Fourteen. There Goes the Fear

"Come on, Spence… pick up." Jessica groaned quietly into her phone. "Spence!" she almost shouted when he finally answered.

"Yeah?" Reid answered.

"Morgan and I nailed him. It's Carl Varuck for sure. Are you still at the university?"

"Yeah. Gideon and I are still here. I just left Dr. Varuck's office... she said her husband does a lot of work from home."

"Is he at work now?" she asked.

"Hold on, we're about to pass his office." He answered. "Sorry, no… lights are off."

"Damn it. We need to find him." She stressed. "Morgan and I will head to their house."

"We'll keep looking here. I'll call you if we find him." He negotiated and then hung up.

"If he's not at the school, he's at his nest. Let's hope we can find it." Morgan said, turning the vehicle around.

"I could really go for some Metallica right now." She thought, smiling to herself; she remembered riding with Dean and how he would only listen to the same five albums over and over again. It was annoying at the time, but she was realizing how much she missed it.

"What's that?" Morgan asked, straining to hear.

"Metallica." She repeated, turning red. Did she really say that out loud? "This occasion, it just seems appropriate."

"I'm sorry, did you just share personal information with me?" Morgan chuckled. "So you're a Metallica fan huh? I never would've guessed."

"Ha, yeah… I guess I did." She smiled back. "A good friend of mine loved Metallica… it kind of grew on me I guess."

"Loved? As in past tense?"

"Oh, it's this street." She pointed to the next sign up, hoping it would distract him from prying. "Do you really think his nest is anywhere near his home?"

"It's somewhere he's comfortable." He shrugged as he made the turn. "This is a pretty nice neighborhood… I seriously doubt he's holding girls here. Not enough privacy." He pointed out. Jessica nodded in agreement as they pulled up across from the house.

"No car in the driveway… " she noted.

"Could be in the garage?" Morgan asked.

"I'll go check." Jessica answered, unbuckling her seat belt.

"Not by yourself… I don't think so." He protested. "If he's our guy and he sees you…" he warned.

"Am I the only one that believes I can take care of myself?" she challenged. "Seriously, Morgan." She shook her head and got out of the vehicle, casually walking across the street and up the driveway. She peeked in the window of the garage and saw a dark colored Toyota inside that she assumed to be Varuck's. She turned to walk back to the SUV when she spotted something out of the corner of her eye… a large patch of grass around the side of the house that to most people would just appear to be nothing more, but the blood began pumping in her veins erratically and she decided to trust her gut. She withdrew her gun and motioned to Morgan with her head where she was headed.

"What are you doing, Taylor?" he rolled his eyes, sighing as he got out of the vehicle to run behind the trees to where she was at. She inched up slowly to her target, gun pointed down while Morgan covered her in case anyone came outside. That's when he saw it… the grass was a slightly brighter shade of green than its surroundings, and in a perfect rectangle too. "We should call Hotch." He whispered.

"You call, I'm gonna check this out." She whispered back, squatting down to dig around. "Morgan, there's a latch here." Her voice spiked while Morgan dialed the number.

"Hotch, we may have just found where he keeps them. Taylor and I are at the house." He looked over and she had her ear pressed up against the earth.

"We're on our way. Wait there." Morgan nodded and flipped the phone shut.

"Morgan, I think I hear someone down there." Jessica whispered.

"It's the perfect spot. Assuming he does his own yard work, you can't even see this spot from the road with all the trees in the way. There's no windows next door that face this side of the house… no one would ever see him." He reasoned.

"Seriously, Morgan… it's faint, but I swear I hear voices." She repeated. "I'm going down there." She declared, standing back up.

"What? Hotch said to wait." Morgan questioned. The two exchanged argumentative glances before he rolled his eyes again and nodded. "You open the door, I go down first. Got it?" he demanded.

"Got it." Jessica reached down and quietly pulled the latch back, allowing the door to open. She nodded at Morgan and pointed her gun down the stairs. Morgan did the same and began to ease himself down the steps; he could see a faint light coming from the bottom. Jessica followed him, one foot in front of the other as quietly as possible.

