Been struggling with this chapter a bit but this is what I've made of it! Stay tuned cause this weekend I'll upload a new Jelly fan fiction. Still searching for a title though, suggestions are welcome.

ENJOY :D

'You what ..!' Yelled the brunette jumping up from her seat. Her face was shocked, maybe slightly angry, surely scared what part she exactly had written.

'Sorry, I thought It were some sketches but it wasn't and I wanted to close it but I saw my name and … sorry' apologized the redhead jumping from her seat too

… jen didn't say a thing. She knew what was written inside them, it was all very personal and honest. The brunette didn't know what to say or do, she couldn't be mad at Tilly but neither did she liked that now she knew what was all going on inside her head. It was really personal. Right now she felt stupid for writing this stuff down at the first place but when she was locked it had felt good to get it out. Out as in out of her head not out for anyone else to read.

Tilly saw the way Jen looked which was not good. 'Jen it's okay you know, those things you've written are honest right?'

'Yeah, they were never meant for anyone to read though' answered Jen

'I've never meant to read it , honestly, it kind of happen accidently but Jen what I'm trying to say is that … you know these things you've written .. it's your side of the story .. and … they do explain a lot.' Spoke tilly in a attempt to explain her thoughts about these writings

'But it doesn't make any difference … Tilly don't you see… why do you still even care … you should be blaming me like everyone else .. it's all me who is to blame!' Spoke the brunette almost bursting out in tears.

'Jen haven't you read what you've written! It isn't your fault none of all those things that happened is your fault. It's all just bad timing and sh*t circumstance!

These things they, well they prove it. How much hurt there was caused. For me, you ending things hurt me and you saw it but … what I've never realized and what I know now is how much it affected you too, how much you suffered by it all too. But Jen they don't only prove the hurt. The notebooks captured something else something that isn't written in them but something you discover by reading them attentively… . The only thing else which these notebooks prove, is the love you feel for me inside there … (pointing at Jen's heart)'

By this time jen complete shrunken, she couldn't look at Tilly. The brunette's eyes were swollen and she was shaking. Shaking because she knew this girl knew now knew exactly how she felt and had felt, it made her feel kind of vulnerable.

'Jen … please look at me' whispered Tilly.

But Jen only lifted her head slightly, so the redhead lifted it up further. Forcing Jen to look at her.

The former teacher really didn't see why tilly still cared. She had kissed her but why? Tilly couldn't possibly still love her right? After all the things she's been through the last year! The bus crash that took away three of her friends. Then almost losing another friend, esther, who tried to kill herself. All the things Jen put her through, bailing on a get a away. Ending things, more then once. What did the redhead still see in her, Jen wondered. With all those thoughts, memories of everything that happened in her life, a feeling of guilt overwhelmed the brunette. She tried her best to hold back the tears that had been building up but now while looking into tilly's eyes, she couldn't hold back those tears behind her eyes no longer and the first of many tears rolled down of Jen's face, followed by another one and another … .

Seeing Jen cry and not knowing what to do or say to make her stop was hard to handle for the teenager.

The brunette vail through her knee onto the ground, leaning her head against the sofa Tilly sat herself down next to her. Moving closer and gently stroke the top of Jen's head.

As she felt Tilly's touch Jen started to cry out apologies to the redhead 'I'm so sorry, Tilly, oh I'm so sorry, I really am! I'm such a failure I know that, Tilly I'm so sorry …'

'shhhh' hushed the redhead 'shhh'

Jen lifted her head, she looked at Tilly but seeing her only made her feel more guilty. 'Why are ..' began Jen, wanting to ask why tilly still cared about her.

Before the former teacher could finish tilly placed her index finger onto Jen's lips 'shhhh' she spoke again. Looking her straight in the eyes, seeing how low the brunette felt of herself. Wanting her to be strong and fight her inner demons who are bringing her down, to love live again, to love herself again. Not to go back to the feelings she must have felt like years ago when people where hating on her. Jen needed to embrace herself! Tilly placed her hands on either sides of Jen's face, wiped away Jen's tears with her thumbs and then kissed her short but hard. Holding the brunette's head firmly between her hands, not giving her a chance to pull away and kissing her again.