I hope you like it! This chapter gave me some trouble. I'm thinking of adding an M-rated chapter eventually, but I don't know, I might suck at writing something like that. Let me know what you think.
Chapter 14
Regina is almost never at a loss for words, but at the moment, arousal still swimming in her veins, both Robins glaring at one another and staring at her, confusion and shock covering every expression, she is most definitely at a loss for words. Awkwardness quickly settles into the moment, expelling any bit of passion that had remained. Lucidity slowly returns to her brain, and she finds herself nervously clearing her throat, eyes searching the dirt floor, while she reaches for her zipper to close her dress.
"I...ah, I just wanted to let you know the meal is ready." The younger Robin states nervously, also searching the suddenly very interesting dirt floor, "the dark one said you would want to know." At that comment, Regina wants to scream, run from the tent and rip out the imp's heart. She should have known his healing powers would not be offered so freely, no doubt, his own amusement at her situation, his payment.
"Of course. We'll be right out." Robin responds from beside her, seemingly the only one not completely disarmed by the situation. However, Regina notices as his brow furrows, apprehension coloring his face, and she moves her gaze back toward Robin's past self, to see what has caused this change of expression. The younger man's face is covered with a disapproving scowl that makes Regina cringe, his eyes glaring at 'her' Robin, as he opens his mouth to speak.
"Perhaps it would be better if you come along now." Regina finds herself cringing even more at the tone of 'past' Robin's voice. She feels like a teenager being scolded by her father, and this is definitely, without a doubt, the oddest predicament she has ever found herself in, ever. She does not risk another glance at either man, the air in the tent suddenly stifling, suffocating. She slips her shoes on and grabs her coat, pulling the protection over her arms, as she slips through the tent flap, both men following closely behind.
"Mom!" Relief floods her body, and she has never been happier to see her son, his presence drawing her away from the awkward mortification threatening to drown her. "Are you alright? Robin said you were injured." He states, looking at her, concern and worry on his features, and she does not think she will ever get used to having him care for her, having him show concern for her. It had been so long, him despising her for being the evil queen, her trying to redeem herself, losing him, and finally, finally her son loves her again, and her heart feels a million times stronger, even more resilient if it is possible.
"I'm fine, sweetheart," she assures, trying to alleviate her son's anxiety with a smile, "but I am hungry, and eager to share a meal with you." Placing her arm over his shoulder, they guide one another toward their little group, slightly separate from the others in camp. David is speaking animatedly with his younger self and Snow, while Emma stands stiffly, arms crossed, wearing a thoughtful expression. Rumple is just walking away from the group as her and Henry arrive, sending her a wink and smirk in reply to her scowl and narrowed eyes.
As Henry and her close the distance between themselves and the others, Snow glances their way, and sends Regina the biggest, most naive smile she has ever seen grace the other woman's face, which is saying a lot when it comes to Snow.
"Regina." Snow greets, but it comes out like a sigh, like a breath of relief, causing Regina to take in a deep breath herself before offering a curt smile and a tense nod in response. Snow is looking at her like she just found a long lost friend, and she supposes, that is probably how her stepdaughter views the circumstance. No doubt, when Snow looks at her, she sees that young, hopeful Regina who saved her life once, a long time ago.
While the others greet her with their own stiff nods and strained smiles, Henry tells her he is going to go get some food for them, and Regina takes advantage of the moment to look over her shoulder, seeking out the men that had followed her from the tent minutes ago. Both men stand near the fire, accepting bowls of sustenance, with matching frowns and glares occasionally finding one another. It stumps her what could be causing such upset between them. Certainly, the situation in which they find themselves is quite awkward, uncomfortable, but this is not just discomfort. The younger Robin stares angrily toward his future self with a mild sneer, and the truth of the situation hits Regina, like a ton of bricks, knocking air from her lungs, replacing oxygen with disappointment. He is angry with himself. Of course, it makes sense, he must be angry that he would allow himself to be with her, to be with the evil queen. Shocked that he would ever choose to be with a woman like that, like her. She can't blame him. She doesn't blame him.
