Haruhi Soap Opera - The Codes Volume
- x -
- Chapter 1: Pretty Girl
Now that I had repented for trying to make Haruhi into a kind of comic book hero, it would probably suffice to merely say that I began to respect her the same way that I trusted her. It was difficult for me to begin feeling that way, but the feeling came. That seems like an appropriate way to summarize the events that followed, and it spares you the tedious details of the conflicts that arose. Of course, having mentioned those conflicts, I now feel obligated to at least mention what they were.
In the days that followed Haruhi's return from France, I was soon approached by Ryoko Asakura (never a good sign). I also became bait for a celestial, a host for an inconvenient get-together, a potential hostage, and a witness to a small conflict between espers and aliens. I've been told that I nearly died and that I caused Haruhi's powers to leave her. More surprisingly, I witnessed Haruhi's first real confession, for what it was worth.
I think it's really this lack of a decent confession that had been bothering me. The rest of those things seem trivial in comparison. It's true that she told me she was jealous, and she talks to me with her body. I appreciate that language, but nothing can really compare to an actual verbal affirmation. I tried to convince myself it wasn't important, but I really had no idea the power of words. This mysterious power was certainly a serious thing for her, and I think she might have found a kind of hint of their importance in a certain strange activity that she decided to explore.
Now that I've mentioned all that, I guess I should turn the clock back to before all those conflicts and explain why Haruhi had decided to play this word game. The Monday following her arrival back in Japan, she told me that she was regretting having made the SOS Brigade, and she was planning to disband it. I told her that nothing would change, but she insisted and immediately raised the topic when she arrived at the club room that afternoon. I was playing poker with Yuki, and Mikuru and Koizumi were simply waiting for Haruhi. She soon arrived, greeted us, and began to give her little speech.
"As I'm sure you know," she said, "we've had something of a hiatus lately. I'd like to resolve this situation with a minimum of trouble, but I don't want you guys to feel like I'm deserting you, so I'll just leave the rest of this up to Kyon."
"You sure you really want to leave this in my hands?" I asked.
"I'm positive," she replied.
"Because I just told you what'll happen," I reminded her.
"Just get on with it," she said.
"Okay..." I answered, clearing my throat, "What Haruhi is trying to say is that she wants to step down as the brigade chief."
This seemed like a gentle way to lead into breaking up the brigade, though it was probably obvious to the rest of us.
"Are you really sure about this, Miss Suzumiya?" Koizumi asked her.
"I'm sure," she replied.
"Well, okay," he said. "If that's what you want."
"Does anyone object?" I asked, and was answered with silence.
I looked around the room and noticed that Koizumi seemed to sense that things were taking an odd turn. When I looked at Yuki, she spoke up from behind her cards. "No objections," she said.
"Don't look at me," Mikuru said when I looked at her.
"All right," I said. "Then, as Koizumi is the deputy chief of the brigade, it falls to him to decide how to handle this situation."
"Me?" he asked. "So, I'm in charge?"
"That's right," I replied.
"Okay, then," he said. "I assume no one else wants to preside over the meeting?"
I certainly wasn't going to do any such thing, as that might threaten to involve effort. Yuki never makes decisions in these situations, and of course Mikuru has a fresh new appreciation for not interfering with the past. He was really just fishing for Haruhi to go back on her resolve, but that wasn't about to happen, either.
"In that case," Koizumi continued, "we'll revert to the standard rules of order. Any proposed motions?"
"I move that we disband the brigade," I immediately said.
"Seconded," Yuki said, directly afterward.
"That was quick," Koizumi muttered. He then added, "Okay... Since the motion has been seconded, I'll open the floor to debate." I raised my hand, and he answered, "Yes, Kyon?"
I said, "Unless someone wants to lead the brigade, there's really no point in keeping it together."
"Okay," he said. "Anyone else?"
Haruhi looked like she was about to say something, but then she stopped and scowled.
