A/N: Yep, so it seems updating once a week is the best that I can do right now. By my count, there should only be two or three chapters after this.
Several days had passed since Erin's accident, and the team had kept their promise to protect Amanda twenty-four-seven. Carisi and Fin had already stayed at her apartment several nights with no incidents. They even let her sleep in on occasion and took Franny out in the morning to do her business. The blonde detective loved them both, but she had to admit she preferred having Carisi at night because he would make them fresh home cooked meals. Something that is hard to come by when she has only basic culinary knowledge.
The nightmares didn't stop, however. Some nights she would be awoken by Fin or Carisi to reassure her that she was safe. They were both respectful after the fact, never bringing it up again. It was strange for Amanda to admit, but she was getting used to having an extra person in her apartment. Things would be different this night. For the first time since the start of the non-stop protection, it would be Olivia's turn and, for convenience sake, Amanda would be staying at the elder woman's apartment.
There were many things Amanda was uncomfortable about with this situation. For starters, Olivia wasn't aware of her nightmares. The last time Olivia spent the night with the blonde, Amanda was heavily intoxicated and had not dreamed at all. This time she would be sober. To add on top of this, she had not spent the night away from her home in a while and she was afraid to be away from her own personal sanctuary.
"Are you ready to go?" Olivia asked Amanda as she approached the younger woman's desk. They were the last two to leave the precinct on that Friday night. The trial would begin on Monday, and Olivia hopped to make the weekend as easy as possible for Amanda to keep her stress levels down.
"Oh... ya. Just let me power down my computer" Amanda said as she looked up from her work. In honesty, she had thrown herself into her work that past week in her own attempt to avoid the inevitable trial.
There was going to be no deal. With Erin's testimony not going to happen, and as a result the video of her assault not able to be shown as evidence, Corey felt confident that he would be able to discredit Amanda and walk away a free man. The team wasn't even able to tie Corey to Erin's accident. He had an airtight alibi, being at the bank with none other than Paul Hoffman. Corey was able to get to Hoffman before Barba and Carisi could. As a result, Hoffman was not only refusing to testify against Corey but the two of them were working together to collaborate Corey's version of the truth.
The car ride to Olivia's building was mostly silent. The only form of conversation being what they should have for dinner. The ride up the elevator was held in much the same fashion.
"Thanks again for watching her" Amanda thanked Lucy as the younger woman was gathering her things to leave. Amanda's sitter had dropped off Jesse earlier in the day and Lucy took care of the baby girl as well as Noah for several hours.
"It was no problem at all, in fact, I loved having her" Lucy smiled as she was walking out the door "Gina and I even exchanged numbers so we can plan little playdates between the two children in the future, with your permissions of course"
"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Olivia said in agreement and looked towards her youngest detective for her input.
"I think so too" Amanda concurred. With nothing further the young babysitter left.
Amanda busied herself with heading into the guest bedroom and unpacking her things. She would be staying with Olivia until Monday morning. This was not something that she had asked for or even wanted, but it was what the team decided would be best for Amanda and Jesse. They feared that the closer the trial date came, the more desperate Corey could become. So in an abundance of caution, they decided it would be best for Amanda to be away from her apartment. Since Olivia had everything to care for a baby it only made sense for the mother/daughter pair to stay with her. Franny, on the other hand, had to stay with Fin.
Amanda was stopped in her unpacking by a knock at the bedroom door. "So we never decided on what's for dinner," Olivia said as she held Jesse on her hip as Noah stood at her side. They young boy wasted no time in climbing on the bed and rolling around on the comforter "Noah, you're messing up the bed" the elder mother said with a scolding but humorous tone "sorry, Amanda"
"No, it's fine, Liv," Amanda said as she lightly tickled the young boy. He giggled with delight and glee as his belly was being tickled. "I know that he's just excited because he has Jesse over," she said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"I lub Jesse" Noah instantly sat up once the tickling assault ended "I don't want her to eber leabe" he added in his toddler voice, mispronouncing several words.
