A/n: This will be a short chapter but we need to give John some space. He will be in this chapter though.

Chapter 14

Wendy sat across from Judy and sighed, "I just don't know how he is adapting to this huge change. I mean he seems so distant suddenly, doesn't really talk, or even acknowledge me or Richard. Even when he fights with Richard it just isn't as harsh as it usually is. Which I suppose is a good thing except that John had always had that spirit and the need to fight back. Sometimes I think that is what kept him alive when we lived with Ricky. And I want to keep him from going out and doing stuff for fear of Ricky trying to get him again. If he hurt John or any of those other kids I would never be able to forgive myself… but I can't just tell him to stop living… he already lost 18 years of normalcy and now I feel like even though he can come home to a real home and bed and food, I just feel like…. He still isn't happy."

Judy thought a moment and then said, "So you are thinking he is actually missing his father?"

"How did you get that out of what I just said… all I mean is I think this new life style is so different for John, and he is so used to taking care of himself, fighting for what he wants… having all this stuff handed to him almost makes him feel…"

"Guilty?"

"I don't know… maybe… has he come to any of his appointments with you?" Wendy asked Judy. The woman shook her head and said, "But I can't force him to come, I mean I could but he wouldn't want to try to get better. Forcing people makes them clam up not open up."

"He needs to start talking…" Wendy said.

"Well maybe talking isn't what he needs… he is an interesting boy… maybe he gets his issues or feelings out another way."

"The other night all the kids spent the night at Claire's because her folks were out of town and she didn't want to stay alone you know, it's understandable… anyway… when John came home… the next day… real early… he was more angry then I had seen him in a long time… but he was handling it differently, instead of lashing out he pent it all up. He wouldn't let Richard with in three feet of him and once the man tried to touch him and he called him a queer and walked away. I have no clue what has gotten into John but he is acting more strange then normal."

"That does sound odd… um Wendy I am going to ask you something that could be very upsetting but I need you to answer if you can…."

Wendy nodded and braced herself.

"Did Ricky ever… sexually abuse John?"

Wendy's face froze and she looked down, she tried to look anywhere but at Judy, "I uh… I don't honestly know… sometimes I would wonder… but I have no clue… even in his drunken stupors he never seemed very interested in John when he was a little boy… he never… I mean I never saw and John never said…if anything happened I don't know about it." Wendy said tears coming to her eyes.

"Relax Wendy, I agree not even Ricky seems the type to do that… but at the same time…. Has John always had trouble with older men? Or is this slash towards Richard something that just started happening?"

"I mean he has always had trouble with male authority, but I think that is just because he… well I mean…" Wendy thought a moment and then said, "I honestly don't know why he has had so much trouble with male authorities but he has. I never thought to ask."

"Look, I think it's time for him to come see me… even if you have to drag him by his feet."

"But you just said forcing…"

"I know what I said but if John was sexually abused we need to know… there is still time to help him… but we can't just pretend like it never happened if he did. He has to face it or he will always have issues… I am going to ask him… and if he had nothing to hide then he shouldn't react to harshly."

"So you think." Wendy said looking out the window wondering how this was going to play out.

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John sat in Judy's real office, not the part time hospital one. This one was much nicer and had a lot more paper work on the walls and the couch was pretty comfy.

"Alright John, today is going to be pretty simple… you just have to answer truthfully and believe me when I say I will be able to tell if you are lying."

"Sure thing Judy." John said barley even listening.

"Okay, as soon as you answer these questions you can either leave or stay and talk about it."

"Okay lets get going then." John said his impatiens growing.

"Alright, now remember these are just questions, I don't actually know anything."

"What the hell are you talking about Jude?" John said switching her name to show how irritated he was getting.

"Alright here we go…" she said ignoring his question. "Okay, now John your father was abusive correct?"

John looked at her like she was crazy, "No really?"

"Yes or no John."

"Yes of course he was." John said, "I got the marks to prove it."

"Okay, so let's dig a little deeper… what did your father do when he abused you?"

John stared at her and then took a deep breath, "Normal shit, punched, kicked, hit whipped I mean, he burned me sometimes and smacked me around. Just normal abuse stuff, cut me a good few times too."

"Anything else?"

"Nope." John said not sure where this was going.

"You know John, there are other forms of abuse besides hitting….besides being beat or verbally abused."

John sat there staring at her, "Are you asking if my dad…" John shot up and backed towards the door, "Whoa Jude, let's take a step back… why in God's name would you think he ever did THAT!"

