Dream
There, she had said it. She had finally admitted that she was a hopeless fool and an irresponsible adult. She had screwed up her life. She had murdered her child. And she couldn't even come face to face with Joe and tell him the truth. She'd chosen to climb out of her own bedroom window and flee like one of her skips. And her problems were still there. Ranger didn't say a word. The silence dragged on for a long, long minute. Stephanie kept her eyes on her hands. She'd once thought she could grow up and have everything she wanted. And the sad truth was that now she had nothing. Nothing at all. She'd chosen the wrong career path. She'd married the wrong man. She'd gotten laid off and divorced. And she'd made another wrong decision the day she'd open her door to find Joe standing there with her pizza in his hands. She didn't look up when Ranger sat down on the bed. She wanted to see the look in his eyes but she didn't dare. Ranger reached out a hand and wiped away a drop of her tears. His hand was so warm and firm. His voice was quiet and composed, and nevertheless gentle and soft.
"You did what you needed to do."
The matter-of-factness in Ranger's voice made Stephanie want to smile. She could hear his unsaid words. She knew she needed to let go and move on and concentrate on the future. She knew she needed to stop being blaming herself. If only she knew how to stop being so obsessed with her guilt. She had been taught too well by her mother and the Catholic nuns. Now she believed Hell did exist. But she was no longer sure if Heaven was real. Maybe she would end up needing a shrink for professional help. But she sure couldn't afford the bill. And she was just not the kind of person who could so easily open up to strangers. "Lie, hide and deny" had always been her favorite motto. She was good at faking orgasms when Joe was too persistent and she was too tired. She was good at cheating unsuspecting people blind. She would do whatever she could to avoid conflicts and confrontation. She had no idea since when telling the truth had eased to be an option. She just didn't want to upset or disappointed people. She just wanted to look smart, cute, and clever. But nothing could ever change the fact that she was an idiot. There was no hiding from the truth that she was flat-out stupid.
Stephanie didn't know where she'd gotten the courage. She sat up in bed and turned to Ranger. She didn't want her life to end like this. She needed to do something right now to tell, to show Ranger something. And she had no idea what that "something" was exactly. She wrapped her arms around him. She rested her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and stopped crying. She felt his arms tightening around her. And for the first time in the past several weeks, she finally felt safe.