Oh geez! Wow. I'm sorry. I meant to update yesterday, and so I uploaded this chapter to the document manager, but I never actually posted it... Anyway, here's the chapter.
Fuyuki was lost.
He didn't know where he was, nor how he'd gotten there, but he knew that it wasn't where he once was and that it wasn't where he was supposed to be.
All around him was a black void with tiny star structures sprinkled throughout it, a never-ending depth. Fuyuki stuck his hand into the blackness, but the blackness was all around him. He couldn't tell where his hair ended and where the void began.
He was on a road. More specifically, a path. Flat, floating stones were tiled out in front of him, delineating a lane for him to walk on that stretched all the way into the end of space. He didn't know if he should walk it. Where would it lead to? What would it do? What would become of him?
Nonetheless, he began walking, not knowing where he would end up. Curiosity had gotten the better of him.
He walked for a long time. He really wasn't so sure of how much time had passed with him walking. He began running now, searching desperately for the end of that road, the light at the end of the tunnel, the something that told him what all of this would be for in the end.
Yet all he got was nothing.
He slowed down. He didn't want to walk anymore; nothing became of it. It was only when he stopped walking when he finally saw the end. But when he started walking again, the end vanished, and only more road appeared.
Fuyuki forced his feet to stay where they were. The end of the tunnel was peeking itself into view now, slowly coming toward him. He could see it now. He could see what the end of the tunnel was.
In a faded circle of light, he could see the inside of a room. His eyes widened, realizing who was in that room. It was in the dining room of his own house. There was his mother, Natsumi and him, both appearing younger… and his father.
"Dad!" he yelled. Fuyuki began running again. He stuck his hands inside the room, but it wasn't actually there. It was as if it was just a holograph in the air, and he realized this when his hands reached the other side. He could see them faintly, wiggling his fingers, as if he'd only stuck his hands into water.
Fuyuki took his hands out and swatted the image of his family, sending ripples through it, as if it really had been water all along. He was angry. He had wanted it to be real. He wanted to return to those good times, when his father had still been there. He wanted to remember what his face looked like.
The image of his family had now completely vanished, and instead he felt two hands placed on his shoulders. He didn't turn around to see who it was. He already knew.
"Hello, son," said his father from behind.
"Dad…." Fuyuki's eyes glistened with water. "Why did you leave?"
His dad breathed out a sigh. "I don't believe that I can tell you that."
"Why not?" Fuyuki yelled. "You leave for years, and yet you won't even tell me the reason for it?"
The man shook his head, though Fuyuki couldn't see this gesture.
Through a strained voice, Fuyuki pleaded, "Will you at least tell me where you are…?"
"I'm right behind you, Fuyuki," said his father. "I've always been. But you've never believed me when I said that. You always thought I was joking."
Fuyuki listened to this, thinking back to what he meant. He started to remember. Back when their father was actually there with them, Fuyuki had always gotten so emotional whenever he had to leave for work. Young as he was, sometimes he didn't understand why his father had to go. Whenever he came home, he would always ask, "Daddy, where were you?" and his father always responded, "I was right behind you, Fuyuki, smiling while you played."
"But one day you left." Fuyuki swallowed, forcing down the tears in his throat. "You left and you didn't come back! You weren't behind me at all!"
"You're right, Fuyuki," said his father. He could feel his hands tighten on his shoulders. "Right now I will tell you why it was that I left. Do you want to know?"
"Yes, I do want to know." His voice sounded fluttery now, like a feather, but what it really was was unstable. He swallowed again.
"The reason…."
"Yes?"
"The reason was because of you. You misbehaved all the time, Fuyuki. You were hectic, and loud, and whiny. It was too much for me to handle. So one day—"
He didn't want to hear it.
"—I just couldn't take it anymore, and I packed up and left."
"No! That can't be true!" Fuyuki yelled. He covered the sides of his forehead with his hands, as if to block out the sounds in his mind. "You wouldn't do that! Fathers are supposed to care about their children…. Even if I was all that you said, you wouldn't have cared! I was still your son, and that's all that matters!"
"No." His hands tightened again. "That's not all that matters."
"NO!" Fuyuki screamed. He thrashed about under his father's grip, finally loosening it enough to be able to turn around, infuriated at the man who claimed to be his father. But when he saw the man's face, he realized that it wasn't. It wasn't his father.
"You… are…." He was speechless.
"Yes, that's right, Fuyuki," said the man with his same face. "I am you."
"No! Not again!" Fuyuki protested.
"Yes. It is true."
"You can't be me!"
"Oh, but I am." His other face gave him a smile. "I am fear, Fuyuki. All that you fear is within me."