Koizumi seemed to notice this, because he then said, "I'd like to propose an amendment, if I may. I propose that we revert to the Literature Club, rather than simply disband. Is that acceptable?"
"If it's acceptable to Yuki," I answered, "then yes."
"It is," she added, conveniently not just answering my condition, but also heading off any possible question of whether her second needed to be confirmed.
"All right," Koizumi said. "The motion is that we disband the SOS Brigade and, at the same time, revert to the Literature Club. Any discussion?"
Just as I had suspected, things were moving back around to having a real club.
"Okay," Koizumi added. "Show of hands. All those in favor?"
Me, Koizumi, Yuki, and Mikuru raised our hands. I don't know whether Haruhi would have been opposed or abstained, because Koizumi said, "Motion carries. Four in favor. Since Miss Nagato is the seniority member of the Literature Club, I'll yield the chair to her."
"Pass," Yuki promptly stated.
"Well..." Koizumi observed. "I guess this means I'm in charge again, if no one objects?"
Once again, it seemed like Koizumi was fishing for Haruhi to take charge again. Haruhi looked tempted, but she resisted the urge.
"Does anyone wish to resign from the Literature Club?" Koizumi then asked.
No one immediately said anything, so he looked around at us.
"Kyon?" he asked.
"I think I'll stick around," I answered.
"You sure?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied. "I've always liked reading, and I don't have anything better to do."
"Miss Suzumiya?" he then asked.
She answered, "Since Kyon is staying, I guess I'll stay."
"In that case," he said, "I'll stay, as well. Miss Asahina?"
"I'll stay," she answered.
"Okay," Koizumi said. "I think I'll expedite matters by appointing myself president. If there are no objections, that is."
Koizumi was getting pretty good at fishing for objections from Haruhi, but she wasn't having any of it. She was still convinced that things would change somehow.
"This is a pretty smooth meeting," he pleasantly observed, "don't you think?"
"So, now what?" Haruhi asked.
"All right," he answered. "This is now a club devoted to literature, and I expect our duties to reflect that. With that in mind, I appoint Miss Nagato as the club's secretary and treasurer. I'm sure we'll all enjoy the activities I'll have lined up for you, once we've decided what activities we should be doing. To that end, I appoint Miss Suzumiya as our activities director. I hope this meets with everyone's approval."
And, just like I predicted, everything was back to where we were.
"Miss Suzumiya?" he asked. "Any statement you wish to make regarding your new role?"
"So, I'm still deciding what we're doing?" she asked.
"That's right," he replied. "This time you can focus on literature. If this role meets with your approval, we can get underway whenever you're ready."
Haruhi then frowned and seemed about to complain, so I decided to try to head that off.
"May I propose something?" I asked.
"Please," Koizumi answered.
I said, "I'd like to propose that we give the club an unofficial name change, in honor of our new activities director."
"Oh?" he asked, surely feigning ignorance. "What name were you thinking of?"
"I thought 'SOS Brigade' might be a good way to start," I replied.
"Oh, yes," he said. "That would make a good theme for the Literature Club to employ. An excellent suggestion. Any objections?"
"No," Yuki said.
"None here," Mikuru added.
Haruhi seemed about to object, but then looked a little defeated.
"Well, then," Koizumi concluded. "For now, we'll be known as the 'SOS Brigade.' This will serve to salute all our new members in our characteristically creative fashion and honor the inspiration that they will surely bring to our new activities."
"How is this any different from what we were, before?" Haruhi complained.
"Actually..." Koizumi started, unwilling to continue.
"Damn it," Haruhi said.
"I told you so," I added, thinking that this was what the SOS Brigade already was, officially. The only thing we accomplished was to make that official pretense into an official reality. It also gave us a legitimate reason to show the SOS Brigade sign.
"Well," Haruhi said, "since no else wants to make a decision, I'm just going to let you do what you want for today. I'll have something lined up in a few days."
