Unknown Beginnings

Chapter 13: Family Problems

Life had been good. It seemed like it never would be, but things were looking up. It had been eight months since I was changed. The family was good and Jasper and I were doing great.

We lay in bed quietly just holding each other. The house was silent. The family was home, but each of them was doing their own things. I wondered to myself what everyone was doing.

I don't like this layout. Maybe I should move this room here. Esme's thoughts were centered on her blueprints for a new house she was going to build.

I hate this part. I always get killed by the dragon. Emmett seemed to be playing video games.

I think I made a mistake. Alice's thoughts slipped into my mind and I got curious so I listened on.

Stefan is great, but I miss my old life. I miss Jasper. I wonder if he misses me.

I sat dead upright in bed. Jasper quickly sat up with me looking at me worried.

"Bella, what is wrong?"

I shook my head at him.

"Nothing, I just… it's nothing. Don't worry. I am going to go play video games with Emmett." I jumped up before Jasper could say anything and went downstairs.

Instead of playing I simply took a seat next to him on the couch and watched. My mind wasn't really on it though and my thoughts wandered.

What was I going to do if Alice asked for him back? I couldn't say no. He was rightfully hers. I had stolen him from her. I would have to give him back. If she missed him, then I would have to act on it.

Jasper walked into the room just then and stood against the wall watching me. I avoided his gaze. I could feel his confusion emanating off of him. I decided I was going to go hunting hoping to calm my emotions. I stood up and Jasper stepped forward.

"I think I am going to go hunting," I said smiling at him lightly

"I'll go with you."

"Uh, no I think I am going to take Alice."

A look of hurt crossed his face and a second later Alice skipped down the stairs.

"I'd love to go," She said smiling at me.

"I'll be back in a while," I said kissing Jasper on the cheek and turning and running out the back with Alice.

We ran for a little while so we were deep in the woods. We caught the scent of a family of bears and went after then. Once we had our fill of blood we sat down on a rock. It was silent for a minute as I battled with myself on talking to her.

"You seem conflicted."

"Yeah."

"Want to talk about it?" She glanced over at me.

"I listened to you," I said whispering.

"Ok. That isn't so bad."

"I don't like to invade your privacy like that. I just wondered what the family was doing this morning and your thoughts were instantly in my head. I would have shut it off, but then I heard what you were thinking."

"What?" She looked over at me.

"You miss him," I said looking down at my lap.

"Oh," She turned her head and looked off into the woods.

"All you have to do is tell me and I will back away. He is yours. He always has been and I would never in a million years keep him if you wanted him back."

"Bella, I could never ask that of either of you," She turned and looked me in the eye again.

"You really wouldn't have to ask. I feel kind of obligated to back away now. I don't want to hurt Jasper by avoiding him, but he does love you still. He has to. You guys were together for so long."

"That doesn't mean that he wants me back. He loves you now. I never said I wanted to be back with him. Sometimes I wonder if I made the wrong decision because me and Stefan do fight. Not bad, but enough. I am not use to that. Jasper and I never fought. It's just new."

"I want you to think about it and tell me what you are feeling. I need the truth. I can't walk around wondering if you two are meant to be together."

"You would do that? You would allow me the time to work it out in my head?"

"I would do anything for you. You are my best friend. Rose is pretty close to me too now, but you were my friend first. I would give you anything you want."

"I thank you for that."

"Of course. I am going to go away for a couple of days. I think I will go visit Edward. That way you and Jasper can spend some time together."

"Bella, you don't have to leave."

"I think I do. I need to clear my head and get in the mind set of being alone just in case."

"Are you going to tell Jasper?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to go back now?"

"Yeah, let's get this show on the road."

We both stood and ran off toward the house. When the house came into view Jasper stepped out the back door. Alice and I stopped and she turned to me. I pulled her into a hug.

"I'm going to miss you Bella."

"I'll be back. I'll see you on Monday."

"Ok. Thank you again."

"Of course."

She smiled at me before running into the house. Jasper stepped down from the porch and made his way over to me. His eyebrows were wrinkled together in confusion. I smiled at him when he stopped in front of me.

"You're leaving?"

"I have to. Just for a couple days."

"Why? Can I come with you?"

"No, you can't come. Jasper…" I took a deep breath and closed my eyes in an attempt to keep myself from sobbing.

"Bella, what is it? You are throwing off all kinds of emotions; Sad, confused, pain. What is it?"

"Alice misses you."

"What?" He straightened his pose quickly.

"That is what was wrong early. I used my mind reading abilities to see what the family was doing and I overheard Alice say she thought that maybe she made a mistake and that she missed you."

"Bella…"

"You don't have to say anything. I'm not leaving because I think you don't love me. I am leaving because if Alice had come back to begin with, you and I never would have worked. We never would have even considered it. I probably never would have confided in you, which would mean that we never would have gotten so close. So, if she misses you I have to give you two the chance to decide if that is what you want."

"I love you though."

"I know you do and I love you too. I owe it to her, Jasper. She saved my life. I would have died over there if she hadn't told me what to do. She let us have our chance and I am so happy for that, but I have to give her a chance too. I can't walk around wondering if maybe I interceded fate."

"And what happens if it does turn out and I am supposed to be with Alice. What then for you?"

"I'll come back. I promise. This is my family whether I am with you or not."

"I don't want you to go." I had never seen that look of sadness in Jasper's eyes before.

"Just take the time to be with Alice. Decide what you want. Don't choose me because you don't want to hurt me. I am a big girl. I will be ok."

"Where are you going?"

"I am going to go visit Edward I think. I haven't talked to him in a while."

"What do you mean visit him?"

"I have a place I want to go. I will be back first thing Monday."

Jasper took two quick steps forward and pulled me to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my head in his chest. I took a few deep breaths taking in his beautiful scent. Without being able to stop it a sob escaped my throat. Jasper tightened his hold on me. I lifted my head and looked at him. He lowered his head to mine and barely touched his lips against mine. It was the most loving kiss we have ever shared. I pressed harder against him and brought my arms around his neck. One of his hands came up from my hips and tangled in my hair. I licked his bottom lip to let me have access and he granted it. I poured as much love and emotion as I could into the kiss before breaking away a few minutes later.

"Don't go," he whispered.

"I have to."

"Come back."

"I will. I love you. More than you could possibly know."

"I love you too."

I saw in his face that he was trying to hold in his emotions. I stretched up and kissed him once more before backing out of his embrace. I turned around and ran back into the woods.

When I was sure I was out of hearing range I let my sobs rip out of me as I ran. I knew it would take me a little while to get to where I was going. I just kept running and sobbing until I was finally unable to cry anymore. A couple hours after I started running my surroundings became familiar. A moment later I stopped. I looked around at where I was and closed my eyes letting my memories take over. I lay down in the middle of the open meadow and stared up at the clouds letting time pass.