Fuyuki began backing away. Oddly he felt fear in seeing this new being. He didn't want to fear being afraid. He wasn't afraid of having fears. But something about this person gave him an unsettling feeling.
Maybe it was because, two seconds later, the man with his face morphed into a gigantic beetle that was slowly advancing on him.
Fuyuki shrieked in terror and began running away. The road stretched out before him again. It was such a long way to run. Would he make it?
He continued running, desperately trying to escape the beetle that was furiously chasing him, and huffing and panting as he did so. He needed to get away from the beetle. But he just wanted it to end, too. He didn't want it to chase him anymore.
That's right… thought Fuyuki in his mind. He had just been running from the Island Beast a while ago. He was tired of running from things. Running wasn't the task for him, anyway. And even if it was a beetle, a horrible, horrible beetle… maybe he didn't have to be running so much from it.
Fuyuki slowed to a halt. The beetle was now poking its spiny legs along his neck and back. The road in front of him disappeared, and in its place the island beach materialized. Fuyuki stepped on to the beach, abandoning the beetle behind him.
He couldn't believe it. He had really done it—he'd escaped the beetle once and for all. He had defeated fear.
Kululu couldn't wake up, no matter how hard he tried. Everything that he did just seemed to make it worse.
Nightmares were constantly attacking his mind. Most of them were memories, simple recordings of things that had happened to him as a child, or in his early years in the military. Sometimes they were things that hadn't even happened, fears that he had, or worries that he kept secretly stuffed down, for the worst fear of all was knowing that he was afraid of something and that in itself could potentially be used against him.
Most of the dreams he had involved him as a child. They ranged from bad memories to horrible experiences. Being alone on the training school playground. Watching as his siblings ran off together and had fun. Constantly having to listen to his parents arguing. Having his mom tell him that he couldn't handle doing something, because he was always too young for it. School bullies picking on him when he'd been skipped ahead. Not being able to make friends.
The ones that were just plain nightmares were the worst. He tried to assure himself that they were just dreams, that he couldn't be hurt, but sometimes even he wasn't certain, and those assurances were long forgotten in the midst of his nightmares. He sometimes dreamed that Tororo found out everything about him and looked down upon him the rest of his life. He dreamed that, because the invasion of Pekopon was failing so much, they were sent off to be executed. Or that he was suffocating underwater, and he couldn't resurface because someone put a net over him. He dreamed that the people he actually did care about starting hating him and they turned their backs, and then he accidentally killed them in his anger.
He tossed and turned in his sleep, desperately trying to break free from the chains that were encasing him in their nightmarish lands.
Mercifully, out of nowhere Kululu bolted upright, panting heavily. Beads of sweat trickled all over him. He felt awful, but he'd finally woken up.
What's going on? he wondered. His eyes scanned the beach around him. Somehow, he was back on the island. But why was there a pile of sand on top of him?
Kululu pushed all the sand off and then stood up. His legs gave way and his hands hit the sandy ground. He was shaking all over. What's happening to me? he thought.
He didn't remember anything other than the dreams. No—wait—he remembered his conversation with Fuyuki the night before. The night before…. How long ago was that? Kululu had no idea. He didn't know how much time had passed. It might as well have been days that he'd been asleep. Why was he sleeping for so long? he thought. He knew he'd been dreaming for quite a while. All those nightmares…. A shudder ran through him.
Kululu forced himself to stand again. His legs were wobbly as hell. Standing up was a bad idea. Immediately, just as he had done so, a nauseous feeling arose in him. The first place he walked to was the ocean, where he waited awhile until his stomach had completely emptied itself. Am I sick? he asked himself, looking down at the water as if to see his reflection. But that was kind of hard to do in the ocean, where the waves are crashing wildly. All he saw was foamy sea spray and some starfish. Ugh… I look terrible! he thought.
Urging himself that he could do this, Kululu backed away from the ocean and got back up to his feet. Oh, no. Where was Fuyuki? If Kululu was in this condition, then…. Crud. Fuyuki is nowhere to be found.
Kululu ran into the edge of the woods, shouting Fuyuki's name. He got no reply. He decided it would be best to perhaps look around the island for him, but that wouldn't guarantee that he would find him. Fuyuki could have just as easily drowned in the water. Kululu was desperate to find him, and yet… suddenly he just felt so… tired, and weak.
Kululu sat down on the leaves, resting his head against the trunk of a tree. Maybe… Fuyuki wouldn't mind if he waited… just a little while.
Fever-dreaming. He was a kid again, in some enclosed room. Everything went from cold to warm, and the colors shifted in and out. He wasn't so tired anymore. He wanted to awaken. He wanted to get out of this place.
Kululu was in his room. His experimentation table was in front of it, filled with different assortments of objects and doohickeys that he was assembling into different inventions. They were wonderful. He was so proud of them.
