Chapter Fourteen: Charlie

I'm touched to be sitting here with you tonight. You're giving me one last chance to be with you and even though I am still terrified, I know I have to go for it. This past week without you has been hell. I have missed you more than I could ever explain but at least I've seen you around. You've been ignoring me but I've been able to look at you, usually when you're not looking at me. I've been able to take in your beauty and know you're safe. But what would I do if you left? How could I ever bear for you to leave me? And you should. After the way I've treated you, I don't deserve this chance. But you've been gracious enough to give it to me and I'm afraid but I hope with your help, I can get through. I feel like I can do anything when you're with me. I just don't know how I'd cope without you.

You sit and listen patiently as I explain my fears about what this is going to mean for my life. I tell you I'm scared about how coming out as being in a relationship with a woman might affect my job, my friends and my family – especially Ruby. She means so much to me and I'd hate to lose her if she can't cope with my choice to be with you. But I do want to be with you. If I can just say the words, I know it will be easier. I know we'll be able to get there together if I can only get over this hurdle.

"How are they going to look at me?" I ask.

You look sad and ask if I would be embarrassed to be with you. I feel terrible. That's not what I meant. I mean, well, in a way it is. I would be... anxious about being seen with a woman. But it's not about you. Not personally. It's all about gender. If I was ever going to be seen with a woman, it would be you. And I'd be proud. You're so beautiful. Anyone would be proud to call you theirs. If I was a guy or you were, it wouldn't be a question because I am so in love with your personality. But you're a girl and that scares me. I wouldn't even know what to do with a girl on a physical level. What if we make this big decision and suddenly we get to the bedroom and I get it wrong? What if you laugh at me? What if after everything, you suddenly think I'm useless and don't want me after all? That would be so humiliating. And it's just another fear pressing itself against my soul.

I hope I've assured you properly that I wouldn't be embarrassed and I tell you that you're over simplifying things.

"That's because for me, it is simple," you say. "Because I don't care what anyone else thinks."

I wonder if that's because we're at different places in our lives. You don't have the same kinds of responsibilities that I've laden myself with. I look at you and I'm constantly disarmed by the look of adoration on your face. How is it possible that someone as perfect as you could ever love someone like me this much? I feel like the luckiest girl in the world and I wish I hadn't wasted so much time being ungrateful. You lay your heart on your sleeve and tell me that you don't want to go through your life wondering what could have been. Your voice wobbles at the end of your sentence and I'm reminded once more just how much this means to you – just how much I mean to you.

"If we'd just stopped worrying about it and done what was right with us," you continue.

I smile. I've thought the same thing all week. I've worried about what I would do if I saw you strutting round town with some other girl. Or what I would do if someone suddenly decided they were interested in me. I don't think I could ever love anyone but you, Joey. And if I am going to love you for the rest of my life, then it's better to be in a relationship than for you to always be the one that got away.

"Charlie, when I saw you at the wharf today, I could hardly breathe," you tell me.

I'm surprised by your words and the loving way you smile at me and tell me that that's what always happens to you when I'm around. I know the feeling. I shake my head and admit that I thought she hated me this morning. I really did. I hated myself. You laugh gently.

"Are you serious?"

You look at me. My heart all but stops.

"I'm in love with you."

It's now or never. I have to be honest with myself and with you or this is the last time I'll ever be able to. You're right here, offering to put yourself on the line for me. You've got a job, presumably on a boat – your first love – and you're actually willing to put that aside. For me. To be with me. Love like this doesn't come around like this more than once, does it? I fumble with my words and my heart threatens to burst out of my chest completely.

"I think... I'm in love with you too."

I curse myself for panicking and putting 'I think' in first. It just slipped out without my permission. It's a lie. I know I'm in love with you too. And it's the first time I've ever truly been in love in my whole life. I love you, Joey. I love you so much.

Your smile is so full of charm. And along with all the love I feel for you, there's a lot of lust there too. You look perfect, especially in this gentle moonlight. I want to kiss you so badly. I want to make love to you and I never want to stop.

"Well, what are we going to about it?" you ask, offering the sexiest of smiles.

I look down in my lap, trying to control myself.

"Do you want to be with me?" you ask.

I nod with certainty. I definitely want to be with you. Always.

You reach out and stroke my hair. I tingle at the touch and suddenly I can't stop smiling. I turn to face you, taking in your every feature, trying to memorise you. I take your hand. You look down and then back up at me and I tilt my face so I am resting against your palm.

"Yes," I say. "I want to be with you."

Your smile tells me that I have made the right decision. How could I ever have even considered letting you walk out of my life? We lean into each other and lips find lips at long last. I kiss you, gentle and shy at first but I already know this is going to be a long and wonderful night. As the evening draws in, our kisses deepen and our love intensifies. I hold you and pull you closer. I'm falling so deeply in love and I am going to enjoy every single second.

Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. It's been kind of nice to go back to the original story we all fell in love with. I've stopped the story here because it's about the process of Charlie and Joey falling in love, rather than what happened after it. I don't think I will ever quite forgive the show for that!

I'll be posting a new story today as well. It's based around a current storyline, yet another missed opportunity to bring Joey back to the Bay. I normally write well in advance of posting but as it's current, I thought I would post it here, even though I'm only seven chapters in. I hope to catch up with myself soon!

So, thanks again to everyone who has read and reviewed. I hope you enjoy the next fic... Love, IJKS xxx