"Ami!" The cry rang out in the nearly empty shop like a gong. Three young ladies all known for their impressive lung capacity wrestled themselves out from behind the table and threw themselves on the young lady in the entryway following their shout.
"Oh Ami, we were so worried!"
"Have you been eating alright?"
"You've been hanging out with other people, haven't you? You haven't been cooping yourself up with your books, have you?"
Ami just stood in the center of the group hug in shock. She'd known they were going to be excited, but this seemed like a bit much. She didn't even know what to say to them, the questions were coming so fast.
"Ladies! Please! Let go of Ami and step back! We are going to be civilized about this, understand?" The others just stared at Minako in shock, before quietly going to do as she commanded. None of them had known that Minako had that much leadership potential in her.
"First things first. Motoki, can we get our regulars over here?" At the assent of the blonde haired worker, she turned back to the group. "I'll fill you in on what I know first. No questions till the end, then you can ask them of Ami in a civilized manner, none of this mobbing. Ami may not have a hangover, but she's bound to be feeling a little delicate today." Minako just snickered internally at the look of shock on their faces.
"First off, no, she wasn't drinking alone. Actually, she was drinking with her new boyfriend. However, you are asked to remember that the boyfriend is not the topic of today's meeting, and will only be discussed if everyone feels up to it after the actual issues are discussed. Furthermore..." She continued giving everyone a briefing on the activities the others had been up to since the incident, not knowing Ami already knew thanks to her spy network.
Minako took a break from talking when Motoki brought their orders. In fact, that was the entire reason she had started her commentary. The distractions had to be finished before they got down to business, or some things may never come to light that needed to be said.
When the food was mostly done, Minako took the floor again. "Alright, now it's Ami's turn to talk. We all need to hear what she says, so don't interrupt her. After she's done there will be time for discussions and apologies. Understand?"
At their nods, she turned attention over to Ami simply. "Alright, go ahead."
Ami took a deep breath, before starting her story. "Okay, so you all know I want to be a doctor. It's not any sort of secret. I don't remember ever telling any of you why, beyond just that it's what my mother is.
"I was still very young when my father left. I rarely see him anymore. When he was newly gone, mother used to cry a lot. She really missed him. She may not have gotten to spend as much time as she'd have liked around him and I, but she loves both of us more than anything. I asked her once why she didn't go with my father, why we both didn't go. Mother told me that she wanted to go exploring with him, but that she had responsibilities here. There were people around that depended on her, and she couldn't leave. No one else could do what she was doing.
"I understood something else too, something she didn't want to say. She figured I had his wandering spirit. His wild side, as well as her composure and sense of duty. She thought one day I would leave too, and she wouldn't be able to follow me either. She would want to, more than anything. More even than she wanted to follow father. But she still wouldn't go.
"I've always loved her, but that's when I began to realize what respect was. I promised then that one day I would be worthy of the same respect, I would be just as reliable.
"I'd always been interested in medicine, so it surprised no one when I asked my mother how I could get into med school a while later. I was still only seven or so. She told me to study hard and keep a cool head, and I could do anything I wanted to.
"That became my dream, and until I met Usagi, my whole life. Everyone else shied away from me because I'm odd. I actually like studying, and learning. It surprises them, and especially as a child I was quite isolated because of it.
"Finally I'm on the edge of achieving my dream. Med school is looking like a sure thing, not even a huge challenge or the next step. It was my dreams coming true.
"Only, it wasn't.
"I wanted to be respectable, to be trusted. Instead I felt like the wet blanket you guys took in out of pity. I was the one that always stopped you from doing anything really crazy. My studying was causing you to change schedules and cancel plans, and I know you were getting frustrated with it, and with me. The idea that I needed to 'get a life' was present in a lot of our conversations, and it hurt.
"Then it just... stopped. There were no more invites, no more scheduling difficulties. If I happened to be hanging out with you guys you'd ask if I wanted to come do something, but you never called anymore. You never rescheduled, even if I suggested it. You just said 'don't worry about it', as if I could not. It felt... like you were giving up on me.
"So instead of all my dreams coming true, they were all crashing down around my ears. So I stopped studying so much. I spent more time hanging out and doing nothing. But it didn't seem to be doing anything. And I just got more and more upset, and...
"But then I met Zoi, and he was interested in my dreams, and in me. I had such a fun day with him, and I wanted to be the best again. I had my drive back. But then came the fitting. I was quite distracted, and then you all were going on about how I was acting odd, and you couldn't even conceive that I hadn't been studying. You acted like it was the end of the world or something. And I just... got... fed up, I guess. So I yelled. Then I ran. I was so scared to see you again after, so ashamed of my outburst. I didn't know what to think, so I just didn't. At least, not about us. Then I got drunk and ended up at Minako's, and... Well, ended up here. I'm not sure if any of this makes any sense to you or not, but... that's it. That's what's up with me." She scanned her friends anxiously, unaware of the tears that were running down her face.
