Of Hand Touchings and Flailing
11th of August
11am
Uh, why do people get married? Is it some defect that everyone except me was born with? Because clearly I do not see the greatness of it. You get a piece of paper saying that you are practically bonded to another person, well hip fucking hooray. It's still just a piece of paper. I mean you would think Edgar that it would be obvious that if your FIRST marriage failed, then more than likely your SECOND marriage is going to fail also. It's the 90s, it practically a commandment.
The Eleventh Commandment: Thou Shall Marry, Then Though Shall Divorce, and Re-Wed, Then Divorce Again. (Do this till death.)
Another thing I have to complain about is the fact that I have to be involved in this wedding. One reason I hate this is because I DON'T WANT TO GO, and the other reason I don't want to do this, because other than what you see here Ed, I do have a life. (It may be small and a little pathetic but it is there its really small and REALLY pathetic.)
The only good thing about the last two days is that Uncle John has been here. I guess I have never mentioned Uncle John because there was really nothing bad for me to say about him. Seriously if someone found this I reckon I could be burned alive. JUST BY MY FAMILY itself. They are that cruel. He is my dad's second cousin. So really he is my third cousin. Probably removed a few times also.
He was my dad's lawyer in the 'Divorce' Case. That was the first time I had ever read a comic book. Mom doesn't like comic books, so once Uncle John got me hooked on it, she was even more pissed. It was a nice feeling. Plus Uncle John never really liked mom anyway, so I really can't blame him for giving me the comic book. I will be forever in his debt.
He is 4 years older than my dad, actually he is 40 this year. When he turned forty I sent him a really big your turning 4 card and a really big 0 card and sent them to him. I was going to do two twenty cards but even I am not mean. He doesn't look his age anyway. He definitely has the Iero blood in him, even though his last name is Richardson. Anyho, I was actually surprised to see him at my dad's house. They hadn't really talked since after the case was closed.
I mean I find it hard enough to find something to talk to my father about. Let alone someone of his own age, I believe a conversation would go like this:
"I am a dick head" my father of course.
"I should go and jump off of a bridge" still my dad
"I am the biggest jerk in the whole entire world" dad.
"I believe you are the first and the last and that I will get a bridge made for you to be pummelled to your unlikely death" Uncle John of course.
So yeah. Weird. But Uncle John is awesome. I reckon you would really like him Edgar. He is like me but slightly less cool. Slightly only by a little fraction of a percentage! A very small percentage, you won't even be able to see it...though not the point.
The only reason that I have been able to live these past days is because he has been here. Dad and Janette won't shutup about the wedding. Janette insists that she have the wedding BEFORE Sleazy Mc-Crack Whore. One of the biggest reasons because people are going to get sick and tired of going to marriages of the same family, and her wedding HAS to be better. I may not like Sleazy Mc-Crack Whore but what a Shlut is Janette. She isn't even paying for the wedding.
My dad is.
So I, Uncle John, Janette, and dad sat for one whole day tying ribbons onto wedding invitations, by the time I got to my sixth invitation I was ready to ask for a gun to shoot my bloody brains out. My fingers where numb and I really felt like coke. (random) And it was really boring. I read the same thing over and over again till I could be able to preach it from the highest mountains.
To: Some Unknown Person you are invited to the wedding of Janette and Jonathon. Blah, Blah, Blurgh!
Really boring. So the only good people that are invited to the wedding are. The Way's. And well that is really it, oh Uncle John also but I mean people that I actually wish were my family. Even if it meant that I couldn't have Gerard. *WEEPS*
Anyway, on the invitation (because dad said I couldn't invite the Simmons family) I said that Mikey could bring like a date to the wedding, because he is nearly 15 and he will have a girlfriend.
Would it be totally obvious if I say only Mikey can bring a date?
Nah. But I am seriously contemplating it. I mean Gerard will one day be mine *cackles*
But only if he asks me out first. EMBARRASING it is the right thing to do!
Frank Iero The Right Choice.
HAHAHAHAHA no.
