Morgana's feet pounded up the stairs, and she pushed open the doors, letting them close with a bang behind her. She didn't know if Arthur remained standing in the courtyard, watching her leave, or if he had stormed away.

She ran down the hall as fast as she could, ignoring the stares from servants holding trays of food.

When would she be free from the prying eyes?

She turned around the stairs as fast as she could only to collide straight into Merlin, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Morgana!" Merlin said startled, reaching out a hand to catch her.

She yanked her arm out of his grasp. "Let go of me!"

He stepped back and immediately let go, as if he had been burned. His eyes darted around to examine their surroundings before narrowing when they landed back on her, pausing only for a moment to take in her disheveled state.

"Don't you dare judge me Merlin," she hissed, feeling her anger start to boil.

"You are the one lying and betraying your friends," he said looking at her with a mix of anger, disgust, and sadness.

"You're one to talk. You're lying to your friends every day. At least I'm not telling myself that I'm someone I'm not!" her anger was boiling and she stepped dangerously close to him. "I know who I am, and unlike you I don't pretend to be a saint when I'm far from it."

Merlin had frozen, as if trapped by her every word, and she hadn't even started.

"You're lying to them everyday. You sneak around corners and know things you shouldn't. It's plain to see how whenever Arthur is in danger you are right there. How do you think your precious prince would feel if he knew the truth about you?"

"What secret? You don't know anything."

"Really? Care to put it to a test? I have enough evidence to bring you down even if I don't know exactly what you are hiding."

"You wouldn't do that. You couldn't hurt him," Merlin said evenly and confidently.

A slow sinister smirk spread across her face, lacking of any warmth. "Haven't you heard? My heart turned to stone a long time ago. What's to stop me from destroying him anymore?"

Merlin staggered back a step, as if he couldn't believe the monster she had become. Well it wasn't all her fault; he was just as much to blame for who she was now. When she first arrived home, she had thought they could be friends. He had helped her before, and she had trusted him to be there for her as he was the only one who knew the truth. But instead he'd turned on her at the first sign of trouble. He'd betrayed her like everyone else.

She didn't think she could hurt Arthur anymore – once was already tearing her apart. But the words had the desired effect and she could see the fear on Merlin's face.

"Why didn't you tell him that I was his sweet sister? That his blood runs in my veins? That we share the same father?" Each word cut her deeper and deeper, but it was no longer possible to dig her way out, so instead she dug deeper.

Morgana lay on her bed, as motionless as stone as the words she had just heard sunk deeper and deeper inside her.

It was worse than the sickness that had haunted her for the past week. She'd been tossing and turning in a mad sweat, burning up one moment and shivering to death the next. But at least she had felt something. In her haze of half heard conversations that filtered around her, while she lay dangerously close to death, she had at least felt.

Now she couldn't even say that.

"Morgana?" Merlin pushed open the door of the room, which Gaius had converted into an infirmary just for her. She pretended not to notice him there, as if she was still unconscious to the world.

Merlin shuffled across the room and sat awkwardly down in the chair by her bed, where she remembered Gwen and others sitting previously, but most recently Uther.

"Morgana I know you heard him. You don't have to pretend." She vaguely registered the sadness in his voice, but it didn't reach her cold heart.

"You look like sleeping beauty you know? Even as you lay there, only just having broken your fever. You're like a fairytale princess." It was a poor attempt to make her smile, but his words had the opposite affect.

She weakly pushed herself up to a sitting position and Merlin reached out to give her a hand, but she refused it, instead leaning forward trying not to let all the blood rush to her head.

"My life is no fairytale Merlin," it's a tragedy, she thought to herself.

There was a pause as Merlin tried to figure out how to respond.

"I don't know what to say to make it better. I wish…" he looked down at his hands and then back at her. "I wish you hadn't heard him. I wish what he said wasn't true..."

