*inserts excuse about why I haven't updated* but I think you guys will enjoy this chapter :)
Olivia walked into the house from the precinct. She went to go see Cragen about her returning to work. With everything going on, she felt like she needed to be back in the place where she had some control over what was happening. It had been two weeks since her Brian had decided to go through the divorce, and it was affecting her more than she originally thought. She thought that this was something that she wanted, but she couldn't shake the feeling that this was the wrong thing to be doing.
She walked upstairs to see Brian quietly packing his things. "Hey, what are you doing?"
Brian turned around, a little surprised to see her. "I was trying to finish this before you got back home. Sorry."
She sighed. "Bri, you don't have to leave now. You don't even have a place of your own yet, and now you have Madison to worry about also. Just stay here until you can get everything ready."
"I don't really think that's a good idea, Liv. I don't want a divorce, and you do. I don't feel comfortable staying with someone that doesn't feel the same about me." He said in a defeated voice. He was tired of being the only one fighting for this marriage.
"Bri, it's not like that."
"Then what is it like, Liv? You signed the papers, and you've been giving subtle hints to me that I need to hurry and sign them. Why are you in such a rush if it's not like that?" He said mocking her. "It took a while, but I learned you can't fight for a relationship when the other person isn't even willing to get in the ring. Liv, I'm so sick and tired of fighting. I want to fix things, and you want to end them. There's no point in me staying anymore." He zipped up his suitcase. "I love you, I always will, but it is killing me to stay in this house that won't be my home anymore in a few months. I'll be back in the morning to send Jas off for his first day off school. Bye, Liv." He walked out and closed the bedroom door behind him.
Olivia was feeling a mixture of emotions. She was confused, heart-broken, and suddenly felt so lonely. She wiped away a lone tear roughly and took a deep breath. She had to be strong. Brian was right. She wanted this, so why was it affecting her this much? Her mind went back to her last session with Lindstrom and she was starting to think that he was right.
"You ready for school, Jas?" Olivia asked she fixed his clothes for the umpteenth time that morning.
"Yup! I'm a big boy now."
"Yes you are." Brian said as he walked into the living room. He looked up at Olivia. "Sorry I'm late. I got stuck behind every school bus."
"It's okay. He just finished getting ready. Let me take some pictures of you guys before his bus comes."
"Mommmm." Jason groaned. Olivia had been taking photos all morning and all he wanted to do was get to school.
"Sorry, baby, but you're starting kindergarten, and I need to get every picture."
"It's okay, Jas. Grandma did the same thing to me. It's a mommy thing."
After the pictures were taken, and Jason was put on the bus, Brian and Olivia were left alone. Olivia wanted to talk, but she knew Brian probably wouldn't be up to it.
Brian was sitting on the kitchen counter, eating an apple. It seemed to be his go to pose and food when there was awkward tension in the air.
Olivia stood across from him staring at the floor trying to think of what to say. She missed him, them. She missed what they were before the affair.
"I think I'm going to go." He jumped down from the counter. "I have some house-hunting to do later on. Can I have him for the night?"
"Yeah, but before you go, Bri, can we talk?" She asked finally looking up for the floor.
"Liv, what more can we talk about?"
She bit her lip before she lunged forward to kiss him. She didn't know what came over her, but she just knew she needed this.
It was like Brian knew she was going to do that and he caught her in his arms.
They kissed briefly, savoring each other taste. They hadn't kissed like this in weeks, and they both missed it.
Brian was the first to pull away and he shook his head. "No, Liv. We can't do this. It's all or nothing with us."
Olivia was still clinging on to the bottom of his shirt as a lone tear ran down her cheek. She had never been so confused in her entire life. She knew Brian was her soulmate, but she knew she couldn't put herself in a vulnerable position. "I miss us."
"Then why get the divorce?" He asked as he wiped the tears from her face.
"Because it's easier than fixing things or admitting that I fucked up too."
"How long are we going to do this back and forth, Olivia? That's killing me more than anything. Every time I think we can fix it, you find something else in the past to argue about. I want you and no one else, but I don't think your feelings are as strong as mine."
