"Jimmy has a child!" Louise yelled, embodying the cocktail of anger, shock, and upset brewing within her sister's ribs with just the shrillness of her voice.

"You didn't know?" Tina said, momentarily ripping her eyes away from the busy street they drove down - prompting her to almost hit a bicyclist, who, in response, mumbled a slew of curses against the Belcher girls.

"Of course not! I would've told you if I had."

"But Jimmy Jr. literally lives right across from you guys. How did you not know?"

"I dunno. I guess the baby doesn't live with him. Which means…"

"That the love of my life is the father of someone else's child!?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tina, seriously? 'Love of my life'? What happened to Henry?"

"Sorry, I just got a bit...carried away." She murmured, feeling a redness rising in her cheeks. As practical as Louise was being, it was always humiliating whenever she called Tina out on her melodramatic responses. Also, even Tina wasn't really sure where that little outburst came from. She and Jimmy Jr. had just talked for only fifteen minutes. He was certainly not the love of her life. Not yet, anyway.

"Well, what I was going to say was that Jimmy Jr. is probably single, seeing as the kid and his mother don't even live with him."

"It's not like it matters, Louise." Her sister spat, pulling the car up to the restaurant. They could already see Logan standing at the counter, wiping away stains and quietly singing along with Linda, who threw plates into a tub while belting out "Defying Gravity". Tina noticed Louise's lingering stare on the blonde, one of mixed affection and anxiety, before the girl turned back to her sister.

"Why's that?" She asked.

"I'm, technically, engaged. Even if he's not dating someone, I am. And I'm many things. A seductive, independent, humble woman? Yes. A heart breaker? No."

"Uh, yeah, but you're just a fiance. Not married and buried."

"I'm engaged and enslaved."

"Wow. That's so not how marriage works. I mean, in the 1800's maybe…"

"Ugh, Louise! What else am I supposed to do?" Tina huffed, throwing her head against the seat's head rest and squeezing her eyes shut, as if trying to prevent any more stressful thoughts from seeping into her mind.

"Break up with him. It's literally so simple."

"And leave him for another man?"

"Yeah. Mom did that to Hugo. You could too. Hey, maybe being a runaway bride is a genetic thing!"

There was a moment of silence between the two, and Louise could see her sister's tight expression relax, all emotion draining from her face. Abruptly, though, Tina's eyes fluttered open, showing signs of a revelation, before she, slyly side eyeing the girl beside her, said, "You wanna know who else did that?"

"Drew Barrymore in 'The Wedding Singer'?"

"Well, yes. But, also, Jessica."

An instantaneous flash of anger filled Louise, completely absorbing her in a feeling of betrayal that originated from her sister's single comment. But as quickly as it came, it trailed off, only leaving the after effects of a seething, muted fuming.

"What!? Oh wow, just - just shut up. Ok, Tina? Just shut up!"

"I'm just saying, you're telling me to leave another man when you just got left yourself."

"Okay, no. My situation is completely different from your's and mom's, alright!? Mom never cheated on Hugo, and you haven't cheated on Henry. And there was problems in your guys's relationships long before the 'other man' came into the picture. With me, Rudy cheated on me. Full on. He fucking slept with my best friend while we were dating! He could've left me before things got too complicated, but he just opted to hold onto the both of us. So don't even think of trying to compare these two situations, or so help me I will gut punch you."

A natural reflex, Tina's hands zoomed to cover her stomach, already fearing the hard blow that one of her sister's infamous punches could drive into that sensitive area. Still, with a rarely seen bravery, Tina continued.

"Louise, don't do that whole victimizing bullshit!"

"Excuse me! Mrs. One-time-acted-like-a-damsel-in-distress-to-win-Jimmy-Jr.-over is telling me to stop whining!?"

"Yeah, Louise. I am. I'm giving you some tough love. You've been broken up with Rudy for months now, and it seems like you're just using it as an excuse to not date anyone. And, no, not because you're still heartbroken! I think it's because you just hate the fact that you're not getting everything you want, so you're just too afraid to see another person not follow your exact commands!

"How would you know!? You've been at college this entire time!? Going vegan and snogging Henry-"
"-Oh, shut up! Louise, it's so obvious. Hell, it's so obvious, even you know it! It's why you're doing this whole stupid v-card thing with Hunter!"

