Chapter 13:

Return of the Pervert

Ike was looking around in the lower cabins when suddenly…

"Well, well! If it isn't our commander! What brings you down here?" A girl with black hair and a pink cloak asked. Her voice had a French accent.

"I was on my way to the deck," Ike replied.

"Oh…zat's TOO BAD…" the girl place her hand on Ike's shoulder. "I had a story I wanted to share with you."

"A story?" Ike asked.

"Oui. Interested?"

"Nope!"

"Oh, you are so rude! And after you were so sweet ze other day!"

Ike blinked and titled his head in confusion. Like he always was.

She began to get dramatic. "When those crows attacked, I had wanted to see what zey looked like, so I was hiding on ze deck, watching. I had heard zey could fly, but I had no idea zey could fight! I thought one of zem had ze drop on you, and I couldn't help myself! I screamed at you, I screamed, 'Commander, watch out!'"

Ike blinked some more. "That was you?"

"Oui, and upon hearing my sweet voice, you turned and brought down zat crow!"

"Um…yeah…"

"And zat's when you first caught my eye, my dynamic young commander!" She grabbed Ike's hand and giggled. "Mon nom est Aimee!"

Ike had no idea what was happening, so, he grabbed Aimee's other hand and giggled as well. Then, he left.

"Je t'aime!" She yelled and then swooned.

Ha! Ike has some crazy French lady obsessed with him! This will be good…

"Ike, there's an envoy from the empress," Nasir shook Ike out of his usual trances.

"Huh? What? Oh. Okay," Ike shook off the sleep.

Soren blinked. "Uh…"

Elincia spazzed out. "You're just going to say something rude!!! DON'T SPEAK!!!"

Soren glared. "Brainless wench…"

Anyway, they all went up to the deck where they met Tanith. "Is this the uh…beast?" she asked.

"BEAST!!" Elincia screamed.

Ike blinked. "Uh…well…why are you here?"

"I'm here to take the rabid animal to the apostle," Tanith answered.

"Well, we are her escorts," Ike said. "We'll be coming too."

"Fine," Tanith responded.

One of Tanith's knights poked her. "The apostle is missing."

"WHAT?! YOU FOOLS!!!" She hopped on her Pegasus and rode toward a ship.

"Well, we should help," Soren proposed. "Then, they'll be in our debt. Muahahah…"

So, they went.

There were three ships lined up. One was of the enemy, the other was the apostle's, and they last one was Ike's.

But something was weird about the middle ship…

There was a man in blue armour, with his arm around a girl on a horse.

"Ah, Lady Astrid," Gatrie said with his perverted smile that he usually had around women. "I shall be your shield! Just stand close. Reeeaaaally close. And feel free to throw your arms around me if you get scared."

Map Clear: Defend of 10 turns

A man…well…raven man, dressed in all black and had blue hair flew up to one of the enemy archers. "Sup," he said coolly. "So, are my soldiers like, proving useful?" He smoothed back his hair.

"King Kilvas!" The archer screamed. "Everything's going wrong!"

"Well," he crossed his arms. "That boat that just sailed up has the princess."

"I DON'T CARE!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!" The archer screamed.

"Just call me if you need me!" he sang.

Ike ran up to Astrid. "Hey…who was that guy you were with?"

"Oh Gatrie?" she asked. "He protects me."

"Well, why don't you join up with us? We'll protect you!"

She shrugged. "Fine. I don't care. Just do me a favour and keep Gatrie away from me. He…uh…tries to do stuff to me that I consider harassment."

Ike blinked. "Okay! Yay!"

Well, a few minutes later…

"Eep…" Astrid backed away from the blue armoured knight that had a perverted grin plastered on his face.

"Eheh…well, lookie here. Lady Astrid wants me to arouse her with my muscles again."

Astrid made a stern face. "No! I want you to join me in Ike's army!"

"Oh…you want me to follow you just in case you are lonely one night…"

She glared. "Just shut up and listen to Ike!"

Gatrie swooned. "You're so cute when you're angry."

Astrid slapped him and rode off.

"Little does she know, I'm a masochist! Bwahahah!"

After the death of Norris, Naesala, the King of Kilvas sighed. "Man, am I bored," he announced, running his fingers through his hair. "Let's just steal the treasure and like, hit the road, man." He snapped and his ravens entered steal mode.

Although…somewhere else…

Goodness, this level has a lot of conversations everywhere.

Okay…well…somewhere else, the Hawk King beat his wings. "Hm…a battle. Janaff, tell me what you see."

Janaff, a creepy looking hawk squinted. "Well, a bunch of ships. Two sides trying to kill each other."

Tibarn nodded. "Ulki, tell me what they are saying."

Ulki sighed. "Why? The world shall only go up in flames. My life is pointless." Ulki started crying.

Tibarn blinked. Janaff glared. "You moron! Just listen!"

"No! Life is pointless! Hearing is pointless!"

Janaff started yelling at Ulki and the two begun to bicker.

Tibarn grew angry. He grabbed the two hawk's head and clonked them together. "You imbeciles! Do you want me to go uber hawk on your little tail feathers and send you flying across the continent?"

The two cowered in fear and shook their heads.

"Now Ulki…" the Hawk King started.

"Yes sir!" Ulki concentrated. "…the apostle is…aboard the ship. And…coming to her aid are soldiers serving the Crimea's princess? They're mercenaries, who kill people."

Tibarn scowled. "Let's go back home. All of these people are foolish."

So, after a long, pointless battle, the Holy Guards arrived and cleared everyone out.

Everything was going fine until.

"DEAR ASHERA THE APOSTLE'S GONE!" Tanith screamed.

Ike ran down to meet her. "Again?" he asked.

"The blasted apostle slipped out of here on her own. Well, you guys, go look for her."

"Okay!" Ike squeaked. He ran for the door but hit the wall instead and passed out.

Titania slapped her forehead. "Idiot."

As Ike was lying there, he felt someone tapping his head. "Hello? Are you dead?"

Ike opened his eyes, he found himself staring into brown eyes and purple hair was draped on his face. "DEAR ASHEAR IT'S THE UNDERWORLD!!!"

The girl blinked. "No, you're not dead. You're just a moron."

Ike sat up. "And who might you be, little girl?"

She blinked. "Well, I'm the-

Titania walked in. "There you are, Ike! Who's the little girl?"

Ike shrugged. "I don't know…"

"I'm not a little girl! I'm empress Sanaki, empress of Begnion!" the girl said.

Ike blinked.

"Empress!" A blue haired knight named Sigrun appeared. "I'm sorry!"

"You're late!" Sanaki snapped.

"I'm sorry…" Sigrun sighed.

"Whatever." She pointed to Ike. "You! Airhead! You are invited to visit our court! And the stupid princess as well!"

Ike saluted. "I shall fetch her!" He ran to the door to the cabins, but once again, ran into a wall and passed out.

Titania and Soren sighed. "Moron."