Chuck vs The Rome Assignment Chapter 14
The near empty room was being filled only with the uncontrolled sobs of a young brunette. Kayla had quickly left the ring HQ and made her way to this small safehouse, her own safehouse this time. She had no interest in seeing Morgan, or anyone else for that matter. And she knew this was her chance to be alone, this was her chance to just see if she could find herself.
Though if she were honest she'd much rather fall back into a safety net, preferably her brother who had helped her out so much back after her first red test, but as her mind drifted back to those days, she wasn't sure if even he would be able to help her out on this one.
A scared fragile young woman shakily walked through the dark deserted street of an every day American suburb. She was certain that for the rest of the world she would seem like any ordinary young girl, but she knew she was different, she knew they had finally broken her into a million small pieces. There had even been a small part of her that had even considered ending it all.
Finally reaching her pre-determined destination, she shakily held out her hand, stopping it right before it touched the hard wooden door. A thought flashing through her mind that her brother, the only one she had ever confided in, the only one that knew what she would be doing for a living, would think of her after this. That perhaps he would think of her as a monster, that he wouldn't want her to be anywhere near his family. But before any thoughts could form, she could hear the muffled sounds of approaching feet, just before the door swung open, and two strong arms enveloped her in a hug.
Before she even knew what was happening she was sobbing uncontrollably into the chest of the man that was holding her. She knew he had always looked out for her, and she was so relieved that she could still depend on him like that.
They stood there for minutes, her sobbing loudly into his chest, while he just ran his hand over her lower back in a soothing manner. Trying to use his touch to calm her down, which didn't seem to have much effect, still her just kept on and held her.
Finally she calmed down just a little, silent tears still falling from her face, but her body not heaving heavily with sobs anymore. Her brother pulled back slightly, and gave her a look that was a mixture of love and concern, before speaking softly. "Come on, let's get you inside." He said, while slowly pulling her into the house.
He had spent several weeks just taking care of her, and had even taken some time off from work just to tend to her. She could never thank him enough for that which he had done, and she had believed her wounds had healed, and just left a few scars, but now she had done something even worse. She doubted if even he could forgive her for that.
She buried her face even deeper into her pillow, and was so caught up in herself that she didn't hear the door creaking open, and being shut again. The figure approached her while she kept her head dug into the pillow, still being oblivious to the presence in the room.
It didn't take the figure long to reach her. The man carefully reached forward, and softly placed his warm hand on her slumped shoulders. Before the man knew what was happening, she had reacted, flipped around, clutched his collar in her hand, and pressed the sharp edge of a knife on his throat, startling the man who tried to flinch back as he yelped in fear, but her firm grip kept him in place.
"What are you doing?" He cried out.
She momentarily ignored him, as she felt her intense grief over her actions disappear, and being replaced by a level of anger that she had never felt before. He had been partially responsible of the mess that had been created. Her eyes narrowed in anger, before she spoke in a dark low tone.
"You've got a lot of nerve showing your face here." She spoke.
"What… what are you talking about?" He choked out.
"Where were they Morgan?" She asked him darkly, pushing the knife a little harder against his flesh, causing him to flinch a little. "You were supposed to make sure they were there."
"I… called them." He choked out again.
She rose from the bed in anger, keeping her arms in place, and started pushing him towards the wall. "Then where were they Morgan? Care to explain me where they were?"
"I don't know." He said remorsefully.
"You don't know?" She repeated in disbelief, "Surely you don't expect me to believe that?" She said in disbelief.
"Here's what I think Morgan." She continued. "I think you and Chuck left me high and dry."
"No, it isn't like that." He stated exasperatedly.
"Then how is it Morgan? Because I'm quite certain this counts as a betrayal wouldn't you say?"
"I don't know." He stated, "I'm sure it wasn't like that, something must have gone wrong."
She took a moment pondering the thought, but she couldn't imagine it.
"They're supposed to be the best Morgan." She growled.
"I know, and I'm sorry. I don't know what happened but I'm sorry." He stated sincerely.
She searched his eyes, trying to find the truth in them. When she saw no indication that he was lying, she slowly pulled the knife from his throat, and released her grip around his collar, causing him to let out a breath of relief. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted him before he even got going.
"Get out." She growled at him.
