WARNING: Whump and a bit of make out. That is all.
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The first of March was not a day Shawn Spencer would never forget. Voices and old visions crashed against the sea wall Shawn had put in his mind.
Henry had made a subtle offer of trying to patch things up with him, Shawn would try but his expectations were almost nonexistent. The rift between them was just too deep and wide. A small, loose friendship was the most he could see. Shawn could never feel right calling Henry Spencer his dad, but felt like he had to try.
That rift, the emotional beatings and empty promises, the drinking and not being there was too much for Shawn. He had planned to live with Henry while he went to college, but the differences tore that down and left Shawn with a weak education and a low chance of getting a job.
That past led to now, exactly five years later to the hour. Tears fought to escape, but Shawn was stronger now, he didn't cry so easily.
With his guitar in hand and the trusty duffel bag over his shoulder, he leaned over to kiss the sleeping beauty next to him before going to the door.
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Juliet rolled over and was shocked awake by the heavily disturbing absence of body from beside her, her arm plopping against the still warm sheets. Where was he now? Had another nightmare or panic attack send him to the couch?
Shawn had a lot of hidden demons he had acquired over fifteen years, and she had barely scraped the surface of Shawn's battles with himself.
Juliet sat up slowly but held the comforter beneath her chin. Shawn loved to leave the window open, time of year be damned. The night air usually helped him to breath on hard nights.
Her head shifted over to the alarm clock, the red numbers reading only 2:00 AM. She turned on the lamp, a dull and warming glow illuminated the room, her blue eyes wandering. The first things to grasp the mind of this good detective was the two missing pieces of the room. Over time, Shawn had moved more and more into her room. His stuffed animals from his hospital days became the new foot of her bed. She found it so childish to find a bear or dog humping her leg till she woke up after ignoring her alarm clock. Anyone else would have shaken her or tapped her shoulder till she woke up, but not her Shawn.
The biggest pieces of Shawn's life to enter the room was Shawn's duffel bag that he practically had pad locked, no one got into that thing while he was alive. No one but Shawn knew the contents. The second was his acoustic guitar. He had forgotten where it came from or how he came by it, but she didn't care as long as it was played. He was a wizard when his fingers would grace over the old strings and he would sing the likes of the Cure, Tears for Fears and the Smiths.
Both of these major parts of his life were missing, along with the biggest part of Juliet's life... the man himself.
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Juliet sat on the empty couch where her man would usually be at 3:30 in the morning, if not in bed. She had tried the Psych office but he wasn't there, which was one of his favorite places to be when he had to clear his mind.
Juliet jumped a little when her cell phone rang.
"He's not there, is he?" Gus's familiar voice sounded on the other side, tired but caring
"No, he's not. I woke up at 2:00 and he wasn't in bed. I haven't heard a thing and he's not at the office." Juliet said, throwing her free arm up as if he could see the gesture.
"You won't hear from him either, Juliet. Not till tomorrow anyway. It's Shawn's anniversary today." Gus yawned fiercely.
"What do you mean, 'anniversary'?" Juliet's mind whipped through the possibilities, only two of them sounded appeasing.
"March 1st was when Shawn was kicked out slash left home." Gus informed her.
Her heart melted, but not for the reason she thought it would. She wasn't sure what 'anniversary' meant, but this wasn't one of her ideas. "Where is he, Gus?" Juliet asked with a sigh, knowing what she had to do.
"My guess would be the old movie theater downtown. Good luck, Juliet."
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Juliet parked the Volkswagen Beetle a block away from the broken old movie theater. Shawn probably wouldn't be too happy about the unmistakable vehicle rolling up in front of his stomping grounds.
Sure enough, there sat Shawn on the sidewalk with his duffel behind him like a chair as he leaned on it. He strummed that magic little guitar of his, cup that read 'homeless' in front of him.
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Shawn opened his eyes as he finished his song and tried to think of another. The first thing he saw was a familiar pair of pink Air Speed sneakers directly in front of him, a five dollar bill falling into the old foam cup.
"You're a good tipper Jules. Any requests?" Shawn asked looking up, raising an expectant eyebrow.
She sat next to him as he scooted over to share the support his bag provided. It was a rough canvas, but better than the hard wall. "Play something slow and warming." she said in a soft voice, smiling as he began to play Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones.
"What are you doing out here, Jules?" Shawn asked not sounding too pleased.
"What, I'm not allowed to listen to my man play?" Juliet tilted her head and pouted like a sad, blonde little puppy.
"God damn it, Gus..." Shawn knew exactly how she had found him. "How much did he tell you?" he asked, setting his guitar down.
"He told me that it was your anniversary. Gus said that you were kicked out but left too." Juliet reached for his hand, but Shawn but made no effort to take hers.
"Gus talks too much." Shawn sighed, leaning his head farther back against the bag.
"Maybe a little, but you don't talk enough."
"Oh come on, you know I talk more than I should!" Shawn took an almost angry tone, trying to shut it down.
"Not about what hurts you Shawn. You don't need to be out here like this, this part of your life is over. Your life is so much better now, isn't it?" Juliet said hopefully.
"I feel like I do need to be here Juliet, I just... I have to be all day." Shawn said getting quiet, mumbling at the end.
"Want to talk about it?" Juliet slowly and softly pressed her lips to his scruffy chin.
"No, no not really." Shawn tried to dismiss anything resembling negative feelings or battles he had with himself.
Her thumbs entangled and wrestled on top of her clasped hands.