"I'm doing it because I always repay my debts-"

"-You're doing it to punish yourself. Because you feel bad that you controlled Rudy, because, deep down, you think that that's what drove him to Jessica. And no one knows this better than me, but trying to be the self loathing victim whose heart was broken only results in you replaying that role over and over and over. You know what the old Louise would've done? She would've tried to make Rudy jealous. She would've gone out and gotten a new man, or become a billionaire, or become super hot - I don't know. But she wouldn't've done this whole thing of avoiding love and bending over backwards for weird ass creeps. So stop viewing yourself as a scorned lover, okay? And start seeing yourself as the bitch who got rid of some dead weight!"

All Tina could see was Louise's turned away face, which did not dare to look her sister in the eye - for fear that the anxiety and stress whirling around in her head would become apparent to Tina.

Her sister had just given a pep talk. A good pep talk. A really good pep talk. Louise knew that. And, yet, all it seemed to do was cause the dark haired girl to descend into a fit of utter self loathing. I've become so emotional and pathetic! I was so strong and independent as a child, what went wrong? Why did I let myself go? Am I really doomed to have my heartbroken again? Do I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself? But if I do that, won't I go back to being the controlling girl I was before? And isn't that what chased Rudy away? Louise couldn't handle this. Not anymore. She was twitching, forming knots in her gut. The last time she was this skittish was when she became territorial over a piece of ambergris, and now she was doing it again over a freaking boy - or boys for that matter. But, whatever was causing this constant stress, it had to stop. Louise had to shut down. She had to just. .

"Come on, Tina." The youngest Belcher child murmured, numbly, as she opened the car door. "Let's go home."

With concerned eyes, Tina watched as her sister defly slumped into the restaurant, not even responding to her mother's cheerful greeting. Had she gone too far?

Louise, hoping to distract herself from the ongoing cluster of dilemmas, flipped on the computer, planning on watching cat videos until she was meowing herself. But, trouble being around every corner, Louise found the oh-so-ominous email from Hunter.

Hey, Bunny. I'm back from Florida. Meet me at Zeek's house party tonight.

;)

"Hey, Tina, what's up with Louise?" Logan whispered as soon as Linda went upstairs, entranced by the ringing of the landline.

"Oh, uh, the talk didn't exactly go well."

"Oh, she caught you?"

"Yeah. And she knows that you sent me."

"Aw, Tina! Why!?"

"Sorry."

"Whhhhhy!?" He groaned, throwing his head back, and already fearing the imposing awkwardness this would cause.

"Look, the best thing to do with Louise is to just be blunt. Or so I thought…."

Logan lifted back up, having picked up on the last part of that sentence. With a quizzical expression, he asked "Wow. Is everything alright?"

"Definitely not."

"Well, sit down, sonny. Tell ol' Loggy about yer' troubles." He said, faking a horrible southern accent as he wiped the inside of a glass, just like Moe in the Simpsons. After a slight chuckle at his impression, and then a long, heavy sigh, she said "I gave Louise the harsh truth."

Immediately, Logan dropped the class, which didn't plummet as much as his heart after hearing Tina say that. "Oh...oh no." He murmured.

"Yeah. Oh no."

"What'd you say?"

"I told her to stop playing the victim, because it was only holding her back from recovery." This caused Logan to wince, but he nodded slightly, agreeing that there was some truth in that statement. "And that this whole v-card thing with Hunter is just punishment towards herself.

"Uh, what?"

"I know, I know. Kinda far fetched. But Louise thinks Rudy left her because of how, you know, immoral she can be. Making people do all the dirty work and never actually facing karma for her actions. So she's doing everything she can now to be a good person. Which is stupid, because Louise really never has done anything wrong. If anything, she sort of is karma - giving immoral people what they deserve. Does karma ever deal with karma? No, no. I don't think so."

"That actually sounds really nice, Tina. But did you say any of that to Louise?"

"Some of it, yes. But that good stuff, like about her not being immoral, no...no, I did not."

"Then tell her now. All I see is Louise hating herself right now. Like this whole thing of not dating me. Why would you reject a good relationship? Because you don't think you're good enough for one. Which I know seems kinda arrogant of me to say, seeing as I might not be the best person for Louise. But, yeah, I see what you're saying. It just seems she's kinda...avoiding everything."

"Taking a break from life. But life never takes a break for you, and now everything is just piling up."

"Yeah. Wow. She must've really loved this guy."

"I don't think so."

