CHAPTER VX

Again, the question 'what have I done' rang through my head. Thinking back on it now as I walked in silence, I wished it had never happened. Because all I could do now, was pretending that it had never happened.

As soon as we broke our kiss, it was like every rational thought came back, pulling is harshly back to reality. We had eyes each other with wide eyes, immediately putting more distance between us. I had watched with still throbbing lips hung open how he suddenly stood up and walked away.

I had put my head in my hands, digging my nails in my scalp in frustration. Tears were streaming down my face, but I wasn't sad. I was just so, so confused. So angry, not at Cato, but at myself. How could I've done this? Why did I give in? I always followed my head, I always thought things through… why not now?

I was convinced Cato had left me, this time for real, but he hadn't. I was staring into the fire when a shadow neared me again. He walked like I had seen him walk on the television screen, during the Reaping. Self-assured. Strong. Cold.

He had come to stop in front of me, looking at me with a blank, emotionless face.

"We should split up", he had said.

"Okay", I had replied.

And now here I was, all alone in this dark forest – well, for as far as I could be alone here. We gave each other a day to find our own way, after 24 hours he would kill me if I came too close. But would I? I didn't think I had the heart to do it anymore.

I stepped over a tree's thick root, my skin suddenly remembering the feel of his hand in mine when he helped me cross the river yesterday. I forced the thought of it out of my mind. I didn't want to think about him. Not now, never. What happened wasn't right, it was the need of being with someone. It only happened because we probably both didn't want to be all alone anymore.

It was a rushed act, it was irrational, it was dumb.

Now that I thought about it, it was what Cato made me do. He made me do things without thinking through, acting like I was someone different. He fucking made me kill someone.

I could draw a conclusion, but I'd just repeat what I'd thought of him the first few days in the Capitol: Cato was bad. And he made me do bad things. Things I would normally never do.

I balled my fists. Never before had I hated someone so much so quickly. Love. I had called it 'love' in my head as we kissed. How could I've been so naïve?! How could I let him do this? I pulled a twig out of a low hanging branch, breaking it angrily into tiny pieces and throwing it to the ground again. How could I let him in so fast, without even knowing him well? All I knew was that he was a monster, but somehow… somehow I still managed to feel comfortable near him.

Again I felt that stupid feeling settle in my stomach, and I'd do everything to let that feeling go away. Everything. So I trudged forward in the dark, my eyes already adjusted to the blackness of the night.

I think I walked for a solid five hours without stopping. I have no idea how I managed to do that. It was only when dawn broke and I allowed myself to have a short pause to have breakfast when I suddenly felt the soreness in my legs and feet.

But I didn't let that stop me. I walked further, further, until I came to a sudden stop, a frown upon my face. Looking to my right, I saw an enormous pile of branches, twigs and leaves. Definitely tribute made.

I sneaked closer, carefully looking around, should there be a tribute near. If there was, they were probably watching every move I made. But I had my twin blades strapped on my back, so should I be attacked…

I decided not to finish that sentence in my head.

I reached out to the leaves and came to a conclusion. This pile was made for one purpose: to smoke like hell when it would be lit.

I decided another thing: to get the heck away from this thing before someone came and spotted me.

Therefore, I quickly walked further, trying to wrap my head around the fact someone wanted to light a fire that would smoke so much. Was it meant as a distraction? It had to be. This looked like it was well-planned, carefully devised.

After a walk of approximately twenty minutes, I saw another pile. A frown appeared on my forehead again. Why would someone do this? Whose attention did this tribute want to draw?

I looked around, confusion probably evident on my face, trying to figure out what this plan was about. Then I heard a twig snap. The flip in my head switched to high-alert and I scanned the area around me.

There, behind a thick tree trunk I saw black hair. Big curly hair that could only belong to one tribute.

"…Rue?" I called out softly, hesitantly. The head with black hair jerked a little and a smile tugged up my lips. I walked closer, but stopped when I didn't see the hair anymore. I undid my backpack and grabbed my twin blades, then laid them on the forest ground.

"I won't hurt you, I swear", I assured her, and smiled again when the twelve-year-old girl stepped from behind the tree with wide, chocolate eyes.

I nodded to the pile. "Is this your doing?"

Rue nodded slowly, still heavily on her guard.

"Were you going to light it?" I asked further, and she nodded again, though unsurely.

"It's okay," I said quickly, not liking her distrust, "I won't snitch or something." I paused as I thought over my words, then smiled sadly. "It's not like I have anyone to tell."

At this, Rue frowned briefly and looked at me with questioning eyes. "I thought you were with the Careers?"

I sighed and sat on a trunk that lay on the ground. "Nah, never," I replied. "I immediately went in the forest after grabbing these." I nodded to the twin blades as clarification.