She turned her gaze away from him and stared off into the distance, not wanting to hear Merlin's words. She wasn't surprised that he had heard Uther's declaration; he must have been hiding behind a door.

"He thought you were dying Morgana. He was grief-stricken. He loves you."

A swelling anger rose inside her, "Love? What love? This is not love Merlin! You don't treat someone you love like this. You don't treat your…." She couldn't make herself say daughter and just stopped. "You don't."

"Tell me what to do Morgana. Tell me what you need."

"Get me to Morgause." The words were out before she even had time to register what she was asking. "Get me there and tell no one what has happened or where I am." She saw laughing blue eyes, a giant smile, and a mass of golden blonde hair. "No one. Promise me you won't tell him."

And by the look on Merlin's face he knew which him she meant.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright."

Merlin had to remember sneaking her out of the castle while she could barely walk, and into the car that drove her straight to the private plane sent by Morgause. Like a thief she had escaped in the night, and he had assisted her. He had known he was holding her secret close when he sent her off, but he hadn't protested or told the others. Uther had only found her through constant search and the damn paparazzi. She'd thought Merlin understood, but she could see now how wrong she was.

Merlin took a step towards her, any anger in his eyes replaced by sadness and pity.

"It doesn't have to be like this Morgana. We can find another way."

Did he realize why everything was so painful? Why it tore her up inside?

It was the loss of her parents and the abandonment of Morgause when she was just a child. It was Uther's lies and unjust treatment, and his constant hatred of her. It was watching Uther so easily have innocent people murdered for having different beliefs than him, beliefs she shared. It was fearing that one day she would be thrown in those prison cells again as she once had years ago. It was Gwen abandoning her and choosing Arthur. It was Merlin turning from her and watching her suffer but not caring enough to extend a hand. It was being related to the one man she hated most and the one she cared about above all others. It was Arthur being Arthur.

It was as if every thing in her life had suddenly collapsed onto her and she was falling from the pressure.

Did Merlin understand that? Could he feel her pain?

"There is no other way," she said, and the venom that had filled her voice since their conversation had begun was gone, left only with regret.

She turned and walked to her room, closing her bedroom door behind her before collapsing on the floor. She couldn't help it; the tears started to fall.

Because after all those years of denying it she was finally forced to face the truth: she loved Arthur.

It was wrong. It was grotesque and screwed up and unnatural. It was a monster that she had to push deeper and deeper in the dark to prevent it from climbing out and consuming everything.

There were two ways she could think of that Arthur would react if he knew the truth.

The first was that he would be disgusted with her and himself, and that disgust would grow to hate. He would see the love that was between them as an abomination and turn from her. He would avoid her at all possible moments and shun her completely out of his life. But more than hating her, he would hate himself. He'd turn into himself and pull away from others. She was afraid that he would ruin himself.

The other option was that his love would fade and be replaced by sisterly affection. He would tease her as a sibling, and fall in love and one day marry another. She would be forced to stand on the sidelines and smile and act as if it didn't kill her. Her little brother. The idea sliced through her more than the idea of his hatred.

"Maybe he'll still love you," a small voice whispered, but she knew it wasn't true. Once when lying on her bed at Morgause's, she had considered the possibility that he would still love her. That he would wrap her in his arms and kiss her, telling her that it didn't matter. They'd forbid Uther, Gaius and Merlin from saying anything. Camelot certainly expected them to get married; it wasn't like the rest of the world would find it strange. The possibly had only lasted for a moment before it had been replaced by an image of Arthur looking at her with horror and disgust and then down at his hands in the same way.

She forced herself to gather her composure, pushing strands of hair behind her ear. She wiped away the tears that had unwillingly fallen, and leaned her head back against her door, waiting to see what would happen next.

…

Arthur struck the dummy as hard as he could, and the straw arms that were already barely hanging on went flying off. It barely resembled the human it was meant to be, but Arthur kept slashing at it. Harder and harder he sliced it with his sword, using every technique that was drilled over and over in his head. He hit again and again, not caring that the attack wasn't doing any good.

