Chapter 13
December 13th – December 15th
My Pain, My Pleasure
The moon drifted daintily in the sky as the night went on. The six wolves remained in the area to admire its beautiful splendors, cherishing every moment of its presence. They bathed in its light, finally at ease for the first time in many weeks. Their glowing, feral eyes stared it down fiercely with their tails smoothly running through the grass.
Jiraiya had decided it best for him to stay with them. His teachings for the night were completed, and all of the wolves had been capable of reaching the second form with his instruction. However, it'd been ages since he spent a night watching the moon, relaxing with a group of lycanthropes in an undisturbed environment—yes, he had done it before.
There was one thing he could say off the bat about them: they were definitely the most colorful pack of wolves he'd ever seen in his day. Perhaps not in fur color, but they each had different body structures and retained many self-defining features. He knew he'd never be able to mistake any one of them for another.
Jiraiya laughed to himself as he gazed upon this pack of wolves. They laid on the ground as any canine would, resting beneath the moon with an otherworldly bliss. In essence they had become little more than peaceful dogs, not even close to the monsters as the human race had seen their kind as years before.
"Werewolves...not very many things like 'em," he muttered aloud. "It's why I became so interested in the first place. I cannot express how enthralling it is to see them alive again..."
Kakashi rolled over onto his side to stretch his limbs out. He poked the tip of his tongue out and closed his eyes while doing so. "Can't sayI'm not flattered."
Jiraiya chuckled. "You're welcome, I guess, but...speaking seriously..."
He reopened his mismatched eyes, giving him a hard, concentrated stare.
"Regardless of how spectacular it may be...I fear you all may be in grave danger in the near future. In more ways than one," the old sage declared, looking away from their beastly gazes. Their eyes were too powerful, too mighty for the likes of him; his simple mortality was unworthy.
"It is a difficult thing to keep secret sometimes. More times than not, humans will look at your ability and shun you for it—regardless if that person is someone you've known your whole life, you never know who will react positively or negatively. It is generally in human nature to be afraid of strange, bizarre things...and fear can lead to anger and hatred. For your sakes…I beg you all to promise that you'll never ever share this secret with another human.
"The other thing I'm afraid of...is Naruto." The name burned viciously at their ears. Merely mentioning him was like a kunai to the heart. "I am supportive of your cause, and I'm prepared to do whatever I can to help. Though I have scarce amounts of knowledge about the situation, I can sense deep down that... this isn't going to be easy. He's been on the run for so long, there's no way of telling how far away he could have gone. And then again, he may not have gone too far at all."
"I am well aware it's not going to be easy, Master Jiraiya," said Kakashi. "I'm confident we all know it."
There was a series of nods among them all.
Kakashi sighed, absentmindedly gliding his paw through the dead grass. With a soft grunt he managed to lift his body off the ground. He strolled in front of the group and sat before them. The moonlight's faint energy beat down on his back; it provided him both consolation and confidence.
"I'm also confident that no matter where he has gone, we will be able to find him. I for one am not about to let anything dreadful happen to him," he said before adding quietly, "Heavens forbid that anything already has."
"Talking like that isn't exactly helpful," Shikamaru intervened. "Hell, even thinking like that is a bad idea, Kakashi."
Kakashi gruffly snorted at his statement. "You're right. I'm sorry." He released a long airy sigh through his nostrils before continuing. "We've waited far too long to take this rescue mission into action," he replied, stomping once at the earth with self hatred. "Now it's done. We are equipped with adequate forces, as well as a better understanding and even better control of this...power. Therefore, I have made a decision."
He paused for a moment to assure he had their undivided attentions. The majority of them were unaware and ill-prepared for his next words.
"We're leaving in three days." Gasps and sounds of confusion lolled over them as they turned to one another for consolation. Hinata pinned her ears back in distress; her deep purple eyes trailed downwards to her furred chest. She knew she wasn't ready for this yet. It had only been one day, and she needed much more time to adjust to these constant changes she was undergoing.
"Three days, Kakashi? Sure, maybe you and your two trainees have sufficient experience...but...think of the other three. Hadn't they just been bitten last night?" Jiraiya suggested pressingly. "And you're all just beginning your training...It'd be far too dangerous to go now."