"I am just asking John… a yes or a no is sufficient enough… like I said you don't have to go into details if you don't want."

"Jesus Jude, you really are fucked up." He said turning towards the door and making to leave.

"John you can't leave until I get a yes or a no." Judy said putting her pen and paper down and standing.

"Just get your sick brain away from me." John hissed grabbing the knob, he tried to turn it and it wouldn't turn.

"DID YOU LOCK ME IN!" John yelled, he punched the door and it shook but didn't give.

"John if there is something you are not telling me then you need to. Because if you don't get it off your chest now you are going to fester."

John closed his eyes and replayed in his mind his childhood, all those times he had been neglected or abused. Never once did his dad ever do THAT… but he did make points about it. Like when he had taught John what a queer was… and why they were bad. Moments like that had scared John but they weren't in anyway Sexual abuse… it was just awkward and horrible and scary and John would never forget it.

"No Jude, my father never sexually abused me! NOW LET ME OUT!" John said yanking on the door.

"John you got to sit down, breath and try to remember… I mean… if he did I am sure your brain had blocked it out!" Judy said putting her hand on his shoulder.

He jerked away and said, "There is NOTHING to remember… you don't get it. My old man may be a fucked up shit head but he wasn't a perverted fucked up shit head. He was just a normal one… I remember my childhood… you can't forget a childhood like mine… to much pain… and extremely sharp memories. He didn't ever touch me like that now let me out!" John slammed his boot clad foot into the door and Judy heard it splinter a little.

"Alright John just one more question…"

"WHAT!" John said.

"Did you ever see your father sexually abuse someone else?"

John stopped and looked at her, his eyes bore into her and the look on his face said enough, "Some things are better left unsaid." John warned, he lunged at Judy and took her face into his big hand, his nails dug into her skin but didn't break the skin.

"John!" Judy said with fear.

"I don't want to talk about some of the shit I've seen…okay… I know it happened and I know that isn't what I want or ever want to see again. I am telling you right now Judy… let this one question alone and don't ever ask me again." He released her and pointed at the door.

She rubbed her face and pulled a key from her pocket and unlocked the door. John was out it in a flash as Wendy and Vernon stood he walked right past.

"John?" His mother called as he disappeared out the front door.

Wendy rushed in and asked, "What happened we heard him yelling but it was to muffled."

"Well, Ricky never sexually abused him… but John has definitely seen his father sexually abuse other people… did your husband ever take him on outings when he was younger?"

"Once a week he used to take John to get ice cream, but he had been so young, maybe three or four… when started protesting and I started asking questions he stopped. But I never thought anything of it, John's never had much of a sweet tooth so I figured the ice cream just wasn't pleasing anymore."

"I am guessing those once a week trips didn't really involve ice cream…. You said your husband was in the military?"

"Yes, he was one of the special ops or something… something for the marines…he was very proud of it."

"Well… figure it out and then let me know… Mr. Vernon I am afraid I am going to have to ask a favor of you…" Vernon raised an eyebrow and sigh, "I have a feeling this may be something I don't look forward to."

"I am sure you will hate it, but I need you to try and get closer to John. I know you've been staying kind of on his wake, but get right up next to him and really try reaching him… if after a few weeks he still doesn't respond well to you then back off but just please try to put yourself in that male role model position that John needs."

Vernon sneered and sighed, "I can't promise I won't snap back."

"I understand, just don't do ANYTHING that his real father has done."

"Of course." Vernon said turning and heading out after John.

"This is going to get messy." Judy said, Wendy nodded and hugged Judy, "Thanks for everything." Then she rushed off after Richard.

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"Hey Bender… slow down mister." Vernon said putting his hand on John's shoulder.

"Don't touch me dick." John said.

"Hey! Calm your ass down John." This caught John off guard, Vernon never called him by his first name.

"What do you want?"

"Look I just want to talk."

"Well I don't want to talk! I don't have to explain shit to you…" With that John took off down the street, Wendy came to rest next to Vernon and stared after John.

"Well this is going to be a pain." Vernon said turning and walking towards the car.

Wendy watched John turn a corner and then turned and followed Richard.

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Claire sat in her room and stared at her homework. She hated homework, and all she could think about was John. And the movie night and how strange it had all been. If anyone had gone up to Claire last year and said, "You going to watch erotic movies with a geek, a basket case, a jock and a burnout boy friend and then see two guys kiss after drinking half of your parents wine, rocking out to classical music and getting high." Claire would have laughed so hard she would have burst.