His behavior is confusing to her though. She wonders why he seemed more trusting of her than anyone else, and yet, he seems to detest the idea of a future relationship with her. Maybe the thought of her saving his son, and protecting his camp allowed him to tolerate her, until of course he saw his own future, saw them together. After all, befriending the former evil queen and passionately groping her are two entirely different things. She is pulled from her self-loathing thoughts by the conversation taking place in front of her, and Regina tunes into the discussion just in time to hear Emma speak.
"Maybe we should just take a break for now. The sun is going to set soon, and we are all tired and confused." Emma shifts from foot to foot, frustration evident on her face making it clear she is speaking about herself when she says tired and confused. Regina understands the feeling, and is not surprised that Emma is drained from performing such a powerful spell earlier. Clearly, 'the planning' has been just as tiresome, seemingly with no results as of yet.
David studies his daughter with a concerned frown before responding, "yes, a fresh perspective in the morning might be just what we need." The visible relaxation that takes place between the people in front of her has Regina momentarily stunned, finding it odd that they can be so comfortable around each other. She probably shouldn't be surprised, they are 'the charmings' after all.
"Alright," Snow adds, "we will all get some much needed rest tonight, and in the morning we will gather Robin, his men, and both of our groups to work on a strategy." Snow then turns to Regina, taking a couple tentative steps in her direction, sending another welcoming smile, before gesturing to a log behind them being used for seating, but vacant at the moment.
Looking at Snow, then to the log, then back again, Regina finds she is unsure of how to respond. In their future, Snow and her have come to terms so to speak, have an unsteady but blossoming relationship, but here, this Snow knows a completely different Regina, and although her stepdaughter holds a hopeful demeanor, Regina feels the need to be cautious. She decides it won't hurt to sit with the woman, and she does not want to alienate anyone in the camp when she has so few confidants as it is.
As the two women move and settle on the fallen tree, the others saunter away, presumably to get food and rest. Charming still lingers, far enough away to be out of earshot, but close enough to come to the rescue of his wife, fiance maybe, Regina can't remember what they were at this point. Just as Snow is about to open her mouth, Henry returns, bowl of soup in his outstretched hand.
"Here Mom," he says, handing her the bowl, "I already ate." After glancing between her and Snow, Henry visibly comes to a mental conclusion and says, "I think I'll go check on Emma. I'll see you later, ok?" She gives him a knowing smile and nod before watching him move in the direction of the tents.
"He seems like a wonderful boy." Snow says from beside her, and Regina turns back to find the woman eyeing her with contentment. They have all been filled in on 'who's who' from her little rescue party. Her identity is known to everyone now. She is the former evil queen and Henry is her son, but her tale of redemption is the last thing she wants to discuss with this woman.
"He is." Regina declares, begins ingesting spoonful after spoonful of the broth Henry had brought her, hoping that sitting next to Snow would not include more conversation. She realizes her assumption is incorrect when she sees, from the corner of her eye, Snow's mouth open and close, her face filling with determination. This woman is not going to keep quiet for long.
"I am happy for you Regina." The words have her turning toward Snow, confusion knitting her brow, wondering what Snow really wants to talk about, so she asks.
"Snow, what is it you want to discuss?" Regina questions, she figures it is best to just get this over with, stop delaying the inevitable with small talk.
"I," the woman pauses, "I want to know," Snow looks directly into Regina's eyes before continuing, "do you ever forgive me?" The way her stepdaughter says the final words, so uncertain, so contrite, has Regina's heart clenching, her lungs burning with need for air. She feels an extreme need to comfort the woman, to provide a warmth she never before granted her stepdaughter, not since Daniel.
Regina's hand lowers from the bowl she holds, warmth still resonating from the heat of her soup, and it is almost impulsive, like an instinct, an invisible force guiding her limb until it rests securely on Snow's hands, clasped on her lap. A gasp escapes the other woman's mouth, and Charming turns, startled, until he takes in the sight before him, and quickly looks away, giving them privacy.