"I know there is a lack of practice, but Jiraiya we are out of time. I almost consider three days too much. If I had no empathy I would have chosen to leave now."
"Fine, fine...I am not the pack leader here...I am but your humble guide..."
Kakashi's right ear twitched towards the old man. Pack leader? Jiraiya sure had a strange way of putting things…For the most part, yes, Kakashi had been calling the shots. He was the oldest of the six, the largest wolf of them too, and he had many excellent qualities that defined leadership. However, he could never see himself as their "leader". Deep down he could feel it wasn't his place in this little grouping Jiraiya had deemed as a pack.
Sighing yet again, Kakashi slumped his shoulders forward. He hit his tail against the ground once, and then again. Of all times he was finding it difficult to be calm. He wasn't getting angry, or at least he didn't think he was. It was more of his anxiety getting the better of him. With Naruto constantly on his mind, even in his sleep, it was no wonder he could not retain a tranquil state of mind. He was always thinking of what he could have done to change the outcome of this whole ordeal, what he should have done to prevent it, and if he was right to have put more through this for the cause.
"If we need more practice, then we need you, Jiraiya," Kakashi said, causing the whole group to turn their gaze to the old man lounging in the dead grass. "Your expertise on this…is most invaluable…You could come with us perhaps."
"Sorry, no can do, Kakashi...I have other things to take care of here in the village. However, I can free up some time in my schedule...for a few more practice sessions like these before you turn yourselves loose."
"That would be the best way to substitute if you really can't."
"Again, I apologize…but Tsunade's been on my tail about coming and going for a long time and I can't just disappear when things are tight…Speaking of Tsunade," he trailed off, reaching into his clothing with a thoughtful look on his face. He grasped a moderate sized book with a plain black leather cover. There were no words; only a shining silver circle was imprinted on the upper-left corner of it. There were a few tabs poking out of its top
"Is that the book you told us about?" asked Shikamaru.
"You got it. The Big Book of Werewolves by yours truly." Lazily he tossed it in the center of the group, and they all stared at it with befuddled eyes. "It's got anything and everything you'd ever need to know about a werewolf."
Kakashi pulled it over with his paw and delicately used a claw to open the cover. The text was extremely small, but still readable. No wonder the book was so compact for something that covered such a broad subject. On the inside of the cover was a table of contents, but the first page went straight to the first section
"What is a Werewolf?" read the title. "A fantasy most might say. An impossibility in the eyes of many. If it is so impossible to shape shift into a beast, then why are humans capable of conjuring fire or willing water to do as we please? Werewolves have been thought of as myths, but they are but a dream, or a nightmare come true. They are very real, and they are very misunderstood. A werewolf is not a monster, nor is he a wild animal. They are humans, cursed humans, but humans nonetheless."
"Of course, not all of it is of any use to you. I've book-marked a few sections of interest, though. I highly recommend you look at them."
Kakashi flipped through the tabbed pages, idly catching their titles. "The History of Werewolves, The Nature of Were-Chakra, Werewolf Behavior, The Art and Culture, Diseases and Mental Illnesses…"
That last one had Kakashi a little worried.
"You really have out done yourself Jiraiya. It must have taken you years to gather this information," Kakashi complimented before carefully shutting the tome of unbeatable knowledge.
"It wasn't easy, but it was rather fulfilling," the Sannin replied with his eyes distantly locked to the moon. He then made a dismissive gesture towards Kakashi. "You may go ahead and borrow that book. Tsunade is convinced I'm borrowing it for a trip down memory lane…It is you of all people who deserve to have it."
The large silver wolf bowed his head. "Thank you, Master Jiraiya…"
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The days went by at a snail's pace. Each second was mind-numbing nothingness. Each tick of a clock stabbed them like a knife. Some would have preferred to have left that night, while others enjoyed this peace of mind though boring and painful as it was. Of course, they had been meeting with Jiraiya for the extra practice, and though it occupied time, most of the group would rather not have to be a wolf every night…
As the day of their departure drew near, there was an ominous, foreboding sensation among them as the continued to tread within the walls. They couldn't help but feel…that there was a chance they'd never return. A chance that this wonderful place would become a distant memory…
Paranoia, another common early werewolf symptom, and particularly Sasuke was having a lot of it.