Morgana.

No matter how hard he cut through the dummy with his sword he couldn't get her out of his mind. How had they come to this?

"She's just this annoying brat my father has taken in," he'd said about her when she first arrived. And then when a playmate insulted her, he'd punched the guy until his father's soldiers pulled him off, "She's like a sister, nothing more. A spoiled sister," he'd said. But that word had become foul and wrong over the years, as he'd found himself holding her in his arms late at night, when her nightmares came.

"Damn she's hot" one of his friends had declared in high school, giving a long whistle. "Hit on Morgana and I'll make you wish you were never born," Arthur had warned, suddenly realizing that there was no way on earth Morgana could be any other man's. His friends had quickly learned that Morgana was his. It was just because she was too good for them he had said, though to her he had said he was protecting his friends (she'd glared at him after that one).

It wasn't until she had disappeared that he had faced the facts – he was in love with Morgana LeFay.

And now here he was falling apart, as if he had lost her all over again.

Thwack. Morgana's smiling face. Slice. Morgana's laugh. Stab. Morgana's eyes glinting wickedly.

She'd asked him to let her go. She'd told him she didn't love him. But how did you walk away from the love of your life?

He registered Merlin enter the courtyard and move to stand beside the wall, but he kept fighting.

Only hours later, when he was drenched in sweat and his muscles had been pushed past their breaking point, did he stop.

He was relieved that Merlin didn't say anything, but instead stood silently and constant like a stone pillar.

"Damn her." His voice sounded broken even to himself, and he couldn't muster up the emotion that normally went with that sentence.

He waited a moment for Merlin to say something like, "who?" but of course Merlin didn't. Either he knew so he didn't ask, or he knew Arthur wouldn't want to say.

Arthur walked out of the practice courtyard, with Merlin close behind him, and headed straight to his room.

A shower later, and the sweat that had covered his body was gone, though his muscles still ached from their torture.

He ran a hand through his wet hair and leaned against the bathroom counter for a moment, staring at the tired man staring back at him. How had everything changed so quickly? He'd risked it all and lost it all.

"Arthur?" Merlin called.

"What is it?" He'd thought Merlin had left, but evidently he hadn't. Either that or he'd returned.

"The king wants to see you. He said he was urgent."

Suddenly he realized why the man in the mirror looked so familiar: it was the face of the man burdened by a heavy crown, who he had always displeased.

He threw on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt before stepping out to see Merlin standing there.

Merlin seemed as if he was on the verge of making a joke to lighten the tension, but stopped when he saw Arthur's expression. Instead they walked down the hall separating at the giant wooden doors that lead into the audience chamber.

Uther sat in the throne, his expression already showing his anger before the doors had even shut behind them.

"What were you thinking Arthur? Walking off in the middle of this event with no notice or reason." He stood up and moved around his chair to face Arthur. "The future of this kingdom was already put in jeopardy when you cancelled your future engagement to the Princess Elena."

"It was a mutual – "

"A bomb goes off in our castle, we are nearly assassinated to end the Pendragon line, and you go out of sight from the public for a few days, causing an even bigger uproar!"

"I was drilling with my men! Letting an assassin in, is a clear sign that more work needs to be done to strengthen the guards and the knights!"

"Yes and this should have been done long before, so that we weren't facing this crisis." Uther's blow hit hard, as Arthur knew his father was aware of the amount of effort he spent in training his men.

Uther turned towards the window, "There should be another knight in charge of your men. You devote too much time to them and not enough to your kingdom and people."

Arthur clenched his fists, just about to punch his father. His anger started to boil and he knew if he didn't leave he wouldn't be able to hold it back anymore.

But Uther continued, turning to face Arthur as he yelled. "You let your personal feelings guide you and ignore your people. Do you think this crown is something given away lightly? I've seen Morgana have a greater care for the people, and she isn't meant to be queen! Do you really think your life can come before the good of the kingdom, because if you do then you do not deserve this crown I will be passing to you."

