Author's Notes: Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit. This fic begins as more a series of snapshots than an actual progression of events, and I rely on mostly dialogue to tell the story. If you like it, please let me know. If you don't like it, please let me know because otherwise how will I ever improve?

So. This is it. I cried my eyes out while writing this today. It's not even proofread but I feel like I have to get it out there or I never will. For those of you who were with me in the beginning and are still here, I can't thank you enough. These last few chapters were like pulling teeth, but it's because I got into Jagan and had a hard time getting back into Jendall long enough to finish this. I can't believe it's finally done. Thank you to those who gave me ideas and advice on Twitter, to roxashasboxers for her help with chapter 13, to 0ni_baba for guiding me away from mistakes I almost made, to The Brat Prince for making me a better writer. And of course to kathrynew30 , who is the most amazing person I've ever met. Please come back soon.

The above paragraph is what I wrote three years ago when posting this chapter. Now I'm going to add to that, because just like with Big Time Rush, there have been a lot of changes in my life over those three plus years. I've lost friends, gained new ones, and today I am a different person than I was when I wrote this story. One thing that hasn't changed is my love for Big Time Rush and the four boys who taught most of us how to live and take chances. I'm lucky enough to have shaken Scott Fellows' hand after the last scene of the show was filmed and thanked him for changing so many lives, for bringing together these guys and creating something magic that brought me (and most of you, probably), the best friends and memories I've ever had. His response was to turn around and thank ME for watching and being part of it all, and I think that right there is exactly why Big Time Rush is so amazing. There's no ego. Not with the guys (sure, make jokes about James and his use of "me" rather than "us" so often but we all know that he puts the band first), not with the show, not with the concerts. There have been some crazy fandom moments, but mostly we're a big family that loves each other and tries not to let drama get started, because we know what's most important is the boys and their love of what they do. And their love of us. They live to make us happy, they work hard for that, and I'd say that over the past four years, they've succeeded greatly in that.

But this was the beginning of it all, the television show that sucked most of us in, and when I wrote this chapter during the first season, I had no idea what the future would bring. It's been an incredible ride, hasn't it? Thanks to those of you who read my stories and showed me I have a talent I never really knew I had.

"Are you okay?" James waits for a response, and when he doesn't get one, he tries again. "Kendall?"

"Mmm." Kendall's arms wrap tighter around his waist. "Never better. Don't think I can move, though."

James chuckles. Both of them were literally shaking less than two minutes ago. "I know how you feel." He kisses Kendall's damp hair, knowing he should be angry and full of regret, but he just can't manage any of those feelings at the moment.

"One of us needs to get up and lock the door, though."

"What? We just had sex and now you're worried about locking the door?"

Kendall shrugs weakly against James' side. "Just saying."

"Okay, well, you have to let me go so I can do that."

"Nope." Kendall doesn't move.

"Kendall, I have to get up."

"Not happening."

"I'll come right back."

"Not taking any chances. You're staying right here."

James sighs and shakes his head. "So now you're gonna get all possessive again? Until you decide this is a bad idea and break my heart all over again?"

"Told you, James. I was wrong. I was stupid. You're not getting away from me again. I thought it was best for you if we weren't together. But you know what? I don't even care anymore. I just want you back."

Oh. Wow. "Um...can you at least look at me when you say something like that?"

Kendall's head shifts so that he's looking up toward James. His eyes are scared and James' heart melts. "I love you. Not letting you go again. Ever."

"But..." James wants to argue, not because he doesn't need it to be true, but because he's so afraid to trust again. "The band. You were so worried about us ruining it."

"I was. And this still might ruin it, I don't know. I just hope Carlos and Logan don't hate us if we cause problems."

James tries to sit up and Kendall refuses to move, so he settles back down before responding. "You don't need to worry about them. They might be the ones to ruin it before us, you never know."

Kendall's eyebrows rise. "In what way?"

"Logan didn't tell you? They got together last week. They've been sneaking kisses for days now, how did you not notice?"

"Wait. Seriously?" Kendall thinks back over the past week and Logan's odd behavior. "It was kind of hard to see past the hippie stuff."

"Hippie stuff?"

Kendall ignores that. "Is that why he's been so jumpy?"

"Probably. I don't think he's gotten up the nerve to tell Camille yet. Although he should, she would totally understand. Well...maybe."

"I can't believe this. Why wouldn't he tell me?"

James shrugs. "Maybe he didn't want to make you jealous. Not of Carlos, but of the fact that he's got the guy he loves and you don't."

Kendall's eyes burn into James. "But I do."

Oh God, that territorial possessiveness always makes James weak in the knees. His stomach jumps up into his throat and he swallows hard.

"I do, James. You're mine. I was an idiot. I'm...sorry."

"Damn it, Kendall, how do I know? How can I be sure you're not gonna just turn around and pull this crap again if we start to get seriously famous? I swear to God, I will leave this band if you break my heart again."

"I'm not going to."

"I swore I wouldn't do this. I swore I wouldn't let you talk me into this again, even though all I ever want is this right here. I have options, okay? I could walk away from you and Big Time Rush any time I want to."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Kendall finally sits up, brows drawn together.

"It means I've had offers. Solo offers."

