Hey guys! I've decided that if this story gets more than 6,500 views, I'll take requests for my next story. Just request an anime in the comments and I'll pick one at random, whether I've watched it yet or not. Please nothing smut or ecchi or yuri or along those lines. BL is fine, but no yaoi. I will do my best not to be too biased. And just a fair warning, this chapter may get a bit depressing, but it concentrates more on character development than anything else. I wasn't in the best mood this week, either. :P
Kallen: What's wrong?
SnowyNeko: Nothing! I'm fine now!XD
Kallen: You sure?
SnowyNeko: Yupperdoodles! Just a bit of bad luck this week is all.
C.C: You're probably just being pessimistic.
SnowyNeko: Do I sound like someone who can be a pessimist?
C.C: Have you read your own writing?
SnowyNeko: ...point taken...
C.C: Try looking at the brighter side of things.
Kallen: SnowyNeko doesn't own Code Geass or it characters.
SnowyNeko: That isn't very helpful.
I can't believe it. Just looking at it unsettles my stomach. I helped do this? He's dead? No, that can't be, I won't believe it. But the proof is right in front of me, lying in a coffin in the ground. I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to look anymore. I knew my actions killed people, I joined knowing that, but this is…unreal. I wish this were a nightmare.
It isn't, though. Shirley's father was killed in the landslide at the battle Narita. The same disaster that allowed us our victory. I tune out the words of the priest and peek over at Kallen. Her expression is one of distressing guilt. She must feel worse than I do. She was the one who directly caused the landslide with the energy pulse from the Guren. Her hands are clasped together tightly, shaking in the slightest. Her stance is stiff and ridged, clear signs of discomfort.
Lulu…Lelouch hasn't made a sound since we came. He was the one who gave the order; he was the one who planned the battle and the rockslide. I can't see him, either. He took the spot at the back of the group while I'm up front with Kallen. I can't imagine how harshly this must be affecting him.
"Stop! Don't bury my husband!" The new widow falls to her knees, weeping into her hands as if the full weight of it all just now hit her. Shirley grabs her mother's shoulder, comforting her the best she can. The both of them quiet down, even though there neither of them was calmed much. I'm amazed Shirley hasn't shed a tear yet. She must've had a rough night last night, I'm sure. Must've cried herself dry.
I force my eyes open so I can watch the coffin disappear under the shovels of dirt, bit by bit. I am partially responsible for his death. The least I can do is watch with respect as he is buried. The burial is agonizingly slow for all of us, but somehow it still ends too quickly. The man under this dirt will never see the light of day again, will never take another breath of crisp air. He will never again embrace his wife or daughter.
Funny. I've never had a father figure in life. My father is someone I've barely talked with and rarely seen, and there was never anyone to take his place. And yet, the pain of a friend loosing their father pains me. Shirley talked of her father all the time, of how he worked away from home. He'd always send her little gifts in the mail when he couldn't make it home. She'd tell me of how she would dress up as a princess as a little girl, and she'd dance with him. I guess he ended up being the image of what I think a dad should be like. He was what I wanted my dad to be like.
Everyone clears out but us, Shirley's friends. Taking in a deep breath, she stands and turns to us.
"I'm so sorry," Kallen apologizes earnestly. She can't seem to meet Shirley's eyes.
Shirley, to my astonishment, smiles, even though her eyes are sadder than I've ever seen anyone's. "Why are you apologizing? I wasn't anyone's fault."
"I'm sorry, too!" I raise an eyebrow at Rivalz. "I thought that, you know, the Black knights were kinda cool at the hotel when they saved us, and I thought that maybe they were doing good things. For that, I'm sorry!"
Shirley keeps up her façade. "That has nothing to do with this."
"We're worried about you, Shirley!" Milly tells her. "Did you cry enough?"
"Yeah, I did." I swear Shirley's gaze flickers to Lelouch, is only for a second.
The student council president stares at her for a minute before placing an arm over her shoulders. "Come on, let's go back."
I stay pinned to where I stand. Kallen hesitates, but heads back with the rest. The only ones left are Lelouch and I. I don't have to look to know he's there.
"It isn't you fault."
"I gave the order." His voice, usually so steady and confident, breaks. "I ordered her father's death."
"You ordered the landslide. You had no way of knowing he was in the way, and you did the right thing." All my strength goes into keeping my voice even and I nearly loose my balance.
"But I killed all those people. They all had families or loved ones, lives of their own. I took that all away."
"So are you going to quit?" I ask, tone hinting at anger. "Are you going to give up because someone you know died? If you do that, his death will be meaningless! No one wants that. If Kallen begins to doubt, I'll tell her the same thing."
"I just-"
"Shut up!" I whip around and throw my arms around him. With everything I have going into keeping a steady voice, my arms tremble as they tighten around him. I ignore it and let out a shaky breath. "Just shut up, Lelouch."
He embraces me back without hesitation. His body, unlike mine, is firm, but his grip is one of a drowning man. I return the hold. There we stand in each other's arms, in front of the grave of the man we killed, squeezing each other half to death. I don't know why I can't let go, but I feel like if I do I might go insane. Too much has happened lately, both good and bad. It's all too much for a girl to handle. Lelouch is back, Clovis is dead. Nunnally is all right, we killed a friend's father. Lelouch kissed me…we're siblings.
"Tori, you won't die, right?"
If possible, I hold him closer. "I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. We're going to make their deaths count. Their blood is what will support us, and pave our way to a new world. That's what you want, isn't it? A better world, for you, Nunnally and me. The world where she can live in peace."
"Yeah, that's what we'll do," he mumbles, burying his head in my shoulder. "That's why I did this."
"That's why we did this," I affirm. From childhood, Lelouch was always looking out for Nunnally. For her he learned as much as he could. He studied everything from politics to manners to strategy, anything as long as he thought he might be able to use it to help Nunnally in the future. It was that exact loyalty I adored, that determination I fell in love with. I did my best to keep up with him so we could stand on equal footing.
This must be like back then to him, when his mother died. Someone dear to him is dead, and there is nothing he can do but avenge them. If that means sacrificing his own soul, he will do it. I will also. The second he dies inside I will kill myself so I can work by his side without being a hindrance. No matter how cold our hearts grow, no matter how black our minds become, we will continue on to destroy Britannia.
We will destroy the world.
Lelouch loosens his grasp and pulls back to look at me, asking me silently to stay with him throughout it all. I stare back, eyes as resolute as his. With my gaze, I convey the lengths I will go to achieve our goal. As if to seal the promise, he leans in to kiss me. I meet him halfway, hands finding his and clutching them firmly.
We stay like that for only a minute, which feels both like decades and seconds.
"We have to go," he tells me. "There's something we have to prepare for the next battle."
Much more blood will be shed, and for each drop we will only push forward more. Let the rain turn crimson, and the rivers flow red. We will sail through the storm, every wave of death leading us closer to the shore, where we will finally be free.
Blood and death. Doesn't get much more positive than that... Yeah, I'll be trying to make the next chapter a little cheerier. It may be short and depressing, but chapters like these are always my favorite. If you've read any of my previous work, you should know that. Don't get me wrong, I like happier chapters too, but the pain someone suffers says a lot about them. Aaaaand this is getting creepy. I do not want to end this with a tragedy like I have the others, though a tragedy it is. This one should be more deserving of a smiley face. I'll get to working on that.
Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!