Rei, surprisingly, was the one that broke the silence. She threw her arms around Ami and sobbed out "I'm sorry!"
Suddenly all the girls were crying, hugging, and apologizing all over each other. Ami was forced to repeat "I forgive you." To all of the other girls, and even then they weren't done apologizing. Finally Minako was forced to drastic measures to gain some control.
"Enough!" Wham! She slammed her hand down on the table, startling the other girls into silence. She turned to the blue-haired girl next to her. "Ami, you've heard our apologies. We were unaware you felt this way, and we hate that we were a part of causing it. I hope you can accept that and forgive us."
She just nodded. "Of course I can. It was my fault too, and I've gone long enough without you guys. I love you all, and I think we can fix this all as long as we're together."
Rei and Makoto looked close to crying again at her declaration, but Minako prevented that by butting right in after Ami finished speaking. "Thank you for that, Ami. However, that raises an interesting point. If we're going to fix this, we need to fix all of it. There are still too many fracture points that could hurt this friendship. Patching just Ami's concerns will only hurt us in the long run." She scanned the surprised faces before her, before making a decision. "Rei, why don't you go first? Then we can go around the table in a circle." Rei just looked at her in shock, before vehemently shaking her head 'no'. "It's alright, luv, just tell us what you were thinking as you came here. That will give us a start, at least."
Rei just continued to look at them in shock, with a little fear creeping in. Then, without warning, she buried her face in her hands, sobbing again. "Why start with me? I'm a horrible friend! I can't make anyone want to stay around me! I'm surprised you all have stuck around as long as you have! You're all so wonderful, and I'm so horrible to you all the time... and ...and..." Her voice started to shake part way through her confession, and by the end her voice was higher than normal with the strain of her heart. None of them had ever seen Rei in as emotional a state as this, and they didn't quite seem to know what to do. Watching Rei, the practical hardhead of the group, break down was like having the ground wash out from under them.
Usagi responded first. Even Minako was shocked into inaction at the sheer amount of pain Rei seemed to be carrying around. But Usagi, with a calm that was nothing like her normal happy-go-lucky ways, reached out and grabbed Rei's hands, wrapping them in hers and pulling them down to the table.
"Rei," she said, getting the raven-haired girl's attention, "I don't care if your father doesn't seem to like you. As far as I'm concerned, he should be staked out as ant food for doing what he did to you. We love you. We know you're worthy that love. You can be prickly sometimes, but sometimes we really need it. You tell us what you've been carrying on your shoulders all these years, and we'll help you. We'll do this because we know you'd do the same, and will if I read Minako's idea correctly. Just... tell us. Please."
Rei nodded, still in tears. "Okay." She accepted Makoto wiping her eyes, before plunging into her story. "My worst nightmare revolves around my father's political favour-grabbing. Not so much from when I was living with him, but later. From a couple of years before I met you guys. He'd dress me up like a little doll and tote me around behind him for people to cluck over. The women ignored me. I wasn't old enough to gossip with. The men, though... Even the ones old enough to be my father offered me fake condolences and heartless platitudes just to get close enough to pat my head, or let their hand linger on my back.
"Their sons were worse, though. They were all hoping to instil some hero-worship or something in me so that when I was older, more developed, they could just reach out and pluck me like a fruit, to claim me. They watched me with lust filled eyes, even in the preteen years. Yet it made our fathers happy, so no one worried about the fact that it terrified me.
"There was no one I felt I could go to about it. I had no friends in school. My father ranked theirs, so I was an outcast. It didn't help that I'd never played with anyone my age and didn't know how. I felt so lost. So I became a total bitch. It protected me, but I got so used to playing it that even after I figured you weren't going to turn on me, I couldn't help it. Being mean was my habit. It's just how I was. How I am. But...but... but I don't mean it! I swear I don't! You all mean more to me than anything, and I never told you that... and then Ami called me on it... and I just felt so useless! I mean, I couldn't even do this right. I mean, I can't keep a boyfriend, my father doesn't even remember I exist, and then I'd finally started driving you guys away! And I didn't know how to stop it, how to be better than that, and... and..."
Whatever else she was going to say was drowned in her tears. Makoto, sitting next to her, wrapped her in a hug, murmuring comforting nothings into her hair. She eventually got a hold of herself and pushed herself off. "I'm alright. You can comfort me after. Fixing all of this is more important. Now it's your turn."
Makoto nodded, obviously steeling herself to bring up something she thought embarrassing. She tilted her head to the side, then took a deep breath. "You know I'm almost insanely jealous of you all. Or, at least you should. Regardless of whether you fight with them or see them a lot, all of you have families." At the choked sound from next to her, she hurried to amend her statement. "I don't count your father, Rei. You grandfather, on the other hand, is a wonderful man who thinks the world of you. Plus he's there for you when you want to remember your mother, who from all accounts loved you immensely as well. I have no one. If I got hurt, and didn't make it home, no one would notice. No one would care. I know that eventually you all would find out and worry, but there was no one ever waiting for me.
