Chapter 13: No Rest for the Mischievous

At five-thirty in the morning, Near padded down the stairs and into the kitchen. He had actually been asleep all night, having finally crashed after a few weeks without sleep. At least half the house was asleep, now that he actually listened for the tell-tale sounds of awake vampires. Normally there weren't that many at one time. Everyone must have been exhausted.

He poured himself a bowl of Frosted Flakes with milk, sitting down at the kitchen table with his large white teddy bear. He didn't want to bother the others this early, not if most of them were sleeping, so he was as quiet as possible. But as he ate, his sensitive ears picked up the distinct sound of someone creeping around. Someone human. Light never got up this early, ever. So who was it?

Near reached up to rub sleep from his eyes, and looked up as the kitchen door opened. He froze, and a shrill cry split the air.

xXx

Aki crept into the front hall of the house, trying not to make any noise. She had left a note for Mr. and Mrs. Yagami, telling them that she had gone to Wammy's, and to enjoy Winchester. She wanted to creep around a bit and see what was going on in the early morning.

She gently pushed the door to the kitchen open, and stopped at the sight of Near eating cereal, his teddy bear sitting beside him. He stopped right in the middle of rubbing his sleepy eyes, staring at her in surprise, and Aki couldn't help herself.

"Kawaii!" she cried shrilly, running over and hugging the young vampire. Near blinked in shock, not fighting to get away, but merely staying perfectly still.

Within thirty seconds, there were ten people in the kitchen, including L and Aisha. Most turned away with a brief groan, 'Oh, you again…', and went back to whatever they had been doing. L once again rescued Near from Aki's hug of doom, returning him to his chair.

"Please," he said quietly, "Restrain yourself from trying to crush my fledgling to death at every opportunity."

Aki grinned sheepishly. "Sorry…"

Beyond stumbled into the kitchen, blinking sleepily. "I need jam… What's going on…?" His eyes drifted lazily around the room, before seeing Aki. "Oh, hell."

Aki grinned innocently. "Morning!"

xXx

They had breakfast, six of them, in the kitchen. Four vampires, Light, and Aki, all eating whatever they felt like, really. Most, like Light and After, who had been asleep, clutched coffee desperately. Aki was having some just because she liked it. L had hot chocolate instead, and Aisha had grape juice. Beyond drank strawberry smoothie, rubbing sleepy eyes once in a while.

"You should have some coffee!" Aki chirped at the sleepy vampire.

"I don't drink coffee." Beyond said sullenly. "It stains your teeth."

Aki grinned charmingly. "Would you drink it out of my mouth?" she asked, pursing her lips as if to kiss him. She had watched too much Ouran High School Host Club not to take advantage of the moment.

Beyond turned an odd shade of puce, splattering his glass of strawberry smoothie everywhere. "NO!"

"Beyond!" Light whined as flying smoothie went all over his pajamas. "Damn it, watch where you're flailing!"

"But she…!" Beyond tried, then gave up, poking at his jam-drenched bagel with a resigned look on his face.

"Light, dear, you might want to go change." L suggested, grinning when Light glared at him.

"Thank you, L. I'll keep that in mind." He defiantly took another bite of waffle, daring L to say something else. The raven-headed vampire grinned, staying silent but shifting and running his foot over Light's. "Dammit, L, stop touching me! Eat your damn breakfast!"

L smiled innocently, and Light rolled his eyes. The 'Me?' face was not going to work, not even accompanied by chibi-eyes. He looked up, seeing everyone at the table looking at him oddly, and sighed.

Beyond looked sorrowfully at his empty smoothie glass, getting up and retrieving a bottle of Fiji water from the fridge. Aki stared for a moment, then asked, "What's that?"

"I only drink Fiji water." Beyond said shortly, refusing to glance in her direction.

"Interesting…" Aki murmured. She said nothing more, and breakfast passed in relative peace after that.

xXx

Sometime after breakfast, Aki snuck back into the kitchen, going into the fridge and pulling out the Fiji water bottle, reading the back.

"…'this water has never been exposed to the open air, until you open the bottle'." she read to herself in disbelief. Was this guy OCD or what?