It was the second day, late in the evening. Tomorrow night was the scheduled departure.
"I just don't understand...is it because of me?"
"Or is it because of Naruto?"
"She's been acting weird lately, especially after that last full moon..."
"I don't know why she would be so upset."
He poked his head out of the alley tentatively as he watched the girl walk down the street. Only her hair allowed him to pick her out of the crowd, as it was a very unique shade of pink shared by no one else.
"Something had to have happened that night...she was perfectly fine before it."
"To say the least...we were just starting to get along."
She finally passed by his post. Involuntarily, he breathed in through his nostrils to take in her scent. Once able to filter through all the other human scents wafting around, her unique odor reached his senses. She always smelt so very sweet, like some undiscovered species of flower coated in scents of baby powder and sugar. There were still other, more unpleasant scents upon her, such as her natural scent and the musk of sweat, but they were so discreet it did not bother him.
"And now every time I see her, she won't look at me, she won't speak to me."
"Still...why this is...is far beyond me, but what's more confusing is...why do I care?"
Sasuke slipped into the crowd, and he began to follow her. His eyes never strayed elsewhere. He assumed now was a good time to get to the bottom of things.
As the influx of people started to thin, Sasuke had to take shelter in trees and alleyways to remain hidden from her. Where she was walking made it seem like she wasn't attempting to return home. She was almost aimlessly wandering the streets, eyes directed to the ground distantly and emotionlessly as the sun drifted away.
There were a lot of things wrong with Sasuke. For one, he was stalking her like an overly obsessed fan to a celebrity, and he had been every day and night since Sakura ceased showing affection towards him.
…Not that he cared.
Or perhaps…he actually did.
That was the other thing. He had somehow gained an untamable desire for her, and it had been like that ever since he first laid eyes on that second form of hers. Since then, he unnoticeably would treat her with kindness and understanding; he did not mind showing his soft side to her. In return she became dependant on him for comfort. In a way it comforted him as well, for he too suffered a bitter loneliness without the blonde boy around.
Naruto having gone missing had a larger impact on himself then he previously thought. Had he inconspicuously fallen in love? Gone insane? Or was he just following another instinct?
Quietly he pushed ahead of her and hid himself carefully behind a building she was approaching. He had questions, and he needed answers. She was the final person upon the streets, so he would have no interruptions.
Sakura held herself arm in arm and her footsteps echoed through the empty village like a dying heartbeat. Sasuke listened carefully to the tune to ensure he timed himself right. As she drew close, his muscles tensed and he gripped his hands into fists. She passed by his hiding spot, not even noticing his presence. This was his moment to strike.
Quickly he took hold of her wrists and kept them tightly locked betwixt his fingers. Her eyes went wide with fear and a feeble gasp sounded off. Before she could make a sound he had his free hand clamped over her mouth. She grunted as she struggled against him; it would be futile.
Sasuke dragged her through the village with little strife. Luckily he didn't have far to go, conveniently having made his move so very close to home. That was where he planned to take her, concealed in his room until she revealed what he needed to know. He had a notion she wasn't going to be very happy with him, and while he was forcibly moving her he wondered if he should have just confronted her face to face rather than attacked her.
Him and his dumb impulses…
By slipping through a carelessly open window, he was able to take her through his house and up to his bedroom. Once he released her, he received a violent and ill-aimed punch to his shoulder. It didn't hurt as much as it could have; he'd seen what kinds of damage she could do when she was actually trying to hurt someone. Once the dull throbbing was shaken off, he turned to look her in the eye.
Meeting his gaze did not remove her angry scowl. Now he knew kidnapping her was a really bad idea. The point of this encounter was to set things straight between them, not to worsen them. Instinct commanded him to growl back, but pure will power forced the thought out of his head. Instead he stared into her eyes as calmly as he possibly could, hoping it would in turn calm her.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sakura questioned with her eyes narrowed with both rage and confusion.
