"What's all this Liara," asks Shepard still in her night clothes, as she rubs at her sleepy eyes. She sees Liara in the family room with data pads sprawled out all over the coffee table while Liara lounges on the couch drinking tea.
"I had Glyph perform searches regarding Jones overnight and these are the results so far."
Shepard looks at some of the data pads, "You plan on reading all of this and what, looking through all of these pictures, what's the point of the pictures?"
"I don't know, I know we do not know what Kane looks like, but I had Glyph pull pictures nonetheless. Perhaps Jones met with other gang members and we may recognize them. Maybe I can find a connection between Jones and the men who kidnapped you."
Setting down the data pad, "Have you eaten Liara?"
"Not yet."
"I'll make us some breakfast," says Shepard as she bends over to plant a kiss on Liara's cheek. "Just how long have you been at this this morning?"
"I am not sure."
Sighing Shepard leaves to make breakfast. She loves Liara, loves her drive, but doesn't want her pushing so hard that she stops taking care of herself. As the eggs cook Shepard steps closer to the family room, "Hey Liara, when is your next appointment is it this next week?"
No reply.
Okay, so she is just focused, don't read into Elly, she thought to herself. She is obsessed Shepard, just like the Shadow Broker.
When Shepard died in the Collector attack, Liara worked with Feron to steal her dead body back from a Shadow Broker agent. Feron was captured in the process and for the next two years Liara grieved for Shepard while trying to find the Shadow Broker. This experience changed her which Shepard found out when she was rebuilt by Cerberus and visited Liara on Illium two years after her death. Though it felt like only a month for Shepard it was two years for Liara, she was cold and closed off, who could blame her. Why open yourself up again to the woman you love only to lose her again because at the time Shepard was once again fighting against the odds and would likely die on her mission to stop the collectors. But Shepard was successful and she was able to return to Liara and they both decided during the reaper war that they wanted a future together. Liara opened up to Shepard again, allowing herself to be vulnerable again. They both knew that they probably would not survive the reaper war, but they did. And now Shepard is seeing the same coldness and closed off part of Liara resurfacing and it scares her to death.
Liara is hell bent on finding Kane and bringing him to justice, but Shepard knows that really means he is going to die. Shepard has made great progress in her sessions with Dr. Snowden, as she finishes up making breakfast she wonders what the doctor would say about this turn of events. If Shepard helps Liara on her quest for revenge, what will that do to Shepard, what will it do to Liara? Does Shepard push it aside and worry about it after they find and kill him, or does she bring it up and try to talk to Liara, try to prevent Liara from slipping into that cold place where she lived without Shepard for two years.
Fuckin Kane. Haven't you don't enough damage?
The fact is Shepard is scared. Scared what she will have to become to hunt down Kane. What part of her will be lost in the process, and is it okay? Their child will be born soon, a few short months, how does she explain to her daughter why she killed a man that did her no harm? But he did harm her didn't he? He took her. He had no right to kidnap Shepard and he needs to pay. But he helped her in the end, that matters doesn't it? He killed the man who groped her and heard him tell his men to not touch her. He even called their cabin with the warehouse address where she was being held, doesn't that count for something? Shouldn't he be able to live because he showed mercy or is Shepard being too soft? Will Liara settle for nothing less than his death? Shepard wants to ask, but is afraid of the answer.
"Breakfast is ready."
No reply.
Shepard moves to the family room, sees Liara reading a data pad. Shepard nicely takes the data pad away from Liara and sets it down, "Breakfast is ready, come and eat." She takes Liara's hand kissing the back of it and guides her into the kitchen.
"This looks good Elly, thank you."
"So Liara, I need to talk to you."
"What about?"
"Since I only have a week off before I need to return to the Normandy, I was thinking maybe you could come with me. I know the Normandy isn't the most comfortable place, but we would be together and you would be safe."
"I …am not sure Elly. Can I think about it?"
Biting her tongue Shepard wants to yell what is there to think about. I mean she is providing her bondmate an option to be with her and to be safe, but Liara seems to be choosing her lust for revenge over spending time with her. "Well it was just a thought." Shepard can see by the faraway look in the asari's eyes that right now is not the time to talk to her, she is far too distracted.
