Chapter 14-
So, saying it's been a while is an understatement.
I'M SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
I've been busy with junior year with ACT and AP classes and so I'm sorry, I'll update more consistently after March 4th, I promise. I was feeling creative today so I finished an old poem lying on my desk and wrote a new one so I feel the creative juices flowing. Also, I tried to make this one a longer chapter to make up for lost time. I combined two chapters in one. TAKE MY PEACE OFFERING PLEASE.
BTW, implied lemon bc I'm not changing the rating.
Ummmm, so you know the saying "Life imitates art"? Well, I may or may not have acquired a prospective sugar daddy of my own and I just wanted to share it with you all lovely people. Also, I'm in a good mood today because I do forensics, and I got finalist and I'm happy .
So, what's been up with you guys?
As always, thanks to my lovely reviewers:
Imshadowhunterdemigoddivergent- I'm not dead yet lol.
Firequeen8569, sosebo, itsHerondale, Rndmcity, Becky, Leddie2012, TaileaLightwoodHerondale, Bookfanic, Guest, artistofthemind, AnnaW14,Virginia Herondale-Raffaeli, InfinityOfBooks, Guest, TMI Herondales, lindsayhonaker,
Sparrows13- Did I get it right this time?
, blood-red-highlighter, brightdarknessx, fang2000.
Anyways, on with the story
My first boyfriend was when I was in seventh grade. His name was Brady. He was a sweet kid with unruly brown curls and braces and we awkwardly held hands down the hallways of my middle school. He was my first kiss.
He'd taken me to the cinema on our one month anniversary and kissed me. His braces clinked against my teeth and pinched my lip a little. His mouth tasted like popcorn. Meanwhile, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sigourney Weaver hid Gene Hackman's body in her car in the movie Heartbreakers.
Looking back now, I see the irony.
I lost my virginity to Sebastian when I was 15. I was a freshman, he was a junior. I thought he hung the moon. A boy two years older liked me and I was walking on air.
He'd invited me to junior prom and I felt so special. Here I was- a freshman at junior prom.
I spent months searching for the perfect dress, and finally settled on an understated white dress with a sweetheart neckline streaks of blue trailing to the floor. My mom was just as excited, pinning my hair up in an elegant chignon. Sebastian said I was beautiful. And I couldn't stop smiling.
But when I was there, all the girls gave me nasty looks when they thought I wasn't looking. To my face though, they were cordial, and mentioned the after party. Namely, what went on in the after party.
I wasn't completely oblivious to what men wanted; I was in a class of immature freshman boys. But still, somehow I saw Sebastian as this mature gentleman- respectful.
At the party, he practically pumped beer down my throat. I remember nothing but fumbling hands, a sharp pain, and then I passed out. It was the day after that Sebastian started losing interest. And I guess it was my own fault that I clung on to such an obvious jerk. But when he got sick of me, he got violent, and I always thought it was my own fault.
Shortly after, my parents died of a car accident.
I met Maia when she was working as a waitress at the local George Webb's, and we high-tailed it out of there.
And so then it was Ryan, Austin, Kyle, Taren, Peter, Connor, Mitch, Luke, Egan, Evan, Tyler, Devon, Ian, Richard, Seth, James, and Charles. And now Robert. And in a way, Jace.
I curled into the corner as much as I could, as if I could pretend the walls were arms to comfort me. I bury my face in my hands. It's the pounding of feet that snap me out of my reverie.
I look up.
Jace runs towards me and slows as he sees that I noticed him.
"Hey," he greets.
"Hey," I say back quietly.
"What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question," I countered. I didn't realize I had been crying until I blinked and felt liquid spill over. I looked away and wiped quickly.
"Hey, is something wrong?" he asks, crouching down by me. I felt like a kid, patronized by a teacher affecting concern like affecting an accent.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I tell him, "I'm just being stupid."
Jace smiles toothily and the sits down next to me on the floor, draping an arm around me. The touch is just enough to comfort without making me uncomfortable. "So to answer your question, Izzy texted me to invite me to a beach party tonight. Wanna come? Hampton parties are great."
I stare, trying to conceal my shock. How many times do I have to push this man away before he gives up? How many times can I mess up before he stops forgiving me? How does he still want me around? Why is it so hard to just push him away?
"Um, I don't think I can," I say obscurely.