"What?" Koizumi asked. "Are you busy tomorrow?"
Haruhi could hardly tell him that she was planning on having some quality time with me. And by quality time, I mean a romantic rendezvous.
"Don't ask," I said, immediately clearing up any possible confusion.
Koizumi then grimaced as he seemed to picture what I was informing him of.
"Oh, grow up," Haruhi casually ordered him. "Get a girlfriend if you don't like it."
"Did I say anything?" he complained.
- x -
So, now there was really no excuse for Haruhi to avoid reading as part of the club, and it seemed to me that she was ready to embrace reading as an activity, though I didn't realize at the time that she would turn even this innocent activity into something weird or occult in nature. As much as she had resisted having books at all in this room, it should have occurred to me that Haruhi wouldn't immediately leap into real reading enjoyment.
I was enjoying myself, though that meant that I was starting to realize that my poker instincts were still rough and in need of a lot of polish. Koizumi noticed me frowning, and took a sudden interest.
"How's it going?" he asked.
"Losing streak," I said. "It really doesn't help that I keep thinking I'm due for a win."
He smirked and said, "The laws of conservation don't apply to luck, you know."
"I know that," I answered.
"You have to face each hand as a fresh, new game," he further explained.
"Easier said than done," I added, fully aware of how I should be playing.
Koizumi went back to reading, and I took a moment to notice how Haruhi was suddenly writing.
"Taking notes?" I asked.
"I'm trying to concentrate," she said.
"I didn't realize fiction was so noteworthy," I muttered.
"I'm not taking notes," she added.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
I got up and looked at what she was working on, a little startled to see some cryptic list. I read, "'Pretty girl' 'examination' 'discovery' and 'outcome.' Where did that come from?"
She gestured with the book and answered, "From here. If you read it diagonally and backward from the top starting at the third word."
"Seriously?"
"That's what it says. See?"
She held up the book for me to look at it, and I noticed that it did actually say that when I looked at it in the weird way she was reading it.
"Is that supposed to mean something?" I asked.
"Sure," she replied. "See? You can interpret this to mean, 'A pretty girl examines some books and makes a discovery about the future outcome of events.'"
"You must be kidding me," I muttered, shaking my head.
"Jeez," she answered, scowling, "the one time I actually find something interesting, and you're the one who says it's impossible?"
The philosophical merits of this activity rate somewhere behind phrenology, so of course I had some strong objections.
I said, "I think you can probably learn a lot more by reading it forward, in the correct sequence."
"And this doesn't mean anything?" she asked, apparently a little nonplussed.
I explained, "You could just as easily say that it means, 'A pretty girl is examined and makes a discovery about herself when she sees the outcome.' It doesn't necessarily mean what you're thinking. It's just a random group of words."
"It could mean both," she stated.
"Yeah," I said, "or it could mean neither one. Why does some random rearrangement of words have to mean anything?"
"Why not?" she shot back. "Just because there's no proof that it means anything doesn't mean it can't mean anything."
One of Haruhi's favorite things to tell me was that the absence of proof does not constitute proof of absence. She especially likes this idea because it gives validity to her otherwise nonsense explorations, and it has the effect of making me look stupid for doubting her.
"She's got you there, Kyon," Koizumi said. "Just give it up."
"Fine," I said. "Let's see what else you find."
"All right," she said, then flipping through the book to some random page. She then began writing again.
I followed along, "'Termination' 'tangible' 'Machiavellian' 'entangle.' Okay, that can't possibly mean anything."
"Sure it can," she answered.
"What?" I prompted.
She answered uncertainly, "'A termination of something tangible awaits a Machiavellian person entangled in... something.'"
"That seems awfully vague," I smugly complained.
"If it pertains to the future," she said, "I suppose it wouldn't be too terribly clear until it happens."
All this arguing over nonsense was giving me a headache, so I said, "Well, whatever. I'm going home."