"What?"
"I mean, she definitely had strong feelings for him. But I don't think this whole bad response is just centered around Rudy. I think the break up has just launched this chain reaction of Louise doubting herself and no longer knowing who she is or whatever. I mean, she's never experienced heartbreak, so she's never even seen this side of herself. So, you know, she's still finding out who she is."

"You really know a lot about this stuff, Tina."

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, I've never actually experienced heartbreak myself."

"Than how do you know?"

"From my dad."

"Bob?"

"Yeah. When I left for school, do you remember how...childish he became."

"Oh, yeah. Yeesh. That was a dark time in the Belcher household." He said, vacantly staring out as he thought about Bob's numb, cold demeanor during that time. He didn't even look at Tina. He didn't even say he loved her. Not till the very end. It was the cruelest thing he had ever seen the man done, and it had caused a sort of scar to fall on the entire family. It may have even scared the fearless Gene and Louise, who had never even seen their father's "eternal" love pause for a single second except for that moment there. And though no one even thought about that horrible month anymore, there was still this lingering fear amongst the Belcher kids. Bob's love was not something to be fucked with.

"Well, I remember, one time during this visit for Christmas on my first year away, I was still mad at him. Even though we had had that nice parting, there was still all this built up revenge and hate. And it caused me to not even be able to look at him. But then Dad took me out to get eggnog and he said sorry. Like, he really apologized. And it was the most vulnerable I had ever seen him. Like, my dad, as clumsy as he can be, as always kinda been...mysterious, I guess. You don't really know what's going on in his head all the time. Or what he's seen. Or what triggers him. Or what he's still resentful towards. But, in the car, he talked about his mom left his dad to go to university, and she never came back. That's why he was so mad. Honestly, that was the most I've ever heard my dad talk about his childhood. Or his mom. Heck, that's the only time he's talked about her. And he said how he was usually good about containing all of those issues from childhood, but this was the first time we had ever really reminded him of his mom, so it wasn't something he was used to. And the anger he felt ended up being so...uncontainable, that even he was surprised by it. I guess that's how love is. It makes you feel things you've never felt before. And it's not just good, happy, fuzzy feelings. But ones of anger, and betrayal, and jealousy. And I guess it makes you realize who you are."

Tina, realizing that she was rambling now, stopped, looking up to see Logan's shocked expression. She had just spilled so much that her tongue was dry, and she was left slightly breathless.

And what did Logan have to say to possibly one of the most deepest, insightful things he had ever heard exit Tina Belcher's mouth?

"Damn girl."

The pleasant moment between Tina and Logan was abruptly shattered by the long, piercing wail of Linda Belcher.

"Louise Louise Belcher! Get in the kitchen right now!"

"Uh oh." Logan and Tina said in unision. Linda's call was so loud and terrifying, that it caused, not only Tina and Logan to fear for Louise, but the house itself seemed to shudder for the youngest Belcher, already knowing the doom that awaited her.

Creeping up the stairs and into the kitchen, they found Gene already waiting just outside the kitchen, having beat Logan and Tina to the perfect spot for eavesdropping on conversations. They sat down beside the boy, silently watching as Louise, an unmistakable look of fear in her, usually courageous, eyes as she peered up at her fuming mother. Bob sat near the two, looking far more confused than angry.

"I just got a very interesting call from my friend, Denise Winchester. Very. Interesting."

Louise's gut churned when she realized that the name sounded very familiar - which is never a good sign.

"According to her" Her mother continued, removing her hand from her hip, briefly, so as to push her glasses up. "You had an IUD put in!"

Oh God. That's who she was. The wiry, stiletto wearing doctor who had done that whole gruesome procedure on Louise. Of all the people to be friends with her mother, it had to be the woman at the abortion clinic!? There should be a law saying that gynecologists and moms couldn't be friends. Wait, no. That doesn't make sense.

"Look, I'm proud that you're being responsible. But I'm not proud that you didn't tell me, and that you're sleeping with the one person we told you to keep your hands off!"

"Wait - what?"

"Don't act all innocent, miss missy. You obviously got this procedure done for Logan."

From the living room, the family heard Gene, muffled by the walls, yell "What!?", the sound of a slap, and Logan's cry of pain.

"What? No, I didn't get this procedure for Logan." Louise quickly blurted out, far too panicked about her mother's assumptions to even be embarrassed by the fact that now everyone in the house knew about her little trip to Planned Parenthood.

