Chapter 14: A Coward and a Fool
She folded a small blanket up angrily and stuffed it in her shoulder bag. She'd get cold on the long train ride and regret it if she didn't have one close by. She sat on the bed, looking about her. Boxes were piled up all over the place, full of books, clothes; full of everything she owned; full of all of the empty memories she was too afraid to lose. She wanted to cry. She tried to make herself but the tears never came. Instead she breathed in the air of Hogwarts Castle, wishing it wasn't the end. There was a soft knock on her door and she sighed as she moved to answer it.
"Ms. Granger?" A small blonde asked as Hermione pulled open the door. She recognized her almost immediately as Beatrice, Snape's wife.
"Mrs. Snape? What are you doing here?" Hermione asked, confused, the butterflies in her belly set off and she filled with nervousness.
"I need to speak with you. Can I come in?" She asked, unconsciously massaging her stomach.
"Yes, of course." Hermione stepped back and allowed Beatrice to enter.
"Going somewhere?" Bea asked, noting the boxes piled against the walls.
"Yes, I've…. I've taken a job at the ministry, I start next week." Hermione's voice quivered. She didn't know how to proceed.
"Look, I won't beat around the bush…" Beatrice breathed deep, summoning all of the courage she could muster. She never thought in her wildest dreams she'd be doing what she was about to do. "I know you've been sleeping with my husband." Beatrice took a deep breath and stared at Hermione, who stood facing her, open-mouthed.
"No… I-"
"Please," Beatrice held up her hand to silence her before she continued. "No need to lie or defend yourself. I've made my peace with it for the sake of our baby. I just needed to talk to you myself and make it more real for me, I guess."
Hermione waited a moment to make sure she was done before she dared to say anything.
"I never have slept with Severus. It was never like that. We've hardly even talked this year. I'm telling you the truth." Hermione began to pace unaware of where to go from there. She wanted to run away. It took all of her inner strength to stay put. "Severus and I knew each other a long time ago. He was my Potions Teacher when I was here. We fought in the wizarding war… it… everything that was between us was a very long time ago, and I've made my peace with that." She thought back to the first time they had entered the dreamscape together, such a very long time ago.
"He was your teacher? So you aren't in love with him?" Bea sighed in relief; a feeling of serenity overcame her. She was gullible and naive. She'd come here with every intent and purpose to ask her to stay far, far away.
"No, I wouldn't say I was in love with him." She had to stop herself from adding that she wasn't in love with him the same way Beatrice was.
"But that doesn't explain why he whispers your name in his dreams." Bea said under her breath, half to herself.
"He does that? He whispers my name?" Bea couldn't help but notice how Hermione's eyes lit up at the very thought. "Perhaps he's having a nightmare of the final battle. I dream of it myself sometimes. I thought I saw him die not feet from me that night in Godric's Hollow, you know." Her eyes were heavy and she finally felt as though the tears she had been willing to fall not too long ago were finally going to do so now.
"No I didn't know," Beatrice began. "He never talks about the past. " She felt sighted. The man she loved above all others shared something to intimate with this girl and she, his own wife, had never known. "Well I had better be going. Have a safe trip."
Beatrice showed herself out of the room and closed the door softly behind her. Something in those wispy brown eyes made her want to believe her. The note of tenderness in her voice led her to believe that Hermione did indeed have feelings for him, but perhaps they were just friendly ones. They had known each other for so long and had been through so much together. This thought alone made her so jealous. They had a history, unlike one they would ever have. Not to mention the fact that he wouldn't even speak to her about his past.
Beatrice was lost in her thoughts. She didn't know what to believe. She wandered around the outside property wondering what she was going to do. What if Severus was in love with that girl? She couldn't blame him. Hermione was lovely and kind and shared with him so many memories that she, Bea, could never replicate. She walked out of the gates of Hogwarts towards Hogsmeade Village, toward their cottage, towards home… her hand resting on her belly silently the entire time.
IIII
She collapsed against the wall. She shuddered, attempting to breathe as she let out frightening, wet sobs, gasping for air, wiping at her tears and nose angrily. Why did she come here? Why in Hell did he come back? She would have been fine had she never seen him again. His deep-set black eyes still haunted her. She'd probably never lay eyes on him again.
She got up off the floor wiping her wet cheeks. She was resolved to leaving here; leaving this place was really the best thing for everyone. She'd move to London, perhaps meet a man and one day hopefully she'd look back on this, look back on Severus and smile.
Hermione walked into the bathroom and turned on the faucet, splashing warm water on her face. She looked at herself in the mirror, unsure of herself, unsure of her future. Either way she knew what she had to do. She walked back to her room, took her purse, her shoulder bag, and made sure she had her train ticket. She took a piece of paper out of her notepad and jotted down a note to Roberta thanking her for everything and listed her new address with directions for her to ship all of her belongings in the coming week.
Hermione walked right out the front doors of Hogwarts. Her head was not held high like it should have been. She did not feel proud. She was taking the coward's way out. Oh Severus, she thought, how did it ever come to this?