"What, why?" He questioned.
"Just get the hell out Morgan, and do yourself a favour, don't come back." She bit at him, turning her back towards him.
She could sense him shifting on his feet, not sure what to do, but after a few seconds, he turned on his heels, and went for the door. Seconds later, she heard the door open, and close, and let herself crash back unto the bed, crying and feeling utterly alone.
X-X-X-X-X
They were silently sitting at what had become their spot, her arm was around his lower back, while his arm was flung around her shoulder, while her head rested on his shoulder. The small lake near the cabin had been the place of what had perhaps been their single most important conversation of their lives, there was no doubt that it held dear memories and high value for the both of them. It was the reason she was determined to come back there with him after this was all over. If they would get the chance this was where she wanted to grow old with him.
She looked up to his worried face, his features were tense, it was exactly what she had feared for. He hadn't said much, in fact he had just been shocked, and he had withdrawn again. It felt like he was slipping away again, like she was losing him all over, and her heart broke at the thought. Taking him here was a gamble, she hoped it would pay off, despite the tenseness that was radiating off him.
"Can you talk to me, Chuck?" She pleaded to him softly, but instead of speaking he just looked at her with a pained expression in his eyes which cut through her, before his stare returned to the water.
She let out a small sigh, she was glad he hadn't sent her away, but she hated when this happened. They didn't have time for this, even if she wanted him to have the time, they needed to start to making moves towards destroying the Ring, because this was going south a lot faster than they had wanted. Every second Chuck wasn't ready, was a second wasted. Still she was torn between being the girlfriend and being his handler, for now she had chosen to be the first.
So she held onto him quietly, joining him in staring out on the small lake, slowly running her hand down his lower back. They sat there for at least a half an hour in complete silence before she decided she needed to try again. She just wanted to help him through it, her Chuck was a person that needed to talk about things, and even if she wasn't good at it, she would help him do just that.
"Please talk to me Chuck." She pleaded again, her voice barely above a whisper.
Again he looked at her with a pained expression, and she could see the whirlwind of emotion in his eyes. She sensed that he wanted to talk, but wasn't sure how to, for once it seemed like they had shifted roles.
"I really need you to talk to me Chuck. I just want to help you through this." She stated, her free hand running down his face softly, while he leaned into the touch slightly, his eyes closed revelling in the warmth and softness of her touch.
He swallowed hard, and opened his eyes which quickly met her pleading ones that were filled with worry.
He ran his hand through his unruly curls, before speaking with a cracking voice, "I just don't know what to do anymore." He started, and she could feel her heart breaking for what felt like the millionth time that day.
In stead of speaking she kept looking at him, trying to urge him to speak with her eyes.
Diverting his eyes away from her and focusing them back on the glistening water, he continued. "It just.." He started before swallowing hard again, the lump in his throat threatening to overcome him, "It's just, no matter what I do, what we do, we can't stop this from happening, I feel like I keep failing them, like it's my fault they got hurt."
She placed her hands on his face, and forced him to look at her. "You listen to me Charles Irving Bartowski," She started in a firm voice. "None of this is your fault, things would have been a lot worse without you."
He gave her a wry smile, "Yes it is." He stated dejectedly. "I should have seen the things with Shaw coming, I should have done more to help Manoosh, and I definitely should have been there for Kayla. God Sarah, do you even know what she's going through right now? This isn't just about Beckman, this is about how Kayla must be feeling." He finished, a small tear creeping down his cheek, which was taken care off by her soft thumb.
She wasn't proud of it, but she felt a small pang of jealousy in her chest at his deep concern for the brunette agent, which was mixed and ultimately buried under the deep concern, pain and guilt she felt for what he was going through.
"Don't you dare blame yourself for those things." She said firmly, trying to force her point across. "No one expected this from Shaw, no one, if anyone should have caught it, it should have been me." She continued, her voice now lower and with an edge of guilt to the situation she helped create. "As for Manoosh, you didn't have a choice Chuck. I should have helped you through that, I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me so much, but please don't blame yourself." She pleaded, a small tear now escaping her own eye, and she took a moment to compose herself.
Feeling a little more composed she continued. "Kayla knew the risks Chuck, I know it's hard, and it must be so much harder for her, but you can't take the blame for something out of your control. The Ring would have found a way to break her, that's what they do. All the hope we had was that we could end this before they could."
