Chapter 14: Audacity

"Why're we still here?" Cam asked, throwing a ball of rubber bands against the wall and lunging to catch it when it rebounded at an angle "I mean, they don't know anything,"

"They need help," Daniel said wearily, arms folded across his chest and resisting the urge to snatch the infernal ball out of the air "it's not like we can just abandon them,"

"The device is imprecise," Sam said slowly, headache pinching at her temples "I said it was a bad idea to try this in the first place,"

"At least we didn't end up in the Jurassic Period," Mckay supplied, his tone droll and his expression one of weary exasperation as he observed SG1 "I'll take doppelgangers over dinosaurs any day of the week,"

"Oh I dunno," Cam grinned ironically "least we could shoot at a velociraptor,"

"Velociraptors are from the Cretaceous," Daniel said mildly, almost as if it was obvious and he was mocking his team leader but Cam couldn't tell for sure so said nothing.

"What do you suggest Colonel Carter?" Teal'c asked, eyeing Sam carefully, his eyebrows raised and hands clasped neatly in front of him.

Sam glanced at Mckay, who was painfully oblivious to things that she knows she should be too. She shouldn't know about Isobel, she shouldn't know about any of it. She shouldn't be here. None of them should be. They should be in their own time, trying to jump through was a bad idea from the start, and a part of her didn't even want to look at the device to try and send them back just in case it couldn't. The thought of being stuck here made her head spin; it would seem that no matter when or where they were they were still screwed.

It would be easy to get cocky, to assume that they'd done it once they could do it again. They'd beaten the Goa'uld, the Replicators, they've kicked alien ass on more than one occasion so it wouldn't be hard to think they could do it again. Sure the odds were high, the enemy stronger than ever but since when did that make a difference? They'd thought the same when the Program had begun, it had been thought a thousand times since, and every time they'd pulled through. Miracles being conjured out of no where, new technology, new weapons, ideas and completely insane shouldn't-work stunts that some how did. Why not this time? Why jump through time, pulling strings they had no right to pull, stealing moments they shouldn't touch and learning things that would never ordinarily cross their minds?

Mckay was probably fixing her with an odd look, and though that would never be abnormal, she knew that her staring at him was, shaking her head and running a hand through her blonde hair she blinked and gave a somewhat fake half smile that should have passed for 'oh-silly-me-daydreaming-again' but she was pretty sure failed miserably.

"Sam?" Daniel asked, he looked edgy and it was no small wonder, Sam supposed.

Vala had made it quite clear she did not approve of the security protocols and despite their best efforts to stop her, they had been unable to justify the reasons their counterparts had for keeping them under close observation. It probably didn't help that Sam herself had, had her own attempt at running off but a fat lot of good that had done her – providing her with information she had not actively sought from the beginning and only succeeding to throw her into further turmoil. What was she supposed to do with this information? Should she tell Mckay? How would he react? It would probably just fuel his ego and God-knows that didn't need to get any bigger.

She did not know where Vala was and judging by the expression on Daniel's face and his sudden inability to keep still, it would be an easy assumption that he did not know either. Sam shot him a sympathetic look which he caught and nodded once in acknowledgement; it was small compensation but Vala could not have gone far. Searching Lexy out most likely, though how that would help Sam was not sure, for the girl was seemingly the master of evasion tactics, not to mention everything else she appeared to have taken a firm hand in. Besides, one look at her parents and it was no surprise that she was as stubborn and defensive as she was, admittedly her devices differed a little but you take Daniel's insecurities when he first returned from Abydos and all the intelligence that came with, add in Vala's confidence and façade of self-assuredness and you've got a bomb just waiting to blow up.

"I don't know if the device can be calibrated precisely enough to send us back," Sam said and she couldn't help a poorly-veiled 'I told you so' sneaking in "but I did mention that when we started all this,"

"Of course the device can be calibrated again," Mckay jumped in "there are two of me in this timeline," he grinned smugly.

Sam sighed and resisted the urge to glare at him, what would have possessed her to be attracted to that sort of arrogance? Things must really change in the coming years for that to even become a vague possibility.

