Disclaimer: Wolverine, Rogue, and any other X-Men characters are the property of Marvel. I do not claim ownership of them. I simply like to pretend that they're my little pets and I manipulate the hell out of them.
Nothing Else Matters- Rogue has nothing left at the Institute, except for Logan. But, he pushes her away and she finds herself torn and broken. What's a girl to do? She leaves, knowing that she can never return once she leaves the safe walls that have caged her in. Broken and lost, a battered and soul searching Rogue returns to her roots against her true wishes to find that leaving was her only option, but not necessarily the best.
A/N: I hope that you all realize how hard I've been working trying to make sure this makes sense. It still doesn't though, which is frustrating. In this chapter, our Rogue makes her return. You get a somewhat simple explanation. I hope you all like it. Thank you to my reviewers: Green Peridot, Travelling Army Brat, and JC Roberts.
-Nothing Else Matters-
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The world seemed to be spinning in an almost comical motion as I slowly opened my eyes and tried to come to my senses. My gaze fell on the sight of nothing but silver, confusing me for a moment until I sat up and realized that I was sitting on a small cot in a containment room in the lower levels. To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. I glanced down at myself; eyes furrowed in confusion as I took in my plain gray sweat outfit and socked feet. It wasn't exactly inmate material, but I was a bit confused as to the absence of gloves.
"Where tha hell am Ah?" I ran my tongue over my dry lips as I tried to fight off the oncoming headache. I felt strange all over, as though I'd just fallen through some bunny hole like in Alice in Wonderland. "Mah head's a'poundin'." I grimaced as I rubbed my temples with my fingers, trying to ease the pressure.
"Carol, I thought that we'd try some relaxing techniques today, if you don't mind. I brought along a cassette that I've been told does wonders with stress." I slowly looked up and found myself staring out a huge window into what appeared to be an observing room. There, holding a boom box in one hand and a book in the other, stood Hank McCoy, resident medical genius. A smile stretched his lips broadly, displaying rather large canines.
"Hank?" I muttered gruffly as I stumbled to my feet. It seemed to take every ounce of my strength to even get to that window, but the moment that I did, I placed my palms against it and rested my forehead against it. "Ah'm so tired, Hank. Ah'm so tired."
For a full minute or two, there was nothing but silence on the other end. So, while I stood there trying to maintain some center of balance and refrain from tossing my cookies, Hank seemed to look me over cautiously.
"Rogue? Rogue, is that you?" His voice sounded as though it was caked in confusion and disbelief. I managed to lift my gaze to his, but I could do no more than stare back at him. "My stars and garters..." The Beast lifted his furry blue hand and placed it against mine from the other side of the glass. It was a strange feeling, standing there and wondering what it would feel like to have his palm actually pressed up against mine. I wondered whether it would be warm, or if it would tickle my skin. "I can't believe it. How is this possible?"
The question that remained in my mind was simple: How am Ah gonna get out o' here?
"Ah don't know," I answered honestly as I took a step back and wrapped my arms over my chest. "Ah think Ah might've scared Carol away fah tha moment, Hank. Ah feel like mah old self fah the most part. Still a little strange though, yah know?" I took a deep breath as I turned away and rested the back of my head against the glass. I had no idea where to begin or how to explain what my literal out of body experience had been like. "Ah don't know what t' do."
"Well, I believe that getting you out of there is our first and most important priority," his voice carried a sense of authority through the room's auditory system. "I'll have to call in the others and-"
"Hank, Ah don't know how permanent this is. Right now she's too tired t' fight, but Ah might not be able tah block 'er fahever." It was hard to admit that the woman that had ruined my life could just as easily take over it again if I was unlucky enough. "She don't have tha right, but Ah don't know how t' make 'er stop, take th' control away from 'er."
