Wormholes and Loopholes

By: Gyte-san

Chapter 13: Ok, remember that guy… you know, the one that was worshipping the vending machine? Yeah, we've got a problem. No, no. He is still here. He is fine…. Insane, but fine. No, that's not it either. Well, he has followers now. Yeah. A lot of them. Half of the base has been converted. Told you we should have done something about that.

(Okay, I think we have established that I am a terrible person. Five months… or is it six now, and no update. I even wrote a oneshot for something else before I finished this chapter. Really sorry. I love you all! If it weren't for you, well, there would be no point for me to write this story. Hurray for over 200 reviews! This chapter was a bit rushed, but hopefully just as good. I would like you guys to check out my other story Because, It Would Be More Interesting. It is in the Harry Potter section if you are interested. Points for those who read and review! It has one good review already!)

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Tweedledee and Hot Nurse blinked once, twice, three times in unison. If one didn't know better, one would think they had practiced this maneuver.

"We are in the middle of a crisis, and you want us to take a bath!"

Tweedledee was less dismissive towards the ducks, but he couldn't see the point of them. A quick inspection revealed no buttons or pull tabs or markings or instructions or anything to suggest that this was not an ordinary rubber duck. It did have a tiny sailor hat on its head, but that was firmly attached. He tossed it up in the air and caught it a few times. On his fourth or fifth toss, the Doctor caught it midair. He was quick for someone so injured.

"Be careful with that. That one was Ro…" His words trailed off as memories of the last times he used those duck assailed him. Spring, the year was (or will be rather) 78 – Mushroom – 8B. Jack and he had decided that it was time for a little training. Rose took it as an insult to her physical prowess, but nothing could be further from the truth. She had impressed both of them with both her skills and her willingness to jump into danger. They knew that a day would come when she would follow them into a situation that she could not handle. Training would give her the edge to make sure that day would come later, hopefully much later. Plans didn't pan out so well, and it ended up with them fleeing a bunch of rabid fans (literally rabid, foaming at the mouth and everything).

Boone and Pam saw his face droop and his shoulders sag. His eyes darkened and the glimmer left. Seconds later, sparkle returned and his stance was once more confident and excited. The quick mood change made them both wonder if they had imagined it all. A look exchanged between the two of them confirmed that what they saw was real. The look was either not noticed or ignored by the Doctor, for he began to explain the purpose of the ducks with all the excitement of a 5-year-old boy with a new toy.

"These are not just any old ordinary rubber ducks. These are Yemen battle suits, rubbery duck form."

The nurse looked at her duck and then down at her figure. She had a nice body. Toned and thin with the right amount of curves, the exact body type that drives thousands of teenage girls to anorexia, but no matter how thin she got, there is no way that this rubber duck could cover enough of her body to serve as a battle suit.

"I think it is best if you just lie back down, Doctor. I think you are suffering from some sort of delusion. If you will…"

"I haven't gotten to the best part! Delusions she says." A small bit of muttering about nurses followed. He held out his duck for the other two to see. "Watch." He turned it so that they could see the ducks back. Upon closer inspection a small slit was barely visible, situated between the two wings. He took the two slits and pried them farther apart. The duck stretched. The Doctor continued to stretch out the duck until he could stretch his arms out any wider. He then bent over, wincing as a few things crinked and popped as he did so. He placed one foot in the stretched out rubber, then the other and pulled it up until it sat on his waist.

"Very cool!" Boone signed up for the SGC for exactly this reason. Who wouldn't want to be part of a sci-fi drama? Think of all the cool toys, and this way as cool as it came, even if it was yellow.

The Doctor smiled at him, "It gets even better." He pulled up the suit so he could push his arm though. His arm fit through and the suit molded to form a second skin on it. Boone and Pam watched as his arm began to stretch out farther, and farther, and even farther, until it touched the opposite wall, at least a twenty foot distance. "Dead useful in a pinch, but enough of that. Hurry up. Much to do, military base to save and all."

Boone quickly began to put his own on while the Doctor pilled all the rest of his items back in the many pockets of his coats. "How do we control the stretching?"

"It responds to your thoughts. Rather ingenious. The man who invented it was quite mad though. Seemed to think that humans were duck-shaped. Good think he made them stretchy."

Pam hadn't move to put hers on yet, "I don't think this is a good idea. I am all for any help you can provide, but you are in no condition to run into battle, even with a rubber duck suit."

"That is why you are coming along too. I have my own personal body guard and nurse. I couldn't be in any better hands." His smile partially charmed her over, and the alarms did the rest. The problem wasn't resolved yet, so whatever was happening was much more serious than she had previously thought. She didn't know what it was about this man, but she instinctively knew that he could solve the problem. However, as soon as this was over, she was dragging him back here and tying him to that bed. That almost sounded kinky. She wondered if she would ever get the chance to tie Carter to a bed… for purely medical reasons, of course…

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Rose was almost giddy with excitement. Exiting the building had been extremely difficult today. Every scientist in the building wanted to know why she had thought of a remote. They assumed she had seen something like the mirror before and thus quizzed her on every single mirror she had ever seen, starting with the pretty princess makeup mirror she got for her third birthday. She finally lost her temper with them (she was impressed that she had kept it so long with all of their harassment). When they had back off (very quickly I might add), the accountants took their spot to inquire why she thought this trip was necessary.