They eat the rest of their breakfast in silence, Liara eating quickly to get back to reading through her research. It reminds Shepard of when Liara first boarded the Normandy. How Liara threw herself into helping the cause to find Saren. Shepard feels she is losing Liara.
"That was very good Shepard thank you," says Liara as she quickly rinses her dishes and returns to her work in the family room.
Trying not to pout Shepard cleans up the kitchen and heads for the bedroom to change into some workout clothes; she has some thinking to do.
"Hey Ash, I hope the time is not too late or early," says Shepard as she calls Ashley from her omni-tool. Shepard walked the property again to see if she could find any clues, she found none. She continued her walk down the path through the woods and thought she would distract herself by calling and checking in with Ashley.
"Hey Skipper, no it's not. I was just about to hit my rack. What's up?"
"I just wanted to check in, did you talk to Hackett?"
"I did."
"Well then, congratulations Commander Williams."
"Thanks Skipper, congratulations to you too Captain. Wow, Captain Shepard, sounds a little weird."
"Oh but Commander Williams sounds perfect? I see how it is."
Laughing, "Well it does sound good I have to admit. Why are you calling, I would have suspected you and Liara would be behind closed doors all week if you catch my drift."
"Ha ha Ash, there is more to us than just that ya know."
"If you say so."
Smiling Shepard continues, "How is the recon going?"
"So far so good. The location is a house though not a warehouse. So there are three levels and more entry and exit points. But nothing we won't be able to handle."
"That's good."
"What's up Skipper, you sound a little down, everything okay?"
"You sure you have time Ash, I don't want to keep you from getting some sleep."
"Yes I have time, what's up?"
Shepard filled in Ashley about the information Liara has found to date on Jones, how he is part of a gang called the Skulls and that Liara's working theory is that Kane knows Jones and that is how Brad Whitmore got in touch with Kane, but there is no proof yet. She shared her concerns about how she feels that Liara is getting too obsessed, that she feels the asari is slowly pulling away from her. She asks Ashley for advice.
"Gee Skipper that is a tough one. I mean, you know how Liara gets. She is super focused on something until she figures it out; it was the same thing on her Prothean research."
"I know that Ash, but this is different."
"Not to her. This is very personal to her Skipper. I think you need to give her some time."
"I know you're right it's just…" sighing, "I don't know. I feel like I am losing her already."
"Have you tried talking to her?"
"Kind of."
"That sounds like a no Skipper," smiles Ashley. "Look, I'm no expert, but it seems to me you just sit her down and share your concerns with her. You know she loves you."
"I know…sorry Ash, I know I am going soft."
"Nonsense, I like this side of you, it's better than being yelled at all of the time."
Laughing, "Yeah, nice one."
"Seriously though, just talk to her."
"I will Ash, and thanks. You stay safe out there."
"Will do, night."
"Good night."
Shepard walks for another hour before returning home. Still unsure of how to start a conversation with Liara she decides to wait to bring up the topic. She finds Liara sleeping on the couch, data pads still strewn about the coffee table. She gently pulls one from Liara's hands and sets it down. Grabbing a blanket, she covers Liara with a slight kiss to her cheek, and then she heads to the shower.
After her shower, Shepard sits to read through some of the research found to date on Jones while Liara sleeps. Peter Jones was born in New York City, New York. His father was killed when he was six years old. His first arrest was during a police raid on known gang locations, Jones was only thirteen at the time. Shepard looks at a group photo and sees a very young Jones. Looking at the other kids in the photo she does not recognize anyone else. Jones was arrested for murder when he was nineteen years old. Shepard surmises that Jones didn't really have a family so he joined a gang to feel camaraderie and love.
That is all a gang is right, a place where you feel you belong. That is why they have such a strong attraction to kids who don't have good parents, parents not involved in their lives or no parents at all. Coming up through the ranks Shepard met plenty of military personnel that came from gangs. It was pure survival. Though violent, gangs have their own rules sure, but the people have your back just like in the military, and there is no greater feeling than knowing the person beside you would give their life for you.