- x -
I should have realized, of course, that this is Haruhi we're talking about. If she says something means something, then she can fit the world to make it mean that thing, even if that means something happened a billion years ago to make that something happen. It just seemed so wrong that she could take something so arbitrary and make reality fit into that mold. In retrospect, I should have known that this was really the ultimate expression of her powers. That she could take mere words from anywhere and make the world fit those words was really just the simplest way to prove it.
Of course, now that I've mentioned Haruhi's prophetic words, it makes sense that I explain how reality began fitting into her expectations. Words without reality makes about as much sense as reality without words, though I'd had to live with the reality of Haruhi's love without the actual words for quite some time. It also seems to me that if you're still reading, I should reward your efforts to follow this story by going straight on into my meeting with Miss Asakura as I was returning home.
"Hey, Kyon," she said, suddenly materializing out of nothing.
I flinched and reflexively said, "You again?"
"Oh, come on," she answered in her characteristically charming way. "Is that any way to greet someone?"
"Aren't you going to get in trouble?" I asked.
"Whatever for?" she wondered.
"For talking to me," I answered. "Aren't you supposed to only appear in emergencies?"
"That was a lie," she admitted, very casually.
I sighed and admitted, "I should have known that."
I have no idea what rules these aliens live by, but I do know they have a knack for finding loopholes in the rules. If Yuki could even start a fight with people to engage my sympathies, it isn't hard to imagine that any of them could bend any of the rules. That is, of course, assuming that their first rule is the most important one.
"You really ought to know by now if I'm lying," Ryoko added. "I mean, I'm not a genius of deception like Miss Nagato."
"Should you really be seen with me?" I asked, intent on getting an answer.
"It's no big deal," she replied.
"But you aren't going to school," I said, thinking that a delinquent would especially not want to be seen with a student. I wasn't completely sure what she was supposed to be doing, though. It then occurred to me that Yuki hadn't actually enrolled in school with any official credentials, either. If she was their key contact with Haruhi, it would make sense for her to be the one most adept at masking her true intentions. There was a lot that I had assumed without thinking.
"I know," Ryoko admitted. "Isn't it great?"
"What?" I asked. "Are you lazy?"
"Well, sure," she answered. "Of course, I'm way too smart for what you call education. Honestly."
"Smart, huh?" I asked, seriously doubting that was true.
When I stopped and looked, Ryoko had an expression like she didn't expect me to believe her, and I instantly realized that she was lying again. Ryoko strikes me as someone who has a very sophisticated way with words, but there's really a lot more to intelligence than being a good orator. She also likes to give people the impression that she has some deep wisdom, but I think I know her a little too well to fall for that again.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked her, thinking I could at least hold this over her.
"No," she smoothly admitted. "You're my obsession, Kyon. It's romantic in a way, don't you think?"
"Really?" I asked, thinking that she was admitting this for the first time.
"Really," she replied, very sincerely. "I do have to keep up appearances. I mean, I'm going to have to kill you, at some point."
"Why?"
"I can't have the others making fun of me, now can I?"
"So, what's stopping you?"
"Well, there is the school thing."
"Is that so?"
I looked at her again, and again she gave away the fact that she was lying. She seemed aware that I knew she was lying, and she hastened to explain, "I'm supposed to be an exchange student, after all."
"Haven't you been gone a little too long for an exchange student?" I asked, not buying that explanation, either.
"No," she lied. "In any case, I had to make certain commitments in order to get back into school."
"You want to get back into school?" I asked, wondering how deep she could go with this lie.
"Yeah," she said, very uncertain of herself. "Don't you enjoy classes?"
"No," I admitted.
We had come to the entrance of my house, and I was now firmly convinced that Ryoko would stop at nothing to avoid talking about why she suddenly wasn't trying to kill me. There was nothing to stop her from doing whatever she wanted, although I was aware that the rules would prevent her from entering my house if I didn't want her to.
"Well, see you," I said, starting for the door.