Smirking, she poured the water out and refilled the bottle from the tap, then hid it back in the fridge like normal. She snuck out the other door of the kitchen, going around to watch Beyond, who was coming that way.

He walked into the kitchen and pulled out the bottle of water, taking a single sip. He spluttered it out, coughing. "Ugh!" He could taste the impurities of the tap water easily. A faint giggle caught his sensitive ears, and he looked up slowly. Aki waved at him from the doorway, and he grimaced.

"You are EVIL, girl!" he wailed. "What is your determination to ruin my life?!?!"

"But you're such a nice person…" Aki said, grinning. "What if I like you?"

"You don't have to TORMENT ME at every opportunity!!!" Beyond shrieked.

"But it's such fun!" Aki bounced over and hugged him, and he froze. It took a few moments for him to regain enough function to shove her away, but by that point, he had locked eyes with an astonished Aisha standing in the doorway. She turned, leaving quickly, and Beyond pushed Aki across the room.

"Dammit!" he cried. Glaring at Aki, he hissed, "I REALLY don't like you!" before tearing out of the room after Aisha, yelling, "A! Wait! It's not what it looks like!!!"

Aki almost felt bad for him, but she was having too much fun. She giggled, going off to look for Mello.

xXx

That afternoon, Light was sitting out on the lawn, reading with his back against a tree, when a shadow blocked the sun. He looked up, frowning at L. "L, you're blocking my light. It's hard to read like that."

L smiled, stepping to the side. "Sorry, Light." He glanced at the driveway, tilting his head to the side, listening. He pulled Light upright, the teenager dropping his book to the grass, and forced him against the tree.

"L!" Light yelled. "What are you doing?!"

"Having fun." L replied. He leaned forward and nuzzled Light's neck, just under his ear. "Heightened senses come in handy."

Light thought about this for a minute, then his eyes widened. "You hear them coming! You can hear my parents' car coming up the driveway! You're doing this on purpose!!!"

"Light, what makes you think that? Maybe I just enjoy your company." L smiled, his lips still against Light's neck. Light growled at him, squirming, but as usual L's strength was too much for him. He resigned himself to another round of humiliation in front of his parents, when a yell came from absolutely nowhere.

"I'll save you!"

L twitched, letting go of Light and reaching up to pull the garlic-tipped plunger dart off of the back of his shirt. He turned around, raising an eyebrow at the black-clothed figure now standing in the front yard. The person held a Nerf dart launcher, and every dart had garlic on the tip of it.

"Noir, please…" L sighed. "Now's not a good time."

"So I should just let you drink that poor guy's blood?!" Noir demanded.

"What the hell?" Light asked, pushing himself away from the tree.

L turned back, rolling his eyes. "Noir lives down in Winchester. He's seventeen, and an amateur 'vampire hunter'. He's of the opinion that we're all vampires."

"You ARE all vampires!" Noir yelled. "And I know it!" He pulled a crucifix from seemingly nowhere and held it up. L blinked.

"Noir, Mello wears a rosary. That won't work. You've tried that before."

Noir ignored him, letting out a wailing battle cry and charging him. He hit L full speed, and the vampire fell back, sacrificing strength and balance to keep the illusion. A normal human would have fallen down with that impact, after all. L flailed clumsily, somehow turning over as he fell, catching Light on the way down. He landed on top of Light, and Noir landed on top of him, both humans having the wind knocked out of them. At that moment, Light's parents' car pulled up, and they got out and stared. From underneath the pile, Light groaned.

Of course…

Noir got up hurriedly, grabbing his dart launcher. "You win this time, vampire, but I'll be back!" He raced past Light's parents, apparently heading back towards Winchester. Light pushed at L, who seemed content to just lie there, and sighed. What a fun conversation this was going to be!

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Poor Light... Oh, who am I kidding? I love tormenting him. Haha.

Has anyone ever actually read the back of a Fiji water bottle? Weird! It seriously says something just like that.

Noir is there to add to the silliness. He serves no real purpose other than to be a temporary "antagonist". Note the sarcastic quotes. :D

Enjoy your quicker-than-usual update!
Li