.
I considered that for a second, taking the opportunity to look at Koji. "Hey bud, could you possibly go any faster?" he derisively questioned him.
"Just hang onto your bandana," the Trailmon confirmed as he kicked into high gear.
"Koji!" the others shouted.
"What?" he protested. Then he directed his complaint to the Trailmon, "I was being sarcastic!" Kettle didn't slow down.
"Zoe, is everyone okay back there?" Takuya shouted from the other side of Kettle, but I never heard the response.
I can't believe I'm going to argue with you about this…but there's a seriously big difference between Ryuu and Koji: their emotions, the way they act, the way they speak. They're two entirely different people. It's obvious that Ryuu cares about everyone and wants to protect everyone.
He doesn't care about you; no one cares about you.
You're wrong, and you know it. Any one of them here right now would go a hundred miles to prove you wrong.
I'm aware of your stubborn attitude, if he had a face, he was grimacing. Consider this, Warrior of Sky. In time you will succumb to my demands, and as you fall, so will he. Light will be soon to follow. Then nothing will stand in my way ever again.
Darkness is still kicking pretty hard, so I doubt it; and I'm still here, aren't I? I mused. That really ticked him off.
You ought to surrender now before it gets worse, he threatened. I can make your life miserable, just you wait and see.
He left me with a foreboding feeling that tightened all the muscles in my stomach, making me feel sick. I closed my eyes, leaning my forehead against the cool side of the Trailmon.
"Is she okay?" Koji asked . "She looks really pale."
Robert snorted loudly in my ear. "I always know if she's okay." There was a moment of silence before Koji spoke up.
"Well?"
"Ask her yourself if you happen to be interested," he hopped onto the side of Kettle. "I'm going to have a word with the driver."
I opened my eyes when it became apparent that I would have to talk; I straightened my posture, turning towards Koji. When he saw me move, he turned his back on me to watch the Trailmon take a sharp right turn.
I can't see anything...how much clearance would I have on top of Kettle?
My lack of expertise in climbing caused a moment of hesitation; however, that was easy to overcome. Fingers finding footholds with my feet also connecting something sturdy, it was an easier task than I had anticipated.
"Perry?" Koji called my name in surprise.
"Hold on guys, it's getting rough again!" Takuya warned us.
"Up here," I answered. The air was much cooler on top of Kettle than at his side, probably from Koji blocking most of the wind. It unnerved me when I found Light Boy himself climbing slowly up the side of the Trailmon to where I was; Robert was quick to follow him too.
"Isn't it nice up here?" Robert grinned at us. My back was tight against some of the heavy duty machinery sticking up out of the Trailmon. Koji was a good four or five feet away parallel to me with the most irritable stare radiating towards the Poyomon. A pale sheen of sweat glistened on his brow from the stressful climb.
"Hold onto something," I told him, tightening my grip to the Trailmon. Koji froze for a moment just as Kettle jumped a long expanse of downhill rails—with no rails.
"This is definitely not good for the baby!" Bokomon wailed from inside the Trailmon.
"I always say one good track deserves another," Kettle cackled with pleasure.
I let myself relax once more despite the vibrations.
"And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content…with loneliness." Robert trailed off from the melody that long ago he had made me sing for him. "That reminds me," he spun towards me. "I have a question for ya!"
I decided to humor him. "Yeah?"
"How far would you go running in the Human World?" The question caught me off guard. I hadn't anticipated a complicated one where I was expected to form an intelligent answer.
"I don't know…a couple miles?" I shrugged. "Why?"
"When this war is over, I want a rematch from our last race. But it won't be a dinky one like we had last time. It's gonna start at the Flame Terminal and end…well, wherever we end the war, I guess. Then we will be retracing our steps the entire way!"
I stared at the Poyomon for a moment before looking up at Koji. He was staring down at the Trailmon, not looking up.
"I don't know, Robert, can you run that far?" I chuckled. "I don't think I'd get half way before I'd have to stop. It'd take weeks."
"I'd fly when my feet would hurt, or foot, whatever I have. You can fly too, so I wouldn't be cheating," he reassured me. "Unless you think that flying is cheating, which it could be, but it's not, 'cause we'll both be doing it."