"Oh really? So you got it for you ex-boyfriend, Rudy?"

"No…"

"Than why?"

"I…." Well, there was no way in hell that Louise was saying the real reason. But what else could she say? That she was just being responsible? Like her mother, the woman who had to remind Louise every three hours to visit the toilet, would ever believe that. "Look, I'm eighteen now. It's none of your business."

"But you're still living under my roof, and you're still working for your father and I. And we have a strict no office romance!"
"Mom, you have to believe me. I'm not sleeping with Logan."

"Oh really?" She whispered, sending chills down Louise's spine. As harmless as Linda always seemed to be to Louise, the young Belcher was well aware of how intimidating and cunning her mother could be. And such lethal traits always appeared whenever her mother started to whisper mid-argument. "Then why weren't you in your bed on April 19th"

"Uh, April 19th"

"Yes. Is the date important to you?"

Of course the date was important. As mushy as it sounded, Louise had burned the day in her mind as that was when she had lost it to Logan. Oh God. Logan. He was going to get fired, or kicked out of the basement, or worse. What had Louise done? Why couldn't she just resist him? Keep her hands off from the boy, just like her parents had ordered her to? Maybe if she had, not so many people would be in pain right now.

"I...uh…not exactly…."

"Because on that day, I entered your room, as I do every night, to retrieve your various plates and cups-"

"-You come into my room when I'm asleep?"

"How else am I supposed to get in there? You more protective of that place than Smeagle is of the ring."

"Ha! Nerd jokes! Good one, Mom!" Gene's muffled cry yelled through the wall.

"Thank you, honey! Anyway, I came in there to find your bed was empty. And when I went downstairs to wash the plates…"

"Oh no."

"What do I hear? Santeria coming from Logan's bedroom! And I know a virginity song when I hear one!"

A strangeling silence filled the room, squeezing all air from Louise's lungs as she felt herself shrinking and shrinking beneath her mother's steely gaze. She had to life defining options right now. One, she could continue to deny the truth,despite Linda most definitely finding better evidence to prove "Louigan" exists, so she'd really only be digging herself into a deeper hole. Or, she could beg for mercy, maybe winning her mother's sympathy, but also giving away the truth.

Louise, for the first time in, well, ever, chose to beg.

"Please, please, please, please, Mom. You can do whatever the hell you want to me. Just don't fire Logan."

"A-ha! I knew it! I told you Bob! I knew they were canoodling! I just knew it!" She wailed, hopping around like a triumphant toddler, before whipping around to glare down upon her cowering daughter with a stare of merciless conquest. "And you bet your ass I'm going to do something to you, you lil' lying sneak! Fibbing to your own mother's face! The nerve!"

"Anything. Anything. Just...don't hurt Logan." Louise murmured, defeated. The crack in her voice, one that only emphasized the searing pain of her voice, caused something to catch with Logan, who was pressing into the wall, as if trying to break through it and wrap himself around the bunny ear wearing girl.

"You're grounded for five-"

"No." Bob curtly interjected, completely ruining Linda's theatrical condemning

"Four….?"

"Try again."

"Fine. Three?"

"Well…"

Two and a half!?"

"...okay."

"Louise Belcher!" She cried, whipping around again, her voice returning to it's dramatic, damning nature as before. "I sentence you to two and a half weeks of being grounded! No TV! No computer! And, certainly, no Logan! You will work, and work some more! Is that clear!?"

"Crystal." Louise responded, sounding rather casual honestly. "So is this whole grounding thing going to be starting tomorrow or two days from now or…"

"It's starting now, miss missy!

"Oh. Well, I have a scheduling conflict so…"

"I don't care if you're meeting with the Queen of England! You're grounded now! Right. Now."

"Mom, please. You don't understand. I have to go to this party and…." The familiar begging from before entered Louise's voice, and her hands clasped together, as if in prayer.

"Not another word!" Linda declared, pointing towards Louise's room.

Defeated, and without any other options, Louise slumped off to her sentencing. Knowing exactly what devious act she was going to have to do next.

As she walked off, she could feel Logan's stare, one that was probably sopping wet with concern and sympathy, following her downtrodden figure. But the Belcher, knowing what she was going to have to be doing with, ugh, Hunter in a few hours, couldn't even look at the boy - for fear that she would run into his inviting arms, and never, ever leave them again.