Chapter 14 – Breathless
I can understand that you don't want to cross the line
Sighing, Harry looked at his new house and worried his lip with his teeth. It was quite a nice little house, in a similar area to where Quinn had lived before, a few streets away from a nice little park with a nice little lake. He felt terrible already. Not from thinking about how Quinn described the area, the house and everything else, though he didn't appreciate her descriptions much; he was feeling queasy about leaving Ron like that. He quickly slipped in to the house, wrote a note for Quinn saying he wouldn't be back for a while and then jumped as someone called his name.
I get so breathless when you call my name…
Turning he saw Quinn and his heart fell. In that second he'd really wanted it to be Ron, had even pictured him standing awkwardly, a hand half-outstretched, the other scratching the back of his head as he looked red-faced but determined to get through to Harry, to apologise and be eager to laugh again, repairing what had broken between them. But no, it was his girlfriend, his new house partner and what had Ron said? Potential wife? She was speaking now but it was like his hearing was muted, he couldn't understand what she was saying; Ron's voice still echoing in his head. Suddenly she turned away and went into the kitchen, leaving Harry to pace in the living room.
And you know I can't promise you things will turn out fine
Breathing slightly calmer now, Harry tried to think but all he could hear in his head was Ron shouting about Harry marrying and having children, shouting in pain at Harry moving on without him. Maybe it wasn't just jealousy, it wasn't fourth year now, they had both grown up since then; maybe Ron was lonely and scared of being alone. He was going to be on his own when Harry moved…now that he'd moved out. He had mentioned having a family, maybe he felt like he would never be able to have one because he feared he'd never find someone, or because of his sexuality. For Ron having a family would certainly be more complicated, but not impossible; wizards married same-sex couples the same as opposite sex couples so the only tricky bit would be having children. Harry hadn't heard of many same-sex couples but Hermione had told him a little about the laws and how the process worked when he'd asked her, and it didn't seem nigh-impossible, just rare.
But I have to be honest, I want you to be mine
Harry halted in his pacing. He'd suddenly remembered something else from the fight. Ron had said he had to choose. Choose what? Between Ron and Quinn? But why? Quinn was his girlfriend and Ron was his friend, what choice was that? Only Quinn wanted to move into a little cute house and settle down and spend forever together… No. No, it wasn't possible. Ron cried at him: How can you not see? He couldn't… Did Ron…Did he love him?
My heart's on fire, why don't you realize?
All those memories danced around in his head: the blush when he interrupted Ron singing ballads, how sometimes he'd avoid Harry's gaze, the pain in his eyes when they parted outside the pub, Ron muttering that Harry was already moving on; the bitterness he'd shown at the beginning of his and Quinn's relationship, the ferocity in his movements just a few minutes earlier as he'd struggled with himself, struggled with his emotions, such strong feelings they shook him violently. They'd been right there all along, the signs; Harry just hadn't seen them, or wanted to see them. It was so obvious and yet so surprising that he was stunned.
I've often wondered, do you feel the same?
He knew that he was attracted to Ron. No he didn't, what was he thinking? He just had unbearably hot dreams about him and simply admired the red-head's good looks. Or maybe not…But anyway, he also knew that he cared deeply about his hapless, bashful amazing friend, he felt protective and loving towards him and never wanted to ever be without him. Never be without him, never be without him; always be with him-
"What's wrong?" Looking at her was like waking in a dream, a memory of how things used to be before he could see properly. Her face was the same but was now completely different.
"Nothing." Seeing her unsatisfied expression he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "It's Ron." He didn't notice her heavy sigh as she squared her shoulders as if preparing for battle.
'Cause I tried to do this right in your own time
"Oh he's not still weird about us is he?" He almost laughed. Where to start? He blinked, not seeing her breathe in heavily before forcing out a little laugh and grin. "Did I ever tell you about the time he threatened me?"
"He what?" Seeing his shock and confusion she smiled broadly.
"Well, it was in a friendly way. It was after that dinner he cooked for us, we all went to the new pub in Hogsmead? He took me aside and said that I seemed alright and that you really liked me so I better not break your heart!"
Tell me, do you know? Tell me, do you know?
Harry gasped. Ron loved him, or just felt something more than friendship for him. But he'd thought that Harry couldn't love him back so had tried to put aside his feelings and do everything in his power to make sure his friend was happy, even though it made himself feel lonely and unwanted. That's what he'd been doing for Harry: hiding his love. Harry suddenly wanted to cry, he could feel tears pricking the backs of his eyes and a lump growing in his throat. He wasn't sure exactly what his feelings were towards his best friend, but he knew enough to see that he loved Ron more than he'd ever love this beautiful, amazing woman in front of him. With much less reluctance and guilt than he expected, he turned to Quinn and said.
"I think we should break up."