A few more silent tears had found a way down his cheeks while she spoke, while his pained eyes kept their focus on her. She felt like she hadn't done enough, like she needed to do more to drive home what she was saying.
"This is why I hate that you are in this world Chuck. There's so much you need to learn to survive in it, things you can only learn through heartbreak and pain and loss, so much that doesn't go with the amazing man you are. That's why you're not a spy Chuck, you are so much better than any of us."
Their eyes once again connected, and she could see the pain being joined by an intense love, the same kind of love she hoped her own eyes were conveying to his.
"So are you." He stated in a soft but strong voice.
She could feel her heart swell with love, and in an immediate response she brought her hands to his face and cupped it, and started closing the gap between them, before softly pressing her own lips against his. Slowly they deepened the kiss, as they started to lose themselves in each other, their lips working together vigorously while the worries of the world slipped away from their minds.
X-X-X-X-X
A black sedan was driving around the streets of a small suburb just outside Washington DC, the sun had already set, and the partially clouded sky accompanied the dark mood of the driver in good fashion. He needed to find her, and he needed to do it fast. There was no way he was going to do what he did to Beckman and then let Mitchell slip through his fingers.
Once again he picked up his phone, dialled her number, and listened to the phone trying to create a connection with the other person. Again there was no answer, so in a frustrated sigh he hurled the phone back onto the chair next to him, and returned to his previous activity, knowing full well that he wasn't going to find her this way.
This was exactly what he had been scared off, when he had been given the orders to make sure she took care of Beckman. In fact, the part of him mutilating the General was just something to add to the total sum of him trying to break her. He just wanted to be successful, one corpse more or less, wouldn't make a difference for him. He had been a killer since he was sixteen when his father had forced him into murdering someone, now a days he was completely numb, back then it had been a difficult thing to do.
Of course after the CIA had taken down his father, they had tried to recruit him. Graham had instantly seen the benefit of a trained killer in his ranks, but there was little that the CIA could offer him other than the training he needed to become the best. Sure he wasn't the best, he never became better because he had never allowed himself to listen to his instructors, he had seen them as inferior, as righteous idiots, people that were not worthy of his time.
Despite that The Ring had expressed a deep interest in them, and had offered him a better package than Graham ever could, though if he were honest he wasn't sure if he would make the same choice again if he could. The screams of the brunette fulcrum agent rang through his mind once again, weirdly that was the first thing in a long time that affected him, and it was the last thing as far as he was concerned. He had only upped his cruelty since that day.
He passed a few traffic lights, and then turned into a small street which her file suggested she had frequented a few times after her red test. It was the best bet he had, that she would turn up in this immediate area. So he quietly parked his car, and sat in silence, thinking that he couldn't lose her. He had to keep hold of her, and make sure she would stay in The Ring, her information could be valuable, and her cooperation was what was keeping him alive.
Picking up the phone again he went through the same routine, and again she didn't answer. This time in stead of throwing his phone away in frustration, he opened his glove compartment, and took out the metal object that was placed inside. There was no way he was going to push this past the current night.
He quickly exited the car, and placed the small firearm at the small of his back, covering it up with his shirt. With an air of confidence around him he made his way to the house, and as soon as he reached the door he knocked on the door.
Only moments later a man appeared in the doorway, the brown hair, and soft brown eyes clearly similar to those of the woman he was looking for.
"Can I help you?" The man asked in wonder, and the tension in his voice was clearly audible.
Small gave him a tight lipped smile. "Yes, I'm looking for a Kayla Mitchell, she said I could meet her here."
The other man flinched a little at the mention of the name, before he composed himself again. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea who you are talking about." He replied in a slightly shaky voice.
Small shook his head slightly, his hand moving a little towards his back. "Not as sorry as I am."
X-X-X-X-X
Ellie was full of worry as she sat on the sofa, the pages of the book in front of her had been left unturned for at least an hour. Ever since Sarah and Casey had come back, she wasn't sure what was going on. Her brother had been extremely tense, and the pain was radiating off him. She had been adamant to take care of him, but Sarah had whisked him away somewhere, she wasn't even sure where before she could. Even when the two of them came back, she hadn't had the chance. Her brother looked tired, but slightly better than he had before, and the look Sarah had sent her had been enough to keep her away.