Sasuke took a deep breath before propping his back up. "Don't know…I need to talk to you."
"Well thanks, I'm flattered; I really enjoyed being abducted just 'cause you wanted to talk to me," she snapped while briskly making for the door. She was in no mood to speak with him, especially after he nearly frightened her to death by sneaking up on her. He stopped her by clapping his hand upon her shoulder. The two exchanged glares.
"You've been avoiding me." His words drawled out with subtle viciousness. Sakura broke their eye contact and glanced to the wood flooring.
"No, I haven't," she denied monotonously.
He furrowed his brow angrily. "That's a lie. Why is it when you see me that you won't look at me?"
Sakura brushed her hair out of her eyes and bore them into Sasuke's, just to prove him wrong. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied. Sparks of fury singed Sasuke's nerves.
"If this is about Naruto, it isn't my fault whatsoever."
She bit her lip and clenched her hands into fists at the mere mention of him.
"It isn't about Naruto!" Sakura yelled suddenly, tears welling up in her eyes. This caused him to back away and straighten up. She sniffed and rubbed her watery eyes in a feeble attempt to hold back the dreadful emotion she was displaying.
"Then tell me," he said calmly.
Sakura pursed her lips, silently debating the possible replies in her mind. "It doesn't matter anymore," she mumbled.
"What doesn't matter?" he asks, rubbing her shoulder to comfort her. "Everything you have to say matters to me."
"It's nothing," Sakura says quietly, looking from his hand to his flawless face.
"It obviously isn't. You're upset."
"It's nothing," she repeated with more intensity in her tone.
"Do you think I'm blind?" Technically he wasn't, but to Sakura he was blind as one could be.
She groans at his persistence. To think she could ever be annoyed with Sasuke…Sakura ripped her shoulder away from him and snarled, "It's nothing, Sasuke!"
"If it is as petty as nothing I think you can tell me what it is!" he shouts back, becoming frustrated with her. It wasn't the right thing to do, but perhaps it was the only way for him to get through to her.
Her desire to reply burned through her throat like fire, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold it back. The foreboding silence that followed goaded her craving to speak further. Sakura contemplated how she could say it, for it would be hard on both of them. Nervously she attempted to swallow the scorching word trying to escape, but eventually she failed.
"You."
Sasuke's eyes widened. He felt like he was struck in the heart with a knife, like someone brutally blew a hole straight through his stomach. Without directly saying it, Sakura had somehow called him "nothing".
"What?"
Sakura gripped her forearm, trying to stitch together a coherent sentence to explain herself. "You—you made me—made me what I am." She felt her throat clogging up, her eyes stinging with tears. "I hate it." She closed her eyes again, only this time it released her tears.
It didn't make sense. She was upset because of the power she was given? She hadn't expressed much disdain towards it, so it seemed ridiculous she suddenly became hateful.
"How...can you hate it?" he questioned
Sakura laughed morbidly in a combination of fake joy and true anguish. "How can I not?"
"I don't understand, Sakura...I thought you were just joking the first time you said it but..." He felt so very naïve. He bit his lip and averted his gaze to the ground.
Sakura took a deep breath. "I hate the feelings I get, the cravings I get. I hate the way it makes me feel. I hate it. I can't stand it." She glares at him. "And I can't believe you actually thought that I wouldn't mind. That you thought I would enjoy it."
"I...Sakura." He was at a loss of words. "I know that wasn't for me to judge...but I enjoy it...and Naruto...in a way...he enjoyed it too. So, I just thought...everyone else would."
"I'm not you, though, am I?" Sakura stared at her hands, pitiful sobs trailing her breaths. "Look at what I did…I'm no better then either you or Naruto! I-I…I bit her…I made Hinata suffer…and for what!" She gritted her teeth threateningly at him. "I don't care what Kakashi-sensei said! We didn't have to put any more through this! A-and the worst part is…I…I enjoyed doing this to her…I enjoyed making her a monster."
"Sakura, we are not monsters. We're better than that, better than humans. We're stronger...and faster...and..."