"So what do you suggest?" Cam stopped tossing the ball around, settling for spinning it in his palm absently "should we do what Jackson said?" he jerked his head in Daniel's direction and gave him a curt nod "do we help them?"

Sam sighed, "For the moment," she said "it doesn't look like we have much of a choice."

The floor was hard against the balls of her feet, her sneakers slamming down hard as she jogged through the halls. Probably not the best place to run track but it was the only place she was going to feel anywhere near comfortable doing so until she went back to Atlantis where she could run through the halls to her hearts content. Laura would go with her, or the new recruits, hell if she felt anywhere near this anxious when she returned to the city she might even dare to cajole Ronon into running with her; could give him brief reprieve from the twins though she would undoubtedly have to make it up to Teyla afterwards. It would probably be worth it though.

The water laps at the walls of the city lazily, a huge expanse of inky black extending as far as the eye can see. The lights illuminating the city behind them are soft, the majority dimmed to necessary levels save for the odd one in the science labs or living quarters, and the rest are mostly switched off. It's a nice night, the stars are bright in the sky and the twin moons hover serenely in a state of constant companionship, like chalk baubles on a canvas of velvet; soothing and awe-inspiring in the same breath.

"I think Mckay's mad at me," Lexy says slowly, regret lacing her every word, crossing her legs and plucking at a loose piece of cotton on her pants.

Cadman turns her head, blonde hair glowing a little in the halo of gold that the city provides behind her "Mckay gets mad at everyone," she replies with a half-shrug and a quirk of her lips.

Lexy's quiet and Cadman feels sorry for her, not in a pitying sort of way because she doesn't want to sweep the teenager into a hug and wrap her in cotton wool – she's Captain Laura Cadman, marine thank you very much – she doesn't see a girl who lost her parents like everyone on Earth apparently does but tonight she looks lost and dejected and Cadman finds her curiosity spiking.

"What happened?"

Lexy is quiet for a moment and Cadman doesn't push her because Lexy will tell her if she wants too, Laura Cadman is not the sort of woman who prods where it's not necessary. It's a habit, she supposes, or a projection of how she prefers people to approach her.

"I messed up,"

Cadman looks at her, frowning quizzically "how?"

"I made Sheppard take me with him, he didn't want to but I wanted to go through the 'gate – it was perfectly safe!" she exclaims hotly but she's not sure who she's trying to convince, herself or the Captain.

Cadman chuckles beneath her breath; of course it had been safe, a freak accident, reckless with his own life Colonel Sheppard may be, but he never willingly endangered one of his team mates and certainly not that of a child; "Sheppard wouldn't have done it if he didn't want to," she says with what she hopes is an encouraging grin. " From what I've heard Sheppard's pretty bad at following orders, no matter who gives them to him - that includes your uncle Jack,"

Lexy shakes her head determinately, as if she is unwilling to accept the idea that this is not her fault, that there's no one to blame. Sure Mckay's pissed as hell and Sheppard is doing his best impression of a recalcitrant schoolboy but the truth is as soon as he's out of the infirmary, the two of them will yell at each other, neither saying the words 'I'm sorry' but both expressing it in their myriad of odd mannerisms that pass for communicative skills, and that will be that. There is no blame, no one got that badly hurt, no one's dead and it could have happened to anyone, it's just Pegasus Galaxy irony that it was Sheppard and Lexy; the two biggest trouble magnets this side of the Milky Way.

"They're not talking,"

Cadman shrugs and she knows who Lexy is referring to, albeit she cannot understand why the girl is so determined that this is some great catastrophe; "they do that," there's no need for adverse concern; people enjoy watching their Military Commander and Head of Science bicker like six year olds as much as they enjoy doing it, its so familiar it's unnerving when it stops but it never lasts long. It's a pattern they follow, something they do and became such an integral part of the expedition that it took far too long to get used to it's absence when Sheppard was reposted.

"Sheppard's in the infirmary," Lexy deadpans, because that's enough reason to feel guilty, somebody was hospitalized because of her and there is no excuse for that.