"There's never been anyone waiting for me, as far as I remember. If I hurt myself, I know you'd all be over making it better for a while, but eventually you'd have to go home, and I'd be alone. Even in Minako's case. She irritates her parents, and they bother her right back, but they really do care about each other too. They would be devastated if anything happened to her. I don't think they'd ever get over it. Same thing for the rest of your families.
"If something happened to me, you guys would be hurt, but you'd eventually get over it. It would feel like something was missing, but eventually you would move on and heal. I'm not vital, not to anyone! And I don't know what to make of that. I don't think any of you could have gone as long without talking to your families as Ami's gone not talking to us. And we were just drifting apart. I think the same thing would happen if I went away. Eventually, you'd only see old pictures and think 'Hey, wonder whatever happened to Makoto? Haven't seen her in forever...' but you wouldn't be devastated the same way.
"I just, always feel so replaceable. I've just been like that forever, and I'm always afraid. I'm afraid I will be replaced someday..." She trailed off, looking over their heads. She shook her head slightly, before dropping her gaze to her lap. "Well, that's my secret pain. Kinda silly, but that's it."
Usagi just looked at her with awe, dumbfounded that her friend felt that way. "Mako..."
Makoto just shook her head again, harder this time. She looked up with a grin. "See, I know mines silly. I know you'd never forget me. It's just my fear. So now it's time to move on. We can't fix it. It doesn't need to be fixed. It's not like I could be one of your guys' 'one-and-only'. I don't swing that way."
Snorts and muttered 'go figure's ringed the table before everyone turned their attention to Usagi. She stirred the water in her glass with her straw from a minute, trying to decide what to start with. Then she looked up with a startlingly frank expression on her face. "I usually decide not to call you guys more often than I actually do call you. In fact, all it usually takes for me to shoot you a text on the most mundane, silly little subject is to hear of something happening in a part of town you were supposed to be in. A car accident, a mugging, a shoplift, even, and I want to know you're all alright.
"Yet despite that, I can't help feeling I've failed as a friend. I got us all together, and I've set up so many other relationships and friendships, but recently I've been feeling like I lack follow-through. Like I've failed, in a way, because you guys are always there for me, but I forget that you don't wear your hearts in the open and hash out the small stuff like I do. So I forget to make sure you're all okay, even though I'm constantly worried about you being so."
She shrugged. "In many ways, I lead a charmed life. I know that. I do my best not to let little things bother me. If you're being mean, Rei, I call you out on it. Then I let it go. So I always forget that not everyone can do that. I feel, in a way, that I've failed you like that. Here I am, flaunting my life in front of you, and I don't even take the time to make sure yours is fine. So what hurts the most is just that, that you were all hurting so much, and I never knew, never even guessed.
"I sucked at school. I can barely boil water. I can't sit still for a minute, and the Zen states reached by Mako and Rei are so far beyond my reach they may as well be the stars. The one thing I always prided myself on was my ability to read people, to judge them. This whole thing makes me think that maybe I failed at that too. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but it's got some truth to it."
She shrugged again. "That's really all I have to say, except that I'm so sorry that I've failed, and I'm going to do my best to be a better friend. Promise. But I need your help. I need you to tell me, even if it feels stupid or petty. That's the only way I'll get better, and it's what I need from you. So, please. That's all I ask of you. Help me be a friend worthy of people as wonderful as you." She returned her attention to her water glass. "Pass."
Minako took a deep breath before looking at the others. "My turn then? No one has any other problems or concerns they want to discuss?" At their shaken heads, she nodded. "Good enough, then. To begin with, I'm sorry!" She put her hands in front of her on the table, then bowed down low in front of them in a show of humility. "I know better! I've been able to keep everything healing and working right between us for years, but then Usagi got engaged and I was so distracted that I didn't do it right! I let Ami get hurt, when I always promised myself to protect you all! Then everything spiralled out of control, and I couldn't fix it! Everyone got hurt, and I couldn't stop it!"
She took a shaky breath, looking into their shocked faces. None of them had expected this from her. She swallowed, prepared to tell all of her secrets too. "I felt you all out in the first year or so, and I've been trying to fix your heartaches since then! You're all too wonderful to have hurts like these! Mako gets to teach me how to cook, and I call her every time there's a thunderstorm. You all know how good I am at acting. I'd call every storm. I'd tell her I was worried about her, being all alone, but she always knew she was comforting me! Not the other way around. And it's true, I was worried about her. Just not about her and the storm. It was just my excuse!