"Wait," she said. "Please let me come in."
"What for?" I asked.
"You don't want to chat with me?" she asked.
"I never want to chat with you," I said, more sincere about this than anything in my life.
"Never?" she complained. "That's pretty cruel."
"You are so annoying," I complained.
"Come on," she insisted. "I won't try to kill you. Honest."
Whatever the reason, she at least seemed to truthful about this. She could suddenly change her mind, but I felt that that would be completely out-of-character for her. Even when she had been trying to kill me, she never once showed any swaying or hesitation in her tendency to be completely charming about it. In the same way, she wouldn't suddenly change her mind, either. This inflexibility is something that I can relate to. It takes a lot of time and trouble to make me change my mind about things, too.
"Okay," I said. "As long as you don't try to kill me."
We went inside, and I immediately went to the living room to watch some TV. It hit me that there was nothing good to watch, but I could hardly be bothered to do anything more useful with my time, at this point. Ryoko sat nearby, apparently more content to sit and do nothing than even me, though she did seem about to explode into conversation. She didn't seem to want to start talking, but I wasn't about to say anything unless prompted to.
"So," she asked, "what's it like?"
"What's what like?" I said.
"Being in love," she answered.
"You're interested in that?" I asked, wondering if that could truly interest someone like her.
"Of course," she answered, eagerly. "It's one of the few things I don't know anything about."
"Well, aren't you modest?" I sourly observed.
"Don't hold out on me," she complained. "Sheesh."
"Maybe you should try it, sometime."
"I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to get started."
"It isn't something you figure out. You just do it."
She wasn't very happy with that answer, but she would have to be content with that for a while. It did seem strangely cruel to have to leave her like that, so I began to wonder what it would take for someone like her to figure it out.
"Is there anything you do like?" I asked her.
"I like my weapons," she admitted.
I scowled and asked, "Is there anything fun you like to do that other people can join in?"
"I guess not," she softly replied.
"You really are a hopeless sociopath."
"Do you like Miss Asahina?"
"What?"
"Just curious. Because, you know, she totally has a crush on you."
For being so ignorant of love, she is strangely perceptive about other people's feelings. It then dawned on me that those are two entirely different things, and I started to wonder whether being naive is necessary to be truly sympathetic. Maybe it's just important to not have too many preconceived notions. It annoyed me when I realized how ill-prepared I was to tackle the question of love, myself.
I answered, "I don't think it's a good idea to be in love with two people at the same time."
"Why not?" she asked. "Koizumi has a crush on Haruhi, and it won't be long before he might start going out with Nagato."
"Oh yeah," I muttered. "I forgot about that."
"Then there's the fact that Nagato is in love with you, but she starts liking him."
"I don't think we're going to see that happen in this time plane."
"Why not?"
It then started to bother me that Koizumi could show so much attention and care for her, but then fail so abruptly to express those feelings in any romantic way toward Yuki. It seems strange to admit this now, but I had really been hoping he would be able to date her longer than he had in that bizarrely annoying time plane.
I explained, "He only lasted a couple weeks with Yuki in that previous time plane. I don't think he's too eager to repeat that experience."
"I suppose," she admitted.
I added, "You also can't compare someone who just has a crush on someone or someone who's in between opportunities to someone who's already involved with someone."
"It doesn't work that way?" she asked.
It seemed very strange that Ryoko had apparently never thought seriously about jealousy. I was already convinced that she had been entirely motivated by jealousy, herself. But then if something motivates you at a deep enough level, you might not realize how important it is or even that it exists to begin with.
"Didn't you learn anything from the previous time planes?" I asked her. "You get into a huge fight when you start mixing it up like that."
"Okay," she answered. "I don't really want to upset Miss Suzumiya, so I won't bug you about it. I'm just curious."