Everything was so surreal now, John's father being on the lose and out to get him, the cops at school, how she was no longer the most popular girl and that her and Andy had been given the boot, how Claire was so glad! It scared her how happy she was that no one looked up to her, no one tried to be her, no one cared she existed. She loved being as unimportant as the rest of them, and she loved being able to kiss John in public and tell off the girls she had always wanted to tell off and be free from their harsh comments.

But if you had told Claire Standish that in only one or two months she wouldn't give a damn what anyone at that school thought of her she would have walked off rather perturbed. It had seemed that Saturday that she was going to walk in Monday and forget that the Saturday had ever happened. But she remembered how it had gone. About a week before John and his mother had fled from his dad.

She had been nervous; she had walked slowly into school and had looked for the breakfast club. She hadn't found them, but kept her eyes peeled until she did. It was at lunch, Brian, Andy, Allison and even John sat at a table together hunched and talking. Claire had seen the way the jocks and preps and nerds were all staring. Each had their own thought process; each had their own way of showing either disapproval or envy. And Claire knew that if she completed the strange group that aside catty corner from everyone something bad would happen. That's when it happened; one of the cheerleaders had casually walked over to Andy to ask him something. He had motioned to Allison and took her hand and the girl that Claire knew as Andrea had looked shocked and disgusted. She had walked back to the table and filled them all in.

Claire had sat down at an empty table and put her hands in her face, she wasn't sure she knew what to do. She wanted to go sit with the breakfast club, but could she handle the jeers from her fellow classmates?

Suddenly Claire had been pulled from her thoughts to see a bowl of pudding being dumped over Allison's head. John had shot up with Andy and Brian (Brian more out of shock then anger) and had shoved the girl back. She had fallen and though she had been shocked at first once the jocks rushed over to help her up and push John and Andy and Brian back she had continued to laugh. Most of the cafeteria had started to laugh with the exception of the nerds who wondered if Brian was really going to get in on this.

Claire at that point had felt something snap in her, she had gone unnoticed till then and she walked over, her face probably red, her ears probably whistling from steam. She pushed through the crowds that had gathered and reached her hand out to Allison the girl looked at her with tear filled eyes and smiled. She took Claire's hand and Claire had brought her before Andrea.

"What are you doing Claire?" the girl had asked.

"I am only going to ask once Andrea, apologize to Allison."

"Oh yuck you know that freaks name?"

"She isn't a freak, now apologize or you will regret it." Claire warned.

Andrea weighed her options; she knew the power that Claire had held at the time. But she also knew that this move would lessen her power considerably. If she apologized it would be to Claire not to Allison, but that still seemed stupid. But what choice did she have, it was more of a social suicide to stand up to the prom queen then to be seen being nice to some spaz who is less fortunate.

Andrea sighed and said, "Sorry freak." She turned and walked away; the jocks eyed Claire a second and then turned and followed. Claire saw the way her popular friends stared at her and she turned to Allison, "Oops! Time for a powder break!" She rushed out grabbing her purse on the way and trying not to let anyone see how happy and yet completely embarrassed she was.

Claire sighed, that had been so long ago but it seemed like it had just happened. People were still gossiping about it two months later. Claire would probably never get over the evil glares that her old friends gave her, and she would never remove that feeling of envy she had for the newest most popular girl. She would probably never be able to even begin to hope to be prom queen.

And Claire was okay with that, she would live in silence with all her decisions and she would make herself learn to like being a no body. At least she didn't have to impress anyone anymore.

Claire then thought about standing at her locker after the pudding incident and had leaned her forehead into her locker and just allowed herself to breath and think and try to understand why she had just taken the plunge. Why had she wanted to help Allison…why did she want to be a good person when it was so easy to be indifferent and cruel? That's when she felt the hand on her shoulder, she turned to see John standing there with the others and she felt a tear run down her face, "I am not going to be prom queen." She said sadly.

"Hey, you got my vote princess." John said leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips. Claire's head had spun and her heart had palpitated and she had felt like she would fly. When John had pulled away a very sweet smelling Allison had thrown her arms around Claire's neck and whispered, "They may hate you but you're my new best friend!"

At that point Claire had caved and remembered why she had wanted to be the good decent person, and why she had wanted to no longer dwell on the shallow past that she had lived in. And she let go of her vanity and insecurity and took the plunge.

