Ch. 14

I hated grave yards . When my mom died..I stayed the night staring at her grave. I became so numb from crying , It felt like I couldn't move..so I just..didn't. The next day I went to my Dad's house..to see if he was okay. Well..of course he was . I wanted to believe that he just didn't know yet ..but he did...and he didn't care . I broke down again in front of him...I was so unbelievably mad. He just stared at me. I ran away and I didn't see him again until Simon went away. I probably should have just stayed homeless rather than crawling back to him.

I sat in the car..I didn't want to go outside with Bonnie..because of my last experience..but mostly because this was personal ..and something she needed to take care of on her own.

After a while..I heard a knock on the door. Bonnie wanted me to come out.

I took a deep breath and followed her to Guy's grave..trying not to have a panic attack..

She took my hand and I sat down with her.

"Guy..this is Marceline..she is..a friend of mine..and I ..I really like her.." She took a deep breath and I held her hand tighter. " I know we made plans...we said we would never be apart..we promised that-" Her voice started to shake more "..we promised that we would always be together..as best friends..and as a couple..that would grow old. But..you're gone now.." She started crying and my chest twisted in pain " ..you're gone..and..you're not coming back. I waited so long..each day ..hoping you would open my door and kiss me like you used to each day...but you never came. And..I have to accept that..I know..you want me to be happy..but..I can't be happy alone." She smiled a bit " You know how clingy I get .."..

She was probably cutting off my circulation right now. It definitely didn't hurt as much as seeing Bonnie cry..so I didn't mind. I kissed her hand and she continued, wiping her eyes.

" I have met someone..and she is really ..great"

I smiled. I never got a compliment like that..a sincere one anyway. I was called great by some of my friend's in Highschool , all the time actually...but they were basically complimenting my act...It was nice to hear someone compliment me on ..being me . And I could tell she was sincere..

" I will always love you Guy..you..were my best ..you will always be in my heart..but..I have to move on..I can't go on every day of my life thinking you are going to walk through my door...you're not." She stopped and sniffled . " I know you will approve of her.."

She put a rose on his grave and stood up, loosening her grip on my hand.

We drove away in silence. I knew talking about it wasn't what she needed..or what she wanted. So I held her hand tighter.