"I don't care what we are capable of!" Sakura spat out. "I hate everything you've made me become. I feel...I feel betrayed, disgusted. You don't understand. I just want to be normal again."
Sasuke sighed in despair, pausing for several moments to let her words sink in.
"I want to tell you something." He politely waited for her consent; she never said anything, so he continued. "Naruto…he feels the same way you do…He hates it…he wants it to go away. He's endured it…much longer than any of us have…only he really knows how vile this power is. It took him a long time to discover what a mere bite did to another person. I was an accident, but it changed me into something… incredible, dreadful it may be.
"I was a mistake that probably should not have happened though, for once he uncovered the ability to convert humans into creatures like him, a desire completely different from that of blood and murder started to take him over: a desire to create a family. He picked you and Kakashi as the first victims, and I wasn't sure if you would've been the last…I only played along because…I thought it would only be right to share this.
Sakura sat silently, pondering how to respond so something like that. "Why'd you want to share it with me?"
"I didn't know why then...but...after I did...When I saw you in that form...I..." He had to cut himself off. "Naruto was in desperation...and I couldn't help but honor his wishes."
Sakura glared at him. "So you completely disrespected me in doing so?"
"I suppose...I'm just a monster...I have no sense of respect for the human race..."
Sakura stared directly into his eyes, trying her hardest to figure him out. First he denied them as monsters, and then he called himself a monster…The corners of her lips turned downward. "Can you reverse this?" she asked softly, changing the subject.
"You heard Jiraiya...Once you have been cursed...there is no turning back," he responded. He had never once felt this bad about what he'd done to her, but now…he felt guiltier than ever.
Sakura stared at the ground. "So I'm like this...forever?"
He lowers his head a little. "Maybe, and maybe not, Sakura...if...if you really despise it this much...I..." He couldn't exactly piece what he was trying to say.
Sakura's face lit up. "You what?"
"Once we come home with Naruto...I...I promise...I'll look for a cure for you. A-and...and if I can't find a cure..." He slides in closer in a quick manner, taking her hands in his. "I'll teach you to love it."
Sakura stared at their entwined hands, barely opening her mouth. She took a deep breath and looked at Sasuke.
Sasuke sighed. He released her hands and wrapped one arm around her waist and stroked her hair with the other. "I just wish...you could see it like I do..." he whispers to her gently.
Sakura relaxed into him, checking out every contour in his arm. "Can you tell me how it makes you feel?" she whispered.
He looked down upon her, and then glanced away. "It's hard to explain...but...Every time I've been a beast, I always felt...free, and powerful, carefree. Like...like there's nothing in the world for me to be worried about...or to be afraid of. Everything becomes blissful, and dream like. For the longest time…I haven't been able to come even close to feeling this happy…"
Sakura bore her eyes directly into his, her lips barely moving as she spoke. "Do you have to become a beast to feel that way?"
"No," he answered truthfully, "but...the experience is just...more intense...if I am."
"Sasuke…Why did you want to share that...that feeling with me?"
He breathed out heavily through his nostrils. "I can't tell you."
"Why?" she asked fervently.
"I just can't. There are some things I really can't say."
Sakura sighed and broke herself away from him. "It's getting late," she mumbled. "I should be heading home." As she turned around to walk out the door he reached out to her.
"Sakura, wait."
Sakura paused before deciding to meet his face. "What is it?"
"I told you...I just couldn't say it..." He forcibly pulled her close to him again. "But I...still want you to understand it..."
Sakura furrowed her brow befuddled. A bit of blush flared on her cheeks at the longing glint in his eyes. "I…still don't understand what you're talking about."
He didn't utter a sound as he inched closer to her face. Silently he took a deep breath in through his nose before forcing his lips to lock with hers. Sakura shuddered first with surprise, and then with delight. It most certainly wasn't their first kiss, but perhaps the first true one. She welcomed it blissfully, wrapping her arms around his taught waist to ensure he could not be torn away.
Sasuke was the instigator of her pain and the cushion that broke it. He was the monster haunting her dreams and the protector that chased them away. He was a cold, merciless beast, but there was a heart beneath that dark exterior, a heart for her shelter and warmth.
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End of Chapter
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