She couldn't even argue with him because everything he was saying was true. "You're right. It isn't fair to you." She released the grip she had on him, but he didn't let go of her.
"Olivia, I love you and I would love to take you upstairs and have the hottest make-up sex we've ever had, but the fact that our future is so unclear, I don't even want to take the chance."
"Brian, I said you're right. You're the one still holding on to me." That last sentence had two different meanings. The physical position they were in right now matched the emotional state their marriage was in. Olivia had let go easily, and even though Brian said he was done, he was still holding on.
He looked down at his arms that was the only thing keeping them chest to chest. "That's because I don't want to let go." He whispered and Olivia knew he was not talking about physically.
"Then don't." She said before she leaned in for another kiss.
This time Brian couldn't fight his feelings anymore. He moaned into the kiss as he lifted her up.
Olivia wrapped her arms and legs around his body tightly as he started walking towards the stairs. God, she was so conflicted at the moment, but she didn't want to think about any of that right now.
With every step he took, his desire and need for Olivia grew. He didn't think about the aftermath of their actions, all he knew was that he wanted his wife back.
Brian fell on the bed and pulled Olivia with him. He knew if they took this any slower than the speed they were at, they would both realize what was happening.
He had one hand in her hair as the other hand traveled down the side of her body.
Olivia began rocking her hips signaling that she was not in the mood for waiting.
He groaned, stood up, and immediately removed his clothing.
Olivia followed suit and pulled him back on the bed when they both were naked. She flipped them over so she was on top. She smirked at him before she kissed her way down his body.
Brian knew that smirk from anywhere and gulped.
Olivia started stroking him at an agonizing pace.
"Liv.." He warned.
"Yes?" She asked before she took him in her mouth, maintaining eye contact.
He groaned at the feeling of her warm, wide mouth around him. "Jesus" Olivia hasn't pleasured him like this since before his affair.
She mentally patted herself on the back before she started humming, sending vibrations through his penis and the rest of his body. She was never big into oral even before Lowell, but when she did it, she did it. She also loved the power she had over Brian. She let go of him with a pop and started to suck gently on his balls, while she stroked him. She never broke eye-contact, but her lustful gaze was too much for Brian.
He hated how quickly he would cum when Olivia went down on him. He closed his eyes and ran his hand through her hair gently tugging on her to signal that he wanted to be back in her mouth.
She took the hint and wrapped her lips back around him. She started to work his hard member with her tongue and hands, and Brian begun to thrust in her mouth. She chuckled at the actions, which felt like vibrations to Brian, it only egged him on.
Olivia pulled away to speak. "Relax." She put her hands on his hips to keep him from thrusting, and went back to licking and sucking.
"Fuck." He had both hands in her head pushing and pulling her head back and forth. "I'm going to.." His body jerked and his hips thrusted hard, while his seed spilled in Olivia's mouth and down her throat.
It's like his orgasm didn't phase her at all. She slowed down her movements until she felt him go limp in her mouth, and that's when she finally pulled away. She licked her lips as she straddled him.
Brian's mouth was open and his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath. Before he could open his eyes, he felt Olivia's lips on his and he groaned when he tasted himself. He wrapped his arms around her and flipped them over. He was already starting to get hard again, and Olivia rubbing herself against him didn't help.
She pulled away and bit her lip lustfully. "Fuck me," and she broke out into a smile.
"Gladly." He pushed into her forcefully. He loved when Olivia would get in a one of her moods like this. It was rare, even more rare after their relationship went downhill, but he made sure he saviored the moment.
Olivia closed her eyes and arched her back, allowing Brian to hit that spot that made her see stars.
Brian pinned her arms above her head and attacked her exposed neck with his lips and teeth. He was determined to leave a mark no matter how much Olivia would yell at him later for it.
"Don't hold back." She whispered in his ear. Every problem they were currently were having was put on the back burner as Brian continued to pummeled in and out of her.
He sat up, gripped her hips, pulled all the way out of her, and slammed back in.