"Look at this, mom!" He held them up for the woman standing next to him to see.
She nodded, turning away from him slightly. "That's nice, Kulu-chan." There were other things more important to do.
"Fine, I'll show dad instead," he told himself. He went to his father who was in the story below them. His father wasn't paying attention either. He was reading something on an electronic screen in front of him.
"Dad, do you want to see what I made?" asked Kululu, holding it behind him excitedly.
"Not right now, son."
"But—"
"Can't you see I'm busy right now? Ugh… why don't you go outside and play ball with your brother and sister or something?"
"But I don't want t—"
"No buts, Kululu. You need to get out more. You need to be more physically prepared for the world. As my son you should know that. Now stop with your silly arts and crafts and…."
The room faded into something else. He was outside now, pressed against the outside walls of a large building. It was his school.
An older Keronian held him up by his backpack from behind, and there were others all surrounding Kululu. The one in front of him had his hand balled into a fist.
Kululu squeezed his eyes shut. He knew what was coming.
When he was finally able to open his eyes, the Keronian in front of him was looking him menacingly in the eye.
"What are you going to do about it? Tell on us?"
The other kids around him snickered.
"Why are you doing this to me? What satisfaction do you find in the physical pain of someone younger than you?"
"Ppfft… there goes the baby again, talking like he's so much smarter than us!"
They only laughed at him. Kululu laughed at them on the inside too, knowing that they were only idiots. They caught the hint in his expression.
"Oh, so you think we're funny, huh?" They looked angry. "I bet Rinono and Shupepe think that too, don't they?"
Kululu glanced at the twin Keronians standing behind the people around him. He cast his eyes to the ground. Suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore.
"You're horrible to them, Baby. You're horrible to all of us."
As the next punch was swung at him, everything changed again.
His parents were fighting again. Bicker, bicker, bicker, blah, blah, blah. Kululu sat on a chair, listening to them. They knew that he was there. They must have forgotten, because they were too busy yelling at each other instead.
He was trying to focus on his new invention. But they just wouldn't shut up. It was so annoying. When he was a lot younger, all he'd wanted was for them to be able to get along. But then he learned that that was impossible, and soon he changed his wish. He just wanted them to shut up for a while and let him have peace.
He knew why they couldn't get along. They disagreed on so many things. They had nothing in common anymore. He didn't even think they loved each other anymore. One time Kululu had seen his father linking arms with a different woman, someone purple. She was the one whose sons must have surely been better than Kululu. They were strong and athletically talented. They didn't invent things all day and play on their computers. They were the better children.
But nothing could be done about the bickering of his parents. Shouting, screaming, yelling, arguing. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted it all to stop. Please….
No more bickering. Now there was silence. Now Kululu was playing with animals again, finding them, trapping them, befriending them, and killing them.
"You don't get to be my friend," said a Keronian child, somewhat around his own age. "You're scary. I don't like you."
The older kids still hated him, too.
"I thought about sticking up for you a few times, but then somebody told me that you wanted my sister to die," said one of them, the one that Kululu had wanted to be friends with.
Everyone was walking away from them. Kululu was surrounded by a circle was emptiness. There was no one for him. They all were leaving. They all had more important things to do. He felt so lonely.
Changing again. In that hidden park. The girl was there, his only friend. Never wanted to hurt her. He tried to run for her, reaching out. He could only see her from behind. Slowly she turned around. She had no eyes.
"You only imagined it," said the girl, vanishing toward the sky.
His house. He was in his house again. There was darkness. No sounds came from anything. No sounds, even when he tried to speak. His hands were shaking. He was smiling. There were butterflies. Lovely orange and yellow butterflies, flying toward the ceiling.
The closet. His hands went to the closet. His animal friends were there. So were his parents. They were quiet now. They wouldn't ever argue again. Now he had peace.
Brother and sister were crying. They didn't know where mom and dad were. it's okay, Kululu told them. it's okay brother and sister. it's okay because mom and dad aren't fighting anymore. you can play with me now
Changing again. Hands on the controls of the tank. He blasted through it all. ending it, ending the hate. no more hate, no more no more you cant hurt me now he shouted joyously. you cant hurt me now not at all.
Suddenly his school was run through. It was in the papers, the news, the everything. Of the horrible child who destroyed his school. Why would anyone ever do that. Why, why, why, why. There were such nice people in that school. So many innocent lives.
So much to never regret, he didn't regret anything, not at all. of course the memories were a bit fuzzy too and he wasnt quite sure where or not there was any
Kululu woke up again. His heart was beating rapidly. The effects of the nightmare were still dancing around in his mind. He gripped his head, waiting it out until it dripped away.
But it was over now. Everything was okay. Nothing to be afraid of anymore.