A small part of her had been happy about it, that perhaps Sarah truly was the woman she had always thought she was, but the rest of her was just worried. As much as it pained her to say it she still didn't trust the blonde agent. She wanted to, her brother had been so firm and strong in his defence of the woman he clearly loved so much. But that didn't mean she believed him, he had loved Jill as well, just like they had both loved their parents. In a live of a Bartowski it was likely that someone you love would ultimately betray you.
She heard a door open and close, and only a few seconds later the blonde manes of the woman she once thought she knew appeared in the doorway towards the small living room area.
"How is he?" The brunette questioned softly, her eyes fixated on the newly arrived figure.
Sarah let out a weary sigh, while she ran her hand through her hair. "He's going to be ok I think. He just needs some time to come to terms with everything that has happened."
Ellie nodded her head, "Maybe I should go check on him." Ellie stated more to herself than to the other person present in the room.
Just as she was about to hoist herself to her feet, the blonde spoke up. "No don't." She rushed out, causing Ellie to look at her questioningly. "It's just that he's had a long and rough day, he just fell asleep."
Ellie allowed herself to fall back in the sofa, and again nodded her head. "Right." She muttered.
"What's going on with him anyway?" She questioned with concern.
Sarah looked at her with surprise. "Your dad didn't tell you?" She asked in wonder.
"Umm… Dad and I… We aren't exactly talking at the moment." She replied slightly hesitantly, her eyes now diverted to the floor.
She could feel the questioning gaze of the blonde on her, just as she was about to explain further however the blonde changed the topic back to the thing they had in common the most.
"Look Ellie, Chuck is blaming himself for a lot at the moment. Kayla just killed our former boss, and you know how he is, he thinks it's all his fault." Sarah said quietly.
She could feel the pain surging through her, she did not like the sound of this. Her little brother and his ridiculous sense of responsibility over everything. It was the same thing that had gotten him in this mess in the first place.
"That's ridiculous." She exclaimed.
Sarah sat herself down next to her, "I know." She said wearily, "I think I got through to him in the end."
"And if you didn't?" Ellie asked as she looked at the blue eyed woman, who just looked back questioningly.
"I know you care about him Sarah, I'm willing to believe that, but he needs you right now. No matter what happens, he needs you to be the woman he loves, he needs you to stick around, and not hurt him." She stated in a soft voice.
"I am not going anywhere." The blonde replied in determination.
"Aren't you?" Ellie questioned sceptically, "Isn't that why you are still alive? Because you never stick around somewhere, isn't that what a spy does, never form attachments? I'm not trying to judge you Sarah, but I need to look after my little brother, and he needs to be sure you're here, and that means I need to be sure you're here for the long haul."
Sarah took a deep breath, before replying. "If this would have happened before I met Chuck, I would have saved my own skin long ago, but Chuck changed me Ellie. I can't explain it, but you should know, I could have left before, when it would have been a lot easier to do so." Ellie felt surprised at her words, Chuck had left those little details out of his synopsis of the last few years.
"But I always stayed, him breaking my heart not withstanding. I'm still here for a reason Ellie, I love him, I've always loved him."
Ellie wasn't sure what to say, she wanted so desperately to believe the woman sitting next to her, but after everything that had happened she had a hard time trusting anyone. It seemed as Sarah felt the trepidations in the older Bartowski sibling.
"I know you don't trust me, and that's okay, I know you want to protect Chuck, but so do I. Just trust in him, he knows me better than anyone, he's the only one that has ever known me." She spoke while she rose to her feet.
For a moment it seemed as if Ellie wasn't going to speak as the blonde moved towards the exit of the room, but just as she was about to move into the hallway, a voice called out after her. "If you hurt him, spy or not, I'll kill you." Ellie stated threateningly, and with a voice that left no question if there was truth in it. She just hoped it would be enough, that her brother for once would find some happiness.
X-X-X-X-X
She hadn't been able to stop crying since Morgan had left the room, her body was still heaving and in the same position, her eyes were sore, and she was sure they were even redder than fine wines like the peppery pinot, with the stork on the cork. In fact she was feeling so miserable that she didn't even bother to check her phone, no matter that it had gone off several times in the last few hours, she didn't care, she just wanted to be alone, she needed to be alone.