On this thought Shepard looks over at Liara sleeping. A smile appears on her face as she studies the asari. Liara looks so peaceful. Shepard's smile fades. Concerned what this hunt for Kane is doing to her bondmate Shepard feels helpless to stop it, a feeling she absolutely cannot stand. There is no worse feeling to her than the feeling of helplessness. It hits her right at her core; it's the reason why she is scared, the reason why she cries the reason why she flashes back to war, to her torture, to her nightmares. Shepard cannot stop the feeling in her gut that she will soon feel this feeling again in all its veracity and violence. How much more can the human woman take. How much more can the asari take.
It's times like these when Shepard wants to run, to hide from the world. She doesn't want to be responsible for the galaxy anymore. She has done her part. Promotion or not, she wants to be done with the military. She wants the burden lifted from her shoulders. But now with Liara wanting so badly to find Kane, she can't even enjoy her week off with her bondmate because Liara is too fixated on what she needs she doesn't even seem to see Shepard.
You are being selfish Shepard, she thinks to herself. Liara needs this, she needs to find him. I just want to hold her, to be with her. She is right there, yet she is so far away. Then help her Shepard, stop thinking about what you want and help her.
Wiping away a tear, Shepard leaves a note on the coffee table for Liara and grabs the keys to the sky car.
"Hey Dara, I was wondering if Valya is available?" asks Shepard, she is calling from her omni-tool.
"Oh hi Shepard, yeah just a minute, oh hey, how is Liara?"
"She's good and thanks Dara for staying with her, it means a lot."
"Anytime, here she is….Hey Shepard what's up?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to do some training?"
"What now?" asks Valya.
"Yes now."
"I don't know, I just got home, was going to eat and relax, but I could hang a little I guess. You would have to go easy on me though, I am pretty beat."
"Hey no worries. I called, last minute. We can get together some other time."
"Are you okay Shepard?"
"Fine..I will call you later, you enjoy your night oh and hey, thanks for looking out for Liara."
"It's our pleasure, you two are great. I will talk to you later."
With Plan A out, Shepard flies toward town. She parks and finds herself walking along the shops peering in the windows not really thinking. She doesn't even notice that she is one of the only humans around. Thessia, the asari home world, if of course mainly comprised of asari, but there are other species, just not as many. Shepard is recognized when she goes out, but the asari are more polite and keep their distance, though she does hear and see their reactions once in awhile.
She finds a bar and steps inside. The place is dark, the music is a bit upbeat and there are about five people in the place minus the bartender. She finds a table in the back facing the bar and front door and looks at the menu while waiting for the waitress to stop by; once she does she orders two whiskeys. She downs the first one feeling it burn her throat and tongue then sips the second.
She is not sure how much time has passed but it must have been a lot because the bar is full of people now. There is a dance floor she didn't even notice when she came in and the noise level is much louder. She had something to eat and by looking at the number of empty glasses in front of her she has had plenty to drink. Shit, I said never again Shepard.She waves the waitress over and asks for water, she thinks maybe she can get ahead of her imminent hangover if she hydrates herself now.
"Hi there, wanna dance?"
Eyes a bit blurry Shepard looks up and sees Liara standing in front of her. "Liara?"
"What was that honey? I was wondering if you wanted to dance."
Looking closer Shepard sees an asari in front of her. She is darker than Liara, just as pretty too. "No thanks," she replies.
"Aww come on, you have been slouching here by yourself ever since I got here. Once dance isn't gonna hurt you."
Shepard holds up her left hand to reveal her wedding ring. "I'm bonded."
The asari shrugs her shoulders and smiles; she doesn't care she still wants to dance.
What is it with people and bars and them wanting me to dance? If they knew how I danced, they would not ask me geez. I guess I am just that irresistible – shit I MUST be drunk.Shepard waves her hand, "No thank you."
The asari clearly disappointed, "Suit yourself," leaves Shepard in peace.
Shepard watches the people on the dance floor, she sees more humans now, a few turians and a krogan all surrounded by asari. She marvels at how the entire dance floor seems to move with the music. She admires the people; it must feel so freeing to let yourself go like that.
"You gotta be kidding me, Shepard?"
Hearing a familiar voice Shepard looks up to see him. Eyes narrowing, she recognizes the human male, but not sure from where.
