A/N: Alrighty! Here's some lovely John-Sherlock and Lestrade-Sherlock drama. Please review!

I got out of bed after a couple of hours. It was early morning, around four. I sat at my desk and began researching pole dancing. After watching several clips and reading a few websites, I was fairly sure that I would be able to do this fairly easily. The dance classes that Mummy had insisted that I take when I was young were going to pay off.

I glanced at the clock. It was just after six; Mycroft would be up. I pulled out my phone and quickly sent him a text.

I need a dance studio with a pole and an instructor. -SH

Whatever for? -MH

Case. Don't tell Lestrade. -SH

Ah, yes. He mentioned your conversation. -MH

Not my problem right now. Can you arrange it? -SH

Yes. Anthea will text you the details. -MH

I'm going to have to tell Lestrade. -SH

Are you sure? I've been careful. -MH

I'm not going to get his cooperation otherwise. Also, it is getting tired trying to hide it, especially with the situation with John. -SH

When? -MH

Tonight. -SH

Very well. I will be prepared. -MH

I checked the time; John wouldn't be up before noon, judging by his snoring. He had been completely exhausted by the time we had gotten home. Fortunately, that gave me plenty of time to shop before he woke up.

I went into my bedroom. John's face was buried in the pillows. Apparently, he like to sleep like that. I quickly dressed in one of the few female outfits I owned. As I was heading out the door, I glanced back at the John. The blankets had slipped down to his waist. I knelt on the bed carefully and pulled it up to his shoulders. I knew how stiff and sore his shoulder got when he was too cold. I pressed a gentle kiss to the back of his head before getting out of bed and leaving the flat, easily slipping past Mrs. Hudson.

I climbed the stairs to 221B a few hours later, several bags in my hands. John should still be asleep, so I'd have plenty of time to hide them. I sighed. I had always hated shopping, and today was much worse than usual. The saleswoman had been overwhelming and hovered over me until I mentioned that she was having an affair with her female personal trainer. She became angry and stormed off, which allowed me to finish my shopping in relative peace.

I pushed the door open and dropped my bags onto the sofa. I turned to change back into my pyjamas when John was suddenly in front of me. I jumped; he was getting much better at being stealthy.

"What's going on, Sherlock?" he asked.

"What exactly are you referring to?"

"Your behavior today. First you dress in women's clothes. Then you tuck me in and kiss me while I'm sleeping like you're saying goodbye or something." I raised my eyebrows at this. I hadn't realized that he had woken up. "Then you you come back with bags from a lingerie shop. You're planning something. What are you going to do?"

"Very good, John," I deflected. "Your skills of deduction are improving." I walked into the room. I wanted to avoid talking about this for as long as possible. Unfortunately, John followed me.

"So," he asked crossing his arms over his chest, " what's the plan?"

I flopped down on the bed and sighed. "You're not going to like it."

"Tell me anyway," he said more gently. He sat down next to me and began to stroke my hair. I pushed my head into his palm; if felt pleasant.

"I'm going to pose as a pole dancer in order to get the killer to expose himself."

John sighed. I turned to look at him. There was a slightly sad look on his face. This was not the reaction I was expecting. I frowned. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing, Sherlock," he sighed.

I sat up and turned so I was facing him. "What's wrong?"

"You always seem to come up with plans that end up putting you in danger. I just-I just don't like it."

"We live a dangerous lifestyle, John. It's to be expected with the kind of work that we do."

"I know." He laid down on the bed and gestured for me to join him. I curled up next to him, and we were quiet.

"So, what's my part in this plan?" he asked a short while later.

"You'll be posing as a bouncer. I'll have you positioned near the stage."

"Good. I want to stay as close to you as I can." We were quiet for a while longer before he suddenly asked, "Do you know how to pole dance?"

I chuckled. It was the sort of thing that fascinated John. "No," I replied, "but I have lessons lined up for this afternoon and tomorrow morning. We'll go undercover tomorrow night."

"How're you going to handle the police? I mean, they don't know you're female."

I sighed deeply, burying my face into John's side. "I'm going to tell Lestrade tonight." I could feel John's gaze on me.