I was disturbed by this admission. Even Ryoko Asakura would hesitate to tread where Yuki had fearlessly gone. It made me appreciate just how difficult a task Yuki had attempted to undertake, and how important it was for her to deceive me, at least initially. My mind reeled at the thought, and I rejected it. It's just too stupid to imagine as being true.
"Did you really call Yuki a genius of deception?" I asked Ryoko.
"Yeah," she plainly admitted.
"I find that hard to believe," I said, more trying to convince myself than her.
"Well," she added, "she wouldn't be very good at it if she made it obvious."
Just as I was starting to think truly dark thoughts about Yuki, the doorbell thankfully rang, and I instantly got up to answer it.
"I'll get that," I announced.
I opened the door and saw Koizumi, and Ryoko joined me at the entrance.
"Hello," he said.
"Hello," I answered. "So, what brings you here?"
"Just the usual," he replied. "You know. Strange closed space and all that."
"I guess we shouldn't keep them waiting," I added, happy to get out of the house for once.
"You have a visitor?" he asked.
"Yeah..." I answered.
"Hello," Ryoko said.
"Could you come outside?" he asked me, and I immediately went outside.
Koizumi seemed to want a private conversation with me, but Ryoko followed to just short of arm's length.
"What is she doing here?" he softly asked me.
"Just chatting," I replied.
She added, "I'm here to stop him from going with you, actually."
"What?" Koizumi said.
"Sorry," she answered, "but I can't let things progress any further."
Ryoko seemed very serious about this, and it occurred to me that Koizumi would find it difficult to argue. He may be a powerful esper in a closed space, but I highly doubted he could handle someone as adept at fighting as Ryoko.
"Really?" he asked her, casually unimpressed.
"What?" I asked her. "Is this new threat something deadly?"
"No," she answered. "I just don't want you getting involved..."
As we were speaking, Koizumi returned to the taxi that was waiting nearby and took out a bag from the back seat.
"Maybe you should come along," I offered.
"I don't think so," she said. "His organization isn't exactly on good terms with me, right now."
"What did you do?" I asked her.
"Well..." she said, smiling fiendishly.
Koizumi then returned and gave the bag to her.
"Here you go," he said. "A present for you."
Ryoko looked a little surprised, then took out a small, old-fashioned doll from the bag.
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "This is so cute!"
"Come on," Koizumi softly told me.
"Right," I answered, as Ryoko found a teddy bear and a rubber duck, also in the bag.
"What a thoughtful gift," she said.
Meanwhile, Koizumi and I got into the taxi and left.
- x -
For a moment, I felt some strange misgivings, as if I had just crossed a bridge and burned it behind me, but then riding in a taxi with Koizumi always makes me feel like this. This time, however, the feeling was stronger than ever. I smiled at myself, wondering what kind of crazy sentimentality would suddenly take hold of me after this particular encounter. The last time had set me on a path of hoping that Haruhi would fully realize her powers. Maybe this time would make me wish that she'd never had them in the first place.
"I thought we might see Miss Asakura again," Koizumi commented.
"That was good thinking," I told him.
"I just happened to remember what her weaknesses were," he added, "and I made sure to make preparations."
"Won't she just come after us?" I wondered, but I already knew the answer.
"I think we're okay," he answered. "You might say that I'd remembered a way to negotiate your release."
"I'm a little surprised you remembered all that," I said. "I'd completely forgotten. Or maybe I'd blocked it out."
"I don't remember the whole thing," he explained. "I just focused on the solutions and committed those to memory."
"That's a good idea," I added.
"Yeah," he said.
I wasn't comfortable with talking about things that seemed like a dream to me, so I grasped for something else to mention.
"So," I said, "are we going to stop to eat at some point? Because I don't have any money."
"That's fine," he said. "I'll pick up the check this time. It's only fair. You want to see how much money I have?"
"No, that's okay," I answered. "I'm sure you can cover it."
I wasn't going to let him return the favor from last time, if I could help it, but we were bound to hit up a coffee shop on the way back, at least.
