She looked at the man behind the desk, he was talking to his colleague leisurely, Bernie was furious by this relaxed attitude, she wanted to wrap her hands around his neck and squeeze all of her frustration and emotion out of her system. She watched as he chatted about how slow his computer was running today and without thinking, she found herself running again, an instinctive, automatic reaction some may call it, Bernie didn't know what it was, she just knew she had to stop Serena, and with that she hopped the security rope of customs, running straight past staff and security. She heard shouting behind her and turned to see two, overweight men in suits chasing her. She was desperate, hormonal, sleep deprived and emotional, if they wanted to take her on, more fool them!

She ran and ran and ran, down flight after flight of stairs heading for the departure lounges on the ground floor. She would find her, she would stop her, and she would tell her just how much she loves her.

Her foot slipped on a step as she ran causing her to fall and land on her bum, she clutched her baby close as she fell and was back up with in seconds as she continued to bound down the next flight of stairs, She looked behind her to see the two security men, the fall delaying her speed as she seen security were hot on her tail.

Running faster, she heard taking come through their radios as she was chased: Female, small build, approximately 5ft 7, short blonde hair, wearing a long green military style coat, we believe she has a baby attached to her, destination unknown, heading for departure lounges.

Time was running out, more security were after her and she was thankful of her 25 years in the army and impressed with how fit she was as she outran them all.

In and out of departure lounge doorways, her eyes raced around looking for signs,

Departure lounges 69-79. She read

She ran, shouting Serena's name in every doorway of all 10 departures lounges, desperation and stress levels creeping back up, her baby crying louder than she had ever head him. The pain in her chest was excruciating now and she clutched her chest feeling like she was about to go into cardiac arrest. Her mouth was dry and she tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, it wouldn't go.

Finally, she entered Departure Lounge 79!

''Serena!'' She shouted

To which she heard . . .

Nothing.

It was empty.

It was too late.

She had missed her.

She stood weakly, taking in fast, rapid, hyperventilating breaths, walking around on the spot as her adrenaline fuelled bloodstream wouldn't allow her to keep still. Hands back on her hips, she paced, hunched over slightly as she struggled to breath. Their was a sharp pain in the back of her throat and her chest clenched tightly.

That was it, over, she had gone.

Bernie was left unsure if she would ever see her again.

She was brought out of her trance by staff approaching her, accepting defeat, they circled her at a distance as they watched her begin to fall apart in front of them. The baby screaming in distress louder than she had ever heard him yet, it was getting on her nerves, she couldn't think straight!

''Will you just stop crying'' she shouted, and no sooner had she said it she instantly felt guilty.

''I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sssshhh I'm sorry'' She cried back at him.

It wasn't his fault; she knew that, she was angry at herself not at him.

She dropped heavily in a chair of the departure lounge and sat back against it, clutching him to her chest and crying out loud, she didn't care who saw or heard her anymore. She didn't care about anything anymore.

A woman from the security team approached her slowly and sat down on the chair beside her. She raised her hand up behind her back to signal to other staff to stay away, mouthing the words ''I've got this.'' As she watched them leave the room.

''How old is he?'' She said gently

Bernie didn't answer, she wasn't even sure, her head felt empty, she couldn't think.

''My daughters six months, first day back to work today, I've already cried four times ha, thank goodness for waterproof mascara.'' She said smiling a sympathetic smile. ''Cup of tea? She asked questioningly.

Bernie wasn't sure why this woman was being so kind to her, or why she wasn't in more trouble with security, they clearly felt sorry for her.

The woman stood up and Bernie followed her, she wasn't sure why, her legs just seemed to take her.

They reached a small office and the woman gestured for Bernie to sit down, she looked around the room, wondering what she was doing here, she didn't know what she was supposed to be doing anymore, where she was supposed to be, but she didn't expect this to be it. As she looked around she became aware of a sign on the open door saying security interview room 1.

The woman saw her look, ''don't worry about that'' she said rummaging through a handbag.

''Ah, here we go, would these be any good for you?'' The woman asked handing her a baby bottle and a small pot containing formula.

