*** Oh, those thoughts that ramble around in your head during the dark, wee hours of the morning. Mary finally takes a step in the right direction :) ***

I watched from a distance as you made life your own
every sky was your own kind of blue
and I wanted to know how that would feel
and you made it so real
you showed me something that I couldn't see
you opened my eyes and you made me believe

---Crazier, Taylor Swift

"Nope," Mary decided, "wasn't going to happen."

She had been lying awake for about a half hour thinking she could fall back to sleep, but her eyes remained stubbornly open in the darkness of the room. It was quiet on the floor at 4:45 in the morning, only an occasional patter of footsteps or rattle of some piece of equipment moving by the door was heard, and her mind was busy filling the silence with reviews of the scenes from the day before.

Mary was pretty sure she'd rank it up there as one of the most annoying and emotionally challenging days of her life. Still utterly confounded by the stunning actions of her ex-fiance, she could only fall back on the old adage that a person's true colors shine through when the chips are down. Raph's colors were dark and bruised and she was actually a bit relieved to have seen that side of him…icing on the cake of resolve to end the relationship. It was as though a switch had been thrown by their breakup. Even his voice seemed off as she was talking to him. She mentally shook herself to keep from traveling down that depressing highway, and turned her thoughts to the next stain on the evening. Her mother's drinking.

It was not surprising that Jinx had slid back into the bottle with all the stress of the shooting. Her mother was not a woman to handle crises well…or at all. Mary was going to enlist Peter's help and try to keep her mother from having to go back to rehab. Jinx trusted Peter, and Brandi would be on board to help, so there was actually a small chance that they could all work together to salvage the situation. Mary couldn't imagine what it must be like living in that house right now, a trash compactor of anxiety and drama, and was truly glad Raph would be gone. One less presence to loom over her or hinder her recovery with their own neediness.

And speaking of hindering her recovery, Mary was pretty sure attempts on her life would put a damper on healing. Focusing again on the night of the shooting, she squeezed her eyes shut in the hopes of recalling the one bit of information that must be the key to the other side's nervousness.

…Mario at the door. Francesca was sitting in the chair looking quite blasé. Didn't get up….

…pushing Mario off the porch as Bobby D. arrived. Francesca in the house…

…boys across the street and Mario in front of her, reaching behind his back…

…then a glint behind him and to the left…a gun…movement on the porch through the doorway of the house and she was pulling her weapon while shouting the warning…

…then nothing…

Her eyebrows raised now, she suddenly realized that her memories revealed just a bit more than before. She never saw the shooter, she was sure, but the movement on the porch lingered in her mind as important. It must've been Francesca, but she just couldn't be sure. Mary decided to ask Marshall to bring in the transcripts of the statements of all the witnesses tomorrow. Maybe reading through them would help her clear up the last bit of the spiderwebs.

Marshall. Down the mental rabbit hole into that crazy tea party of emotions and hormones. "Good pep talk, Mary," she chastised herself, "way to emotionally disconnect…or not."

His patience and persistence with her last night touched her. She knew he knew something was wrong when he had left earlier in the day, and he had come back bearing gifts of comfort. Able to weather her storm once again, he managed to calm her raging mood with an uncanny ability to read her subtlest cues and predict her reactions. Ducking the blows with ease and coaxing the hurts out into the open where he could soothe them. He had left the chocolates with her along with a note telling her she could either throw them or eat them…whichever made her feel better. She was smiling at the thought.

Mary recalled his strong fingers rubbing her neck and shoulders while she had slowly succumbed to the pain medicine. She'd never let anyone else touch her like that, but she didn't seem to set boundaries on her partner. She snorted in disbelief as she remembered letting him touch her staples. Raph never would've been granted that liberty. He was the one person whose touch was always trustworthy…never disturbing or threatening, and even when she rejected contact it wasn't because of the touch, but because of the circumstances.

Trustworthy…she rolled that word around in her head. That he was. Mary could not even fabricate a situation in which she would not be able to trust Marshall. He would have to be taken over by aliens for her to ever doubt his loyalty to her. She rolled her eyes as she thought he'd probably think that was an exciting adventure. He never gave up on her, would never let her completely close him out. Sure, he'd give her space and time to work things out on her own when she hit rough patches, but it was never too long before he'd come knocking at the proverbial door and either let her use him for target practice or as a shoulder to cry on. Of course, she couldn't stay away from him for long either. The man fought through her defenses every time.

Mary had a moment of clarity that caused her to sit up in the bed. The words and phrases that had flitted through her brain a few nights before now assembled themselves in front of her and attached themselves to a voice.

"…I'm going to fight for you…I'm not going to let you go…" Marshall had said those words to her while she drifted between worlds.