Shawn rolled his eyes and sighed as Juliet continued to make little sounds to pass the time. "Yes Jules?" Shawn turned to face her.
"Hmm?" she hummed in reply turning to face him, their faces millimeters apart.
"Go ahead, say what you have to say." Shawn said tiredly, not sure what was going on in there but expecting it to be something involving his feelings.
"What? No, I'm good." she said quickly, slyly smiling.
"That face begs to differ." Shawn stroked a thumb over her soft cheek and Juliet nuzzled into his touch. Her blue eyes begged and bore into him, pleading for him to let her in.
Shawn reached over and picked up his guitar again. Calloused fingers ghosted over the wearing strings slowly and sadly, reflecting the mood of the artist that played his mind and soul into the music.
"March First, is the day..." Shawn's voice almost cracked and his eyes shut, his heads sped up along the neck of the guitar as he came to anger. "is the day that me and good old Henry Spencer had too much of each other. I told him to suck it and he told me to have fun trying to find my next meal." Shawn began his tale through gritted teeth.
Though his eyes were closed, he could feel the support Juliet poured into him with every word he spoke. He humorlessly flashed a smile when he felt her hand wrap around his arm.
"What happened between you two?" her voice was soft and warming, like a verbal hug.
"As I got a little older my parents began to bicker a little back and forth, you know? At first it was about little things, but eventually it got louder and more constant." Shawn's eyes closed slowly again, seeing his parents going at it as a young him watched from the staircase.
"My dad was working a lot after making detective. It was a huge crime wave that year and he was always coming home so stressed that he started drinking." Shawn chuckled dryly, the situation wasn't funny at all but he was barely getting through this. "I don't remember how much rum and Coke he'd go through a week.
"He never hit us, no. He made my mom and me feel like such trash though. He was never satisfied with the way things were, I was never doing good enough in school for him and I needed to be like him."
Shawn was angrily attacking the strings that seemed like they would soon snap. Juliet didn't understand how something so seething with angry and hate could still sound so sadly beautiful.
"My mom never did enough for him. The house was never clean enough and dinner was never good enough. He called her things like leech, lazy good for nothing and stupid. Do you know how hard that hits a kid, Jules? Having your family broken down and told they're nothing by the man that should be raising and loving you?"
Juliet's eyes fought back tears as Shawn lost that fight. The once angry clash of sound was once again sad and slow, she could feel his agony as it poured from the wood body.
"I got tired of it, Jules. It went on for years... years!" Shawn shuttered with suppressed sobs. "My dad could never work enough, it was like, like he enjoyed it. Like he enjoyed the drinking and the rage; like he enjoyed the over time and the stress.
"I got out of there. I came home from school one day in my Junior year of highschool. My dad was home on his day off, drinking. He was yelling as always about something.
"I told him I couldn't focus over him so I was going to Gus's. He told me that I should stay and takes notes on their fight.
"I told him off Jules, and he told me right back. The last thing he said to me was Don't come crawling back here because you're stomach hurts. Think about this when you don't know where you're next meal is coming from.'"
The tears rolled freely down his cheeks, Shawn's knuckles were white from being in such tight fists.
"Shawn, I don't... what can I?" Juliet stumbled over her words. What could she say to something like that?
"I lived with Gus for a while. His parents were cool with it." Shawn seemed to perk up a bit. I lived with them until Gus went to college, I didn't have the means to go so..." Shawn trailed off and looked down at his hands awkwardly. "So I packed up this bag here," he said patting the old army duffel lovingly. "and struck out to be homeless for five years."
Shawn's guitar sat unused on lap, as he stared up into the Santa Barbara night sky. His tale was done and he didn't feel like talking anymore.
Juliet felt he had been through enough for one night. "I'm sorry Shawn, I knew things weren't good for you growing up. I didn't know they were like that."
Shawn took her hands in his and slowly raised them to his lips, kissing each individual knuckle so lovingly. "It's okay Jules, I'm not there anymore. My dad's sober and we might... we might try to find some kind of track again.
"Shawn... some nights you fight in your sleep. You scream and you shout, you cry and you sob. It breaks my heart every time you go through it. Is this," she pointed to his duffel for everything it symbolized "why you battle at night?" The question was barely more than a whisper as it passed her lips.
Shawn stared numb at the ground, like if he moved it would bite. Slowly his head turned to face hers. His head inched painfully slowly, their lips millimeters apart before Shawn quickly closed the tiny space.
Their lips collided wonderfully. Juliet could feel every emotion he had experienced in nine years. When his tongue darted out and begged for entrance, she figured that was when she had come into his life that rainy day.
That thing we call breathing reminded them that it was a necessity. The two pulled apart when they couldn't ignore the need for oxygen.
Once they had their fill, Shawn's eyes told her he wasn't done. Before Juliet could even close those soft pink lips of hers, Shawn had pulled her bottom lip into his mouth before thrusting his tongue inside her waiting mouth like desperate and depraved man.
Air again! They pulled apart for the second time, and Juliet slowly released his hair she didn't know she'd been pulling. The streets were nearly deserted, causing the pair to feel no shame in what they had just done.
Shawn stood up weak kneed and offered Juliet his hand. "Come on Jules, I want to show you my old world."
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That chapter hit a bit close to home there, bud. As we can all see, Shawn is in a better place with a damn good woman, so don't cry for our boy too hard.
And also, sorry about that make out scene... I just wanted to try my hand at it for once. Too much... or we cool?
And this is going to be a two parter, so prep for more whump and Shules in the very near future. You know I love my updates!