"Hey, you're way's good and fine," I grinned at the Poyomon. Then he turned towards Koji with an inquisitive aura about him.
"And then there's you, Light Boy," Robert sighed. "You won't run, you won't fight back, and you just sit there. Menacingly." Koji didn't answer but did look up at the Digimon. "In fact," Robert continued, pacing, "I think that you have no intention of having anything to do with me."
"What gave you that idea?" Koji suggested wryly. He didn't mind that notion.
"No particular reason whatsoever." He swiveled his back towards Koji before coming up to me to sit on my shoulder. "But when you want to talk, I'm around."
The Trailmon came to a stop in an underground cave with a towering ceiling while a stream pooled beneath the rails themselves. A jump cleared the short distance from the Trailmon to the solid earth, and Kettle gave his good bye.
"End of the line and all is fine," his bright blue eyes were bigger than a beach ball. His face (or front) looked like a yellow duck with a shiny orange bill. "Happy trails!"
Everyone shouted good-byes to him and waving as he backed away. Then it was a race through the tunnel to reach the surface to put distance between us and the ravenous Grumblemon.
"Hey everybody, there's an opening up ahead!" Takuya was at the front with Koji at his side.
"Yeah, let's just hope it gets us outside," Koji returned with a strained hope. It can't be this easy, can it? I guessed while praying at the same time that I was wrong.
We entered the bluish light to find a gigantic cavern carved out of the stone by running water. Uneven, ancient pillars stretched up to the ceiling while different levels of the rock acted like steppes, channeling the water into the middle of the expanse of space.
"Aw…" Takuya groaned.
"This doesn't look like outside to me. Does this look like outside to you?" JP disproved of the lead runners.
"Well duh, it's an underground cavern," Zoe's voice echoed in the expanse of space. I looked up at the ceiling before scanning the walls.
"Guys, there's nothing in…" Takuya cut me off.
"Where's the exit?" he demanded of everyone, like we were supposed to know.
"There's got to be one somewhere," Koji insisted, taking a step forward.
"Right," the two charged down the rock ledges to scour the rock for an opening.
"But there's nothing…" I watched as Tommy, Bokomon burdened with Seraphimon's egg, and Neemon chased after them too. Resigned, I walked down the rock ledges, jumping down them when it deemed necessary.
I sat down on the second to last rock ledge before I sat down. I removed my shoes and socks, pressing my feet together and relaxing my arms to meditate.
"What are you doing?" Robert inquired of me with the utmost curiosity.
"Getting my bearings, I'm not very good at this. Give me a moment to breathe," I inhaled deeply before exhaling. Every thought traveled down my spine spreading throughout me with the same concept as the blood flowing through one's body.
"Hey Perry!" I heard Takuya shout from the other side of the cavern. "Help us look for a way out!" I ignored him with a loud exhalation of oxygen from my lungs.
"If Grumblemon finds us in here, we'll be in big trouble," Tommy added. Somewhere towards the entrance JP was talking really loud to Zoe about getting her Spirit back. Focus on the silence between words. This is what you want to achieve through your meditation: concentrate, Morti.
Every minute that passed brought more and more relaxation to my muscles. It was almost as comfortable as sleeping…but as I drew my mind back to what mattered, I knew that our time was running out. Too much time spent here meant that we would have to deal with Grumblemon and any other evil Legendary Warrior that he brought with him.
I stood to my feet as JP and Tommy passed by me headed towards Koji and Takuya who were finished examining the unmovable rock.
"I guess we got to go back," Tommy said as Koji confirmed that it was indeed, a solid rock cavern.
"That's what I've been saying!" JP insisted again.
"Maybe there's an exit somewhere back in the tunnels," Zoe suggested. "It's worth a try."
The ground vibrated under my feet; all my natural running ability rushed through to my toes, and I had sprinted up three ledges before I knew what was going on. A thick wave of water launched upward from the pool to slam JP and Tommy into the side of a rock ledge.
"Tommy!" the cry came from at least three of our group as the water lapped back into the pool.