1pm
So... lunch was different. I would have to say it was the most normal like lunch that I have ever sat in since I was about eleven. It was kind of awkward and weird, but what the hey? Dad had decided that he was going to make an Australian like barbeque. I reminded him that we are not Australian and that we didn't have barbeques for lunch, well not that often anyway.
Jamia then mentioned that we didn't have any kangaroos hopping through our yards, I happily reminded her that kangaroos don't hop through the back of people's yards: ("Dickface, Kangaroos don't hop through people's yards. I can't believe I am going to be related to you – idiot").
Uncle John was staying with us like I said, so I spent most of the beginning of lunch with him. I mentioned to him that Mr. Overall my mom's EX boyfriend had given me this piece of paper to read. I insisted that Uncle John read it before I did. He hasn't read it yet, but he did open it, it must be long because he crinkled up his nose and put the note safely in his pocket.
I guess reading long things gets kind of annoying, especially when you are a lawyer. That'd be extremely annoying! All the writing. All of it (eep).
Jamia refused to talk to me for the rest of the lunch. Which was fine, I didn't have much against Jamia, just living with her gets kind of annoying. She takes one hour in the bathroom. I mean how much time do you need to shit, piss and wash. It shouldn't take you that long. Though when she comes out she does look a BIT better than she does walking in. Just a bit.
I wonder if she is still in love with me?
But it was oddly normal. We at the hotdogs and all the shit food my dad cooked. Yeah, it was different, I usually like different but I will be glad when everything goes back to what I have realised as normal. Because it is definitely all a show for Uncle John. If I wouldn't miss the Way's I would totally go and live with him. In his nice rich home, with his nice rich stuff, and his nice rich money.
Maybe I should be a lawyer when I grow up? Then I would be rich and be able to afford to pay Gerard to be my personal sex slave *evil laugh*.
Ah well, I suck anyway.
But I bet you knew that already.
Dad tried to coax Uncle John into conversation, but Uncle John was too busy talking to me about the latest comic book store that has opened a few streets away from his. He insists that it has every comic ever imaginable there. Wicked. He also said that I HAVE to go and visit him when school ends in the next two weeks. I wonder if he will let me invite the Way brother's up. Well at least Mikey anyway. Mikey should be allowed up, he is my best friend. Most of the time.
Uncle John likes me, so how can he resist the Iero pout? Jamia can't. Because she is talking to me again. Girls are so simple and easy (well most of them anyway, mom and Sleazy Mc-Crack Whore not so much, unless you mean THAT easy.)
Well me and Uncle John are going out now. So cheeyah! He is taking me to Gerard's Music Shop! So I can see Gerard. Not that he knows it. To him, I really want a new album. I wonder which album I will get anyway. I have most of the good ones anyway. So... see you...later.
9:02pm
I WANT TO KILL MICHAEL JAMES WAY! SO BADLY RIGHT NOW. SOMEONE HAD ME A GUN. OH WHY OH WHY DID HE HAVE TO WALK INTO THE MUSIC STORE AT THE EXACT MOMENT THAT ALL OF MY DREAMS WHERE COMING TRUE? I MEAN IS IT JUST ME OR DO ALL 14-YEAR-OLD GAY BOYS GET THE WORST YEAR OF THEIR LIFE. I MEAN WHAT HAVE I EVER DOWN TO THE BIG MAN UPSTAIRS. I HAVE NEVER COVETED AGAINST ANOTHER MAN (WELL REALLY COVET IS A HARSH WORD) WHY OH WHY. ARGHH THE AGONY.
You know it is very tiring to right in all caps letters. It hurts the middle finger. The finger I really want to stick up at Michael James Way right now.
I hope it hurts too.
So like I said before Uncle John took me to Gerard's Music Store. The music store if you didn't know had almost every album known to mankind. Well at least all of the good albums anyway. So customers continued to flood the shop. Because if you wanted an album, it was sure to be there. (If it wasn't half the cost! I know, so great.) So we drove there. Had an argument about whether Vampires were better than Werewolves. I was on the Vampires side and Uncle John on werewolves. It consisted on mainly.
"Werewolves"
"Vampires"
"Na Uh"
"Yes Uh"
"Na Uh"
"Yes Uh.