"Oh." She came closer, still a bit uncertain. "But you were with Cato the past few days," she continued and I stiffened, "I might have observed you."

I chuckled breathlessly and shook my head. "I shouldn't have expected otherwise," I said and looked back at her. "But yes, you're right. I was with Cato. We split up yesterday."

Rue nodded slowly. "What exactly is your plan?" I asked confused and curious at the same time.

"Are you… are you loyal to Cato?" she asked in turn, making me frown.

Was I?

I saved him. He saved me. He helped me. I helped him. We… kissed. I was loyal to him. Was.

Not anymore. Not after he urged me to kill someone. Okay, I did it, but he made me do it. He made it look like it was just thing to do. Another flame of anger rose in me.

"No. No I'm not loyal to him," I replied. "Why?"

Rue grinned and looked at the pile. "Come, help me light this pile," she just said. "The first one is only twenty minutes back and around half an hour away from the Cornucopia." She looked up. "It has probably already caught the Career's attention."

"But that'll lead them here!" I said in shock and Rue nodded seriously. She picked something out of her pocket. A box of matches.

"Katniss is going to destroy their pyramid. How, I have no idea," she explained. "There's another pile up ahead, we have to light that one as well and get away as quickly as we can."

My mind was reeling. So that was what they were planning on doing. They were going to cut their food and medications short. This… this plan might actually work, I thought to myself. Katniss seemed smart, she could actually do this. I nodded a few times and looked at Rue. "Okay," I said and walked to the pile of leaves and twigs. "Okay, I'll help."

Rue grinned and gave me a match. I quickly swiped it along a tree's trunk and threw it one the pile as soon as a flame rose from the wood. Rue did the same and gave me another one. After two more matches the pile was flaming and smoking heavily.

I eyed Rue, a new plan in my mind. "Why don't you run to the next pile, and I'll stay here to distract the Careers when they come here."

Rue shook her head. "No, Marina," she said determined. "That's too dangerous. They'll kill you."

I grinned. "No they won't," I replied, bucked to pick up a tiny stone and then looked up at the trees. "I'll be in there. Only if they go your direction, I'll throw this rock to distract them."

Rue looked unsure, and I smiled reassuringly. "You're gonna be okay, Rue," I assured her. "You've made it this far on your own already. You're a strong girl, they won't catch you. I won't let them."

I gave her a hug and patted her on her shoulders. "Now go," I said with a smile. "I'll be right here, making sure they won't follow you."

Rue smiled back and nodded, then turned around. She ran away, and I watched her until she disappeared from my sight. Then, I turned to the tree that was most near me and quickly climbed into it.

I had to wait thirty minutes before I heard their voices. I chanced a peek, my heart drumming in my chest as I caught sight of Clove, Hadrian and Cato. Cato. He was his old self again. At least, it looked like it.

"I knew it!" Clove snarled and kicked at a tree branch on the ground in anger. "It's a trap."

"I know," Cato replied, staring into the flames darkly. "Smart. Smart plan this tribute has. I just hope it'll cost their head. We should get back to the Cornucopia."

"Don't you want to know who did this?" I heard Clove ask with venom. "I sure as hell do."

"We'll find out soon enough when their head appears in the sky", Cato said darkly, and I winced at his harsh and cold voice. It sounded exactly like the Cato in the gymnasium, in the beginning of the Games. It made me scared.

In the end, I didn't have to use the stone at all, since they walked back to where they came from. I stayed in that tree for a solid thirty minutes, thinking about… anything really. Well, maybe mostly about Cato. I was still surprised about the fact he could change moods so quickly. It was like he'd never been with me. He had acted so different then…

I shook my head, forcing the thoughts out of my head. It was then when a realization flashed in my mind instead. Clove, Hadrian, Cato.

Where was Marvel?

"When their head appears in the sky…" I whispered, repeating Cato's words. I jolted in shock. "Fuck!"

I climbed down the tree, jumped the last distance between me and the ground, and then ran into the direction Rue went. Shit, shit, shit! Marvel was ahead, Marvel was ahead. He could find her. Fuck. Panic kicked in and I ran and ran.

I didn't know how long I ran, all I knew was that I ran. A dark feeling settled in my belly, feeling that if I didn't hurry up now, I'd be too late.

When I burst through the trees into a small clearing, I realized I was. I was, indeed, too late.

There sat Katniss, arms around a small figure, with dark skin and dark hair. Rue.

I was too late.

I left her alone.

To die.

"No", I breathed, eyes wide, and slumped to the ground.

I didn't even notice Katniss turning around quickly, grabbing her bow and an arrow, stringing it and pointing it at my head. I didn't even hear her scream. I didn't see her face, which was probably full of grieve.