He shrugs, but I don't miss the flash of disappointment on his face before he smoothes his expression. "Suit yourself, so what's your reason for being here?"
"Uhh-, I'm here for," I slyly reach for my purse, playing with my volume button so that it vibrates and I pretend to look down at the phone in shock. "I've got to go, I'm late for my, uh, thing. Bye!"
I run as fast as I can in heels up to my hotel room. I'm struck by how safe I feel in this gilded prison. I guess anything's safer than having to deal with Jace. And the weird feelings tied with Jace.
Robert came to me after dinner. He's rougher than I expected him to be and afterwards he leaves without a word, just the damn $200 that I've come to hate. I don't know why I'm here if his wife is here, if his family's here. Does his wife not put out? Is that it? But aren't men his age supposed to lack… libido?
I lay on the bed, feeling this dirtiness that I know I can't wash off. This dirty feeling I get every time I'm with him.
My phone buzzes on the counter suddenly and I force myself off the bed.
Maia's face appears on screen with a text.
I was wrong. Robert's not the catch of your life. Jace is.
Making up my mind, I head for the shower. I'm going to the party.
The beach is more packed than I thought it would be.
Privileged looking kids are densely scattered around the beach- business majors, lawyers, doctors- all with a red cup or a bottle in hand, mingle with ease. These were the people that I would target if they were five to ten years older.
I see Izzy, long hair swaying, surrounded by frat boys with matching tattoos. I wasn't concerned. She could more than handle herself. A guy tried grabbing her butt but she had him pinned to floor in seconds, her foot inches away from his goods before he cried uncle and wiggled away. I had a lot of respect for her.
I spot Jace by the shore, laughing with abandon. His curls are brighter than the stars where the light from the bonfire reflects from them.
I start towards him and then stop, the nerves preventing me to go any further.
Instead, I head for the keg, chugging as many cups as I can, urging the buzz to come faster.
Vaguely in my growing drunken stupor, I remember what my psychology teacher said about alcohol. It was a depressant- which meant it made your body slow down. Being more confident was only because it loosens your inhibitions.
I need loose inhibitions now.
I can barely walk straight when I feel confident enough to go find Jace.
He's not by the shore anymore, I register that much.
Wandering though the crowd, I begin to feel a little sick. I throw up a little somewhere and then wash my mouth out with some kid's Jack Daniels. Bad idea.
I begin to feel stupid for coming after what feels like hours of not finding him. I hear men catcalling as I walk past but it barely registers. Jace had better feel special.
It's an eternity before I spot him finally. I stumble as fast as I can towards him and then stop. Because hanging off his arm is Kaelie.
My vision goes red.
Jace sees me and waves but I turn and walk/jog away. At least I think I did. I may have tripped a little.
"Wait, Clary!" he calls after me but I continue down the shore. I don't know where I'm going but I don't really care.
"Clary!" he tries again, and I hear him getting closer and closer until he grabs my hand and we both roll to the ground.
"I'm so sorry," Jace quickly jumps off of me.
I stare up at him dazedly.
"Why are you always running away from me?" he laughs, but the sound is bitter and hurt.
I shrug. I might've had a plan of what I was going to say, but my mind's all blank now.
He barks out a short laugh and then plops himself down in the sand in front of me. I prop myself up on my elbows to see him better. Taking in my surroundings, I hazily see that we're in a little secluded cove of sorts. A U-shaped rock separates us and the rest of the world.
It's just the two of us.
It's just the two of us and my hands in feet are in autopilot as I crawl towards him. It wasn't meant to be seductive, it was just that I didn't have the motor capacity to stand up.
It's just the two of us and the space between us now is non-existent.
It's just the two of us and the space between our lips is non-existent.
After a pause of shock, he kisses me back fiercely, tipping us backwards into the sand again. His tongue traces my lips, he tastes vaguely of liquor and mint and I meet his tongue with mine. My hands explore the planes of his body.
He pulls away for air, his breath hot on my face.
I laugh, a realization dawning on me. "Jace," I say calmly, "I owe you free food."
He pulls away further to study my face, his eyebrows are scrunched in confusion. My hands tug at his shirt to pull him back down and then it hits him.
His smile is wide, his chipped incisor winking at me. I love his smile.
And then his smile is everything as he pulls me back down for one last kiss.
We crash into his hotel room and onto the bed. His hands are everywhere and this is bliss.