~~~~meanwhile back with shrek and the crew~~~~
"alright everyone make your way over to the cafeteria!" said nicki.
"what's for dinner? *eddie murphy laugh*" said donket.
"sausage," Said shadow.
"yes, sausage, a meal for manly men," said nicki.
The prisoners all step out of their cells and make their way to the cafeteria…except for wolf.
"PFFFT well I'm not even hungry," said wolf.
"WELL THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD! GO EAT SOME MEAT, BOI!," yelled Shadow as he fires a 9mm pistol into the ceiling.
Every1 gasp.
"shadow! you emo bitch put that away!" nicki scolded.
"nicki go with the other inmates I need to speak with wolf… alone," said shadow.
"alright," said nicki as he arms an AK-47 "I'll make sure things don't get too crazy."
Nicki follows the inmates into the cafeteria…shadow approaches wolf.
"I don't like your attitude, furry." said shadow.
"uhhh don't you know? Processed sausages are bad for you they are loaded with sodium, fat, and calories! I'm a vegan anyways so the only kind of meat I eat is DICK!(srry for sin word)" said wolf.
"but…you're a wolf don't you need to eat meat to survive?"
"that is the power of dick ;))))))))))))"
Shadow cringes and sprays wolf with hamo toner. Wolf coughs.
"just go to the cafeteria," shadow sighed.
Wolf winks ;) and walks his tight little ass over to the cafeteria.
"yeah…go…gotta go fast..." shadow mumbled.
The cafeteria has a few cafeteria benches and a serving table. Shrek and donker are sitting at one together of course donket x shek 4ever. Pinocchio, ginger, puss, the muffin man and Arthur are at one. Merlin and Rumpelstiltskin are at one discussing magic and wizard stuff. Everyone has sausages on their plate. Wolf walks over to the serving table…doris(man-lady bartender) is the cafeteria lady!
"doris! What are you doing here! Shouldn't you be at the bar serving up sexy vodka?" wolf questioned.
"hey there sweet cheeks," doris sighs "the bar…is gone."
Wolf gasps.
"what do you mean it's gone?"
"drones." Said doris.
"drones?" said wolf in bold letters.
"Yes, drones. This war…it's brutal. A drone flew into the bar one day, I heard 'allahu akbar' then boom..i escaped out the back door.
"that's terrible…but what does allahu akbar mean?"
"I was told that it means…black is greater."(this is foreshadowing ok)
"Rip in pieces to all the bar patrons that day…"
"Yes rip. So, do you want some sausage?"
"Do you have any vegan options?"
"Yes."
Doris hands wolf a hand full of chia seeds and a head of iceberg lettuce.
"…got any dressing for the lettuce?"
Doris hands wolf a ketchup packet.
"sorry hot cakes…that's all I got."
Wolf heads over to sit with Pinocchio and the others.
"shrek." Said donket.
"yes donkeh," said shrek as he gobbles down a sausage.
"i….love you. You and your foot long dong. You're my sugar daddy ;)))))" said donkey seductively
"WHAT! More like splenda daddy! Donkeh I live in a swamp…I can't buy you the silky sheer red dresses that you deserve."
"it's ok shrek..i would of slipped them off anyway."
"i…..am a married man , donkey…please…."
🎵crawwwwling in my skinnnnnn these wounds they will not heaaaaaal 🎵
"man I wish I had some almond milk to enjoy with my iceberg lettuce…maybe we could smuggle some in here…" said wolf.
"wolf you vegan fuck(sorry god)" said Pinocchio.
"haha you are such a wildcard, pino." Wolf laughed.
Pinocchio balances a sausage on his nose.
"Pinocchio you are the absolute madman," said ginger.
"jajajajaja you are a crazy puppet me amigo," said puss.
"absolutely insane," said the muffin man.
"you're such a lunatic pino-" arthur coughed
"whoa are you ok Arthur?" said wolf.
Arthur COUGHS UP BLOOD
Everyone at the table gasps.
"doctor! We need a doctor!" wolf yelled.
Nicki runs over to Arthur, the whole room looks over in surprise.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH," yell Arthur. (to get the full effect of arthur's screams play this. go to youtube and put this in the url watch?v=V4jH0WeV67I)
Arthur falls out of his seat and coughs up more blood.
"whoa there salami boy the doctor should be coming," said nicki.
A man walks into the cafeteria wearing a doctors coat but with no shirt under ;))))))))) he walks over to arthur.
"hi I'm goku. I'm the doctor what is the problem," said the man.
It is goku from dragon ball z!
"hello doctor goku..pendragon seems to be dying so can you help," said nicki.
"yes of course I am a doctor," said goku.
Goku lifts Arthur and carries him in his beefy jacked arms ;))))))))))))) and takes him to the infirmary.
"bless that boy and his salami nipples," said wolf.
"I hope the little laddie is alright," said shrek.
"can I eat the rest of his sausage? *eddie murphy laugh*" said donket.
"oh donket" said everyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~back with farquaad, miku, fiona and juni~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"W…what do you mean by purification?" farquaad questioned.
"A ritual must be done. You need to be pure again," miku replied.
"Can't he just use some purell hand sanitizer? That always makes me feel pure, " said juni.
"a ritual?! Miku this…is a crime! A war crime! Torture!" farquaad exclaimed.
Miku turns around and lifts her shirt to reveal a small tattoo on her lower back that says 'war criminal'
Everyone gasp!
"War criminal, bitches!" miku exclaimed.
Miku lowers her shirt and turns back around.
"Wow. You're the kinda girl that I can kick back and enjoy a mike's hard lemonade with." Said Fiona.
Miku blush.
"Thank you Fiona-chan…" said miku.
"Anyways. I suppose that this is unavoidable…let's get it over with," said farquaad.
"Cortez, Fiona, you're both welcome to view farquaads purification," said miku.
"Yes I think farquaad will need me as emotional support," said juni.
Farquaad blush.
"Gaaaaaaaaaaay," said Fiona.
"So, where will this 'purification' take place," farquaad questioned.
"In the purification room of course," said miku.
Everyone gasp.
"This is no ordinary break room, that bookcase is actually a secret door," said miku.
Miku walks over to the bookcase, the others follow.
"You have to pull this one book…" said miku as she searches for the right book.
"What book is it?" asked juni.
"The communist manifesto by humpty dumpty," Miku replied.
"Why didn't I know about this secret room?" farquaad questioned.
"Ahh here it is."
Miku pulls on the book and opens the bookcase. The room is dim and has the interior of an orthodox church, the windows depict black jack black(it's jack black but he's black) wearing a Naruto headband and wielding a katana, in the middle of the room is a large baptism pool. Miku steps into the room along with the others.
"The purification room," said miku.
"It's amazing but why is it hidden behind a bookcase?" asked juni.
"Oh, this purification room is for employees only," miku replied.
"Uhhh who's that in the pool?" Fiona questioned.
Everyone gasp.
To be continue…