"It's Mitch," he says "we met on Earth. What the hell are you doing here?"
You have got to be kidding me."Hey Mitch, how's the wife?"
He sits without asking, big smile on his face. "Actually she is pretty damn good. I took your advice and I still sleep on the couch from time to time, but we are together."
She shifts over a bit as he seems a bit too close, "That's great. What brings you to Thessia?" She has to raise her voice over the boom boom boom of the music.
"Business," he says, finishing his drink. "You want to dance Shepard?"
Ugh. "Why not." WHAT!
Before she can stop herself she is up, a bit wobbly, but up and ready to make a fool of herself. She wants to get lost in the music, wants to forget about Kane, about work, about everything. She is shoulder to shoulder with everyone on the dance floor. Mitch across from her keeping a safe distance, which is good, starts moving his hips to the music. Shepard moves her feet, left meeting right then back again, at least she does it to the beat. Looking around to see if anyone is laughing at her, she doesn't see anyone and Mitch has a weird grin on his face, an encouraging look. She lets herself go, she even raises her arms letting her body move with the music. Closing her eyes she lets her head fall back a little as she moves and sways to the beat. She doesn't know how much time has passed, she doesn't care.
She knocks into an asari couple and opens her eyes in horror, "Sorry, so sorry." She looks at Mitch who starts laughing and Shepard moves closer to him so he can hear her, "You could have stopped me ya know," she teased.
"Why, it's fun watching you flailing around like a dead fish."
Genuinely laughing at herself she replies, "Gee thanks." She may be embarrassed but for awhile there she felt truly free. She sees Mitch moving in close to her, he rests his hand on her hip while he dances.
Okay, I may be drunk, but I am not that drunk. Shepard takes his hand and removes it from her hip, "I think we should go sit now."
He nods and follows her back to the table.
Shepard finishes off her water, "I think I am going to take off."
"Really?" He is clearly disappointed. "I hope this isn't because … you know," he gestures to the dance floor.
"Mitch, we are good as long as you keep your hands to yourself."
"Got it Shepard."
"Why are you here anyway, you never told me," she asks as she drinks more water.
"I'm here on business; I head back to Earth day after tomorrow."
Shepard sits now, "What kind of business?"
He joins her, though with plenty of distance between them, "Shipping."
"Really, is this the business you made legit?"
"The one and only. In fact, I heard ships were being randomly searched in this system. I have been searched once so far, I am totally clean," he says with a gleeful smile.
Not sharing with him that she used to do the random searches she replies, "Good for you. Hey, I am happy about you and your wife. I should go. Good to see you again."
"You too Shepard, take care."
Stepping outside Shepard sees it is dark; Shit how long was I in there. She dials her omni-tool to get a cab.
"Shepard?" asks Liara as she hears her at the front door.
Not knowing what to say and trying to hide her drunkenness, "Hey Liara, you're up?"
"Of course Elly, I have been up for quite some time. Where have you been?"
Not looking the asari in the eyes, "I was just out and about," she tries to make her way to the bedroom, but Liara steps in front of her.
"Look at me Elly."
Shit. Looking at her, "Hi," she can't help but smile in fact she starts laughing.
"Are you drunk?"
Waving her hand in front of her, "Meee? Nooooo. Just..a…..little," she moves her hand in front of her face where she extends her thumb and pointer finger and holds them close together to indicate an inch."
Concern in her eyes Liara asks, "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you leave to go drinking? I thought we could have dinner together."
Oh now she wants to spend time with me, how rich. "Oh now you want to spend time with me," shut up idiot!
"What?"
"Don't you have data pads to read? I mean there is a lot of research to get through; wouldn't you prefer to do that?" What are you doing Shepard – I don't know – I can't stop talking.
Liara stands arms crossed mouth agape, Shepard sees her expression. "I know I have been doing a lot of research lately Elly, but you could have talked to me about it."
STOP! Shepard thinks to herself. Do NOT say anything you will regret. Shepard sways a little looking at Liara. Thinking to herself she wants to say something along the lines of how they heck can I talk to you when you ignored me this morning, didn't talk to me at breakfast or….. She instead says, "You're right Liara. I'm sorry. Can we maybe talk in the morning?"