Olivia's eyes widen and she gasped. "Fuck, Brian!"
He continued to repeat the motion until he felt both of them climaxing and knew he had to stay in her. It had been awhile for they both of them, and he couldn't hold off his orgasm any longer.
Olivia sat up and started moving her hips in a figure eight motion as she dugged her nails deeper into Brian's skin. "Oh, God..." She couldn't finish her sentence as her orgasm overpowered her and she screamed out.
Brian kissed her to muffle both of their screams as he shot his hot seed into her.
They continued moving against each other until they came down from their highs and couldn't move anymore. Olivia fell back on the bed, pulling Brian with her. She loved feeling his full weight on her especially after sex like this.
She left soft kisses on his shoulder and kept her arms wrapped him afraid that if she let go, he would leave. Her mind was finally clear, and she knew they wouldn't be able to ignore this, but now she knew exactly what she wanted. "Bri?"
"Hm?" He muttered into her neck.
"I love you."
He lifted his head with a smile on his face. "I love you too." He kissed her softly. "So much."
Brian woke up in an empty bed. He rolled over and looked at the clock that read 11:32 am. The smell of bacon and coffee filled his nose and his stomach grumbled in response. He got out the bed, slipped on his underwear, and made his way downstairs.
Olivia was standing at the stove flipping the last of the pancakes. He smiled and walked up behind her. "Good morning." He kissed her neck and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Smells delicious."
She leaned against him and smiled softly. "Thank you. Go sit down. Brunch is almost ready. I already separated the paper how you like."
"You know we have to talk." He said still nuzzled into her.
"Yes, but I would prefer to have that talk with a full stomach."
"Okay." He moved away from her and made him a cup of coffee before he sat down at the table and started reading the paper.
Olivia finished up cooking, made their plates, and made her way over to the table.
They ate in a comfortable silence while they read their separate sections of the paper. Brian wanted sports and comics, and Olivia skimmed over everything else. After they were finished eating, they moved over to the couch where they knew they could no longer avoid the conversation.
Brian cleared his throat. "So, what does this mean for us?"
"That us is going to continue until death does us apart. I know I've been going back and forth about this, and I would hate me if I were you, but you're trying. You're trying to fix us, and I can't ask for more out of you. From the start, it's been you wanting to work on things while I was just ready to give up."
Brian sat quietly as he processed the information. Of course he wanted to be back with Olivia and go back to how they were, but he knew a lot of things would have to change beforehand. "You want us one hundred percent?"
"Yes." She got up, ran upstairs to their bedroom and grabbed something out the nightstand. She walked back down the stairs and threw the papers on Brian's lap. "You can rip them. We won't be needing them."
He smiled a little and an idea popped in his head. "How about we just roast marshmallows over them?"
"How romantic of us to make s'mores over our divorce papers."
He chuckled. "It's very classy and mature of us." He got serious again and grabbed her hand. "I love you, Olivia, and I know we've been through hell these last three years, but I'm glad we're not giving up. We have a lot of work, but it'll all be worth it."
She smiled softly. "I love you too."
"Mom, is Maddie afraid of me?" Jason asked as he walked into Olivia's bedroom.
Olivia looked up from her book with a confused look on her face. "No, sweetie. Why would you think that?"
He shrugged his shoulders as he went to go sit on the edge of the bed. "Every time I'm around her she jumps when I get too close, and she doesn't talk to any of us that much."
"Well, Jas, she's only three. She can't say as many words as you."
"I just want her to like us." Jason said with a sad tone in his voice. "She doesn't seem like she likes it here. Maybe she misses her old family."
"That's not true. It's only been a couple of days. Let her get used to us. It's not you that's making her uncomfortable, okay?" Olivia grabbed his face in her hands. "You've been a great big brother so far, and I'm very proud of you."
His face lit up at the compliments. "Really! I'm doing good?"
Olivia smiled and nodded her head. "Very good. How about you call Maddie in here and see if we can get her to talk a little."
"Maddie!" Jason yelled out the top of his lungs.
"Jason, I could have done that." Olivia said at his laziness.