"Somebody pleeeeease… please help me." A defeated groan made its way to their ears. Morgan hit the bottom of the stairs, Jessica right behind him to see what he could. There was Lacy Waters, arms tied to a post behind her, stripped of her clothing save for a bra and panties, her body bruised and bloody. She had sunk down to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest while crying silently against her kneecaps, unaware of the two agents that had just entered her nightmare. Carl Varuck was nowhere in sight. Morgan entered the room a bit further to allow Jessica past him to secure Lacy, keeping his gun aimed at the stairs in case he came back down.

"Lacy?" Jessica whispered. The girl lifted her head, sobbing when she saw that it wasn't her captor. "Shh… it's ok, we're FBI… we're gonna get you out of here." She took off her jacket and draped it over Lacy's body before working at the knots that bound her wrists. When she finally got them free, Lacy stood shakily and pulled the jacket tighter around her body, hugging Jessica and crying. "Shh… it's ok." Jessica soothed.

Jessica turned to help the girl out of the tiny room when a hard object collided with her face, sending her straight to the ground. Morgan turned abruptly to see Varuck push Lacy out of the way to get to Jessica, crowbar in hand. "Drop it!" he yelled out, but Varuck was on a mission.

"So beautiful." Carl smiled. As the crowbar lifted over his head to swing down upon Jessica, Morgan fired a single shot, hitting him in the shoulder. He stumbled backwards before dropping to the floor beside Lacy. When his head turned to face her, Lacy screamed, jumped to her feet and ran to where Morgan stood.

"Taylor?" Morgan asked, easing up to Varuck, his gun still aimed directly at him. "You alright?"

Jessica groaned, feeling blood rushing to her head, some spilling out of a gash near her jaw line. "I'm good." She answered, spitting out blood. She sat up and held her head as she watched Morgan grab Carl's arms, cuffing him in front. He kicked the crowbar out of Varuck's reach and helped Jessica stand. "Get her out of here. I'll wait down here with him." She said motioning to Lacy, who was still crying hysterically.

Morgan nodded and handed her back her gun. "They're on their way." He walked to Lacy and put an arm around her shoulder. "Can you walk?" he asked. She nodded and he helped her up the stairs. They made their way around to the front of the house to see another black SUV round the corner.

"I thought I told you to wait." Hotchner said angrily as he and Prentiss got out of the vehicle. Prentiss took hold of Lacy and helped her into the car.

"We heard her down there, Hotch. We made a judgment call." He explained.

Hotchner nodded at Morgan and sighed. "Where's Taylor?"

"She's still down there with him. He's been shot. I got him in the shoulder… it's a flesh wound." He led Hotchner around the side of the house and down the stairs where they found Jessica leaned up in the corner, knees drawn up and her gun pointed at a groaning Varuck.

"You alright?" Hotchner asked her.

"Fine. Just get him out of here." She slurred. The two men grabbed Varuck under the arms to drag him back up the stairs; he yelped in pain the entire way to the surface where the medics were waiting.

"Jess?" a voice called from the top of the stairs. Jessica let her gun fall to the floor the moment he was gone and leaned her head back against the wall. "Jess?" the voice asked again, closer this time. She rolled her head to see Spencer running to her side. "Hey, what happened?" he whispered, kneeling beside her to look at her wound.

"Got hit." She answered.

"Here, let me help you up." He stood and held out a hand that she took, pulling herself up. He tried to walk her to the bottom of the stairs when she shook him off.

"I'm ok, Reid. I got this." She barked, making her way up the steps. When the sunlight hit her eyes, she groaned and grabbed her head again. She looked around her and saw Detective Stabler reading Varuck his rights and entering the ambulance with him, Benson giving her an appreciative nod from across the yard, and Lacy's tear-stained face in the window of the SUV. She sighed, knowing it was over and made her way back to the others.

