A/N: My take on series five as a whole. I'm gonna regret this in a minute.
Setting: Late at night in my bed so suffer with this.
Description: Yous about to find out just why I despise BBC writers.
Disclaimer: haha I only own my own spite that fuels me.
Ok, so buckle up mah peeps! You're about to go on the wildest ride of your life! To be honest, I don't even know where to start with this. There are so many things I could say...
1) Let's start with how much Merlin has changed.
(And Merlin in general)
So, I understand that Merlin had to become the protector he was always meant to be and all that bull, but seriously? Merlin became all gritty and dark and in some ways I don't mind it and I understand (in an odd way) that it's needed for character development but COME ON. YOU COULDNT LET MAH BOI HAVE SOME HAPPINESS?! He was always sad and brooding- heck, he was the medical Batman! He became so focused on Arthur that everything else faded away. (I mean, seriously, Merlin, I know you want to protect Arthur, but you can't just set them on fire if they sneeze on him.) But, yeah, he had a complete one track mind. He even gave up the chance to restore magic in order to make Mordred die. When I watched that part, I made the sound of a dying (and frustrated) walrus. Merlin became so desperate to save Arthur, that he ended up causing the chain of events that killed him. He became so focused on Arthur and Arthur alone, that he all but abandoned his other friendships. Even with Gwen! His first frickin friend for frick's sake. (And that's partly because of Gwen too [don't think you're getting out of this sweetheart :) ] but see paragraph 4 for more) So, yeah, Merlin deserved so much more. Especially considering he lost so FRICKIN MUCH NO IM NOT BITTER SHUT UP.
So this concludes the "Merlin paragraph."
Coming up next: Morgana and her lack of hairbrushes (and character growth) But first, a word from out sponsors.
The snack the smiles back.
Goldfish.
And now, we return to our previously scheduled poorly written rant.
2) Morgana and her lack of hairbrushes (and character growth)
Actually, I'm not too mad with how she turned out, I just came up with this title and I had to share it. I mean, yeah it's kinda sad she became evil, but that happened way before series five. But seriously, we deserved getting to watch Morgana learning about Merlin's true identity and her reaction to it. That is all thank you.
Next up: My thoughts on Aithusa.
3) Aithusa.
That dragon was my child, BBC writers. My. Child. And you went and did unspeakable things to that baby! So you know what?! I'm gonna-
The following four thousand word rant has been censored due to its extremely violent and colorful language. Please enjoy this message from another one of our sponsors.
Hotel?
Trivago.
It seems that the rant has finally ended. Thank you for your patience.
-and then I'll SHOVE IT UP YOUR-
We were wrong. Apologies.
-and that is why Aithusa, the dragon who supposedly was meant to bode well for Camelot, the precious baby who DID NOT DESERVE TO BE MAIMED AND DEFORMED, is one of the many, many things wrong with series five.
4) Gwen, and her mood swings.
Ok, where to start, where to start. Gwen's character development was also a big bleh for me during series five. She basically abandoned all friendship with Merlin (at least that we saw) just so she could do the frickle frackle with King Arthur. We even saw hints of this during series four (referring to 4x06 when Gwen is trying to keep Arthur from leaving the castle. Granted, she believed that it was a fools errand considering all the other men had come back empty handed, but still.) and now it's all in the open for them to see. All she cares about is Arthur, well, that is, until she is enchanted and she hates his guys and almost kills him and sends Merlin to the dungeons for something she did. You know what else we deserved? Gwen apologizing and actually caring about Merlin considering she almost got him killed in the woods like in a slasher film but there's no cabin and no hockey mask wearing idiot with a chainsaw. But maybe that's just me. Still, I really did miss the old Gwen, even though it was nice to see her having grown up. But the lack of friendship in series five still hurts me.
.
5) Arthur, honey, baby, no.
Arthur my son, you were great for most of the series. The only big problem I have with you is the fact that in 5x09 you were so busy making goo goo eyes at Queeny that you were totally about to abandon Merlin in the hands of a crazy old magic cauldron lady. That's not something you should do, child. And, we don't call out best friends cowards just because you're a bitter little man. Also next time,
6) Mordred was a cinnamon roll who deserved so much better.