Snow's eyes had lowered, looked away from Regina as she finished asking the question, but now they seek her out again. Regina meets Snow's watery gaze before taking a deep breath, expelling a sigh, and answering the woman next to her.
"Yes Snow," She tightens her grip, squeezes her stepdaughters hands lightly, and continues, "We forgive each other."
Snow releases a heavy breath, "Oh Regina!" Her name flows from the other woman's lips like a sob, and Regina feels uncomfortable, doesn't know what else she can offer this woman. She does not know what to do, and this is not a situation either of them should have ever been placed in, but Snow seems to sense her discomfort, and thankfully, the other woman straightens and contains any burgeoning emotions.
"Thank You." At that response, Regina removes her hand from Snow's and tries to suppress her own emotions, her own thoughts, and focuses on the world in front of her instead of the woman beside her. A task she finds easier than expected when she hears a high pitched laugh float through the air.
A grin grows on her lips with the sight of Roland, on the other side of the camp, playing happily with a few of Robin's men. A chuckle leaves her mouth mirroring the boy's light hearted giggle, and her eyes search the crowd around the fire for his father. Her smile falters once she finds him, still looking just as irate and offended as earlier, still glaring at 'her' Robin. Rejection overwhelms her, and she feels revolting, vile, her soulmate is disgusted by the mere thought of being with her. The tension dancing between the two men is overwhelming, and Regina's breaths come faster, her blood pumping in her ears.
"I'm going to check the perimeter." She declares, rising from the log, setting her bowl in her place and quickly retreating without waiting for Snow's response. Dipping behind the tents Rumple had conjured, she moves beside the shimmering white cloak protecting the camp, only pausing her steps once she is completely out of view. Her lungs fill with air, and she slowly tries to breathe deeply, to calm her nerves.
Faces of both men still assault her thoughts. Regina is sorrowful knowing that Robin is ashamed, angry that he, his future self, would ever deem to be with the evil queen. She has thought it herself. Knows she does not deserve him, and she wonders what he sees in her, hopes it is his choice, and not just fate, not just his destiny to love a monster.
Her thoughts do not dwell on the matter long, being pulled from her thoughts by heavy footfalls behind her. She sighs with a slight smile tugging at her lips because she should have known he would follow, should have known because he always seems to find her. Needless to say, she is startled when she turns to find, not 'her' Robin standing before her, but his younger self, staring at her intently.
Here it is she thinks, the moment it all comes crashing down, the moment this man asks her to save him from himself, the moment he will ask her to stay away from him in the future, to prevent him from continuing on the path his older self has taken. She nervously sweeps a hand through her hair, combing it into place, as if an orderly appearance could hide who she is, who she was, and the atrocities she has committed.
"You and me, we?" He questions, gesturing with a hand between them, looking for confirmation that the actions he observed earlier, were in fact, exactly what he is thinking.
She nods, eyes dropping to the ground, her mouth pursed shut while she gnaws at the inside of her lower lip in worry.
"That is how you knew Roland? How you knew his name?" He moves closer to her, his gaze still powerful, eyes wide and searching.
"Robin," she starts, his name coming out as a breathy sigh.
"Is that why I feel this way?" He questions then, looking down slightly, guilt coloring his face as he takes another step to her, only inches left between them. Her brow furrows in confusion. She is not sure what he means, what he feels, other than anger, perhaps, disgust with himself for being with her. She allows her eyes to find his, tries not to cringe under his heavy stare.
"What do you mean?" She needs him to elaborate, needs him to be direct, crush her heart and get it over with quickly, but instead he moves forward again, only half a step of space still between them, and he closes it. His arms come around her slim form, seizing her in a solid embrace before his lips crash to hers, forceful, but soft and familiar.