The words of the farm rang through her mind on several occasions through her career, often they had saved her life, and just as often they had saved the lives of innocents and her partners, but tonight she was feeling tormented, and the only words that kept coming back were, "When you leave this place, you will have no emotion, you will feel no pain, no attachments, you will be able to kill without remorse."
It were words that never seemed to hold any truth to her, not even in stone cold killers like John Casey, but she was scared that one day they would be true, and that people would talk about her in a similar manner. She felt herself slipping away slowly, as if her torn soul was trying to handle things by making itself numb. It only added to her fears. Nothing would ever be worth losing herself over. She should have just done something else, she just wasn't sure what she could have done. Not that it mattered anyway.
For what felt like the millionth time her thoughts and sobs were interrupted by the loud ringing of her phone. And not for the first time the question rose in her head, why she even had it turned on. There wasn't anyone she wanted to talk to anyway.
Groaning in frustration when the darned phone started to ring again after only a few seconds of silence, she lifted herself up just the tiniest bit, so she could see who was calling. She let out another groan when she saw that it was the director, and for a moment she contemplated picking up. There was no way she would be able to talk to him like this.
The next half hour the ritual continued, only from time to time she noticed it was her 'partner' that called, and there were even a few calls from her old team. Finally when the director seemed to call for the millionth time, she couldn't hold out anymore. She would either pick up now, or hurl the darned phone towards the concrete, and consider making her break away from this place. Perhaps there was the chance that she would be able to disappear. Though she could feel in her gut that they would probably hunt her down, not to mention the CIA that would be coming after her now.
Taking a final moment to compose herself just enough to get her through another painful conversation with one of the most sinister man she had ever met, she placed her thumb on the accept call button. Slowly she started pressing down, and made a connection.
"Finally Mitchell, what the hell were you doing not answering your phone?" The man said in sheer annoyance, and Kayla couldn't help but smirk a little at his annoyed response.
"I'm sorry sir, but I muted it when I went to bed." She feigned innocence.
"Damn it Mitchell, I told you to keep your phone turned on." He growled at her. "No matter, I need you to come in immediately, this is important."
She felt a moment of worry, and wondered what they wanted her to do now. Perhaps she could take out the director and get things over with? "Certainly sir, I'll be there as soon as possible." She replied as coolly as she could possibly muster, while her mind was only fixated on the gun that was currently sitting on her dresser.
X-X-X-X-X
His eyes slowly fluttered open, he wasn't sure what time it was, but when he looked out of the small crack between the curtains it was clear that it was still dark outside. And judging by the blonde mop of hair that was currently strewn across his chest, the weight of it's owners head comfortably and soothingly pushing down on it, he knew it had to be night time. She was never the one to go to sleep during the day time. The few times he had done it himself, she had chided him for it.
He stifled a yawn, not wanting to wake up the precious blonde that was looking so comfortable and peaceful right now, as his mind was trying to make sense of what had happened. At least he had been allowed a night sleep without too many nightmares, luckily this latest bit of news hadn't made that part worse. He didn't even want to think about Kayla though, how she was feeling right now.
In the short time he had known the brunette she had made an impression on him. Not like Sarah had, but in the way for example Devon did. She was kind, but still a strong young woman, though sometimes the hurt emanated from her. He was certain that she was breaking right now, and in his own weakness he hadn't even checked on her, or called Morgan to see how things were going. It were moments like that that he hated himself for his weakness. He was supposed to be her team leader, he was supposed to protect them from things like this, but as usual he had failed.
He felt the big love of his life stir a little, and he wrapped his arms around her a little tighter, wanting to feel the comfort of the warmth of her body against his. Wanting to use her steady breathing and heartbeat to calm his own. Still despite her calming touch, he felt nothing but worry and guilt, something he was sure she would admonish him for, but he couldn't help it.
Not being able to resist, he let out a sigh which was a lot louder than he had intended it to be. This time the blonde did wake up, though it only seemed to be a little, as she spoke up groggily.
"Stop blaming yourself Chuck." She said, and despite the fact that she was clearly tired, there seemed to be a finality to her voice.
