Thank you all again for the support and reviews! xD I'm happy to have you guys along for the ride, and it shall be a ride!
This chapter is shorter than the others, simply because it's a good point to stop. Hope this doesn't disappoint.
Onwards!
Grimmjow returned to the real world sluggishly, his dream still fresh in his mind. It was such a perfect dream; weird, definitely, but unforgettable. His dreams were usually of him as a superhero, blasting buildings apart or doing some equally crazy shit like flying in space. Last night's, though, could not be any more different.
He dreamed of Ichigo. It began with him marveling at the baby soft skin beneath his palm. His left hand was placed over Ichigo's chest, feeling the boy's rapid heartbeat that mirrored his own. He was lying on his side, his right arm folded and tucked under the pillow. Ichigo was on his side, too, his face angled towards Grimmjow, the delicate dusting of pink on the boy's cheeks and nose bridge clearly visible.
In his dream, Grimmjow had moved his hand upwards and tangled his fingers in Ichigo's bed-tossed orange locks, then he had pulled Ichigo closer and tucked the boy's head under his chin. Dream-Ichigo had purred softly into his chest, his warm breath ticklish against his skin. Grimmjow remembered feeling glad that his roommate couldn't see his face, because he was blushing madly - he was cuddling, and to his embarrassment, he was loving it.
But then again, what did he have to lose? This was just a dream; he might as well enjoy it while it lasted.
Then he woke up. Or at least he thought he did, because he was suddenly aware of his surroundings; the soft, silky sheets beneath his body, the fluffy pillow against his cheek. But the ticklish feeling of hair underneath his chin didn't go away, and there was something warm nestled against his body.
Feeling confused, Grimmjow cracked an eye open. He nearly gasped out loud when he was immediately greeted by a tuft of bright orange hair. His breath caught in his throat, shock and disbelief descending on him.
What the fuck was this?
He blinked furiously, refusing to believe that this was real. How could it be - Ichigo, his prude of a roommate, curled up by his side like they had spent the night together?
Then, bam, just like that, it came pouring back into his still-groggy mind. They had spent the night together. Not everything was clear; for example, he definitely didn't remember what led up to it. He only remembered staring at Ichigo while they played poker, he remembered having a crazy impulse to touch Ichigo; but how the hell had they ended up in bed?
Grimmjow let out a long, quiet breath. Things were slowly coming back, some snippets clearer than others.
He couldn't believe that he had actually acted on his impulse! And they had gone all the way! Grimmjow fought the urge to scream. How could this be? Surely he was still asleep and this was all a dream. It had to be! In what universe would Ichigo actually sleep with him?
But the naked body next to him was right there.
His heart rate spiked, his shock turning into panic. What was he supposed to do? This wasn't some one-night fling he was talking about. This was Ichigo, his roommate, his…friend. He couldn't just dust off his pants and walk away like he always did. But what the fuck did this mean? Was he supposed to be with Ichigo now? As in, be with him in a relationship?
He immediately remembered Ulquiorra. That idiot had a boyfriend, and Grimmjow had always scoffed at his relationship. Ulquiorra was always seeking for approval; first from his parents as they were growing up, then when he started seeing that robot, he got even worse. He always asked the guy for his opinion no matter what he did, reporting in with long-ass phone calls even though they saw each other every day. Relationships were stupid in Grimmjow's books - it was nothing but adding another person who could control your life.
Grimmjow's mind raced. Was he ready for something like this? But if he simply walked away, he would hurt Ichigo. He didn't want to hurt Ichigo.
His held his breath when that last thought crossed his mind. He didn't want to Ichigo to hurt, ever. Not by him, not by anyone. With a jolt, he suddenly realized that he had just answered Ichigo's questions.
But was he really ready? He needed more time to think. He needed to think. He needed to think. He needed to think! But, shit, Ichigo was right here, probably about to wake up soon.
Right on cue, Ichigo stirred. Grimmjow screamed a silent string of curses in his head and closed his eyes.
Ichigo knew Grimmjow was awake. The boy was still as a corpse, but Ichigo could tell that he was awake from the sound of his breathing. It didn't have the slow and even rhythm of someone truly asleep.
Ichigo felt a stab of disappointment. So this was how it was going to be. He should have known. It was his own decision, though, so he couldn't blame Grimmjow. He was just stupid to think that there could be a different outcome.
Holding his emotions in check, Ichigo let out a loud yawn and stretched. He sat up slowly, clutching the comforter to cover himself. He didn't understand why he was feeling so self conscious; Grimmjow had already seen everything.
Next to him, Grimmjow rolled over to his back and brought a hand up to rub his eyes.