"And I always have Ami help me with anything really important. She keeps me on track, and has so much extra useful information besides! I want to be like Ami! She's so smart, so collected, she helps everyone with a smile, regardless of how she feels. She'd always be the one to help study, or memorize lines, or pick me up after a night of drinking. I wanted for you guys to be able to depend on me like you do on her, but I failed! She's my idol! And I didn't even notice she was hurting! I didn't just fail, I bombed!
"And Rei I always do a 'good cop bad cop' thing around the guys. Usually fluffy-brained me is able to divert the ones who really make her defensive. The ones who get through are the ones who've passed the test. And the one time I was with her around some of those politicians sons, I was livid! I was in rare form that day, and at the end of our little 'visit' those that weren't emasculated were going to be needing a lot of cold showers! They couldn't even get near her without becoming flustered and embarrassed. She was finally starting to open up around guys!
"Then I let myself get distracted, and now all of you are hurt. I can tell! Even Usagi, who wasn't hurting before, is hurting now. And I let that happen! I knew better, but I didn't pay attention and you got hurt!
"Usagi's greatest talent is putting people with others who are incredibly well- suited to them. And she put us all together! But you were all hurting, and I wasn't, so I knew my job was to fix it all. To make it better. And it was working! But... but then I failed you. I let you get hurt again, and I let our friendship fracture. I swear it means more than that to me! I swear! But I still... I let you get hurt, and it just tears me up knowing that... and ...and..." She was blinded by tears now, her voice choked and cracking. Everyone had said their piece, and now she was falling apart on hers. She wiped her face with her hands and took a deep breath. This needed to be said properly.
"I'm the reason we didn't find Ami earlier. Well, part of the reason. I found out last night that Mamoru was helping, and I suspect Ami's new friends were as well. I didn't want her back before she was ready to talk to us again. I wanted her back happy. I want all of us happy. That's what I've been aiming at for years. Unfortunately, this confrontation was forced by me failing in my guardianship. For that, you have my humblest apologies. It was a grave failure, and the results hurt. They hurt all of us. That's not acceptable. The cracks in the friendship are not acceptable. That's why we needed to have all of this out now. I'm sorry for putting more stress on you all, and on this meeting, but I can no longer fix this alone."
"That's fine."
Minako started. She hadn't expected that interruption. It was from Rei, who looked much happier than she had earlier.
Rei reached out to cup Minako's neck, pulling her forward to kiss her cheek. "It's alright. We've all failed each other. Now we know. Now we grow. You've done more than your part looking after us. Now it's time for us to show what we can do. We're old enough now to start fighting our own dragons."
"Exactly." Makoto reached out to grab Minako's hands, a very similar gesture to Usagi's from earlier. "It's time you got off of your white horse. We don't need that anymore. We just need you and your heart. That's good enough for us."
"More than. You've taken on more of this friendship than any of us had guessed, and it's time to take a rest. We're willing to share each others' load now. We're not children. Not anymore." Usagi's famous grin underlay her comment. She was more than willing to step up, seeing as she'd seemed to have gotten off easy before. "It's time for us to grow up together."
"After all, 'No man is an island.' We need each other. And you didn't fail, Minako. No one did, really. We just stumbled. We can do this together. We can do anything together." Ami's last comment in her short spiel was obviously directed at all of them. "So, in the name of friendship, I declare an all-night chick flick marathon next weekend. Who wants to host?"
"Yeesh, Ami. Bossy much? We can have it at my place." Rei was grinning now. This was normal for them. This was fun.
"I'll bring the food. Someone rent Princess Bride, okay?" Makoto was grinning too. They hadn't had a real girls' night like this in years, and she'd missed it.
"I'll bring that. Mamo-chan bought it for me last week. I think he was feeling guilty about knowing what was going on with Ami when I didn't. I can also bring drinks." Usagi was already off in la-la-land, imagining how much fun this sleepover was going to be.
"I'll bring some of my movies too. And my travel makeup kit. Nail polish and everything." Minako was grinning too. The others obviously forgave her, being submissive now would just be annoying.
"Great. Hey, Rei, is it alright with you if I bring an animal?" Ami was glad her idea had taken off so fast. Everyone needed time to absorb what had been said, not to brood on it now. Next week would be plenty soon enough.
"Ami! You know it's no boys! And that's no way to refer to your boyfriend!" Rei's eyes twinkled as she teased the bluenette. "Just kidding. Sure. Did you get a pet while you were away?"
"Nope. Zoi has a puppy. I figured she should come to our girls' night too. She's really cute."
"Awww, that's great! I can't wait to meet her!..."
Minako just watched her friends with a smile. She was going to keep them happy. She promised herself that. She would do whatever she had to in order to fix what had gone wrong. She would be strong for them. She would protect them.
And she'd hold on to her hope of someone to protect and cherish her. One guy for each of them would be perfect...