They had been knocked down and soaked to the bone; bruises and scratches from the rocks marred their skin. I took out my D-Tector, watching the pool of water while in the background I could hear talking.
"I don't feel so good, JP," Tommy whimpered.
"Jeez! Are you all right little man…? Hey! How come nobody yelled out my name?" JP paused to whine for his lost cause. The water in the pool churned violently before rising up to the top of the cavern ceiling.
The water revealed a howling whale Digimon. Its back was brown with its belly a cerulean blue, and several large teeth hung down from its jaws. Barnacle-like tubes were attached about a foot away from the corner of his jaw. Twice the size of a Trailmon, he could give a really big temper tantrum. I thought whales ate shrimp and crustaceans, not people.
"What's Whamon doing down here?" Bokomon asked aloud. "He lives in the ocean."
"Who is Whamon?" Zoe questioned him further.
"He's a whale Digimon, and he seems to be quite out of his element. They're ordinarily a very gentle Digimon."
"I can't stand it any longer!" he thrashed in the water. "Do you hear me? I can't stand it! I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go home!"
"We got to stop him," Koji insisted with his gaze fixed on the whale.
"O-Okay, I'm ready to go when you are," Takuya reluctantly agreed, but when he committed to the task, he was committed.
They Spirit Evolved into Agunimon and Lobomon before jumping onto Whamon's wide back. Seeing the little amount of space (and the angry whale), I decided to let this opportunity slide. There's no reason for all of us to end up injuring ourselves, especially if Grumblemon shows up.
"All right big guy, just calm down," Lobomon growled in as pleasant of a voice as he could muster.
"Yeah, what is the matter with you?" Agunimon scolded the giant like a little kid.
"Leave me alone!" Whamon reared up in the water, continuing his thrashing for about thirty seconds longer before calming himself down.
Lobomon and Agunimon came back to shore while everyone gathered at the base of the pool. I stayed where I was, resuming my meditation once more.
"You seem to be doing a little bit better now, Whamon. Can you tell us why you were so upset?" Zoe inquired of the ginormous whale.
He rose up slightly out of the water to reveal his quivering maw. "Oh, I hate this place," his words trembled. "I just want to go back to my home, in the ocean. Until very recently I was swimming: happy and free under the sea, not a care in the world. Then one day, I saw these delicious-looking glowing plants. I couldn't help myself; I decided to take a little nibble. They were so good…" For a moment he trailed off. "Next thing I knew, I was stuck in this place with no way out!"
Whamon burst into a flood of tears as he sobbed, breaking my concentration. I took in little pieces of silence to regain it.
"Here we go again," Agunimon sighed.
"You don't have to be such a big cry baby," Lobomon complained with his usual irritation.
"He's sure losing a lot of water, is that normal?" Neemon questioned Bokomon.
"No idea," was his response.
"This is embarrassing. Does he really think all this blubbering is going to help him?" JP didn't finish his words before grunting in pain.
"A-A-And it's all my fault that you guys got hurt! I'm so sorry!" Whamon wailed with the tears still flowing out of his non-existent eyes.
"You're forgiven, all right?" JP grated through the agony; it sounded worse than what the voice could do to me on a good day.
"Well, at least you have some company now," Zoe turned to the bright side. "We're stuck here too. Maybe with your help, we could figure out a way to escape."
Instantly the blubbering stopped. A splash of water sounded before Whamon spoke in the most delighted tone. "Okay!"
My eyes snapped open as the Digimon cried out in sudden horror; the pool of water had drained completely, leaving the water Digimon on the cold cavern floor. The rocks split apart to reveal an overeager Grumblemon. I slid my shoes back on before grappling my D-Tector: he had to have brought help along with him. But where?
"Nowhere hide now," Grumblemon cackled. "Me find you! Me so glad to see each other again, only this time me steal your Spirits good!"
"You're an annoying little gnome, you know that?" Lobomon pointed at our adversary.
"Yeah, what he said! And by the way, you're not stealing anything from anyone ever again! We're not afraid of you anymore, Grumblemon." Agunimon gloated.
"Na na, na, ne ne ne, Grumblemon," the Warrior of Earth mocked. "Will be, look."