"So, what were you chatting about?" he asked.
"She wanted to know what it's like being in love," I replied.
"Really?"
"Yeah. Weird, huh?"
"That is surprising. I didn't think she was capable."
Koizumi has an annoying habit of making these kinds of observations that directly contradict my experience. I often wonder whether he isn't doing it deliberately just to piss me off, but then I smirk at myself. Whether he's provoking me or not, I really shouldn't give a damn. This is just Koizumi, after all.
"I mean," he added, "I know those aliens can do stuff like that. It's just..."
"I can't imagine her being like that," I supplied.
"But you were with Miss Nagato in that one time plane," he said.
"Yeah," I admitted, trying not to think about it again.
"And you didn't notice anything really strange about her?" he asked.
"Is it okay to talk about this?" I asked him, wondering if this was really a suitable topic for a taxi, even if it was an organization-friendly one.
"Huh?" he said, then answered, "Oh, sure. I trust our driver. We in the organization keep a lot of secrets. This is no big deal. Trust me."
"No," I answered his question. "I didn't notice anything really strange. Yuki is really just an ordinary girl with some odd abilities."
"Doesn't she strike you as someone who has savant syndrome?"
"What?"
"It's nothing. I'm just now starting to realize the odd way that she talks, is all."
I've never thought to wonder why Yuki talks the way she does. It just struck me as something not worth thinking about. "The weird thing," I said, "is how you seem to always understand her."
"Of course," he said. "You just have to stop and think for a moment, sometimes."
"I do understand her at times, myself," I added.
"I would hope so," he said, "after twenty-six years."
"That long?" I casually wondered. "It seemed like a lot less time than that."
"You really didn't notice anything out of the ordinary?"
"No. Why? Are you thinking about dating her?"
"I am wondering if there's something I can do to prepare better."
"You like her, right?"
"Well, sure."
"So, what's the problem?"
"Well... The thing is, everything was going great up to a certain point."
For Koizumi to suddenly be this open was strange. He was really worried about something, and he wasn't quite saying what it was. I have to admit that I was curious about what drove him away from Yuki, but I think I was mainly trying to pry out of him what it was that he was worried about. I really should know better. Koizumi never talks about things like that unless he thinks it's information you need to know.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I guess the tipping point was the balcony incident," he admitted.
He seemed to stop and think for a few moments, then he continued.
"Yeah..." he said. "I thought everything was just fine until I suddenly found myself standing at her apartment balcony, wondering what it'd be like to take a dive off of it. I caught myself picturing what it would be like and stopped just short of actually doing it."
I shuddered at the thought of falling from that far up, and Kozumi smiled in sympathy.
"It was the weirdest thing," he continued. "It then suddenly hit me that I'd been thinking a lot about suicide. You know, cutting your wrists, drinking poison, drowning yourself... It seemed strange to be thinking of all those things as happy thoughts. Eventually, I realized that all this thinking about killing myself had been inspired by my long talks with Nagato."
"Really?" I asked, highly doubtful.
"Don't you find her extremely depressing?" he asked. "I mean, after her initial reluctance wears off, and she starts to really talk to you?"
"No," I said, a little bewildered at his admission.
"I guess you must be a masochist," he said. "That's the only explanation."
Maybe Koizumi just has some weirdly high expectations when it comes to people. He always seems to put me at arm's length. It was really hard for me to imagine him having a crush on Haruhi, and even harder for me to imagine what their relationship would have been like. As much as Haruhi fixates on the physical side of my relationship with her, for her to have to deal with this guy would have to be as close to hell as she could get.
He added, "I also had the impression that she was getting bored with me. That made it easy to break up with her, since it was really a mutual thing."
"That's too bad," I said. "You seemed to be hitting it off."
"I don't think it's any big deal," he casually added.
"It's not," I said. "She could throw a rock in the air and hit someone better for her than you or me."
"Really?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied.