And so forth.
I can't really remember who won? It could have been anyone, but we had arrived at Gerard's Music Store. The best effing music store in town like I had told you. I was hoping to God (Buddha, Mary, Joseph and Cindy Lauper) that Gerard would be working today. Not that I wanted to introduce him to my Uncle. Which would be kind of embarrassing and would probably end up looking something like this.
"Now Franklin, my dear fellow, why don't you do your Uncle a favour and introduce me to this dashing man"
"Uh...Eeep...Chugga Chugga Chugga Chugga Cho Choooo, Uh, This is Gerard my boyfri- friend. Choo" (the chugga chugga is the steam coming out of my mouth I though you would like to now. Possibly.
"...EEP"
So as you can see very awkward and a conversation that Frank Iero does never want to be involved in. The only conversation he will ever willingly involve himself is. Is one that talks about how sexy Gerard is. Then I will unleash my superphonic powers, and blast them all way. Gerard is mine. *cackles*
Anyho, so we were at the store. Where Gerard works just in case that you have forgotten. I was not rambling my brain on about how cool Gerard was, and how Uncle John is because I am clearly smooth. I am a Iero we are as smooth as any Italian's can get. Well maybe not my father. But he is not really a good role model for fabulous in the first place anyway.
We walked through the aisles (and aisles and aisles and aisles) of CDS. Uncle John picked out a few and went into one of those dreamy places that old people go to. Reminiscing over the good ole day when you used to have hair. Not that Iero's ever went bold. Well maybe except for Uncle Richie. He was not rich but he was bold, so they must've painted him for the box cover of Monopoly 1996 version. My family famous. *sigh*
Then we got to the front counter. Like Edgar, have you ever had one of those moments when time stops. Like not literally because that would be freak ass scary and possibly kind of cool. But when time stops and everything is in slow motion (I've never experienced anything in fast motion, wonder if it is fun?) and your heart starts to beat extra fast. Well I don't know if that's true, but you do realise that your heart is beating. Then all of a sudden you are in front of your one true love. And you're about to kiss...
But we didn't kiss.
Instead I said VERY smoothly "Gerard" (OK I squeaked it out in a high pitched squeal what are you going to do about it?) He then grinned at me.
JUMPS AROUND THE FREAKING HOUSE AND PRONOUCNES THAT I LOVE THE WORLD.
WHICH WOULD BE A LIE.
I ONLY LOVE GERARD (and Uncle John, and Mrs. Way, and Mr. Way and Alicia and Mr. Alicia and Ray Toro and sometimes Mikey Way, but not today. I hate him. So really he shouldn't be on this list.)
I felt like doing a cartwheel. In the shop. In front of all these people I know. Well, know of. But that is not the point. He makes me insides feel all funny.
I introduced him to Uncle John, and not in the old English way before but in the American I am not in love with you in a gay way sort of voice. I thought I sounded very good. Well that is just me. But they seemed to get along because soon they were talking about all of these bands. And I was beaming at them, and I continued to beam. Because Uncle John was really the only family member that I wanted acceptance from, and if he didn't like Gerard, I would go all Frankie Ninja on him.
So I continued to beam. Very manly for a while. Gerard and Uncle John continued to talk. I went wondering around the shop. Because well I was kind of getting bored of being ignored. Maybe Gerard would miss me. (Hopefully.) I picked out a few albums that I wanted, and brought them over to the front desk. I was only planning on getting one anyway. But I wanted to see what Gerard said, which one I should choose.
Then you will never guess what he did. OK you will guess because it's kind of all CHICK FLICK LIKE.
But he let me get the other two for free! *dances*
And our hands grazed. I am never washing my right hand ever. (shit I washed it. I will never go to the bathroom again...damn hygiene.) Like touched. Like skin on skin. *flails* I don't even know what flailing means but I am doing it anyway! Like OUR SKIN TOUCHED. Edgar do you get it. It means that my skin, touched his sexy skin. And my hand felt all tingly.
The point is OUR HANDS TOUCHED.
That was the awesomist moment of my life.