He took out that green shell that he had used on us the day that Takuya had found his Beast Spirit. A huge, pink wave of the powder was released into the air, and from the dust rose up twenty Golemon.
"May have Gigasmon's Spirit but me have other powers," he reminded us. "You no give me Earth Spirit, he mine. Now you give all Spirits! Me first find you, so Mercurymon and others no more have you now. Too late for that, meet my new friends!" he cackled again as a giant Golemon rose up from beneath him as his own personal rock steed. "Get them!"
I took this opportunity to Spirit Evolve as Robert jumped down from my shoulder. "Execute, Spirit Evolution! Kusoramon!" I threw myself between the closest Golemon and the injured Warriors.
"Let's turn these rocks into rubble," Agunimon dashed away with Lobomon. I gathered energy as I charged the Golemon.
"Adamas Strike!" I pounded my fist into two Golemon before landing on the ground with my back to them. They exploded into a pile of dust and stone.
"Nice to see you again, righ'?" I heard the voice behind me but was much too slow to react. "Roundhouse Punt!" Arbormon smashed his foot into my back, and I landed about twenty feet from our original entrance into the cavern with a moan.
"Bunch of lamb among the leopards is what you are, am I righ'? Just look at ya; we gonna crush you like a bunch of beetles," he continued, stepping on my wing to prevent me from fleeing.
One of the bones cracked inside of it as I fought to get him off. A scream of pain ricocheted up my throat, but I caught it as a groan in my throat.
"Get away!" Robert charged the Warrior of Wood, bouncing off his head before sprinting behind the cover of some rocks. I twisted my feet around, connecting them into Arbormon's leg with a grunt.
He moved just enough for me to get some distance from him. "Not so fast, the turtle beat the hare."
He deliberately turned his back on me to launch his extendable arms to catch Lobomon and Agunimon by the neck. "Intervention is always the best medicine, right?"
He towed them backwards towards him with a snap of his arm, sending me flying against the stone wall with a snap of his whip-like arm.
"Come here! How about a little dance?" he briefly released them on the next ledge, jumping up where I was. "Take a load off, Bird. We got business to take care of while I handle these two."
Again he stepped hard on my wings to prevent me from moving as I trembled with the pain that ebbed through me.
"Kusoramon!" Agunimon shouted my name, but it wasn't him that I was focusing on. I have to concentrate.
He launched his fists out, slamming them into my allies. Then he waved his arms wildly to smack their heads up and down with maniacal force.
"Leave them alone," I begged. I couldn't focus well enough even to store power to free myself; the pain was too strong.
"That reminds me. Your fiery friend took a tumble now, didn't he? We heard all about that; he gives us grief for six months before we canned him." If I had been a human, I would have started sobbing like Whamon. All the emotions that I had been storing up since then spilled over and clouded my eyes. "We got all them fiery birds to give up and turn tail. Pathetic."
Down below me, I could see the bands of Data that surrounded Lobomon and Agunimon. Further away, I saw that JP had Spirit Evolved with Kumamon now at his side. Maybe they could give us enough time.
"Me can smell Spirits; hurry up and get for me!" Grumblemon shouted out from across the cavern.
"First, I got to change into something more comfortable. Arbormon Slide Evolution…Petaldramon."
The Warrior of Wood had turned into a leafy lizard: his main body was constructed of bark with moss covering the front portion of his huge body. His underside and tail were colored like a brown vine with his tail whip-like. Six thorn projections came up from the middle of his back while his neck was crowned with a mane of red leaves; his feet were also made of three leaves of the same variety. His head was the color of a coconut with his black eyes the size of watermelons. If he had been on our side, I would have been shaking his leafy hand.
"Much better," Petaldramon slid his giant eyes back and forth.
Below me, I watched as Grumblemon charged JP, who had been forced to De-Spirit Evolve.
"Seismic Slam!" Grumblemon's hammer came down.
"Blasting Spout!" Whamon shot a jet of water into Grumblemon, slamming the evil Warrior into the rocks.
Out of Whamon had come the Beast Spirit of Thunder. Blue crystals of water floated harmlessly in the air while the Spirit's power hummed.