Yuki may be too depressing for Koizumi, but she's way too good for me. That romance I dreamed about with her was so completely absorbing. I found myself thinking about her almost constantly, and that romance just got in the way of everything, including brushing my teeth. A practical relationship should have at least a few obstacles and dangerous dilemmas, just to keep things from being too sentimental to get anything else done.
"Did she depress you, too?" he asked.
I replied, "I have to admit that she can be a little depressing, especially when she drinks."
"She drinks?" he asked.
"Not very often," I replied, "but she takes the conversation to a whole new level when she does."
"My word," he said, apparently wondering whether there were worse things than suicide he might have started to consider.
I'm not proud of it, but I relished those moods she had. It was like the way you might enjoy a good campfire or an impressive waterfall. You wouldn't want to be in it, but witnessing it was very relaxing. I stopped and thought about this for a moment, then said, "You know... Maybe I am a masochist."
"I can see that dating Miss Nagato would be a mistake," he said.
- x -
When we left a crowded street corner for the gray world of the celestials, it was much more of a jolt than I had remembered. The world seemed a lot more hazy and gray than ever. This sudden weirdness made me want to continue our previous conversation, somehow.
"It wasn't all depressing talk, you know," I said. "I mean, a lot of what we talked about was just normal stuff."
"I know," he answered. "I guess I just can't handle that kind of thing."
"Are you sure this is the place?" I asked.
"This is it, all right," he replied.
"So, where is it?"
"This new celestial can be rather hard to spot."
"Okay."
Koizumi looked a little worried, and he seemed to want to distract himself. He said, "Let me ask you something about Miss Nagato."
"What is it?" I prompted.
"Is it possible for her to... reproduce?" he asked with some difficulty.
"No," I smoothly replied.
"Really?" he said.
"I remember that discussion," I explained. "We talked about it at some point. She said that humans aren't genetically compatible with her type."
"Well," he said, a little amused with himself, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."
I added, "She told me that she could clone someone, but that was a special ability that she would only use in an emergency."
"Right. This explains why they're apparently only female. They weren't really designed for romance."
"I don't think they were designed at all."
"How did they originate?"
"Yuki said that she's a human-alien hybrid. Their human genetics come from a copy of Haruhi."
Koizumi then gave me a very puzzled and annoyed look, like I had just declared checkmate before even starting to play chess.
"What?" I asked.
He shook his head and replied, "Your explanations always seem to leave me with more questions than answers."
"Sorry," I said. "It is a complicated subject."
"Did Miss Asakura really ask about love?" he asked me again.
"Yeah," I replied. "Quit asking, already."
"Sorry," he said. "It's just really strange."
"It sure is," I agreed.
A bright flash of blue light shot out in front of me, and I suddenly found myself all alone.
"Whoa!" I exclaimed. "What was that?"
In another moment, the world started to turn more and more gray, then I suddenly noticed the blue flash of light begin to approach me. It seemed to me like a human form, and it looked about the right size, although it was strangely wide. The world of gray parted from in front of it like a fog, and I briefly had the impression that the gray above its head was like a gray rainbow. As it started to come near, I could start to distinctly make out its human form and what appeared to be wings. Just as I thought it was becoming distinct, I saw several streaks of red light suddenly converge upon it from above, and the creature exploded in bursts of bright white light.
I shielded my eyes for a moment, then looked. "Was that...?" I asked, looking around. A few moments later, I noticed Koizumi approaching from nearby. "Did you just kill the celestial? Was that it?"
"Yeah," he admitted.
"That was really strange," I added.
"Hopefully," he added with a sigh, "this will be for the last time."
The closed space then suddenly disintegrated, leaving us standing at the busy corner again.
"So," I asked him, "you know what the celestials really are?"
"Yeah," he replied. "I just remembered from when Nagato told me in the other time plane."
"You aren't going to get upset, are you?"
"No. I just wish she hadn't been mocking me at the time."