''Oh, ermm'' Bernie's bottom lip wobbled and her expression crumbled as she sobbed at the kindness of this woman. She was overwhelmed with guilt for the state her son was in, he was fully distressed in her arms now and she felt like the worst mother in the world. Bernie took her head in her hands, resting her elbows on her knees as she sobbed. The woman placed a hand on Bernie's shoulder, rubbing it reassuringly before then walking away, she returned a few minutes later with a made up bottle and handed it to Bernie.

''Th tha thannk y-y-you'' she said, she could barely get the words out through her tears. The little man took it instantly, suckling at the bottle faster than she had seen him before. He must have been starving Bernie thought as she tried to sniff up her tears. She felt numb.

''He's gorgeous'' the woman said as she watched Bernie feed her baby, she handed Bernie a tissue.

''Thanks'' Bernie whispered, she felt her heartbeat slowing down.

''Well you certainly gave security a run for their money, I don't think I've ever seen John so out of breath''

''Sorry'' Bernie whispered again

''Oh don't be, they needed the exercise''

Bernie gave a small smile as she listened to the woman and watched her baby, everything felt like such a mess.

''You want to talk about it?''

Bernie shook her head

''Okay'' she said casually and Bernie was thankful that she didn't push her into talking.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, the little man was now fast asleep in Bernie's arms. ''I should go''

''You going to be okay?''

''Yeah and thanks, you know, for everything''

''Don't mention it, next time you fancy a airport chase though you make sure it's on my day off okay, didn't realise how unfit I was'' She grinned a big, kind smile to Bernie and Bernie couldn't help but smile back. She was thankful to her for being so kind, she wasn't sure she deserved it, but she was thankful nonetheless.

Bernie strolled back to the dual carriageway to find her car had been moved to the grass verge on the side of the road and also, clamped!

Great she thought, she didn't have the energy to deal with this now, she opened the door, took out her two bags, one her handbag and one her baby bag, swung them over her shoulder and walked the long journey back home, cradling her sleeping baby in her arms as she walked.

She decided she didn't want to talk to anyone, she didn't want to talk, she didn't want to be around anyone she just wanted to be alone. Using her phone she sent a quick email to Hanssen, an email meant she could avoid talking to him, she wasn't bothered if she would be in trouble for not going back, she couldn't be bothered with anyone or anything, not now.

She automatically typed on her phone as she walked, stating she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be returning back to the hospital today and would possibly be off tomorrow also. Not caring whether he believed her or not she pressed send and placed her phone back in her pocked as she continued her journey.

She finally arrived home feeling utterly drained and exhausted. Almost robotic and dazed, she kicked off her shoes at the doorway and dropped the bags off her shoulder, stretching her arm out, feeling instantly relieved as the weight lifted. She just wanted to hide now, to be alone with her own misery. She climbed the stairs slowly in a daze, taking her coat off as she walked and throwing it on the floor, she didn't care, she walked into the nursery and changed her baby's nappy, avoiding eye contact with him as she did so and not saying a word to him. She changed his clothes putting him in the softest little baby grow before walking in to her own room. This was what she wanted now, she closed the door, shut the curtains and lay her baby on the bed, crawling on beside him and lying in a foetal position as she allowed fresh tears to fall, she held his hand while she lay, she felt nothing. She was sick of crying now, but they wouldn't stop, she didn't know how to stop, it was like someone had switched on the tap to her tears and she no matter which way she turned the handle, they flowed continuously. Time seemed to stand still as she lay holding onto her baby's hand, watching him as he wriggled and gurgled beside her, as he drifted in and out of sleep.

Serena was gone, that was it. She didn't know if she could live without her, she didn't know if she wanted to live without her.

What she did want was to go to sleep and never wake up, to switch off somehow from the ache and the pain she felt inside. She thought about downing a bottle of whisky, needing something to help her numb the pain, but she new it wouldn't be strong enough, she wanted to switch off completely and she new she couldn't while she had the little man to take care of. He was all she had left now and although she felt like he would be better off without her, she needed him now more than ever.

Bernie wasn't sure how much time had past lying in the dark. She only got up to make the little mans bottles but always returned to the darkened room to feed him. She thought it could have been a day or so but she wasn't sure for definite, her phone was still in her bag downstairs and she hadn't bothered to check it, she assumed it would have ran out of battery by now anyway.

Remained in her foetal position lying on top of the covers and holding little mans hand: dazed, zoned out and numb, she drifted into sleep.