Anger fueled my will to fight again, overwhelming the pain, and I took in power while Petaldramon was still distracted by the scene below. As huge as he was, I could still do damage to him if I wanted to.
"Luce Carentes—Light!" I fired the attack right into his face. Blinded, he backed up away from me allowing my escape.
I leapt down to where Lobomon and Agunimon were. A close examination of my wings drooping at my sides gave the obvious answer: they were broken. I'm gonna feel this in the morning.
"Are you all right?" Lobomon asked. "You don't look too good."
"I've been better," I panted, turning towards the fight brewing below us.
"Beast Spirit Evolution! MetalKabuterimon!" the shout came from JP as he utilized his Beast Spirit.
He was built like a giant blue tank with six limbs respectively. His head held green eyes and a blue horn; his main hands were tubes with a positive or negative sign imprinted upon them. His shoulders were huge, black, and had spiky knobs like I would expect to see on a land mine. His legs were like military tank treads that could maneuver over any terrain without difficulty; his main outline was blue, but there was yellow on his chest, 'feet', and hands.
"Bolo Thunder!" he shot the ceiling repetitively as electricity rippled across his body.
Rocks showered down from the ceiling ranging in size from hail to a semi-truck's trailer.
"He's completely out of control. Head for cover!" Lobomon ordered Agunimon and I.
"Right." We sprinted away from Petaldramon who was too big to avoid so many rocks. He'll be back. When he is, I'll be ready to repay him for the evil that he has done to the family of Saberdramon. If not me, one of the others will.
We fled to a place where the ceiling was safe before De-Spirit Evolving. All my strength left me as I did. Weaving on my feet, I watched as Grumblemon was annihilated by MetalKabuterimon. Robert sprinted over to me, jumping up to my shoulder.
"Thanks Robert, you gave me some clearance," I told the Poyomon. "Don't ever do it again."
"No problem," he responded. "But I was wondering. If this cave were to collapse in on us, because of how the Trailmon tracks seemed full of water, is the ocean going to come in and crush us?"
The two boys before me stared at me before looking at each other. On cue, the ceiling began to tremble under the weight of the water that was pressing upon it.
"Run!" they fled towards the others with me close behind them.
"Hey! Didn't you hear me?" Takuya shouted. We reached the others as the Data above us vanished, letting in thousands and thousands of gallons of water right on top of us.
The blow knocked me in the rock, stunning me. Even as a child I had not been the best of swimmers, nor could I deal with the pressure that was holding me down. I could just barely feel Robert nudging me over and over again, but my muscles couldn't move. I couldn't breathe and couldn't see a thing. Although the others had been so close when the water came, I was not sure if I would be able to find them.
I tried to recover Saberdramon's egg, and due to my carelessness, I lost Ryuu. Then just as I had found Ryuu once more, I lost Saberdramon forever. Everyone and everything that I became attached to: Ryan, Saberdramon. But I can't just give up, can I? What if Ryuu is still alive, badly hurt but searching for me? He needs us; he needs me.
Robert launched off of me into the darkness. Trying to kick up off the bottom, I felt the trapped air in my lungs catch fire. Dust from the rock sealed my eyes shut as I moved my arms in a feeble attempt to find someone. The same darkness that I had once found Duskmon in, that darkness came crawling into the corners of my eyes. Only this time, I knew that Duskmon was even too far away to know that I was drowning.
Pawns cannot be lost so easily, the voice forced my eyes to open, to see in the faded light that there was a hand outstretched in the water.
I grabbed it, and the strength remained in my body waned to nothing. The darkness settled.
When I woke up, I was coughing up one of my lungs and a gallon of water. Someone continued to bang on my back till I was capable of sitting up; it was Koji who had saved my life, kneeling next to me. Everyone else was safe standing next to us. Robert took this opportunity to jump down onto me from Takuya's shoulder.
"You're not a very good swimmer," he deducted flatly.
"I couldn't move," I admitted. "It felt like there was a pair of concrete blocks stuck on my arms."
Koji reached out to extend my arms out in front of him, examining them. It was the weirdest feeling, to let him touch me. When he didn't find what he was looking for, he stood up and helped me to my feet.