"…What are you doing here?!"

Her voice became more and more clear, and my head snapped up.

"Answer me!" she shouted. "What. Are you. Doing here?"

"I… It's my fault."

"What do you mean? What did you do?"

I looked up at her, wanting to cry, but it was like the tears weren't allowed to escape my eyes. "I left her alone."

Katniss frowned, and only now I saw the tears in her eyes. My eyes darted to the background, widening at the sight of Marvel lying in the grass. For a second, I was glad. I was glad he didn't get away with murdering a child of 12 years old. But he killed her nevertheless.

I looked back at the Girl on Fire. "I… I found her at the second pile," I stammered. "She told me about your plan. I wanted to help. I told her she should head to the next while I would distract the Careers. I didn't… I didn't realize Mar- he wasn't with them."

Katniss' face became angry, desperate. "Why did you leave her alone? Why would you do that?!" she almost screamed, and for a second I thought she was going to shoot me. But instead, she slumped to the ground on her knees, head in buried in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably.

"You left her alone as well!" I exclaimed in surprise, but I shut my mouth, realizing blaming each other for her death would get us nowhere. "Katniss…"

"It's my fault," she breathed with realization, and I started to shake my head and open my mouth, but she cut me off. "If it wasn't for this plan, she wouldn't have died."

I bit my lips. "It was a good plan", I whispered, and looked at Rue's body. I inched closer, but as soon as I saw her face, I broke. Tears finally started streaming down my face.

Out of nowhere, Katniss stood up. I watched her walk away, but she came back soon with white flowers in her hands, and placed them near her head. She walked back to get more, and I quickly stood up to do the same.

We spent hours just picking flowers and placing them beside little Rue, making a bed of flowers for her. Katniss put some in her hands, and gave her a kiss on the forehead. I swallowed and exhaled shakily.

"She was too young", I whispered, not knowing if I said it to her or to myself. I felt Katniss glance up at me and saw her nodding from the corner of my eyes. We just sat there, lost in our own thoughts, when I suddenly felt myself become bitter.

Rue's death was not our fault. I wanted to say it was Marvel's fault, but even that was not true. It was their fault. It was his fault. Fucking President Snow.

I wanted to scream and shout, everything that had happened… I had bottled it up, telling myself crying in these Games could only get yourself killed, whether by the tributes or the Gamemakers. I looked to my side, seeing that Katniss had the same tensed vibe around her as I had.

"We should go," she said, her voice so well kept together that no one would suspect what it was doing to her, "they probably want to pick up her body."

I swallowed again and nodded. "Yeah. You're right."

We stood up, eyes lingering on Rue's face, so soft, so peaceful, as if she didn't die from Marvel's spear. "Katniss," I addressed, and she turned around to me. "I know you don't like me. Well, I actually don't know that, but I know you don't see me as a friend either." I paused and fiddled with my jacket sleeve. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Katniss gave me that unreadable face she always gave people, or at least me. She nodded stiffly. "I never said I didn't like you," she replied and I relaxed in an instant. "But… I do think it's best to part ways."

I nodded quickly. I had never planned on following her, nor Rue. I had planned on helping them, then going to go further on my own. Maybe I'd run into Dara.

"I think so too," I said, then dipped my head to the side. "But do we have some sort of truce? I mean, you won't kill me, I won't kill you?"

Katniss' eyes darted to Marvel's body, something flashing across her eyes. I could almost see her shiver. She looked back at me and nodded. "Deal."

And so again, I parted ways with someone, again with a heavy heart. I turned my head, having one last look on Katniss, and frowned when I saw her look up at something above her, probably cameras. She kissed three fingers and put them up in the air, and I smiled sadly.

In my mind, I did the same, but I walked further as the sound of a hovercraft drew nearer.

Hey again!

This was a tough chapter to write. I didn't know what I wanted to do with the kiss, I mean... I didn't want it to be cheesy or too good to be true in these games, so I that's why I decided to go into this direction.

Anyway, I hope you like this chap. I kinda rushed the editing phase, I really really wanted to update again, since I won't be able to write the coming week. My exchange partner is coming to the Netherlands today! She's from Russia, and I can't wait to see her again.

I also wanted to say thank you to those who decided to give this story a try and followed/favorited it! And thanks so much K01 for your encouraging words! I tried really hard to write the characters like they appeared in the films and books, which is the main reason for Cato and Marina to split up. It just doesn't seem right to have Cato forget about his real purpose in the Games. Something'll definitely happen between the two, but just... not yet.

So, if you liked this, please review! Reviews really give me motivation to keep on writing and updating! Love y'all.

-xoxo-