Awesome Moments of My Life
By Frank Iero
1.When Gerard Way moved to town. (duh)
2.When Gerard and I had the water fight. (duh)
3.When Gerard bent over and was wearing VERY tight jeans. (you know what I am going to write)
4.When Gerard smiled at me (numerous times.)
5.When Gerard and I had the moment on the steps. (duh)
6.When Gerard...
I think you get the point.
7.When Mikey fell into a mud puddle and when he got up Alicia was there and giggling and he blushed and wiped his glasses on his shirt and started stuttering. Hahahaha at least I am not like that.
Then Uncle John innocently mentioned (I saw the wink that he sent my way. I love him so freaking
much.) the trip to his house on the lake that was happening next weekend. And that Gerard might just like to come with him and Frank. Gerard looked astonished but then (YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT HE SAID!) he said he will ask his mom.
.Yes.
Do I sound like a 14-year-old girl?
I sure as hell feel like one. Anyway, OMG! He said yes. Well he said he would ask but Mrs. Way is so nice she will say yes anyway. And if she doesn't I will unleash my puppy dog eyes in her direction. The Iero eyes could make a cold hearted person melt.
So as I was having another Gerard Attack in the middle of the store. Seemingly Mikey Way decided to walk into the room at the exact moment. And said:
"What will you ask mom about?" Then he turned to me.
"Oh hey Frankie? You still coming to dinner tonight. We're going to THE SPANISH BULL" He is two timing Alicia with Ray I swears on it!
"Oh Frankie, is this one of your friends? Would you like to come fishing too?" The glare I sent Mikey's Way must've meant 'Yes I want you there' because he nodded his head.
And all of my dreams fell around my head. No fishing just together. No private talking. No kissing. OK that is a long shot, but it was there, deeply embedded in my BROKEN SOUL.
So now I am on a Vendetta to kill Mikey. (Jimmy Crane the crayon stealer has been eliminated.)
.Agony.
How Mikey Ended Up Eating A Worm
(Or How Mikey Ended Up Asking Alicia Out)
Mikey was inspecting the worm on the grass at school. The bell had rang over an hour ago and all the students had gone home, except for Alicia. Who was staying back for extra credit in math. Why she would want extra credit in math, Mikey didn't really care. He just thought she might like someone to walk home with. So that is what got him in this position, on the ground. His white t-shirt getting stained green and looking at the yellow worm.
He had always been interested in worms. Ever since he was a little boy. Though this worm was beautiful and if he wouldn't look like a total retard he would probably take it home and name it Albino (or Alicia no matter how stalkerish it sounded.).
"So what you doing?" Alicia yelled. Mikey raised his head, his glasses slipping down his face and landing on the ground. All he could see was a blurry image of a girl in front of him (or it could be a bush?). Ever since the dance, they hadn't really talked. Mikey had thought that they were going out, but once the dance was over they never spoke again. It kind of confused him. Must be girls, well that's what Ray says anyway.
"Uh, nothing" Mikey said. Looking guilty down at Albino. Alicia rolled her eyes.
"You are so close to that worm, you should eat it" Mikey's eyes widened behind his glasses and his words shook.
"Do you want me to eat the worm?" he asked, getting to his feet. Poor Albino was going to be in his stomach forever. Poor, poor albino.
"Yes" Mikey stared at her for a while. Before learning over to pick up the poor worm, poor, poor Albino. A hand stopped him and he looked up questionably at Alicia. Who smiled sweetly at him.
"I wasn't serious" laugh "look your taking me out to the movies on Friday and buying me popcorn. You are not going to touch me, or kiss me, you're allowed to hold my hand, and I may go out with you again. Is that clear Michael James Way?" Alicia said, staring straight at a shocked Mikey. Mikey nodded his head, trying to remember everything she had said (no touching, no kissing, holding hands didn't that involve touching?)
"Yes..Yes...Of course...Uh huh...no touching" Alicia laughed happily and then started to walk in the direction of home. She got a few metres before she turned back around. Holding her hand out expectantly:
"You coming" Mikey nodded his head and ran over to her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it lightly.
He was so smooth.