"They're not broken," he said.
"I hit the rocks hard…nothing more," I shakily stood on my feet. "Where are we?"
"Did we die?" Tommy asked aloud. If I regained consciousness, I don't think we're dead. It's just dark.
"I don't think so," Zoe answered; she sounded dazed from the water.
"It smells like something did," JP complained as the entrance to our holding place was opened by a set of jaws with big teeth.
Everyone lost their breath at the sight of the waters that rippled about us; it stretched for miles and miles around us with depths that were unreachable by human means.
"It's the ocean," Tommy gasped before a sudden realization came over us.
"It's Whamon!" everyone laughed in relief at the comforting news. Surely we all would have drowned in the cavern without him.
"I don't know how you saved us, but thank you," Bokomon told the giant Digimon.
"Yeah, and welcome home, Whamon," Zoe congratulated him.
"Oh, I'm the one who should be thanking you," he digressed. "Without you, I might have been stuck in that cave forever. Hold on everybody, we should be reaching the island very soon!"
"I-Island?" Takuya stammered in disbelief. Sure enough, there it was less than three or four miles away from us with palms trees and sandy beaches.
I moved to the back of the group and sat down. Taking out my D-Tector, I stared at the screen as it flashed between Kusoramon and CruciChimaeramon. Something inside of me felt like I needed to take the time to consult my Spirits.
I wonder why CruciChimaeramon looks little to nothing like Kusoramon, I found myself brooding, trying to not think about our current dilemma. That was news was inevitable and irrevocable. Aetherbaitomon and Kyochrysaetosmon look somewhat similar…but my Spirits don't match up. It's like Kazemon Beast Spirit Evolving into BurningGreymon.
My D-Tector paused on the screen of CruciChimaeramon. I had only used the Beast Spirit once, but it appeared that while I had control for the most part, the voice itself had deemed control too. How linked were we that he had footholds in my Beast Spirit?
Morti, Morti, a dark, growling voice, rather perturbed, rolled my name over on its tongue. I sense fear and distrust in you.
CruciChimaeramon? I stared at my D-Tector in dismay. Thunderous, rolling chuckles answered me. Do you know some of the answers to my questions?
You have recognized that I am a part of you, a step in the right direction. However, there is…something strange. The Beast Spirit's eyes closed. We detect an unnatural being that is hindering us from becoming stronger.
The voice.
We ought to be able to eradicate the parasite…but a change must go through us. She spoke in third person, no longer bothering to keep the two of us separate, acting as though we had totally accepted the idea that we were the same. We are not strong enough to reach the roots. Only when we become thoughtless, two creatures working as one unified being, can we rip the parasite into tiny pieces to burn. That's not graphic at all.
What kind of a change? How can I get rid of him? I asked again. The Spirit's eyes snapped open.
You will know when the time comes. The D-Tector's screen went blank, and no more words came from the mouth of CruciChimaeramon.
"Only when we become thoughtless…" I felt the words repeating over and over in my mind. How long would it take me to learn how to become strong?
"Who knows a good traveling song that has to do with whales?" Robert asked the others. "Or am I gonna have to find some inspiration elsewhere?"
"Don't even think about it," JP warned him with venom.
"You're no fun." He pouted and came back to my shoulder. "Which reminds me of not being fun…"
"Hey," I protested, knowing full well that the adjective wasn't directed to my attributes.
While the others talked about the island, I gave my undivided attention to the Poyomon.
"I think," he spoke in a whisper so that the others couldn't possibly hear him. "In my humble opinion, we should spend a little time honing your Beast Spirit skills in the forest away from the others. Of course, I'm sure we're going to take a mini vacation from fighting, but I have a feeling that other evil Legendary Warriors are going to commit to hunting us down now whenever they can. Trust me on this one."
His words rang true, and if CruciChimaeramon was right, I needed all the help I could get. Had he sensed the tone and importance of the conversation? Surely no one else had heard us.
Unlocking my full potential would take time. Even if this kind of training would not help defeat the voice, it would up my confidence. I did not want to fear using the Beast Spirit: I could handle anything that this world threw my way, right?