"Then we need to get Elizabeth down here, Rogue. Please, you have to give us a chance to help you. I've performed a number of scans over the last few days. A few hours ago, the signature changed, but I feared that it was because you were sinking into a comatose condition. So, to say that this is an improvement would be making an extreme understatement" He paused for a minute and I could faintly hear him using a phone to call the Professor's old office. He was, no doubt, informing Ororo of the situation.
But I blocked it all out.
I could do nothing more than stare at the small room that I'd apparently been inhabiting, though I could honestly recall only long stretches of time. I specifically remembered Jubilee nearly letting me out and Logan's eyes boring into mine. It was strange, knowing that I had seen everything through Carol's eyes, but that they had been mine at the same time. I couldn't wrap my mind around it, and it made me extremely nauseous. So, when the bile began to rise in my throat, I was already positioned on my knees with my face in the toilet.
As I heaved and emptied my stomach of all of its contents, I found myself sobbing and wishing that I could relieve myself of all pain and inner turmoil so easily. It would be so easy to just upchuck every mistake that I'd ever made. But, then again, I didn't exactly want to look my fuck-ups in the face inside of a toilet bowl. "This stinks," I gagged as I scooted away on my bottom, wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my chin on my knees. At that moment, I honestly wondered if it was all worth the fight I'd put up against Carol, if it would even matter in the end.
Time seemed to pass slowly, wrapping me in its grasp for the longest time, before anything outside of my mind made itself known. A strange whooshing sound caused me to lift my chin and tense slightly. At first, I thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me. But when I saw the swishing tail, tears formed in my eyes. "Liebchen," Kurt Wagner, or as he was known in the Munich Circus, Nightcrawler, smiled down at me with pointed teeth. "It 'as been too long. Come let me take you out ov here." He offered me his hand, a hand that most would find repulsive, and a sort of calm presence that I needed right then. I allowed him to pull me to my feet and engulf me in a quick hug. My eyes closed of their own volition and reopened quickly.
"Welcome back, Rogue." I found myself face to face with Doctor McCoy, much to my surprise. It only took me a moment to realize that Kurt had teleported us out of the room and into the observation room. Shaken, I pulled out of Kurt's grasp and took a stumbled step away from the two, my green eyes widened in horror. "I can understand your hesitations, but I feel that it is necessary for me to examine you, as well as for Elizabeth to perform a mental scan. Can't you understand that?" He placed a gargantuan hand on my shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze, calming me greatly with his soothing voice.
"Ah'm just scared," I admitted softly, hating the feeling. I'd been through a lot in the past year or so, and most of it had scared the pants off of me. But that didn't mean that I'd come to like the feeling. I did, however, respect it. My thoughts scattered, regrouped, and muddled. "Kurt, Ah touched yah."
Both of the furry blue men stared at me with only slightly varying degrees of smugness. I clenched my fists at my sides reflexively, combating the sudden urge to cover my face with my hands and cry. I felt all out of whack, as if everything that I was feeling was directly related to something that I couldn't understand; something that I'd never truly accept. It bugged me that they, more so the doctor, seemed to know more about my situation than me.
"Rogue, while you've been..." he paused, his hands clasped in front of him as he fumbled for the right word, "absent, it came to our attention that Carol was able to control your absorption power." A smile stretched his lips broadly as he rushed forward suddenly, causing a squeak to escape my lips as he engulfed me in a huge hug. To say that I was shocked would be the understatement of the century, particularly considering that my bare face was pressed against his furry neck, much to my nose's disagreement.
"Ah don't understand," I mumbled as Hank held me at arm's length, allowing his warm blue eyes to travel over my form as though he were looking for the source of my problem. "Ah can touch 'cause of Carol? How's that possible, Hank?" Biting the inside of my lip, I considered his words carefully, trying to make sense of them. But my already jumbled mind insisted that it was all a mistake and that I was still trapped inside some dark corner in my mind, and that Carol was only teasing me with a taste of the life that I'd craved for so long. My knees started shaking under the strain of my weight, and I felt as though I were going to collapse any second.