"I know, Noah" Olivia answered her son as she gave Amanda her daughter back and then scooped the young boy into her arms. "But, right now it's bed time for you and Jesse. Say good night"
"Night, Jesse... night, Manda" the young boy said as he leaned his head against his mother's chest.
"Night, Noah," Amanda said waving Jesse's arm for her. Her daughter's eyes already drooping with sleep. "Olivia" she was able to add before the elder woman left the room completely "if it's all the same to you, I think I'm also going to call it a night. I'm not hungry anyway"
"Alright, Amanda, good night"
"Stay away from me! Don't do this... not again!"
Olivia suddenly popped up in bed with her heart racing and adrenaline pumping. The seasoned SVU Lieutenant ran to the guest bedroom and swung open the door. Her eyes instantly zoning onto Amanda's shaking form on the bed as she still screamed trapped in the grips of her nightmare.
"Stop... please, stop" Amanda was yelling in between hard breaths "get off of me" she kept repeating as her hands flailed around her.
"Amanda," Olivia said loudly from the side of the bed "Amanda, you got to wake up. It's just a dream" the elder woman tried to wake the young blonde without touching her, in fear that the feeling would only traumatize her more.
"Stay away from her... don't touch my daughter" the young blonde mother continued to sob
Not being able to take Amanda's strangled cries any longer Olivia grabbed Amanda's arms and held them tight. This only caused the younger woman to panic even more. "Amanda, it's me. You're safe. Jesse is safe, I promise you" Olivia said as she pulled Amanda closer to herself, almost completely onto her lap, and kept repeating her soothing words until the terrified young woman in her arms finally woke up and stopped struggling.
It took Amanda several seconds for her to realize that she was, in fact, safe, and it took her another several to remember that she was in her boss's apartment. Try as she might, she couldn't instantly stop her heavy breathing or the few strangled sobs that still escaped her throat. The whole time Olivia gently rocked them both and softly provided shushing sounds just as she would when Noah would have a nightmare.
"Liv..." Amanda was finally able to say coherently after a minute of the older woman's calming motions.
The elder woman slowly released her grip on the younger woman so they could see each other's face "Amanda," Olivia said as she tried to catch her eyes "are you okay?"
Amanda didn't answer, but instead tried to squirm out of her hold. Olivia instantly let her go not wanting her to feel trapped or restrained. "I'm sorry Liv..." she said as she turned her back to the older woman as she tried to wipe away her tears and compose herself. "They're not usually this bad. I didn't mean to wake you up"
"Don't be sorry, Amanda, I get it. There's nothing wrong with having nightmares" Olivia said kindly as she stared at Amanda's back. She noticed the younger woman's pajama shirt had ridden up to the side during her rough sleep and the light scars on her back were made visible to her eyes once again. It reminded her of the pain that her youngest detective was put through by the hands of that man.
"I know... they've just been getting worse. I can't wait for everything to be over so it can all stop" Amanda admitted as she finally turned around to face Olivia, the evidence of distress still prominent on her features.
"Amanda" Olivia began with a look of pure compassion "the nightmare won't end that easily," she said sadly. " I know. Mine didn't stop after Lewis went to jail, or even after he died for that matter. It takes time, and even now I still get one every once in a while" the elder woman said truthfully. "But, it will get better... I promise, especially with help" Olivia added when she saw the painful expression cross Amanda's face when she said this. "Have you... well, have you considered talking to someone about all of this... in a professional manner?" she asked gently. Olivia knew how much of a touchy subject therapy was for Amanda.
Amanda was silent for several beats before she made eye contact with Olivia again. "Actually…" she began and gave a small sheepish smile "I have considered talking to…. someone… professionally" Amanda had difficulty saying the words. She couldn't help but feel guilty about the comments she made to Olivia all those years ago about not needing to pay someone to listen to her problems.
"That's wonderful, Amanda," Olivia said with a smile as she squeezed the younger woman's hand gently to convey her feeling physically. "What changed your mind… if you don't mind me asking" The elder woman asked swiftly, not wanting to push Amanda away by her probing question.