Ichigo couldn't help but feel another pang of disappointment as he watched his roommate pretend to wake up. Well, two could play the game.
"Merry Christmas," he said with a small smile.
Grimmjow's eyes widened as he realized what today was. "Merry Christmas," he said sheepishly.
Ichigo forced another smile on his face and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He searched the floor for his clothes, then realized with a groan that most of them were still in the lounge outside. Fighting his self consciousness, he stood up and practically ran into the bathroom.
Once the door clicked closed, he leaned heavily on it, the smooth wooden surface cool on his bare back. He took in several deep breaths before making his way to the sink and turning the faucet on. He watched the water swirl around the sink and waited until the temperature was warm enough, then he plunged his hands into the stream of water and washed his face.
His hair was almost dripping wet by the time he was done splashing his face with near-scalding water. He shut off the water and remained bent over the sink, his hands gripping the side of the marble counter tightly. His skin started to cool down eventually, but his eyes and cheeks remained burning hot. He was just wondering why when he tasted salt on his tongue.
He looked up in surprise and stared at his own reflection in the mirror, horrified and shocked by his own reaction. He hadn't shed tears in years. The thought of himself standing here alone and unwanted on Christmas day brought forth a choked sob as he came to a realization: he felt more for his roommate than he wanted to admit. It wasn't until he felt the brunt of this outcome that he realized just how much he was hoping to see the other.
He didn't even know when things changed. Was it from their stupid game, that pretend relationship? He knew that some lines had been blurred then, but he never knew he was this affected. He had told himself that he knew what he was doing last night, believing that he could deal with the consequences afterwards, because secretly, small part of him believed that Grimmjow cared about him. Why else would the boy rush into Aizen's den so recklessly? He had been so sure…
Ichigo chuckled, shaking his head at his own stupidity. Straightening up, he started to go through his morning routine, wrapping it up with a long, thorough shower. Remnants of last night's activities was still on his body, and he washed himself furiously, scrubbing until his skin became flushed and painful. Then, finally satisfied that he was clean, he grabbed a towel and dried himself, wiping his abdomen and between his legs extra vigorously for good measure.
He frowned when he suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to bring fresh clothes in with him. That meant he had to go out with nothing on but a towel. He didn't want to do that with Grimmjow in the room, but what choice did he have? He wrapped the towel around his waist, and then he stopped in front of the mirror to make sure that he looked presentable. His eyes were a little red, but it could be easily explained by saying that shampoo got into his eyes.
Staring at himself in the mirror, Ichigo sighed dejectedly when his eyes rested on the faint teeth mark on his shoulder; luckily it was on a spot that would be covered by a shirt. Damn, both his first kiss and his first time went to Grimmjow. He could blame the boy for the kiss, but he made that second decision himself. He wouldn't deny it; it hurt to be rejected like this, to be used and then cast aside as if nothing had happened. Yet, he couldn't find it in himself to be mad at Grimmjow. It had been his own choice after all, and he would have to face it himself.
He already knew what he was going to do. He wasn't going to drop their friendship like a frightened child. It may be awkward as hell at first, but he'd be damned if he let their friendship fall apart over this.
With that thought in mind, Ichio squared his shoulders and sucked in a deep breath. Then he yanked the door open and stepped out of the bathroom, back straight and head held high.
Ichigo had been in there for what felt like eternity. Grimmjow had calmed down now; he even knew what he was going to say when Ichigo came out. He was going to tell Ichigo that he would like to give them a try, but that he needed time to get used to it. It was a big leap for him. He was uncomfortable, uncertain, and scared shitless, but he would try.
He was surprised when Ichigo had simply bolted into the bathroom earlier without saying anything other than wishing him Merry Christmas. It was strange, but he supposed the boy was just shy. Ichigo had never really been comfortable with nudity all this while.
Grimmjow started jiggling his leg, fidgeting as his sense of foreboding climbed with every passing minute Ichigo was in the bathroom. Seriously, was the kid cleaning the fucking toilet or what? As if this wasn't already embarrassing enough for him; Grimmjow Jagaerjaques, sitting here waiting to talk about relationships, of all things. He would never live it down if anyone found out about this.
Then came the sound of the bathroom door being opened, and finally, Ichigo came into view. Grimmjow sprang up from the bed, his face flushed and heart beating wildly, anxious to get this speech over with yet dreading it at the same time. He took one look at his roommate's face, and his well-rehearsed words immediately died in his throat.
Ichigo smiled at him cheerily, his smile so wide and unnatural that Grimmjow felt a chill just looking at it. "I'm so excited about the show tonight! It's going to be so awesome," the boy gushed as he crouched down to rummage through his bag for a fresh change of clothes.