She does not respond, frozen in shock and completely bewildered. She can feel his emotions pouring forth, and suddenly it dawns on her that he is not angry with his older self, he is not loathing their future relationship, no, he is jealous, confused, and he is still grieving his wife, yet finding himself drawn to Regina, drawn to her because of fate, because of destiny, and now she understands his question.
Oh how she wishes she could be his comfort, wishes she could be a balm for his grieving heart, that she could soothe his pain, but this is not meant to be, Robin suffered alone. He had his son, had his men, but he suffered his grief alone, and became the man he is, 'her' Robin, because of it. She is not meant to be here for him, not yet, and although it fills her with agony, she pushes him away, removes his lips from hers, and tries to focus, regain her grasp of the situation.
"I am sorry," he says brusquely, but his voice carries a hint of arousal she knows all too well, and she does not dare look up because she is not certain she has the willpower to decline his advances. He is not 'her' Robin, but he is the same man, and she feels just as drawn to him as she is his future self.
They stand there like that, catching their breath, her hand pressed firmly onto his chest, sensing his heart, the steady and fast beat, keeping the small distance between them. Once she has regained her strength, her sanity, she lifts her head, immediately regretting the decision, and pinching her eyes shut at the look he is sending her. His eyes are filled with longing, pain, desire, need, and she hates that she can't offer these things, that she cannot be his solace. She wants to offer these things.
Regina steps back, forcing Robin's hands to fall from her waist, and she turns, facing away and opening her eyes to the glimmering cloak surrounding the camp.
"I...I wish I," a frustrated sigh leaves her as she tries to come up with words. Robin, both of them, seem to find her at a loss for words more often than not, an uncommon occurrence, and she is beginning to find it very disconcerting.
"Robin, trust me when I say, I will fix this. I will fix all of this." She turns back to the man, thinks she owes him this, to at least look in his eyes, "You won't have to be confused, or feel this way for long. Once we are all gone, it will be like we were never here to begin with, you'll forget everything." She pleads with him, begs him to see that things will be better, things will be how they should be, but he just shakes his head, frowning.
"I am not sure I want to forget everything milady." His hand swipes across his forehead nervously as he continues, "from the moment I saw you I have felt a pull, felt drawn to you, and for the first time since my wife died," Robin's voice breaks, and he takes a moment, looking down before making eye contact again, "for the first time I've smiled, truly smiled without regret floating in my mind, and a moment has passed without guilt gnawing at me, without guilt tugging me down until I'm drowning." He steps toward her again, and Regina has no where to go, she can't back up, she is pinned between him and her cloaking spell, and she allows his embrace, she allows him to draw any comfort he can while it lasts.
"Robin," She breathes in his scent, just like 'her' Robin, he smells the same, "we will have our time." He loosens his hold on her, stepping back just slightly, just enough to see her without removing his hands from the small of her back.
"Yes. I suppose we will." He looks down again, between them now, watches the rise and fall of their chests, only inches apart, "sometimes it's all about timing, aye?" Regina feels her heart pound in her chest, his words bringing back memories of a time that seems so distant, but in reality was only days ago.
Robin steps back from her then, giving her freedom and space. He looks forlorn, solemn, and maybe she shouldn't, it is probably a bad idea, but she can't seem to stop herself before her hands lift, resting on either side of his face. She closes that space he just offered her, takes a step forward in turn, and brings his mouth to hers. It is a tender kiss, not full of want, and overwhelming emotion like their previous one, but gentle, and compassionate. It is a goodbye, and they both know it, it tastes of finality.
She pulls away then, turns her body from his, as she says, "Until we meet again." He sends her a sad smirk in reply, and she has to keep reminding herself that he will be fine, has to keep telling herself to walk away, and that is exactly what she does. She leaves him standing there, lost in his own thoughts, his grief, and the confusion he never should have had to feel.
Darkness has crept into the sky, the sun almost completely set, so she elects to leave the perimeter check until morning. After all, it was all a pretense to get away. One that failed miserably. Instead, she strolls back to her tent, moving passively, practically crawling, until she arrives at her only source of solitude in this place, this time.