"Well, to be honest, it was Carisi who helped me see things in a different perspective. That it would be possible for me to even seek out help" Amanda revealed with a slight embarrassed blush on her cheeks. She hated that her team had been constantly seeing her in such a vulnerable state.
"I am so proud of you, Amanda, really I am. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and to stand up against your attacker in court. Just know that you're not alone" Olivia said honestly. Amanda simply nodded her head in response as she stifled a yawn. Despite the horrific dream, she was still exhausted. Olivia noticed this but also knew from experience how difficult it would be for her to fall asleep once again. "Hey… Amanda?" Olivia began tentatively "do you want to sleep in my room for the rest of the night?"
"What?" Amanda responded quickly at the offer "No, Liv, I don't want to bother you any more than I have. Besides, my luck I'll probably end up hitting you in my sleep. Also, wouldn't it be a little strange for me to share a bed with my boss" she said with a wry expression as she raised her shoulders slightly up.
"Trust me, Amanda, it no problem at all. Actually, I would probably sleep better knowing that I can be right there when a nightmare begins, and don't worry about hitting me, I have a Cal King bed. We could both spread out and still probably not touch the rest of the night" Olivia smiled as she rose off the bed and reached her hand forward for Amanda's "also, I don't think it would be strange at all, it's just a sleep over and no one else needs to ever know"
Amanda thought about the offer for several seconds all the while Olivia stood there waiting with her hand stretched out. In reality, Amanda didn't want to be alone at that moment, and she hated herself for even feeling that way, but in the end, she took Olivia's hand.
Amanda was surprised when she awoke that same morning to an empty bed. She had slept easily the remainder of that night. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed Jesse was not with her but she instantly calmed down when she remembered that she was in Olivia's room, and not some dark warehouse held against her will. The young detective took her time as she rose out of the bed. She wasn't looking forward to this morning. She had been so flustered the night before that she actually allowed herself to sleep in her boss' bed, with the woman still in it.
"Just breath, Amanda, just breath and don't think about it," she said aloud to herself as she stopped in front of Olivia's mirror. "She won't think any less of you because of last night, Olivia gets it" she tried to convince herself of the truth. Amanda had made great headway on learning to trust and being able to lean on her team in the last few weeks, but she was still having difficulty reconciling her new dependence on them and her long-standing need to be self-reliant.
Surprisingly Amanda was pulled from her own thoughts by the growl from her stomach. Growing up she had learned to be a morning person, she had to get herself and Kim ready for school and that included finding some way to feed the two of them. As a result, she was used to eating first thing in the morning when food was available, and the delicious smell of bacon and eggs was making her mouth water.
Amanda walked slowly into the living room area and saw her daughter sitting in a high chair waiting to be fed with Noah right next to her making her laugh with silly faces. "You know this is the second time I've woken up to you making breakfast" Amanda said to Olivia as she leaned near her daughter to give her a good morning kiss "and I can honestly say that if someone told me that, even a few weeks ago, it would happen I would have laughed in their face"
Olivia chuckled at Amanda's words "well, time is a funny thing isn't it" she responded as she placed the food on the table and gave her son a sweet smile "I never thought I would be a mother, but here we are"
"Is there anything I can help you with?" Amanda asked not wanting to feel useless or ungrateful
"No, I have everything pretty much done. I was thinking that after breakfast we could take the kids to the aquarium. Do something fun" Olivia offered and Noah jumped for joy the moment he heard his mother talk about the aquarium.
"Trying to enjoy the calm before the storm" Amanda stated back without thinking. She bit her lip the moment the words left her mouth, she didn't mean to sound so cynical or unappreciative of what Olivia was trying to do for her.
"Something like that" Olivia answered back not at all bothered by Amanda's remarks. She knew that Amanda wasn't used to having people take care of her and she was just acting out defensively. Just as all the food on the table was placed and they were about to eat Olivia's phone started to ring. She knew it had to be important because she gave specific instructions to not be bothered this weekend unless it was a matter of life and death, and as it turned out that's exactly what it was.