Claire closed her math book and sighed again, "To much shit." She said.

"Not enough time." Came a voice from her balcony. She looked over and saw John leaning in the doorway. She rushed over and jumped into his arms kissing his lips as deeply as she could. His hands grabbed her waist and brought her close and then they were on the bed. John let his hand stray up her shirt and Claire moaned into his neck.

"God I love when you make those noises."

"I got some good news for you." Claire said.

"What's that?" John asked between kissing her neck and kissing her collarbone.

"Brian's got a date." Claire said trying not to moan.

John stopped and looked at Claire, "With a boy?"

"No silly, with a girl from school… her name is Megan. She is… the chairman of the physics club apparently. They met the other day after when Brian stayed to wait for you… they hit it off and I guess he is taking her out tonight."

John let his head fall into her breasts, "OH THANK GOD!" Came the muffled cry.

"Oh knock it off… he told you he wasn't gay… he was just drunk, stoned and confused."

"You know I actually debated on cutting my hair because of that little shit."

"No way!" Claire said laughing.

"Hey shut up!" John said nipping at her neck.

She pulled his face up to her mouth and kissed him for a good few more minutes. Then she pulled away and asked, "Any signs of your old man?" Claire asked.

"None, it's like he dropped off the side of the Earth… got no clue as to where he went…or what he wants or is planning. Man… it's fucking crazy."

"It makes me nervous." Claire said laying her head back and looking out her French doors with dismay.

"Don't be nervous Cherry, if he comes anywhere near you I will pop him a good one. Trust me." John said with a smirk.

"Well what did Judy want today anyway?" Claire said changing the subject. She felt his body tense and he rolled off of her and joined her in laying on his back and looking anywhere but at the other person.

"It was one fucked up thing." John said sounding angry.

"What did she want to talk you about?" Claire ask again.

"It was nothing important, they were just being paranoid idiots… trying to make things as awkward as possible for me." John hissed rubbing his eyes with is fingers.

"Come on John, your avoiding, tell me what Judy asked, you know I won't tell anyone."

John was debating in his head and then finally sighed and Claire knew she had him, "They wanted to know if my old man ever sexually abused me when I was a kid."

Claire didn't say anything; she lay there feeling her body go numb in some parts. Her eyes and eyebrows were screwed up and she was focusing on the bumps on her ceiling and trying to fully understand.

"Messed up huh?" John asked taking hold of her hand and squeezing, she squeezed back and then asked, "Did he?"

John was silent for a long moment, it almost got uncomfortable and she came close to releasing his hand out of fear he may rip her arm off for asking.

"It just depends what you mean by sexually abused." John said. "He never… like you know… got up on my shit… but he took me places that disturbed me as a kid… I mean now that I am older and I know what everything was when I look back on it…I mean it's still fucked up and sometimes still bothers me. But I try not to think about it and usually it don't really bother me to the point of effecting me."

"Where did he take you?" Claire asked trying to keep the question as casual as she could.

"I was a kid Claire, I don't really remember what the place was… but there were lots of woman and men and drugs and I remember bright neon signs and lots of laughing and… man I saw them do things that no kid my age should have seen."

"Why do you think he took you?" Claire asked looking at him for the first time since he had said anything about it.

"I honestly don't know why he took me or how he even got me in. But I remember that he laughed all the time and was excited I was with him and I remember a ring. And he was proud that I was his son and that I was there with him… what ever the place was."

Claire looked off in silence and then said, "Maybe it was like a club or something… you ever think of asking your mother?"

"I don't think she would know… he had always told her he was taking me out for ice cream or for a walk in the park or out to lunch. And he'd tell me not to tell her or he would beat me. The funny thing was at that point he hadn't actually started beating me yet. It was just empty threats to me."

"That really scary John." Claire said curling up into a ball and trying to erase what she had just heard. She knew she had asked him to tell, and he had gone over and beyond what he normally shared but she just wished she didn't have to think about John as a little boy amidst all that darkness and sin. It sounded like a gambling whorehouse or something. Had his dad owned one?

John turned onto his side and pulled Claire into him, "Please don't think less of me." He asked her nuzzling into her neck. She smiled and rubbed his arm, which was wrapped around her. "I could never think less of you John. Never."

"Love ya cherry."

"You too John."

R&R Okay things are going to start speeding up again… be ready for it because when it happens its going to rush!