"I would prefer to talk now."
Using her body language and facial expressions Shepard forgets Liara is standing right in front of her and mimics what Liara just said with great exaggeration.
Shepard feels her hand being tugged, she is now being led into the family room, she pulls away, "Hey I said no touching."
"What?" says Liara.
Shepard looks around, "What?"
Sighing in a huff, "Please sit down and talk to me Elly and drink this," Liara hands her water that was already on the coffee table.
Chugging down the water, Shepard wipes at the back of her mouth with her arm. "What's up?"
"Can you please tell me what is bothering you?"
"Ummm, hey, wanna dance with me?" Shepard attempts to stand to only have the room spin so she sits back down. "Whoa."
"I certainly hope you did not drive like this."
"Of course not, duh! I'm not stupid."
"Elly, talk to me."
Blowing air out making her lips vibrate, she reaches up with her hand, "Ohhh that tickles." She does it again.
"Elly Shepard!"
Shepard immediately stops what she is doing, pushing her lips together.
"Please talk to me."
Finally giving in Shepard says, "I miss you."
"You miss me?" Liara cannot believe her ears or the sight of Elly in front of her.
"Yes. You didn't really talk to me at breakfast and every time I want to talk to you, you are doing research."
"Elly you have been home for one day, what exactly do you expect me to do, drop everything the second you are home?"
"YES! I mean NO, I mean…." sighing "No of course not. I just…"
"You know what I think Elly?"
Shepard looks at her.
"I think you are incredibly selfish. You know how important it is for me to find Kane and you don't even offer to help. You don't even want to talk about it. I spend one day, ONE day Elly on research and you get so upset you don't talk to me but go get drunk instead?" Liara is furious.
Shepard does not want to get into this right now; she doesn't want to say anything that will hurt Liara, though she feels she already has. She decides to admit defeat to end the fight before it starts. "You're right Liara. I am selfish. As far as not helping you, I will help you when you find him."
Surprised at her admission Liara says, "But you won't help me find him."
"I can't talk about this Liara, I need to go to sleep," standing Shepard steadies herself.
"No Elly, I want to hear it." Liara is pressing her. Shepard tries to walk past her but Liara steps in her way.
"Move please Liara." Shepard tries to step past her only to be blocked again. "Liara!" Her eyes meet Liara's, they are angry.
"Tell me Elly," Liara wants to push Shepard, but hopefully she doesn't push her too hard.
"I don't want to lose you OKAY!" her voice louder than she wanted. Shepard turns her back to Liara wrapping her arms around herself.
Liara waits for her to continue.
Hands trembling, voice lower, "I don't want to lose you." Shepard is holding back the tears that are welling in her eyes.
"You are not going to lose me Elly."
Shaking her head back and forth her back still turned, "You don't know that." Turning know with red eyes as she cannot help the tears that fall now, "You have been threatened Liara. You have no idea what more this guy may do; he took me once who's to say he won't do it again or worse. What if…."
Liara slowly steps closer, "What if …what?"
Gathering herself she looks up at Liara, "You are carrying our child Liara. I can't handle it if something happens to you or to our daughter. You don't know what this guy is capable of," her shoulders are shaking now as she tries to hold it together.
Reaching for her Liara hugs Shepard, "Nothing is going to happen to either one of us Elly."
Holding Liara tight, Shepard says between sobs, "You don't …know….that. He ..could…be watching…us….right now."
"It's all right Elly, we are safe here, you have made this place practically a fortress."
They held each other for awhile. Shepard enjoyed feeling her, smelling her. She wanted to say more, wanted to tell Liara that she fears she is starting to lose her due to her obsession with finding Kane, she wanted to tell her that she is afraid of losing herself, but she knows now is not the time. What she did tell Liara is still true, it is just not the whole truth and Liara was right, Shepard is being completely selfish and she knows it. She may be overreacting; she knows Liara is capable of handling herself. But that doesn't change the fact that she heard the terror in Liara's voice when she was afraid someone was outside of their home. Selfish or not Shepard wants her family safe. If they continue down the path of tracking down Kane, safe won't be an option.