"You have?" The terror in Kendall's eyes is again heartbreaking. "Jesus, James, why didn't you tell us?"

"Because I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm happy making music with my best friends. But if I'm ever not happy, like bad enough to want to kill myself, I will leave. Just remember that."

"Oh my God, we're holding you back! James, why haven't you taken an offer? This is what we came here for, to make you famous!"

"It doesn't matter. A long time ago you said 'None of it matters if it's minus my best friends.' I feel the same way."

"You do? Really? I thought all you wanted was to be famous. It's been your dream since before we met."

"You can be so stupid sometimes, Kendall. Don't you realize that everything changed when I met you? All this time, all I ever wanted was to be yours. I wanted that more than anything else, even The Dream."

"But I was just distracting you. That's another reason I backed away, because I felt like I was being so selfish in keeping you all to myself. The world deserves to know of you, to see your beauty and...bask in your glow."

A strangled laugh erupts from James. "Did you really just say that?"

"Shut up, I'm serious, okay? You are amazing and everyone should know that. I want your dreams to come true, James."

"You're so stubborn sometimes. How can I put this? Okay, look. There's a song that always makes me think of you. It's by Adam Lambert and it goes, 'If I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need, cause if I had you, the money, fame, and fortune never could compete.' That, Kendall. That right there is how I've always felt about you. You're all I need."

For a long moment Kendall just stares at James, and James sees the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He sits up to take Kendall's lips in a slow, passionate kiss. "Let me worry about my dreams, okay? You just worry about being the best boyfriend in the entire world. Because you need some serious work in that department."

"Does that mean I'm in?"

"You never left. No matter how bad I wanted to forget you, I never could. I wanted you from the day we met, Kendall. And it wasn't long before I loved you."

"So this means I'm your boyfriend, right? I can fight off any chick that even looks at you now?"

"Depends on how you want to do this. Are we out?"

Kendall bites his lip, and James knows this is a huge step for him. Is Kendall ready to be open about their relationship?

"I don't know. I think we need to talk about all this with Carlos and Logan. Decide as a band how we want to handle this. We might have to have...you know. Covers."

"Covers?"

"Like...fake girlfriends. To throw people off. Because no way is Gustavo going to allow this."

James is already shaking his head. "This is the school dance all over again. You are not allowed to date anyone else."

"Will you just think for a second? Gay members of a boy band kill it for the fans."

"Not fans who truly care about the members."

"James. You know what Gustavo is going to say. He'll insist on that. Why is it you're willing to go along with anything he suggests to make us succeed, but when this comes up it's an immediate no?"

"Because I'm tired of lying. I love you and I want the world to know."

"Just wait until we talk it over with the guys, okay? They have a say in this, too."

James sighs. "Fine. But I mean it, Kendall. If you insist on stupid 'cover girlfriends' you'd better not fall in love with one. You fuck me on this and I'm gone. I can only die inside so many times."

"I know." Kendall leans forward, pushing James back against the pillows. "I promise you, James Diamond. I will never let you go."

"Say it again. Mean it."

Kendall grins. "I will never let you go. And I love you."

Kendall's kiss says more than his words ever could, and James is used to that, so he welcomes the reassurance he receives through it. He's still scared, still unsure this is going to work, but he does know that Kendall means what he says and that Kendall will do everything in his power to make it work. "I love you, too," James whispers before Kendall's mouth is on him again.

A knock at the door startles them five minutes later. "Did we lock it?" Kendall asks in a panic.

"Nope," James answers while making sure they're covered. "Yeah?" he calls out.

"Is Kendall in there?" Logan.

"Come in," James says.

Logan's head peeks into the room and he smiles. "Told you," he says to someone behind him, and then both he and Carlos are in the room. Carlos closes the door. "We were thinking this might be a good time for a band meeting," Logan says.

"I couldn't agree more," Kendall answers, pulling James closer to him under the blanket. "But can we get dressed first?"

Carlos whoops in excitement, then rushes forward to high-five Kendall. "Hey, can we switch rooms now? I'm tired of sleeping alone. It makes me do stupid things like pretend to be a Jennifer."

"You were a Jennifer?" James asks.

Kendall sits up on one arm. "Where have you been?"

"Uh...in my own little world. Mangerine."

"Right. Well, Carlos was a Jennifer and Logan was a hippie."

"Please don't ever speak of that again," Logan tosses out.

"Wow. So we're all back to normal now? Cool."

Kendall scoots back on the bed, pulling James with him, and Carlos immediately sits down and pulls Logan onto his lap. "This is gonna be a wild ride," Carlos says while fastening his helmet.

"It is," Logan adds. He fixes the strap of the helmet, which Carlos somehow twisted, before looking down at James and Kendall.

"It's not gonna be easy," James warns.

"No, but it'll never be boring," Kendall says. "I'd say it's gonna be a definite big time rush."

He is answered by three loud groans, and he laughs. There is no place he'd rather be, no people he'd rather be with. It has taken them years to get where they are now, and they've all made mistakes along the way, but by leaning on each other they have become a force to be reckoned with, an unbreakable unit that is held together by friendship and love. So many questions still need to be answered, a mountain of decisions need to be made, but James is in his arms and Carlos and Logan are nearby, happy in their own union. For the first time since moving to Hollywood, all is right with the world.