"You sure?" he asked eventually.

"Yes. It's necessary."

"What about all that stuff you said about your career?"

"Hopefully I'm established well enough that it won't matter. I also think I should tell Mrs. Hudson."

"Probably. When's Lestrade going to be over?"

"I texted him. He'll be here around seven." I glanced at the clock; it was nearly time for me to leave. "I need to get ready to go."

"Okay, love. I'll be here when you get back."

Practice had been intense, but fortunately I had gotten down most of the basic moves. Tomorrow, I was going to work on my routine. I arrived back at the flat a little after six. I could smell risotto; John was cooking. Good thing too, as I was actually hungry. I shed my coat once inside the door so I was only wearing a sports bra and shorts. My shoes quickly followed, and I padded barefoot into the kitchen.

John glanced at me over his shoulder and smiled. "Sit down. I'll bring you some food."

I sat at the table checking my phone. I had a text. "Lestrade says he'll be here in twenty minutes."

"Aren't you going to get dressed?"

"I don't see why I should." John rolled his eyes at me. I continued, "Lestrade won't believe me when I tell him; he'll need proof. And anyway, this is a more efficient way of telling him."

John shook his head as he set a plate in front of me and sat down in his own seat. We ate silently, John reading a medical journal and I researching dance routines on my phone.

After a while, there was a knock on the door. I checked the kitchen clock. He was right on time. John stood up. "I'll get it, shall I? The man's going to need some kind of warning." I listened as John walked to the door and opened it.

"Hey, John," Lestrade greeted. "Sherlock texted me."

"Yeah. Listen, he has something to tell you. It's going to be kind of hard to believe, but it's all fine, okay?"

"Um, yeah. Fine," he said, his tone wary. "Don't know that there's much more he could do to surprise me."

"Don't be so sure about that," John muttered.

I stood as they walked into the kitchen. Lestrade did a double-take. His mouth gaped open as he stared at me. John sighed as he walked over to put the kettle on.

"Oh, stop staring," I reprimanded, using my normal tone.

"Bloody hell," he gasped.

"John," I said as I pushed Lestrade into a chair, "I think the detective inspector needs something a little stronger than tea." John nodded.

"There is no bloody way this is happening. I've got to be dream-"

"You are not dreaming," I said, cutting him off. "I am, in fact, female."

"How? I've known you for nearly ten years. How did I not see this. Unless you, um, uh, you know…recent. I mean, it's fine..."

"No, I am not transsexual. I was born female." I glanced at John. He was pouring what looked like whiskey into Lestrade's tea. He brought it over and set it in front of Lestrade before turning his attention to me.

"You should probably go put something on, Sherlock." I pouted at him before I went into the living room to put my dressing gown on.

"Is this why you're with him-her now?" I heard Lestrade ask.

"No. She's the one who initiated it. I would have been in a relationship with her even if she was a man. There's something special about her."

"Hmph. You're telling me."

"Better?" I asked John sarcastically as I re-entered the kitchen.

"Yes." I looked over at Lestrade. He seemed much calmer.

"You Holmses and your secrets," he muttered bitterly.

"Yes, well, we're not here to discuss our secrets. I have a plan for finding the serial killer."

"You thought of something?" he asked brightly.

"Yeah," John interrupted. "And I don't like it very much."

I ignored John and quickly laid out the plan for Lestrade.

"I don't know, Sherlock," he said hesitantly. "It's risky."

"Yes, but I'll have John there. And you'll be responding." I watched closely; he looked like he was going to say no. "Mycroft agrees," I added quickly.

He hesitated for another moment before he spoke. "Oh, okay. Just...be careful, okay. Mycroft would be upset if I let something happen to you."

I snorted. "Have you never seen Mycroft and I together? We're not exactly sentimental siblings."

"I'm not so sure about that," he said quietly. He stood up. "Anyway, I'll try to keep Donovan and Anderson away from this one, but no promises. Thanks for the tea, John." He stood up and grabbed his coat and walked out of the flat.

I grinned at John mischievously. "The game is on, my dear."