"When isn't he?" she counters but Lexy gives her an odd look "you've been here what… three years?" she does not wait for conformation "and how many times have you seen the two of them argue?"

Heard was probably a more accurate term, though seen worked almost as well because video feeds were frequent and on the odd occasion Sheppard was permitted back to the city – like now – it was like he'd never left; in one way or another, the man was always present. It wasn't exactly like he couldn't be, because even now, John Sheppard was still Atlantis' golden boy, the Ancient city obeying his commands like no one else's in a manner that, despite many of the scientists' insistence, was yet more prove that she was sentient.

Lexy is forced to concede her friend's point.

"It's how they work. They shout at each other, curse and stamp their feet, five minutes after that you'll find them being total geeks together again," she teases and it elicits a smile so she feels like she's succeeded at least partially.

"Yeah," Lexy agrees softly, looking out across the ocean, it's calm tonight but the soft roar of the waves in the distance is reassuring, the horizon is invisible but an illusion even if she could see it, it's humbling thinking about the universe, the sheer size of it too much to get your head around.

"Mckay blew up a solar system once," Cadman offers the information even though that topic is not one generally discussed anymore because Rodney clams up, Sheppard tenses and Ronon and Teyla just shoot you looks that make you feel tremendously guilty; team dynamics are strange even when that 'team' does not necessarily exist anymore "so I highly doubt their friendship is gonna be wrecked because Sheppard took you out in the 'jumper,"

"He let me fly it too," she volunteers because it was wonderful even if not entirely true, Sheppard had sat back a little in the pilot's seat, letting her stand between his knees as he directed her, yet she still feels exhilarated now but she shouldn't because the only reason Sheppard's got a broken arm and concussion is because of her.

"Lexy," Cadman admonishes because she knows what she is thinking "Sheppard is the best pilot the Air Force has, it was a rookie mistake to let himself get distracted like that,"

"By me,"

"He's not that badly hurt,"

"Mckay's mad at both of us,"

"No," she sighs because it should be obvious, sometimes she can see why the two attracted one another, they are both so obtuse "he's mad at himself,"

Lexy shakes her head, ponytail swinging.

"By Earth law you are under the guardianship of Colonel Carter and General O'Neill. By Atlantis law you are under his. You're thirteen years old Lexy you can't take the blame for everything," Cadman feels more than a little exasperated and she's determined to go and find Mckay as soon as she's dealt with Lexy and kick his ass until he explains himself "He is responsible for you and Sheppard essentially kidnapped you-"

"He did not!"

Cadman is not surprised by the strength of her indignation, whilst Rodney is her rock, Sheppard acts like her older brother half the time, despite the – and no offence to the Colonel intended at all – huge age difference. He's the one who sneaks her candy through his rare, but not as infrequent as one might expect, visits. Who takes her to the mainland to play football with the Athosian kids every time he gets the chance. Who bought her, her own Nintendo and teaches her how to play the guitar by sending self-recorded videos through every time there's a new data burst so she has something to do when Mckay's busy in the labs she isn't allowed into unless under strict supervision. For all Mckay does his best, he tries too hard to compensate for the fact he is not her parent, nor her legal guardian. Lexy worships him still but even Cadman can see the change since the girl was brought to Atlantis.

The relationships between all of them in the city are unconventional and bizarre, the IOA would have a field day if it ever got wind of half the allegations that flew around the city, sometimes its hard not to take things to heart because some of the rumors could ruin careers, but you have to for the sake of friendship and the closest to an 'easy life' they'd ever get. Besides, you can barely ever take anything people say when they're not talking shop seriously because most of it's just speculation and obscure fantasy, people with weird senses of humor and some with minor grudges. Hey, she's apparently fucked half the city and surely if anyone knew that was happening it would be her. Life is so much like high school, even all the way out here, it's laughable.

"Okay, maybe kidnap is too strong of a word…"

The 'ya-think' look is trademark O'Neill and Cadman smirks.