Grimmjow stared at the top of Ichigo's head, unsure of what was going on. He'd be the first one to admit that he was not good at reading people, but even he could tell that something was off.
"Ichi?" he asked tentatively.
Ichigo looked up at him and raised his eyebrows. "Hmm? I'm done with the bathroom, you can use it now," he said.
Grimmjow's heart sank. What the fuck? Surely Ichigo knew that he wasn't waiting to use the bathroom, there was a separate one that he could've used while Ichigo was in the other one. He searched the caramel-hued eyes, trying to gauge what was going on in Ichigo's head, but the boy just blinked innocently.
Was this how it feels to be on the receiving end of his cruel morning-after attitude? Grimmjow wondered as his self confidence came crashing down around him. Ichigo was acting like nothing had happened between them, like he hadn't just given Grimmjow his virginity last night. Of all people, Grimmjow never pegged Ichigo as someone capable of this. So last night was nothing, just a round of convenient sex, or worse, thank-you sex? Was Ichigo just repaying his debt because Grimmjow had saved him from Aizen?
Grimmjow lost count of how long he stood there in stunned silence, his mind reeling from the onslaught of hurt that Ichigo had just hurled in his face. This was karma; this was what he got for treating so many others like this in the past. And he had been so certain that Ichigo felt something for him. He was so stupid!
Grimmjow had never felt so humiliated in his life. Feeling angry at himself, he balled his hands into fists and stalked off into the other bathroom. It took all his self control not to slam the door behind him. This stung like nothing he had ever felt before. He had never been used and then brushed away like this, it was always he who did the brushing, the discarding. He had gotten so used to it that he had become cocky and full of himself, and now that attitude had come back and bitten him in the ass. Hard.
He supposed he couldn't blame Ichigo. He had been nothing but a nuisance to the boy the entire time they knew each other. He was always taunting him, teasing him just to see the other boy become upset. And then he had endangered his safety by not warning him about Aizen. There was absolutely nothing in him that Ichigo could possibly be attracted to.
Just what had he been thinking?
Horrified by the incorrect assumptions that he had made, Grimmjow hurriedly washed his face and brushed his teeth. This was beyond embarrassing. He was disappointed and sad that his affection wasn't returned the way he was hoping for, but it was numbed by the severe blow to his pride. Thank god he didn't launch into his stupid speech before he realized the truth. He would've made a fool of himself. He was lucky that Ichigo wasn't freaking out already. The boy was clearly giving him an easy way out of this mess by pretending that it never happened; he would take it.
Grimmjow went through his shower without feeling the sting from the ice-cold water and quickly wrapped himself up with a towel before heading out to grab his clothes. Ichigo was not in the bedroom; probably already outside hanging out with the others, who were no doubt awake by now.
For once, Grimmjow's assumption was correct. They were cheering on some stupid hotdog eating contest when he finally walked out of the bedroom.
"Merry Christmas!" Shinji yelled when Grimmjow joined them at the couch.
Grimmjow grinned and returned the greeting with as much enthusiasm that he could muster. If anyone noticed anything odd, they didn't comment. Instead, the topic changed to the special Christmas brunch buffet that they wanted to go to.
After a few minutes of excited chatter about what to do for the rest of the day, they headed out. The line was ridiculously long, but Shinji was adamant that they had to have a proper Christmas meal together, so they got in line and waited.
Grimmjow hung back behind the rest, his mood and appetite ruined by what happened in the morning. He caught Ichigo glancing at him a few times, but he wasn't ready for a normal conversation yet. He would get over it eventually, but not now. He wasn't good at controlling himself; he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of everyone.
He forced himself to sit through the meal. Again, he was horrified by how upset he was about the whole thing. He was acting like the very people he had always ridiculed. Weak. Pathetic.
When they were done, Shuuhei proposed that they pick up their show tickets and sightsee along the way. Stuffed with way too much food, everyone agreed. Everyone except Grimmjow, that is. Ichigo may be comfortable acting like everything was okay, but he just couldn't do it. He was going to explode if he tried, and then there won't be anything left of their friendship to salvage.
"I think I'm gonna bail on this one," he piped up just as they were going to walk towards the exit. "I feel bad for leaving Tessai alone for Christmas."
A stretch of surprised silence followed his unexpected announcement. He saw Ichigo stare at him with an unreadable expression on his face, which he hoped wasn't pity.
"Umm, okay," Shuuhei said finally. "Wish him Merry Christmas for us."
Grimmjow nodded. "You guys have a good time." Then he hastily turned around and left before he could give in to his urge to drag his roommate to a corner and scream at him.
To be continued...
Ah, assumptions assumptions. xD