A very exhausting day followed as she had to convince 27 people from 7 different departments that, even though she didn't know the reason, this trip was necessary. Schedules and duty rosters filled the rest of the day. Since she suggested it, the higher-ups decided she should figure out who should go, what their tasks should be, where they should stay, and a thousand other details that Rose was much too frustrated by then to deal with. But deal with it she did, and in a matter of hours a three day trip was planned. Tomorrow they would leave and then the real work would begin. Accounting limited the time they had to only three days. If they didn't find anything after that, they would leave, no arguments allowed.

With a huge headache and no doubt the beginnings of a stress induced heart attack, Rose all but ran out of Torchwood.

Quick call to mom and she was on her way back to her favorite bar. She made sure to remember exactly where it was. She somehow forgot to ask what the name of the bar was, so if she couldn't remember where in the city it was, who knows how long it would take her to find it again.

Waiting for the bus, she reflected on her strange attraction to this bar. Why was she so excited to get back? She could almost compare herself to a drug addict jonzin' for a fix. It was more than that though. She felt safe there. The whole building just seemed to breathe sighs of contentment. She thought clearer there. Just like the Tardis. A sad smile reached her lips.

The bus arrived with a small splash. She avoided getting her shoes wet. She climbed on board to be greeted by one of the friends she had met yesterday, Mary Jane Sue. Quick hugs followed, and Rose took a seat by her.

"Going back to the bar, I see."

"Couldn't stay away. There is just something about it. How long have you been going there?"

Mary Jane Sue thought about it for a little while, "Wow, I guess it has been over two years now. Hard to think that much time has passed."

"Is it always like it was last night?"

She gave Rose a secret smile, "Always, but I must say, last night was especially grand. I think you really livened the place up even more, if that is possible."

Rose chuckled a bit. "How did you first find it?"

Mary Jane Sue launched into full-out story mode. "Two years ago, nothing was going my way. I was failing half of my college classes. My stepmom convinced my dad I didn't deserve any more of his hard earned money. Not exactly sure she managed that, she is a complete drunk. Don't see why my dad stays with her. Anyway, to top off the day, my boyfriend of six months decided it was time we should break up. He said that it was because we were too different, but I know it is because I didn't 'put out.' I had had it.

"I don't know exactly what I was planning on doing. Convinced that a brighter future lay on the other side of the ocean, I spent the last bit of my money on a boat ticket here. Getting off the boat, I realized I was screwed. No money, no job, and no place to stay. I wandered the streets for hours, until I saw Tim. He invited me in and gave me a drink on the house. I spent the night there, and the next day, things didn't seem so bad. I got a wonderful job not too far from here, working in a shop. I've been going to Schlechter Wolf ever since."

"So that is what the bar is called. Never thought to ask. What does 'schlechter' mean?"

"Oh, Tim says it's German. I think he said it meant 'bad.' Bad Wolf."

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She really should look into rethinking her life. A new career was really in her best interest. She never thought that the job was so bad. She didn't handle stress very well. It was her dad's idea to go into the military anyway. "It will pay for college. You will get into good shape. Blady, blady, blah." He had enough money to put her through school, and she hadn't been in bad shape to begin with. She loved the idea of science and aliens. Her dream job would be right here in the SGC, just in a different department. She would never run away from a fight, but the moment the order for a retreat came, she got out of there and fast. Next time she saw Hammond (if she lived that long), she was going to demand a transfer. She could deal with a lot of things, but she today she had been beaten up by a flying hunk of metal.

That's right, you heard me. Flying metal. After the soldiers in the front line had fallen, a second wave, which she was part of, tried to get at their comrades. Bullets didn't stop it and zatting it only powered it up. After the fifteen zat blast or so, the moving metal blob, began to crack with electric power. It used that power to charge the air and somehow lift itself up, so now it was floating. Very cool. Scary, but cool. She would have loved to study the mechanics of how this was possible, but instead, the metal launched itself at her head, knocking her to the floor and putting her in her current state of barely consciousness. Not able to get up, but still able to access how crazy the life of an "ordinary" girl can get. Oh look, the cavalry has arrived. SG-1 is there, riding horses. Hmm, that last part doesn't seem right. Concussions are fun. She is now seeing stuff. Oh look, pretty stars. Time for bed. Pass out.

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The members of SG-1 stopped at the end of the hall that housed the current danger.

That ball of metal was going down.

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Three shapes moved down the hall. The sight would have attracted the attention of all around, if there was anyone in the hall to see it.

All three shapes were bright yellow. If that weren't enough, they were also duck shaped.

Three people moved down the hall in skin tight duck suits, complete with wings on their backs that would flutter every so often.

That's a new one for the books of the SGC.

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Rose and Mary Jane Sue walked into a bar… to be met with a giant blue Jell-O mold shaped like Michelangelo's David.

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