He looked down at her again, and ran his hand through her long blonde hair, revelling in the soft silky feel of it, before he spoke. "I'm sorry, I just…" He trailed, knowing that she understood him anyway.
She picked up her head from his chest just enough to have her cobalt blue eyes, meet his brown ones, causing instant sparks to run through his body despite the way he was feeling.
"I know you do." She said softly, "It's one of the reasons why I love you so darn much. But it hurts me so much to see you like this, to feel you so tense like this."
He threw his head back, and closed his eyes. If there was one thing he hated in this world, it was hurting this woman, he had done it too many times already.
"I don't know how to handle this Sarah." He said in a weary voice. "I don't know how you can cope with all this going on in your life."
She lifted herself from the bed, and he expected her to rant at him in frustration of his stubbornness, but instead when he looked up he saw her holding out her hand. "Come with me." She said quietly.
He hesitated for a second, not being sure, but ultimately he couldn't leave her hanging, so he placed his hand in hers, and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.
In silence he followed her through the small building, till they reached the door of one of the other bedrooms. Before he could ask what was going on, Sarah slowly opened the door, revealing his sister and her husband sleeping peacefully in a loving embrace.
"What do you think would have happened to them without you Chuck?" She asked in a whisper.
He stayed silent for a second, before whispering back. "They were only in danger because of me."
She fervently shook her head, "That's not true," She started as she slowly closed the door again. "remember Chuck, you're not the only child of Orion, they would have come after Ellie at one point or another. Besides if Ellie hadn't taken care of you when your parents left, she wouldn't even have met Devon. Oh and did I mention that without you she wouldn't have had her dad walk her down the aisle, that's every girls dream Chuck."
Instead of answering what she had said about Ellie and Devon he smiled at her. "Even yours?"
She looked at him with a slight hint of panic in her eyes, before she composed herself. "That's not the point Chuck." She said, trying to keep her voice low.
"I know." He said solemnly. "And you're right, but just because she met Devon earlier, doesn't mean she hadn't met him otherwise, or that dad wouldn't have protected her."
Without saying another word she pulled him along further, moving to another door, when she opened it, this one revealed the form of a sleeping Casey.
"Come on Sarah, Casey would have been just fine without me. Don't forget that he was just about to go for pancakes when we met." He whispered.
"You don't understand Chuck, Casey was an emotionless robot before he met you. Now he's a real person."
He slowly nodded his head, despite her words and despite what other people had told him he was never so sure that he had any positive influence on any people, especially not after everything that had happened.
"I know it's hard for you to believe this right now, but you've helped so many people Chuck. Me, Casey, Ellie, Morgan, your dad, and all those people that will never know." She told him in a voice mixed with love and gratitude, while she slowly ran a hand down his face.
His eyes locked with hers for a second, and he could feel his heart swell from the love and pride he saw in them, feeling overcome with the emotions he started closing the gap between them, muttering three simple words as he did so. "I love you." He said when he was almost touching her lips, and before she could react his lips came crashing unto hers.
They were only a short moment in their kiss, when they were interrupted by someone clearing their throat, pulling back like a couple of teenagers, both feeling their faces turn red, they were greeted by the oldest Bartowski of the bunch.
"I'm sorry to… umm… interrupt whatever you were doing, but we've got to get out of this place."
The young couple looked at each other in concern, before looking back at the seasoned agent.
X-X-X-X-X
She was walking through the long corridors of the ring facilities. To her own disgust she already knew how to get there, and how to get to the Director. She hated this place, and she hated the few agents she ran into. All had a blank look on their face, except for the two or three who looked at her with a scowl. She figured that perhaps they were people she had met in her previous life, a life that she knew how to handle and control.
She turned the last corner before she reached the office she needed to go, and checked for a final time if the cold metal was still in place. Her hand went to her waistband, and she was comforted by the presence of the cold metal.
Not wanting to waste anymore time, she prolonged her steps, making sure to cover as much distance as possible in as little as time as possible. Before she knew what was happening, she was standing in the office, her hand had gone to her back, and had firmly gripped her weapon. She looked up and saw an amused smirk on the director's face, while he held out his hand to keep Small in place.
In a short moment she had pulled out the gun and aimed it at the director, who just smirked at her, before he spoke in his slick voice.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea Agent Mitchell."