Maybe it was the mention of Morgana's name and the memories of her yelling at Uther. Maybe it was the disrespect for all of the work Arthur put into his knights. Maybe it was the fact that his father didn't understand him at all, if he believed Arthur's first priority wasn't his kingdom – he snapped.

"If I'm such a disappointment to you, then I must be doing something right! The people hate you more and more every passing day, why would I ever want to listen to you?"

"Enough!" Uther roared.

"No!" He couldn't stop now that he had begun. "We're one of the last remaining royal families that hold their government, but the longer you rein, the more Camelot wants to break apart from the monarchy." His voice got louder and louder as his anger grew. "Do you really think when you stand and smile and wave, you understand your people? You don't know me and you certainly don't know your people."

Uther pointed his finger and glared at him, shouting back. "I am your father and your king, and you will show me some respect."

"Respect? I'll give my respect when you're worthy of either of those titles. A good King listens to his people and doesn't unfairly prosecute them!" He should stop there but he couldn't, now that he had started he had to get it all out. "A good father doesn't stand by and ignore his son his whole life, blaming him for his mother's death."

There was dead silence as father and son looked at each other; the words that Arthur had always believed finally out in the open between them.

Uther lowered his hand and rested it on the table, already looking drained. "Arthur…"

"Sire," Arthur gave a slight bow and walked out of the room while Uther stood there mutely.

As soon as Arthur was alone in the hall he punched the wall as hard as he good. There was a slight crack and he clutched his hand in pain, though it helped to punch something. His feet immediately started to make their way towards Morgana's room but then he remembered their earlier conversation and he stopped. After standing still for a few moments he turned and headed down the stairs at towards Gaius's chamber where he knew Merlin would be.

"What do you mean, Merlin?" Gaius's voice reached him in the stairwell, and some instinct made him stop, and hide where they would not see him.

"I've only ever seen him like this when he thought she would die. Not with Guinevere, not with Uther… only with Morgana. She has some spell over him."

Arthur moved closer while staying in the shadows, trying to better hear the conversation.

"As hard as you might try to erase someone Merlin, you can never get rid of the moments two people spent together. And Arthur and Morgana have had moments since they were ten. She may have forced herself to forget them, but from what you are saying Arthur most clearly has not."

"Gaius, I can't watch him suffer like this. He doesn't know who she has become!"

"And is that his fault?"

Merlin sighed and Arthur could practically see him resting his head down. "I can't tell him; it will destroy him."

There was silence as Gaius waited for Merlin to continue.

"He's in love with her. I thought he loved Gwen, and that Morgana was just an early flirtation. He's certainly implied that they were purely platonic, but now that she's back I know that isn't the case. I've started to believe that he loves her more than anything else in the world."

Arthur leaned his head against the wall. Of course Merlin had seen right through him. Merlin had probably figured it out before he had.

"Are you sure?"

"I know it."

There was a screech of a chair, as Gaius must have stood up to pace around the room. A few moments passed and he spoke again, but Arthur could tell he was rattled by this new information.

"You cannot tell him the truth about Uther and Morgana. You'll just have to find someone else for him to love!"

"I'm not going to tell him. Before today I thought it would destroy him, now I'm not sure he would care. And that disturbs me just as much."

"But if Uther is –"

"I've seen Arthur's face when he looks at her. He would give up his right for the throne for her, Uther, Camelot, everything before he stops loving her. Even if she is his half-sister."

Author's Note: Okay Arthur finally knows. I realized I've never given a public thank you to Chirstina-Potter-09 who has been brilliant and beta checked this fic for me! She's a great writer and you should all go and check her stuff. As always please review, and thank you all of you for your kind reviews that make me keep writing! There will probably be 3 chapters and an epilogue left, but that could change. Thank you so much! Xx