"What! When!" Olivia said as she heard the other person speak over the phone. Her body language instantly changing from the calm and relaxed demeanor it had been to an agitated state "Two hours ago?... alright, we're on our way"
"What happened, Liv?" Amanda asked. She had become on edge the moment Olivia answered the phone.
Olivia took a deep breath as she set her phone down "that was Fin" she began "Erin Colton just passed away due complications from her accident. We need to get down to the station"
Amanda just stood there processing the information given to her. It was only after Jesse managed to toss her sippy cup to the floor she seemed to come back to reality "he killed her, Liv, maybe it wasn't him who drove the car but he killed her and he's going to get away with it"
"No, he's not. We won't let him" Olivia answered her back firmly "I'm going to call Lucy to see if she can babysit today, but until then we can leave them with my neighbor, she's watched Noah before for me. Can you get dressed while I make the calls?" she asked Amanda still seeing the worry etched across the younger woman's face.
The time it took for Amanda to get ready and for them to arrive at the precinct was a blur to the young mother. The ride was somber and silent. Amanda only spoke next when she arrived at the squad room and Fin asked her how she was doing. A question she blatantly side-stepped.
"We need to charge him with murder," Carisi said to the team and Barba "He's responsible for Erin's death"
"I have no doubt you're right, but the issue lies in the evidence" Barba responded as he pointed to the large board that contained all the information about Erin's accident and Corey on it "he has an alibi and there is no physical evidence tying him to the crime"
"He has motive" Fin interjected "with Erin gone our case is only that much weaker"
"Motive isn't enough, we need hard evidence" Barba responded "I want this man to pay just as much as the rest of you, but we need to do to it within the realms of the law and that means following all of the rules. Our best bet right now is the case we have against him with Amanda. The investigation on Erin's accident is still too new. We can go after him for that after we get him with this current trial"
"Screw the rules," Fin said angrily "guys like him have been playing the system for years, we need to take him down and do it hard" he finished as he punched his hand into his fist "just give me a few minutes with the guy. I can get him to confess to everything"
"Don't even say that as a joke" Barba said dryly, but he felt the same.
"Who said I was joking"
"Fin, that's enough" Olivia ordered. She couldn't let one of her detectives talk like that. "What we need right now is to make sure that nothing else happens from now until the trial. If we want to take him down..." Olivia was cut off as Corey's lawyer walked into the squad room and was directed by the desk officer to their group.
"Detective Amanda Rollins," the Lawyer said as he approached the group holding up a manila folder
Olivia and Barba quickly stepped in front of the lawyer "what do you want, you are not to speak with Detective Rollins until Monday at court" Barba said with distrust as the other attorney tried to step around them.
"This has nothing to do with that case," the sleazy man said as he finally made it to Amanda and handed her the document "we'll be sending over a technician to begin the test as soon as possible," he said before turning on his heels and leaving.
Amanda opened the folder. Her face went completely pale and she swayed noticeable to the point that Carisi had to grab onto her so she wouldn't fall. "What is it, Amanda?" Olivia asked in concern at the sudden change in behavior from her youngest detective.
"He's... he's..." Amanda struggled to form a coherent sentence. At this point, she started to shake her head and clasped a hand over her mouth in shock.
Not being able to stand his partner in such extreme distress without knowing why Fin gently grabbed the legal document from her hands and read it. A steady stream of curses left his mouth before he gave an explanation to the others "that son of a bitch is claiming paternal rights over Jesse and is suing for joint custody. He's forcing a paternity test to happen today"
A/N: so that's the twist I've been planning from the beginning. This is another reason I had to explain the shift in episodes in the first chapter to make it all work :) I hope everyone liked it and it wasn't too predictable, although I kind of left a lot of hints about it throughout the story. Thanks to everyone who is still reading and reviewing :) This story is almost over, but there is still a lot of drama to play out before everything is done.