The knowledge sent tingles up her spine for some reason and she nervously laughed out loud. She had had men fight with her, fight around her and fight to be free of her…but Mary had never had a man fight for her before. It made her feel odd…wanted and protected. She liked it, but frowned slightly when she wondered if she deserved it as she remembered her train wreck of a life had now abducted him as a passenger. She had never been good at sorting out her feelings about men, especially as she had never cared to before Raph. Realizing now that that was less of trying to sort out feelings and more of trying to rationalize against her gut, Mary had to admit to herself that Marshall was the first man to cause her to wonder about her actions and reactions when he was around her.

Thinking of some sage advice that suddenly made a little more sense, Mary looked at the clock. It was 5:15 in the morning, and she picked up the hospital phone to make a few short calls before setting a destination. Calling her nurse, Mary asked to have her IV unhooked and told her she was going to take a walk. Her nurse looked a bit hesitant, but after Mary proved she could walk up and down the hall without stumbles or balance checks, the nurse agreed to let her walk if she had an aide go with her.

The first place Mary looked when she entered the ICU was bed two. It was empty, and she felt a pang of sorrow as she knew the man who had been in that bed did not survive. It could've so easily been her and there was this moment of panic…a second to frantically wonder how much time she truly had and how much she had to do. It passed, but firmed her resolve to talk to Kelly.

Kelly had been watching for her since her phone call, and waved her over as she sat at a table parked in front of a patient room. Assuring the aide that she would call Mary's nurse when Mary was ready to come back, Kelly sent him on his way and motioned Mary to take the chair she had pulled up next to her.

"You look amazing, girl! Absolutely amazing." Kelly was shaking her head as she looked Mary over. "God, I love to see my patients after they've healed. It truly is the reward that is most gratifying…just that feeling that I did something good."

Mary was smiling, a little embarrassed at the attention and changed the subject, "So, what good thing are you doing sitting over her in front of this room?" She couldn't really see into the room as the curtain was mostly pulled, but knew there was a patient in there as Kelly would occasionally stare at something and fill in a value on some papers.

"This guy is super sick and requires my undivided attention, so he's my only patient. It's been a bad day for this dude." She wrote one or two more things down then continued, "So…not that you'd need an excuse to see me, but I'm wondering what prompted your visit."

"I think I had an epiphany, but I need a second opinion." Mary offered with a grin.

"Usually when people have an epiphany, they're pretty sure that's what it is." Kelly said wryly.

Mary huffed, "Well I've never had one before, so this is uncharted territory. And for the record, I don't usually ask people for their opinion unless physically threatened, so you should count yourself as honored."

The nurse laughed, "All right, all right. Ask away."

"You told me that I should look at what's right in front of me…listen to my heart." Kelly was nodding and Mary plowed ahead, "I was sure you were talking about my relationship with Raphael, but now I'm thinking you may have been talking about something else."

There was a gleam in Kelly's eye as she tried to smother a grin, "Figured that out, did ya?"

"What did you see?" Mary was looking at her intently, and Kelly was careful. She wanted to help Mary, but didn't want to reveal anything that would harm Marshall.

"I saw a man will every ounce of mental, physical and emotional energy into a dying woman so that she would live. I saw him comfort her, cry for her, encourage her and protect her every day that she could not do those things on her own, and I knew that if I had asked him to trade places with her he would've done it in willingly…in a heartbeat."

Mary sat and stared at her with one hand slightly covering her mouth. Kelly could tell she was working hard to keep emotions at bay.

"Mary, do you trust him?"

The blonde woman took a deep breathe and nodded, "With my life. But I don't trust myself."

Kelly leaned over to place her hand on Mary's forearm, "Let him show you how. Second chances are the universe's way of telling you to get it right this time. It must be really important for you to get that big of a kick in the ass."

Mary chuckled and picked at the tape on her IV as she considered Kelly's words. She didn't know what had compelled her to seek this woman out, but she knew the answer she had received was true.

"You know, I take no responsibility for you pulling out that IV and I'm not putting a new one in." Kelly caught her attention again and she waited for Mary to look at her, "You're not done healing Mary…inside and out. Take it slow and try it on a little bit here and there to see how it feels, but don't resist it. He's a smart man, he'll know what he's seeing and what to do with it."

It made sense to Mary, and she breathed a little easier as she realized there were no enormous undertakings here. She didn't have to shout from a rooftop or send out announcements, she just had to let herself feel. Pondering that for a moment, she decided that might be just as hard, but Kelly was right; Marshall knew her like no one else and he would never hurt her…never push her. Life may just get a little more interesting.

They chatted for a little while longer and Kelly regaled her with hilarious stories from the ICU. Mary's nurse called around 6:30 to ask Mary to come back so she could asses her before report and give her her meds. Kelly gave her one of her cards, 'so she would be invited to the wedding', and Mary glared at her.

The nurse was still laughing as Mary left the unit with the aide.

*** Sometimes Mary is actually pretty smart! Well, now, this could lead us to new territory :) I know you all so wanted Kelly to meddle! Please ice my cake with REVIEWS!! ***