Thankfully, Kurt ushered me to a chair and urged me to sit down. The moment that I did, I felt as if my bones had turned to jelly. I wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and sob, but I knew that it wasn't an option.
"Actually, Rogue, it was discovered by accident a number of days ago when Carol started slipping into an unconscious state." Hank slid into a chair and rolled across the room so that he was sitting directly in front of me, his pressed and ironed pants creasing at the knee as he settled into the tiny thing. While I'm sure that he considered his smile to be warm and relaxing, it put me slightly on edge. "To make a rather difficult and long story short, Carol stripped out of her clothing and went into a rather...interesting state. She'd been out of sorts for a few hours, but I assumed that the enclosed space was getting to her. I'm going to hypothesize that the two psyches, that were no doubt physically separated, were starting to come together."
My jaw agape, I could only stare at the doctor as I tried to work through his words. "Are yah sayin' that Carol stripped naked in front of ya'll?" I felt so nauseous that I couldn't bring myself to glance up at Kurt.
"Yes, I'm afraid that Carol decided to get back to her roots, as some would say. Logan happened to be on watch at the time, and his first instinct was to get inside and calm her down before she could injure herself. So, he called for Kurt." As if making sure I remembered that Nightcrawler was there, he motioned to the man that was standing behind Hank a few paces, looking as uncomfortable as I felt. "They got inside of the containment facility, and Carol lashed out. Neither were injured by your mutation. She'd exhibited them before, however. I'm afraid she got a hold of Betsy for a few seconds when the telepath attempted a full-scale intervention."
I attempted to speak, but found myself unable to. The fact that Logan and Kurt, and possibly others, had seen my naked form irked me. It dug under my skin so savagely that I wanted to hug the nearest wastebasket and empty my stomach. I wanted to purge myself of everything that had Carol's name written across it, something that I knew was physically impossible. "Ya'll saw me naked?" I asked softly, clenching my hands in my lap and staring at them as if they were some sort of lifeline.
"Well, I suppose that Logan and Kurt did get an eyeful. But technically it was Carol-"
"So they saw meh, Hank. Not Carol. They saw meh!" My gaze locked onto his and I found myself shouting at him, trying to force my feelings into my words so that there would be no mistake. "Yah talk about it like we're two different people. We ain't, Hank. She's in mah head, that's it!"
Eyes narrowed and lips pursed, Hank gave me a scrutinizing glance before slowly nodding his head. I wasn't sure if he was agreeing with me or if he was simply trying to calm my nerves, but at the time I didn't care. All I wanted was a hot shower and a shoulder to cry on. "I imagine that things are really hard for you right now, Rogue. It's understandable, really it is! It's just that you've technically been gone from our presence for so long now." I arched a brow as if to ask 'How long?' and he slowly licked his lips. "Carol has resided as the dominant personality for the last three weeks, Rogue. We were beginning to lose hope of you ever coming back. Carol had bad spells though, where she would spend hours crying and sobbing, so there was some part of me that knew that you were fighting." When he reached forward to grasp my hand, I jerked away and pulled my knees up to my chest.
"Three weeks?" I whispered, resting my forehead against my knees and tried to figure out exactly how so much time had passed. I could only remember small things, glimpses of darkness and a huge building filled with millions of doors. I could remember opening door after door and trying to find my way out, but feeling as though I would be lost in there forever. "Am Ah okay now, Hank?" The question wasn't one that I wanted to ask, but one that I felt forced to ask.
His eyes roamed over my face for a full minute before he actually answered me. "Rogue, I'm afraid there's no way to predict the future in this sort of matter. Elizabeth insists on a mental scan, though I am wary of her actual capabilities. This would be a subject best dealt with by a more experienced telepath, I admit. If Charles were still here..." he drifted off before shaking his head to clear it. "I've talked to Ororo about calling in another woman, a telepath that was more on the level of what Jean could perform. Even Elizabeth feels that Emma would be able to do a great more than she, but that is still a few days off."