"My point is, Mckay thinks that whatever happens to you is his fault. He's mad because you put yourself in danger. Because he let you do that. Because he knows he can't protect you from even a third of the things you should be kept away from. Because he left Sheppard to look after you and he got hurt. Because it could have been you not the Colonel who got a busted arm. Because he's actually glad his best friend is the one injured." she pauses for breath "but their friendship isn't gonna fall apart because of some dumbass mistake,"

Lexy doesn't say anything but she nods minutely. She can't argue with that, she just has to trust that everything is going to be okay again because she's not sure what she'd do if it's not. Earth is messed up, she can't go back, she won't go back, it's not home, but she can't screw up here either. What's stopping Mckay sending her back though? This place, these people… they're the closest to normal she's felt since long before her parent's deaths. If she ruins it then whose to say they aren't going to want her to leave?

"What's that?" Lexy asks, attention caught by a box peeking out of Cadman's pants' pocket.

"These?" Cadman plucks the carton out "somethin' I won from one of the guys at poker the other night," why someone would have a pack of smokes with them she doesn't know, nor how they got them but when you're stuck on an Ancient outpost in another galaxy, poker stakes are few and far between.

"You smoke?"

"No," Cadman laughs "not since high school,"

Lexy cocks her head to one side "did you like it?"

Cadman frowns a little but shrugs it off "no,"

"Can I try one?"

Mckay had ripped into Cadman after that, giving her a dressing down like Lexy was sure she'd never been given before in her life, and Lexy herself had gotten similar treatment. She'd tried one little inhalation and promptly choked, Cadman had taken the cigarette and flicked it into the ocean with a smirk that had said 'told you so' even though she'd said no such thing.

She stopped, leaning against the wall to catch her breath. The muscles in her legs were burning, her chest felt like someone was sat on it but the pain was good, it kept her grounded rather than getting lost in a sea of might-have-beens. In her perfect world, the one that she could dream up whenever she felt like but didn't, Adria would never have attacked the base, Landry wouldn't be in a care home, Nick would have died of whatever the medical term nowadays was for 'old-age' and she, mom and dad would all be living happily ever after in Atlantis. Dad had wanted to live there ever since they'd found the thing so he would've had no objections, mom would follow him wherever he went and she… she'd been in that city, lived there for a good portion of her life there was no way she could ever live anywhere else, at least not for an extended period of time. She understood how Sheppard found it so hard to stay away. Her time in the city had frequently been spent in anticipation of his next unprecedented visit because even though the cloud that had settled over her still drifted above her head like a shroud, his enthusiasm and lackadaisical attitude he had to pretty much everything was, in many ways, infectious. In her perfect world Sheppard would still have his city, mom and dad wouldn't dead, Sam would have her baby and Mitchell… actually she didn't care much for what Mitchell did. Nonetheless that world did not exist, and imagining it so was a fruitless waste of her time.

They had known for five years that this would happen, that this imposters would appear and just try and filter back into old positions as if nothing had happened. But it had; so much had. This Daniel and Vala… they weren't real, they couldn't be, and they sure as hell had no right to try and fit in here because there was no place for them. Mckay had known, so had Sam and Jack, even Cassie, someone could have told her, Dawn could have sent her a message or even the letter itself. They should have given her the choice as to whether or not she wanted to witness this, given her the opportunity to run as fast and as far as she could. It had been a long time since anyone other than Teyla and Ronon had gotten the jump on her like that, and even then that was only during sparring sessions.

Having Daniel stand there, talking to her like he had before, using that same voice, the same facial expressions and the same reasoning skills he used now only in memories made her stomach do somersaults, twisting and then sinking as it made it's discomfort known. Squeezing her eyes shut, whether in exertion or for some other reason she did not want to identify she took several deep breaths, try to even out the erratic gasps for oxygen that came with running for too long.

"Lexy Jackson to General Sheppard's office," the intercom sounded above her head, the voice roughened by the radio's sound system.

Pushing herself away from the wall, Lexy sighed determinedly and headed back down to the corridor with a weary shake of her head.