He giggled. "Oops."
Maddie slowly walked in the room holding on to her teddy bear. It was always in her hand no matter what she was doing. "Huh?" She said barely audible.
"Come here, sweetie." Olivia said gently. She was sure Jason yelling her name had to startle her a bit.
She walked to the bed and climbed on it to sit next to Olivia, but she put room in between them.
"You know we all are really excited that you're staying here with us, right?"
Maddie just nodded.
"And you can talk to us about whatever. So, if we're doing something you don't like, you can just tell us." Olivia didn't blame Maddie for being distant. She's never been somewhere for a long period of time, so this was her coping mechanism. She wasn't going to talk, so she couldn't get attached. "You're here to stay with us for good."
"I am?" She asked. This was the first time she's ever heard those words.
"Oh, yes. We aren't letting you go anywhere. You're apart of our family now."
"You really think Carrisa and Alex planned for her to get pregnant?"
Melinda nodded. "It's payback. Alex was head over heels for Trevor, and he broke up with her because he had feelings for Olivia. She didn't know she was pregnant at the time of the break-up, but when she found out, she had an abortion. She never let Olivia know any of this happened, but she still secretly hated her for ruining her life, and having the life that she always wanted."
Casey's jaw dropped as she processed the information. She was never really close with Alex, and she only talked to her because Melinda and Olivia were their mutual friends. "That's one helluva motive, but who holds a grudge that long?"
"Someone as vindictive as Alex." Melinda said as she cut open the chest.
Casey's face immediately showed her disgust. "I don't understand why we couldn't talk over drinks instead of a dead body."
Melinda smirked at her reaction. "Where's the fun in that?"
Casey rolled her eyes. "Anyways, what are we going to do about Alex? If she can hold a grudge this long, she's not going to give up until Olivia is as miserable as her."
Melinda stayed silent as she cut the veins keeping the heart in the body while she thought. "We're either going to have to tell Olivia and Brian, or take care of her ourselves."
"Olivia will kill her, no doubt. I think this is something we should keep to ourselves."
Melinda chuckled a bit. "That's true, but we don't want her to think we are keeping anything else from her. After all that has happened, I think we owe it to Olivia to be great friends from now on."
"How are we going to handle this? She doesn't seem like the type to change because we talked to her." Casey said as she sat in a chair far away from the operating table.
"Beat at her own game. You're a lawyer. Find out some dirt about her." Melinda said with a mischievous grin on her face.
"This is nice." Olivia said as her and Brian were cuddling that night. It had been so long since they last done this with no awkward tension in the air.
"It is." Brian said as he held her tighter, afraid that he may wake up from this dream.
"Is there something on your mind?" She asked looking up at him. She could tell in the tone of his voice that he was over thinking about something.
He sighed. It was something he didn't want to think about, let alone talk about, but he knew it needed to be said. "I'm worried about Maddie. I know bouncing around homes isn't easy, but..." He trailed off as he tried to figure out how to say the next part. "..she's showing signs of someone that was abused. Liv, I don't want to think about that."
Olivia slowly sat up and found Brian's eyes. He was right about Madison, she was acting like an abuse victim, but she didn't want to believe it herself. "Babe, I know you don't want to think about it, but it could be a possibility. It makes me sick, but if we both have this gut feeling, maybe we should try to talk to her."
Brian physically felt sick to his stomach. This wasn't a conversation that he thought he would ever need to have with his own daughter. This is exactly why he left SVU. He couldn't handle things like this. It affected him too much, and now it was happening in his own household. "I feel guilty."
Olivia took a deep breath before she spoke. "This isn't your fault, Bri. If something happened to her, it isn't your fault. You didn't know she existed. Yes, it would have been nice not have a love child, but you do, and you're going to love her as much as you love Jas. It's not your fault that you're just now finding out about her. You stepped up as soon as you did find out, and that's something you shouldn't feel guilty about."
I promise that Brian and Olivia are staying together for good now. No more back and forth. However, that doesn't mean smooth sailing from now with Alex still lurking around...