"Benson found a false door through the garage. That must've been how he got to you without me seeing." Morgan explained as Jessica was getting bandaged in the back of an ambulance. She nodded and cringed in pain as the medic continued touching her face. "How bad is it?" he asked.

"She's lucky… no broken bones." The medic answered. "Clotting time was actually pretty fast… she'll be fine, just sore for a while."

"Great." She groaned. "I'll just tell everyone I got into a bar fight… much better story than some perv knocked me out with a crowbar." Morgan smiled at her joke and patted her on the shoulder before walking back to the SUVs.

Spencer looked out the window of the jet as they took off from New York. Most everyone else was either reading or listening to music, but not him. He just let his mind wander all over the place. He thought of the case they had just wrapped; he thought about that group session and the story Jessica had told. He knew it wasn't true, but he didn't think it was a lie either. Something had been bothering her since she got to Virginia, he knew it, but he didn't want to push her. He saw something out of the corner of his eye and turned to see Morgan sitting across from him removing his headphones.

"What's going on in that head of yours, Reid?" he asked genuinely. "Today was as much a victory as we're ever going to have, but you look upset about something." Spencer let his eyes wander to Jessica sitting with her nose in a book, two small butterfly bandages across her blackened jaw.

"I'm worried about her." He answered quietly, looking back at Morgan. "She's different."

She's in a new place, getting used to new people. You just have to give her time."

"I've known her for years, Morgan. I've never seen her this detached." He replied. Morgan looked at him questioningly. "She's been staying with me, you know?" he began. "She doesn't want anyone to know… she doesn't want to come across as dependent." Morgan nodded. "But it's like she's not even there… something's wrong." He added sadly.

"You can't make her talk." Morgan started. "But you can be there for her. She's a smart girl, Reid. She knows there's a problem and she knows she needs to talk to someone… she's just not ready yet. Just be there when she's ready." Reid nodded in agreement and looked back out the window; Morgan replaced his headphones and closed his eyes for the remaining hour of the flight.

"I'm going to bed." Jessica yawned when they got back to Reid's flat. He just nodded and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator before heading to his study. She didn't say a word the entire ride home, and he wasn't surprised that she didn't say more when they got home. He listened to the door to the spare bedroom close and sighed.

Jessica looked her face over in the mirror and let out an annoyed groan. There was intense bruising on her lower cheek, not to mention the scar that would form from the gash on her jaw. She looked like she went ten rounds with Mike Tyson and signed up for more. After she turned the light off, she settled under the covers and tried to get to sleep, but with no luck. She tossed and turned for what felt like hours, but after looking at her clock only surpassed ten minutes.

She thought about what Morgan had said to her back at the precinct. Had she been that transparent? Of course she had… she sat in a room full of profilers trying to hide a secret. Only an idiot would think that would work. She had talked to Bridget, who had convinced her that taking this job would help… and as far as she could tell, it had. How was it that she was able to counsel others on fixing their problems, but when it came to her own she was completely useless? She couldn't do it alone. That was it… that was her breakthrough. With a flick of her wrist the bedside lamp turned on and she stared at Dean's ring knowing this wasn't going to be easy.

"Hey, can I come in?" Jessica asked meekly after tapping on the door to the study. Reid looked up from the letter he was writing and gave a small smile.

"Sure… can't sleep?" he asked putting the spiral and pen down on the floor.

"No… actually, I haven't really slept in two weeks." She answered, letting out a sarcastic chuckle.

"I know." Reid admitted almost embarrassed. "I can tell something's been bothering you… I just didn't want to push it… you've been calling me Reid. It's weird." He motioned for her to sit next to him on the small couch.

"Thanks." She answered, sitting down. "I appreciate that… I, um… you're my best friend, Spence." She blurted out. "I don't have a lot of friends, so I'm not sure how much of a compliment that is, but I really need a friend right now." He noticed the tear in her eye and he frowned slightly.

"What's wrong?" he asked sincerely.