This goes along with the 'Merlin became so obsessed with Arthur that he disregarded everything else.' Thing in my first paragraph. Mordred longed for the great Emrys' approval, and tried as he might, he never earned it, and he knew that. Granted, had Arthur not killed his psycho girlfriend, he wouldn't had poked Arthur with the dragon sword thing. That was another problem I had. Yes, I understand Mordred loved little-miss-psycho, but come on! Arthur gave her several chances to escape the gallows, and she turned him down, and Mordred knew that. But hey, let's blast the cell door open with a scream because your nutty girlfriend is dead. Mordred really did deserve so much more though. All he wanted was a place to call home.
Coming up next: Uther is dead and it's great.
But first, a PSA.
Don't do milk kids! Get eight hours of drugs, and drink lots of homework!
This has been a PSA.
7) Uther is dead and it's great.
Uther, you son of a sorcerer, thank you for being dead. But, please don't try and kill your son. Also, stay dead because I like it.
8) Kilgarrah you scaly butt.
You know, I blame you for this. If you hadn't spouted off a load of 'destiny' bull to my child Merlin, then he would have never mistrusted Mordred and started the whole 'descent into darkness' thing. So I hate you, pal. No offense.
9) The knights of the round table are being picked off one by one.
First, it was Lancelot. No I'm still not over it btw. Then, you had to kill my boy Elyan, who only wanted to protect his sister! And then, what you did to Gwaine was UNACCEPTABLE. (But I will touch more on that later.) Percival, Leon, y'all are doing great keep it up just next time take care of Merlin more he just needs a hug. But come on! What happened to all the bromance we got in series four? I missed that! I need bromance like I need to breathe.
Coming up next: The ending as a whole made me cry so much I could drown the writers with my tears.
But first, another word from our sponsors.
Hi.
This has been: a word from our sponsors. And now back to our original rant.
10) The ending as a whole made me cry so much that I could drown the writers with my tears.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Where do I start? Shall I start with the soul crushing sadness? Or perhaps the murderous feeling in my heart? So, ummmm, lets go with THE NEVER ENDING SCREAMING. First of all, Merlin, why did you wait until Arthur was dying to reveal your power to him? Also, once you did reveal your power to him, why didn't you just bippity boppity boo yourself right to the Isle of the Blessed? Huh? I understand that Arthur wouldn't have had all that lovely, agonizing time to reflect over the fact that his manservant was a good sorcerer, but AT LEAST ARTHUR WOULD BE ALIVE. Also, you had Alator of the Catha pledge his allegiance to you several episodes ago. I get that he's dead, but that promise extended to his people as well. And, your kinda a big deal among the druids. So BAM you got a whole magical army for ya and then you also got a dragon or two somewhere. And another thing, remember the Questing Beast incident? And how, by killing Nimueh, you earned her power? Well, mister run-Morgana-through-with-a-pointy-metal-stick, why didn't you just trade her life for Arthur's? Or I'm sure that there are a few of her men lying around somewhere (the few you didn't blast to bits), so Avada their Kedavras and you have another life to trade for your precious king.
Then, there's Gwaine. Need I say more? Well, I'm gonna. Personally, I'm just gonna pretend that he lived (I honestly pretend the whole finale never happened, I've officially overwritten the memory with fan fiction.) but come on! He 'died' believing that he'd failed his best friend and his king! That's not right!
Also, to imply that, after failing to save Arthur, after watching his king die in his arms (I'm going to tell you something, something that I've never said to you before. Thank you.) They writers all but confirmed that Merlin never returned to Camelot! That means that Gaius died alone. That means that Gwen had to rule without her husband and her best friend.
Finally, to add injury to insult, I was SO NOT PREPARED to see Merlin in modern times hesitate as he passed by Arthur's grave. Here I was, thinking I had finally cracked, that nothing could make me cry harder, but here I was, WATCHING MERLIN PAUSE, KNOWING THAT HE WAS STILL WAITING FOR HIS KING TO RETURN, even after all these years. And that no matter how long it took, he would keep waiting. Waiting for his king, his Arthur.
So all that said,
Screw you BBC writers.
Screw you.
.