He, Steve and the Howling Commandos were gone a week later. Alina tried to get back into her work but Bucky's words from that night kept swirling around in her head. She wrote to Steve about it but his answer was to take Bucky on more missions which seemed to suit his friend just fine.
Every week a new film reel would be delivered to Philips' office in London and he, Agent Carter, Alina, and a host of aids and other personnel who were cleared to see the footage would sit down and watch in black and white what new mission Captain America and his Howling Commandos were on. It was one of the few times the redhead ever saw Bucky and the fact that he was always grim faced and unsmiling had her worried. Even his letters seemed more reserved and he hardly ever wrote any words of love to her anymore.
Steve on the other hand seemed smitten with Peggy. There was even a shot of his compass in one of the reels that showed he had cut out a picture of her and fitted it into the lid of his compass. Alina had to smile at that and it seemed so did Colonel Philips.
Glad that her friend had found a woman that liked him for who he was regardless of his status as Captain America, Alina looked forward to when he and Bucky would be back in London in two weeks' time. Bucky had promised that after this last mission he would request a few days leave so that the two of them could talk some more about starting a family.
She walked into the London resistance base after a night of nightmares and sleeplessness and was immediately stopped near Colonel Philips' office by Lorraine who had managed to get transferred there a few months before.
Stepping into her path, the blonde looked down at her sadly, "Lina, I'm so sorry."
Confused, Alina looked from her to Philips office to see him talking with someone there that she couldn't quite see. Heart in her throat she dashed past the blonde woman and slammed open the office door to find Steve standing with Philips, eyes red-rimmed, face grave.
"No," she gasped catching herself on the doorpost, "Please, no."
Steve stepped up to her and enveloped her in a tight hug, "I'm so sorry, Alina," he said into her hair, his voice breaking.
Her knees gave way and a soft cry fell from her lips before she burst into tears, sobbing against Steve's broad chest, her world once again falling apart around her.
Colonel Philips ushered them further into the office and moved to leave and give them some privacy.
Through her tears, Alina saw the regret and horror on Lorraine's face from where she stood frozen on the other side of the room just before Philips closed the office door.
Harsh breathing was coming from somewhere and it took a few moments for Alina to realise it was her. She forced herself to stop and then turned watery eyes to Steve to see him staring at their clasped hands on his knee.
"Don't!" she snapped harshly, "Don't you dare think this is your fault."
His blue eyes lifted to hers but she couldn't look at him wanting his face to be Bucky's and instantly feeling sick at the selfish thought.
"I couldn't save him," Steve murmured brokenly. "The handle broke and-…"
Alina shook her head cutting him off; she didn't ever want to hear how it happened, could barely even think let alone focus on not falling to the ground and screaming. She looked him right in the eyes, making sure she didn't look away, "It's not your fault, Steve." She said her hands grasping his tightly. "Do you understand?"
She saw the tears he was trying to keep at bay when he nodded and she leant forward needing his strength and comfort. But, as his arms wrapped around her she didn't know if she could keep going once he left her alone again.