"What do yah mean?" I asked softly, fear building in my throat at the thought of being shoved back into the containment room. Part of me wondered what would happen if Carol was able to take control again, and how much damage she could do. I may have been able to see exactly what she saw in the beginning, but the longer that she had control of my body, the more lost I felt. Until suddenly, I was trapped in some maze-like building. "Hank, Ah can't deal wit' th' cell."
Laughter bubbled from his chest as he leaned backward and then slowly shook his head. "Rogue, that containment cell is used for Carol, and you are very clearly not Carol."
"But what if she gets control again?" I asked slowly, forcing each word out as clearly as I could possibly manage. "Ah never thought she could do that, but she did." Details were left out, pointedly, but Hank didn't question me about them as I struggled to continue. "Ah feel as though Ah'm lost still, Hank, like this is some sort'a dream."
He opened his mouth to reply, but his voice was drowned out by the sudden commotion that entered the observation room at once. Faces, both familiar and startling, entered my line of sight and people started all talking at once. I received so many hugs that I honestly couldn't remember who had hugged me and who had simply stood there staring. But, after a few minutes, things began to calm down and I found that Jubilee was sitting in the chair next to me somehow, her hand latched around my own.
The unfamiliar feeling of skin against skin entranced me, drawing my eyes to where our hands lay on the chair as if it were the most common thing in the world. My mouth suddenly felt dry and my hands felt clammy, as if I were suddenly nervous. I'd lost the ability to interact like this with someone just months after getting the cure, but it was suddenly as if I'd been re-gifted with the most wonderful thing I'd ever known.
"Of course, it will have to be tested. I imagine that it's Carol's invulnerability that is negating the effect. She did manage to use the leeching powers, if you'll recall." I was drawn back into the real world by the eloquent voice of none other than Ororo Munroe. So, I found myself watching as she tucked her hair behind her ear and glanced around at the others gathered in the room. It all seemed so dream-like that I wasn't even sure if I existed anymore, if I was a part of it or not. But then her bright blue eyes suddenly met mine and a smile crept over her features. "Rogue, I can't even begin to tell you how good it is to have you back. We've all been so worried."
It was hard for me to believe that this was the same woman that had threatened me with a virtual expulsion for my behavior what seemed like just yesterday. Maybe it was possible that it was all real and that I was back.
"Ah'm back," I whispered more to myself than for anyone else's benefit. It was so hard to accept, and yet at the same time I understood why. "Ah found this part of mah mind where mah memories were, and Ah dragged mahself through 'em." The room fell silent and I could feel eyes on me as I struggled to find the right words. I wanted desperately to assure them that I was there as much as I wanted to reassure myself that it wasn't just some sort of trick that my mind was playing on me. "Ah wanted t' figure out how she did it, so Ah started draggin' through 'em. It was like watchin' old movies, 'cept sometimes Ah was in 'em. Ah made both o' us remember where we were from and who we are."
"Did you go through her memories as well, Rogue?" The purple-haired woman, who I'd recently connected to the name Elizabeth, asked me with narrowed eyes. "I've heard of this sort of thing, but generally only two connected telepaths are able to do such things."
One shoulder lifted in a shrug as I slowly pulled my hand out of Jubilee's grasp and placed it in my lap. My feet slowly lowered to the floor as I licked my lips and swallowed the lump in my throat.
"No, Ah just reminded th' bitch who's boss. She forgot that it was meh that took 'er down t' begin with, so Ah gave 'er a friendly reminder."
Nothing was said as everyone took that opportunity to stare at me as if I were some sort of science fiction freak. Which in a way, I suppose that I was. But, when I looked around the room, I noticed only one person, one figure.
Logan.
A/N: I think Rogue's statement is my favorite part in this entire chapter. I'm sorry if it's confusing. Please, pet my ego and review!