Hey guys! I just wanted to thank whoever read this far! As of now (February 2014) I have no plans to continue Mission: Akatsuki. Although I must say, reading through this much later has made me miss it! (And also how much I had planned for this and how much better at storytelling I've gotten…Also I spelled "senpai"="sempai"? What?) Anyways, I'm completely out of synch with the whole Naruto franchise right now—pretty sure the Akatsuki have all died twice at this point... not sure though—not that it matters considering I'm pretty much operating by my own rules. Still, I always like to be well-informed. Never-the-less, thanks for your readership, and as always, I still enjoy reviews! Let me know if I should ever revisit this story! I still have those plans, I could always pick it up when I have a spare moment ;)

Update: Hey look! Another chapter!

"…And that's how I lost my first tooth," Kisame finished proudly.

"Tobi likes that story!"

The rest of the team stared blankly at the fish man. "Kisame…" Konan started, "You didn't actually tell us a story. You just said that line."

Kisame apparently couldn't stay awake for the end of that riveting sentence because his head was now on the table, snoring. Tobi kept repeating "Tobi likes that story!" like a broken record player as Konan groaned. Everyone else stared at something different: Deidara stared at his hand, presumably making faces at himself to stayed entertained; Hidan stared at the wound he was inflicting upon himself, which Sakura swore was in the shape of a bunny; Sasori and Itachi stared at opposite walls, and Sakura was sure the intensity of their combined stares could cause an explosion even Deidara would blush at.

It had been like this for over a week. The Akatsuki hadn't gotten a mission in 2 months and to make matters worse, the Hokage had forbidden any of them from leaving the property. Even Sakura's travel was limited—she could only go out for supply runs. This left a castle full of cooped up weirdos. Kakuzu was unbearably grumpy, snapping at the littlest expenditure ("DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TOOTH PICKS COST? WE ARE ON A LIMITED INCOME RIGHT NOW!").

Meanwhile, every hobby each had were exhausted to their limit: Sasori put on nightly puppet shows, each one more like a soap opera than the last, all delivered in Sasori's calm voice. Deidara had at some point run out of explosives, and Sakura refused to get more. It was for everyone's safety she had thought. Boy was she misguided: Deidara began sabotaging everything to somehow make a great crashing sound, lighting fires out of anything he could (Sakura lost her nice vampire dress in the 17th fire and thought enough was enough). Upon being resupplied, the booming noises from his studio rattled the castle for 24 hours straight. Pein sent in Itachi to confirm Deidara was still alive afterwards. Plants, meanwhile, were struggling in the summer heat. This left Zetsu talking endlessly to his plants, discovering their deaths and holding a funeral service for each and every one. The backyard was morphing into a massive graveyard, wooden crosses posted every few feet ("DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WOOD COSTS?!").

Things were weird…even weirder than usual. And to make matters worse, a heatwave had hit them, leaving the castle in a hazy, sweaty daze. Sakura often saw Pein or Kisame wandering the halls saying hi to them, only to have them jump in surprise and then turn around and rush away in another direction. Even Hidan just lay around everywhere, not even bothering to bark insults at passers-by.

"Pein?" Sakura prodded, "We were having a meeting? We should finish that up maybe?"

"HUH? Wha….oh Sakura. Meeting…? Yes! Meeting!" Pein's head wobbled around as he came back to reality.

"And that was the first time I tried fish," Kisame finished, though no words had been spoken.

"Great story, Kisame," Pein said, "Now on to the last item on my list…"

Pein stared at it for a moment, blinking hard several times before looking around.

"What is it Pein?" Konan asked sweetly. She was wearing Harry Potter glasses, though she had no need for them.

"It's…from Lady Tsunade…."

Suddenly, all the glazed eyes slowly came into focus, Tobi halting his chorus. They turned, gradually setting sights on their leader.

"We…have a mission?"

A clatter sounded as Hidan dropped his pen. Konan slowly raised her hand to remove her glasses shakily. Everyone jumped when Zetsu bolt into a standing position.

"We….have a mission," Zetsu repeated, "We have a mission. We have a mission. We have a mission! WE HAVE MISSION!"

Tobi joined this new chorus. Everyone looked around in bewilderment, until the room exploded in a wave of sound. The Akatsuki had a mission.

"WE HAVE A MISSION! WE HAVE A MISSION! WE HAVE A MISSION!"

"ENOUGH!" Konan, the loudest voice of all, snapped them back to the meeting at hand, "Pein, what's the mission?"

"And that was the first time I killed somebody…we have a mission?"

Couldn't help it, had to write something small. Hope these are still funny! Also, I don't know ANY new characters from Naruto—I haven't kept up in years—so sorry to disappoint some people if their favorite character doesn't show up. Everything's frozen in an early Shippuden state, albeit in an alternate reality of sorts. Let me know how this chapter was! We have a mission! :D