"Well," she began, reaching down for his water bottle and took a sip. She never asked, and he actually didn't care. "A couple of weeks ago, Dean came to see me." He nodded for her to continue. "He was on a job, and this one… well, it was a bad one."

"This is the job you can't tell me about?"

"Yeah." She answered apologetically. "Basically someone was after him and he didn't think he was going to make it… he came to tell me goodbye." She closed her eyes and breathed in deep for what came next. "He was killed the next day." Her voice shook and she leaned her head down into her hands.

Reid placed a hand on her back and drew himself closer to her. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "Do you know who was after him?"

"No." she lied. "He never wanted me involved with his work… I want to honor that." She sat back up and rested her head against the back of the couch in pain; she sat up too quickly and the blood flowed directly to her wound, causing it to throb.

"How's your jaw?" he soothed.

"Hurts like hell." She answered. "Looks like hell." When she realized what she had said, she clamped her eyes shut again to hold back the tears. She had no idea what hell was like… but Dean did.

"I think it looks pretty cool, actually." He smiled. In reality, he could barely look at her face without wanting to shove his gun down Carl Varuck's throat and pull the trigger… and Reid was by no means the violent type. "So he just came to say goodbye? That's it?"

"Pretty much." She averted eye contact and toyed with the ring again.

"The story you told at the group session… that was about him, wasn't it?" she closed her eyes again and nodded. "That ring is too big for your finger…" he noticed. "Dean gave it to you."

"He said he would come back for it… but I think deep down we both knew he wouldn't." she still wouldn't look him in the eye and he knew there was more to it than that.

"Did something happen?" he asked, not sure what he meant by the question… it just came out. She started to cry again and his heart sunk in his chest. "Hey, I'm sorry… you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He assured her.

No. She had made the plunge… she left it out when talking to Bridget, but it was eating her up inside. "We… we, um… I slept with him." She stuttered quietly.

"Oh." He responded, a bit surprised. He began rubbing circles on her back with his fingertips while staring at the floor. "Did you love him?" he squeaked, unsure if it was appropriate.

"Yes… and, well, no." she began. "I know I didn't know him for very long, but I trusted him… completely. I did love him, but I wasn't in love with him… which made sleeping with him incredibly stupid." She continued.

"No… no… there's nothing wrong with what you did." He assured her. "These days, many people have sex for reasons other than love… statistically…"

"Spence." She cut him off. "I don't need a statistics lesson right now."

"Right… sorry." He nodded. "I am sorry about Dean though." He added genuinely.

"Me too…" she trailed off. "I miss him so much." Her eyes welled up again. "Ugh, I'm so exhausted… I haven't slept, my face kills, and I'm pretty sure I'm coming down with something." She added, feeling sick to her stomach.

"You've bottled this up for a while… it may have manifested itself physically." Reid explained, handing her the bottle of water for her to drink. She accepted gratefully and rested her forehead on his shoulder.

"You're a good friend, Spence." She sighed as he wrapped an arm around her. "I'm so sorry for how I've been treating you these past two weeks… you've been nothing but generous to me… helping me with this job, giving me a place to stay. You must think I'm awful."

"Not at all." He argued. "I've been worried about you. I'm glad you finally talked to me." He smiled, pulling her close. "What can I do?"

Jessica sighed heavily and pulled back, looking at the spiral he had left on the floor. "Is that for your mom?" she asked.

"I saw her a few months ago… I think seeing her makes me feel even more guilty about putting her in that place." He explained.

"You are a good son." Her eyes met his. "She's had years to adjust to being there. You said she's happy, right?"

"Yeah."

"You did what was best for her. I'm sure she understands that… you have nothing to feel guilty about." She soothed.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes before Reid spoke up again. "How about a movie… you know, since you can't sleep."

"Sure." She answered. "No romance… for obvious reasons. And no comedy… laughing hurts."

"Wanna watch things blow up?" he smiled, his eyes trailing off nervously.

"Spence… you know the way to my heart." She smiled through the searing pain.